How Does the Online Idea Party Work?
You have a dream or a wish, and an obstacle to getting there. (If you don’t think you know your wish, work through my kick-starter and read this post. To learn why you must put logic aside to find your dream, read the following.)
The online Idea Party is here to help you – and the other fellow party goers – with your wishes and obstacles.
Voices from Success Teams and Idea Parties:
Having a team to report to and hearing what everybody did each week is very exciting. It’s kept me moving all year. In the past I made some good starts on my own, but found, every time, when the energy ran out, I ran out. Now it doesn’t run out.
Jade G.
Children’s Playroom Therapist, New York Hospital
I would do a painting a year, a sketch a year. If it was only me I know I would never do it. Having to tell you makes all the difference. It’s crazy why I didn’t do this years ago, it’s so easy all of a sudden.
Caroline R. Personnel Executive, Macy’s Dept Store
Post Your Wish and Your Obstacle Here!
And help your team mates out when you can. Use the Reply link to help, the form below the comments to add your own Wish and Obstacle.
(Your first comment below has to be approved, so it may not display instantly depending on the time of the day. Once your email address is approved you can post instantly. If you want your own profile photo to show up beside your comments, instead of the cute little design, upload your photo on Gravatar.com and give them an hour or so to make it happen.)
Hello everyone, I am new to this community. My wish is not work-related at all: I dream of living together with my friends (5-10 of them) in a house or co-living kind of thing, eating together, sharing stories and lifes and cuddling each other. I’d really love to have that, with people I am already familiar with, not strangers – yet my friends seem to have lifes of their own, plans, university, different cities they won’t leave… any suggestions what to do? Let me know! Love to hear any ideas!
Hello Everyone. Its been aa while since i shared. So far so good. My wish this year is to monetize my designs, i have lots. I made some 15000 ksh in sales in 2 months of last year. My obstacle is effective marketing and getting a dedicated production team. I can sketch, make patterns and sew. But i thrive in the creative process but hate repeatition and routine. I have created a tiktok page https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMHKTWxCHQwQ1-wL0zM/ where i post my designs, concepts, and finished work. I would love your in put on this. Thanks!
Greetings from Lisa Mancelyn Lowe, currently in a Barbara Sher Success Team and an online Refuse to Choose Book Club.
I just wanted to invite anyone in this online Success Team group to an Idea Party on December 7th from 5-7pm Eastern being thrown by a Barbara Sher Success Team I am in, led by Patty Newbold. Each Success Team Member will share a wish and an obstacle and others at the party will brainstorm ideas that may help with overcoming the obstacle. We are also planning time for at least some of the idea-givers to also have a chance to share a wish/dream/goal with an obstacle and then also get ideas from the group. I realize this is short notice for most who visit this site. However, if this interests you and the time works, send an email to me at lisamlowe99ster@gmail.com and I will send you a freeconferencecall.com link and passcode you can use to use to join the party!
Thanks for considering our Idea Party and we plan to refer our attendees – and those who are interested but can’t attend – to this ongoing online idea party here! Thank you to everyone posting dreams and obstacles here, as well as to everyone who share ideas here.
Dear Lisa,
The idea intrigues me mightily, and I would like to be in on this. However, you forgot to mention the time zone. Is this going to be 5-7 p.m. East Coast time, or what?
How did you get into an online success team?
I’m a bit confused. If you’re asking me, I didn’t get into one.
oh I see. I read this “I just wanted to invite anyone in this online Success Team group to an Idea Party on December 7th from 5-7pm ” as that you were addressing people that were in an online success team , but I see now the main word is “group”
Lisa was in the Online Success Team. Join the Barbara Sher mailing list on https://shersuccessteams.com to be notified of the next one, likely in January or February.
Thank You So Much Mary Ann. You Wrote This While In Pain! How Are You Now? I Can Imagine Your Pain. I,too, Do Have Acute Headaches. Stay Strong! There Are Many People Who Don’t jon This Website, but Who Are Desperately Seeking like-minded fellows to Navigate Their Life Path. Offering Even One Helpfull idea, as Yours, Is one Mark Of Love And Humanity. So, it Is A Great Thing to Spread barbara’s techniques by Forming success Groups even On All Available social Media Platforms. There Will Be at Least One Person who Will Be Grateful. And Don’t stop, go dens It, start Your Grouping again. And Ya, i am Deeply imerssed in In Religious Epistemology and Philosophy. I want To Know About The Native American Teachings. So, i Wish To Exchange Our Email addresses. I was Flabergasted by The Ancient traditions of The Natives while Watching The skinwalker ranch.
Dear Paul,
I feel that I have shared about all I can for the time being. If you are sincerely interested in Native American lifeways and philosophies of life, then a very good thing to do would be to avail yourself of what’s available on YouTube, and specifically anything to do with the Turtle Lodge, the Eighth Fire Prophecy of the Anishinaabe Nation, and the works and teachings of Elder Dr. Dave Courchene, the founder of the Turtle Lodge.
He passed on about 4 years ago, and I’m sure that he is deeply missed by those who knew him. His teaching videos are still up there on YouTube.
There are good resources in book form. After the Native American Freedom of Religion Act was passed in 1978, Native people were finally able to come forth, and there was a Native renaissance. Native people began publishing books, going on speaking tours, starting movements, and doing all sorts of things. Some of the leading voices of that time, and later into the 80’s were Sun Bear and the Bear Tribe Medicine Society, which he founded, Manitonquat, the Wampanoag Medicine Chief and professional storyteller who wrote “Return to Creation” and “The Original Instructions”; Brooke Medicine Eagle, who wrote “Buffalo Woman Comes Singing”, and who is still alive and very vibrant now, in her 80’s, giving all kinds of teachings; Mary Summer Rain, who a number of years ago now wrote a whole series of books about her years of work with her sacred teacher, the Elder No Eyes, a blind and very wise Native woman who knew all about the prophecies for these times; and anything regarding the Hopi prophecies. There’s a very difficult book called Seven Arrows, by Hyemeyohsts Storm. It took me about 3 years to read it. I got about a third of the way through it and broke down sobbing. I shelved it, and got it down again to read another third of the book, about a year or two later. And finally I finished it. It is the history of the Plains Indians.
And then there’s The Thirteen Original Clan Mothers, by Jamie Sams, and one that I’m presently working on, Braiding Sweetgrass, by Robin Wall Kimmerer. That’ll give you a start.
Prior to 1978, in the U.S., it was illegal for Native people to conduct any ceremonies, or even do any prayers. Penalties were severe–usually 10 years in the federal prison and a $10,000 fine. So everything had to be done in secret, in order to preserve the traditions, until 1978, when the Native American Freedom of Religion Act was passed. People who want Native American teachings today don’t understand that, but it is necessary to understand.
If a person wants to go beyond a few books and videos and really get involved with the Good Red Road, then this requires a major personal overhaul for most people from the dominant society.
One of the first things is that they must be willing and able to become completely clean and sober at all times. There’s a very stringent code of ethics, morals, and behavior that is not only expected, but is rigorously enforced, and given the conflicting values of the dominant society, can be very difficult to follow. One of these principles is “Peace, Not Warfare. Go quietly. No yelling or screaming unless your house is on fire, or you’re trying to repel a burglar or some other being who is trying to do grave bodily harm to you. Raucous behavior is forbidden, period. And so is raucous music. And you must not occupy your mind and attention with the offerings and the triviata of the dominant society. Garbage in, garbage out.”
Very difficult to follow, especially for a teenager or young person who is being tempted and pulled by peer pressure towards the dominant society. And those are only about 2 of the 24 principles, which are part of the expanded version of the Original Instructions. In Manitonquat’s book, he selects 12. His tribe, the Wampanoag Indians, were the ones who met the Pilgrims when they landed at Plymouth Rock.
A Success Team is a highly structured business meeting of 4-6 people, usually meeting in person once a week, and kept small on purpose. It is a group dedicated to the business of helping each other to meet their dreams. It works on the same general principle as the Idea Party. An egg timer is used so that no one can filibuster. And the first person starts off by saying, “This is my dream and this (or these) are my obstacle(s). This takes up about the first 3 minutes. Then, for 10 minutes, it is everyone else’s business in the Success Team to brainstorm ways that the person can overcome the obstacles. The last five minutes of the session is where the brainstorming is narrowed down to practical steps that the person can take to get going on their goals right away, this week, and they write those practical steps down in a pocket planner–the kind with hours of the day down the side of each page. Then the dinger goes off, and it’s someone else’s turn. Time for the person just having been helped to help the others in the Success Team. Team meetings go for two hours. They are never psychotherapy sessions, or “Omigod, guess what happened to me this week!!” sessions, or political gripe sessions, social drop-in groups, or kaffeeklatches. They are highly structured business meetings, and that’s all. In between, there are homework reading and writing assignments given by the leader. People need to know that they need to come prepared to meetings and come on time. And that it’s a serious commitment. You don’t skip a meeting unless you’re a.) dead; b.in the ICU; c.) Too sick to even crawl; or d. ) you’re at a funeral. Otherwise, you show up. It’s like missing work or school. You don’t last long in a Success Team if you skip. Most Success Teams are in person; I think there are a very few, possibly less than half a dozen, on line. Kimberly Stewart has been a Success Teams leader for a long time and is familiar with what’s available on line.
That’s about all I have for now. Except for one more thing: If you keep having stupendous headaches and they aren’t related to being hung over, then this could be a serious medical condition. Get thee to thy doctor, and get a complete medical workup to determine the cause. If it turns out that the headaches are migraines, and the medical establishment doesn’t offer much help, then the best go-to remedy that I am aware of is English Primrose oil. It helps when nothing else will. In that case, get thee to a reliable herbalist. And good luck in your endeavors.
My dream is to have a main part in a professional (union) movie or TV show! Maybe a soap opera?
I live in Canada. I am getting smaller roles which is amazing! I want to take it to the next level. 🙂
Dear Julie,
I’m sitting here totally enraged. Not because of you at all, but because of my hideous, nasty plastic hunk of junk, my demonically possessed computer, who (not which, but who!) just completely cannibalized my comments to you, regarding advancing a film career. It was one of my typically long pieces, and was meant to be a helpful illustration about how two movie actors, one whom I have known personally and the other whom I have only known about, have developed their careers. I have sat here for more than an hour, working this up, and then the blasted computer cannibalized all of it
I am just barely starting to recover from a major Nasty Virus that has morphed into bronchitis, and was threatening, two days ago to morph into something worse and land me in the hospital, and so I can’t sit here and do the whole thing over again. I’m not strong enough. And right now, I’m so furious that I’m about ready to throw the blasted computer out the window without opening the window first. But I won’t.
Let me Try To summarize what just got cannibalized.
I have known one Hollywood actor personally, and the other, have only known about. Both started out flat broke. The one I’ve known started only with the dream of becoming a Hollywood actor, and, being broke, hitchhiked his way from Minnesota to Hollywood, where he got himself a job working in a greasy spoon kitchen, cooking up endless amounts of chili. And somehow, he dug up the contact information for several of the studios, so he started calling the producers. And kept calling. And kept calling. Every 20 minutes, he’d call. Until one of the producers was losing his mind and yelling, “Hire that kid, willya!?? He’s driving me nuts!”
That’s not the recommended way to launch yourself into the film industry. But that’s what he did. You’re already beyond that. You have already got smaller roles, which is more than a good start.
My friend started as an extra, and then got bit parts–the kind of thing where an extra gets one line to say. And he built it from there by constantly going to casting calls and by auditioning for parts. He was a Native American, and in those days, there were a lot of TV Westerns, shows like Rawhide, Wagon Train, and Broken Arrow. He got hired as a technical advisor to insure that the Native American things on these shows were depicted correctly. He did a fair amount of stunt work, and was cast in movie and TV roles. He was cast in Native American and Non-native roles. In the movie, The Robe, about the Passion of Christ, he was cast as one of the three Roman soldiers who were gambling for Christ’s robe at the foot of the cross.
My friend built a steadily advancing acting career out of hard work, recognition for his work and his talent, and by a combination of good luck, extreme persistence, and prayer. He built himself an acting career for several years in Hollywood, until it was time for him to turn his attention to other endeavors. It was after that, when he was fully engaged in fulfilling another aspect of his life, when I met him.
So that’s one example that I’ve been able to retrieve from this cannibalistic computer. He did things by lots of casting calls and responding to lots of auditions, and by building things in a steady upward way.
The other example, which I hope to cite before this nasty, demonically possessed machine eats it again, is an actor whom I have known about but not known personally. He, too, when he started his career, was flat broke, and had been pumping gas and trying to sell ink pens for a living, believe it or not. He was about to be evicted from his apartment for not paying the rent. He was advised by someone with some connections to a young actor, to go talk to him about acting. The ink pen salesman was very dubious, but went to the meeting anyway. He had never considered acting. The young actor encouraged him, and set him up for an audition. He went to the audition and the result was that he landed his first acting role, A Nightmare on Elm Street. The ink pen salesman was suddenly catapulted into the world of acting. This was the launch of the acting career of Johnny Depp, the infamous pirate whom people either seem to love or hate.
His acting career didn’t seem to grow steadily and carefully like my friend’s did. It seemed to more or less catapult along. After “Nightmare,” he landed the role of “21 Jump Street,” which suddenly catapulted him into becoming a teenage heart throb. He held the role for 4 years, but he hated it, and tried to do everything to get fired from it, which didn’t work. In an interview, he said, “I don’t want to play this Leading Man stuff. If I have to do that, I might as well go back to pumping gas!” He wanted to be a character actor instead, “and the weirder the character the better,”: he said.
That experience and decision began to determine the course of the rest of his film career. He found out that film director Tim Burton was looking for an actor to play Edward Scissorhands. And so Johnny arranged to meet him. That meeting resulted in Johnny being cast for the role, and it began a long collaboration with Tim Burton, resulting in more character actor roles for Johnny. He was establishing himself as a character actor, although for a long time, the movies weren’t big box office hits.
And then came Pirates of the Caribbean, the Curse of the Black Pearl in 2003. The script was written in the typical Hollywood manner for a pirate film–the handsome pirate goes through all sorts of dangers and trials, and romantically gets the girl in the end. Johnny would have none of it. He totally re-invented the staggering, drunken, finger-wiggling character, in dangly beads and dreadlocks, who was slurring his words. Studio execs were horrified. “He’s ruining the movie! He’s slurring his words! Are we going to have to put subtitles?” But, somehow, he didn’t get fired, the production moved ahead, and when it was screened, the public loved it and ate it up. Johnny was catapulted again, from character actor into international stardom. “First I am a character actor, and then I become a pirate, and suddenly I can buy a private island,” he said. He did a lot of improv in the Pirates movies, and in some of them, even re-wrote parts of the script. They grew with all the creativity he put into them, and into the character, and the movies became blockbusters.
So that is the career of Johnny Depp as I know of it–hard times, running from being typecast as the Leading Man, into characters–
“the weirder the better,” beginning with Edward Scissorhands, and then refusing to play the typical pirate role, but totally re-inventing the looks and the role of Captain Jack Sparrow. A friend of mine thinks he was playing himself. Who knows?
These two examples, I hope, show how two very determined people have made careers for themselves in the film industry. It was hard, hard work, very extreme persistence, in Johnny’s case, sticking unwaveringly to his core values about not being typecast as a handsome Leading Man, and a long and fruitful collaboration with the movie director, Tim Burton. In my friend’s case, extreme persistence, and constantly answering casting calls and auditions, and expanding into technical directorship, and going on acting in Native and Non-Native roles, in movies and in TV.
So, a combination of factors. I hope these examples are helpful, about how these two actors developed their acting careers. Johnny’s seems to be more a series of leaps and bounds and my friend’s, more carefully orchestrated. It is a combination of good luck, talent, being recognized for talent, very hard work, connections (very important), and continuing to try and reach for the next thing, and prayer.
I would advise against getting into soap opera. It’s a good way to get typecast and stuck, and soap operas have never been considered really great entertainment. So reach for as high as the next thing is, for you. You already are launched, which is very good. You don’t have to be on the street, selling ink pens for a living!
Well, I’m glad this blasted machine hasn’t cannibalized everything this time. I yelled at it plenty. I do hope the examples of how these two people’s careers have helped.
OMG so great. I completely understand. I grew up in LA and won an award with George Lucas. He now has 4 billion $ and I don’t. But I am teaching filmmakers, actors and other creatives how to get funding. Thanks to Barbara Sher!
Congratulations on reaching others! ⭐
Hi everyone!
Marry ann and all others, it’s a great thing the way you’re sharing your experiences. Thanks.
Could you please share about your worldview and philosophy of life that makes you help your fellows as such, please?
Dear Paul,
This could be a Big Question, and I have never been known for succinctness, but basically, I’m a Métis Elder, a person of Indigenous and Non-Indigenous background, who basically walks what we call the Good Red Road. Some tribes in the Southwest call it the Beauty Way Path, or the Corn Pollen Path.
A long time ago, many millenia ago, the Creator and the Holy Beings gave the people the Original Instructions, mandates for living life in a good way, in harmony and balance, and for peace.
One of my Medicine teachers said once that there are as many cultural differences between the various tribes as there are between Swedes and Turks–that is, both of these groups are Caucasians, and that’s where the cultural similarity starts and stops. And then he said, “In spite of these cultural differences, there are some basic principles which all the people hold very close and dear to their hearts, always. And then, he began to name them. These turned out to be the very things that my half-Indian gramma and mom brought me up on. I guess you’d say that’s the worldview. They are parts of the Original Instructions
Nowadays, and since 1987, I’ve been doing various speaking engagements and am more or less constantly educating those who are willing to listen, about the Tree of Life and the Dead Limb.
My mentor and medicine chief once said, “You’ll see a time, in your lives, when there will be a dead limb breaking off the Tree of Life. The important thing is to remember, then, is that there is still a Tree of Life.”
The time of the Dead Limb is now. We’re in it.
So what is this Tree of Life?
Garden–Plant and grow at least some of your own food.
Forests, Mountains, Lakes, Rivers, Deserts, Beaches, Oceans
Family
Deep Friendships
Good Books
Learning More
Talking about Interesting Things
Making Music
Right Livelihood (that which you’re naturally good at, love doing, and lose track of time when you’re doing it because it’s fun), and hopefully get paid sufficiently to not be broke and struggling;
Storytelling as an art form
Dancing
Listening
Investing excitement and passion in every waking moment of life.
That’s the Tree of Life
Your own food sufficiency, all there is to the beauties of nature, and being actively engaged in creative pursuits of things like making music and simple dance moves that any kid or person can do–we’re not talking ballroom dancing or the tango, polkas, schottisches, the hambo, or any fancy stuff here. Sometimes it’s just moving in a circle. But, the principle is to be actively engaged in expression, and not just sitting around watching someone else do it. Lifetime learning, and always being helpful to others. Putting passions to work on a daily basis That’s the Tree of Life. And it’s reasonably short, sweet, and straightforward.
The Distractions is a much longer list of all of the Not-So-Sweet aspects of the dominant society, ranging from junk food to gambling and other addictions, and the hours and hours of time spent shopping for stuff, new and used, and more hours and hours of screen time, and obligatory visits to relatives. Much time and real life wasted on artificial entertainment of all sorts and video games. The junky, noisy, flashy, dominant culture. The distractions.
Until fairly recently, the Original Instructions were never written down. They were just carried very closely in people’s hearts and followed and lived by for millenia. A few years ago, Manitonquat, a ceremonial chief of the Wampanoag People, wrote a book entitled the Original Instructions. He picked out twelve of them:
Respect for all life–we are all related and connected to every other life form.
The Circle–we are all equal to every other life form on the Great Wheel of Life
Gratitude
Awareness–(Your energy goes where your attention flows, so put attention on building the good world you want, and not upon the Dead Limb.)
Humor
Honesty and integrity at all times.
Humility, not boasting and bragging
Generosity–the Give Away
Hospitality
Wisdom
Courage: The Warrior Code: Stand up for Peace
Beauty
Gramma’s and Mom’s list of Principles was longer, and is 24 items long. These were drilled into me, growing up, and heavily enforced. Too long of a list to replicate here.
My core values, which go on for 7 sheets of paper, on both sides of the page, includes always being helpful, unfolding God-given potential by unfolding talents, and helping others to do that too; knowing that whatever inspirations and Visions we get are for The People, not just for us. Cooperation, compassion and joy instead of selfishness, intolerance, violence and rage that leads to killing.
We are at a time now of the Breaking Off of the Dead Limb. We have come to a time when, like an organism that starts out as a one-celled organism, is dividing. In one of the divisions, are those who believe in competition, selfishness, maneuvering and manipulation to gain one’s own ends at any expense, including sacrificing the lives of others, massive investment in high tech, and using up of the Earth’s resources to fuel and fire whatever they need to fuel and fire, with settlement beyond Earth and outer space warfare to “protect” whatever needs to be “protected.” In the other division, you find cooperation, sharing, “unity, harmony, peaceful togetherness, people prospering together, a deep and abiding love for and connection with all living things, and this includes helping others to become whole with al talents engaged, building and encouraging self reliance and the healing of the spirit. ” This last is a quote from my Mission Statement, which encompasses the foregoing 7 sheets of paper. It encompasses the deep spiritual knowledge of indigenous people, for for us, everything is spiritual, and spirituality flows out and informs all the rest of life.
I have become a psychotherapist and a life coach with these principles in mind.
Philosophy of life? That’s simple:
I pledge Allegiance
To the Earth
And to the Life which She
Supports.
One Planet
Under God
With Equality
And Peace
for All.
There is One Earth
And We are
Her Citizens
I hope that answers you.
Dear Mary ann, thank you so much. Am in my twenties and planning to study psychotherapy. It’s a great kindness to try to help others by sharing your experience.
Do you have any other platform where I can find your advice privately? Please!
Dear Paul,
I have been sharing thoughts in these Idea Party pages and I have been involved with one of Barbara Sher’s Book Clubs, where I have been making my typically long posts.
I have been involved with the work of Barbara Sher since 1987, when I first became involved in a Success Team, one of Barbara’s amazing creations. Last summer, I tried to lead one of my own, but it did not succeed. Having exhausted my mailing list in the attempt to form that one, I am looking at regrouping and expanding to a little broader audience, although still a more or less geographically local audience. I hope to learn how to market to a more general local population, and maybe we can get something good going.
For years, I was involved with Barbara’s on-line forum, HO, short for Hanging Out with Barbara Sher. This was another genius invention of hers, in which she devised many wonderful exercises to guide people gently into doing what they love, which was the heart and soul of her work. We were always making postings back and forth constantly. It was and is a vibrant forum, and is one of the things that has been kept alive after her death. Once, and with trepidation, I approached and asked her, “Barbara, what does it take to become a life coach?” And her response was, “Mary Ann.
Do you realize that you’ve been blowing my socks off with the help that you’ve been giving the other students in this forum? You’re a natural born life coach, Mary Ann!” And my very timid and terrified response back then was, “Help! Where’s a rock I can hide under? Where’s a leaf? At least a leaf! Help! Where’s a towel?”
Well, it took time, but this past year, I began doing some life coaching on the local level, and I love it. I am also licensed in Washington State, where I live, as a Mental Health Counselor Associate, and have been engaging in the steps necessary to set up a private practice. I want to be both a life coach and a therapist, which is part of what my Mission Statement says.
So, advancing into psychotherapy, private practice, life coaching, and the Success Team endeavor are areas of three focuses for the immediate future. Also, Ecopsychlogy is something very dear to my heart. I have a research paper in the field of Ecopsychology, which I wrote in lieu of a master’s thesis when I was in grad school, that needs to be published in an academic journal, and I have chosen ICE–No, not that horrid outfit that likes to beat up on immigrants, but the International Community for Ecopsychology. Their online journal is called Gatherings. I want to advance as an Ecopsychologist as well.
I am also advancing the spiritual aspect of my life through a search for a land base where there can be a place where the Inipi, (The Stone People’s Lodge), the Channumpa (the Sacred Pipe) and the Drum are welcome, and where monthly ceremonial gatherings can take place once again.
Finding office space for my practice and moving are big things on the upcoming agenda.
I do not have a website at the present time. As I grow and develop, that and other things will develop too. There are other writing projects in the works besides the paper I am going to publish.
I don’t think of these as entirely separate things as much as they will become one continuous, blending harmony.
As a result of participating in a Book Club of Barbara’s years ago called “Refuse to Choose,” I found out something very important and helpful–that I am a Scanner. There are a number of her life coaches who work from Germany, and every so often, they present a Scanner’s Roundtable. There is one of these coming up, in English, on December 7, all the way from Germany on a Zoom call, from 9-11 a.m. Pacific Time. I hope to be in it.
I hope I will be healthy enough to be in it! I am presently coping with the Most Nasty Virus, RSV. Believe me, this is something you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy! It has utterly decked me, and it keeps trying to morph from one thing into another thing. I came down sick on November 7 and this is Day 21 with this monster. It turned into bronchitis and then tried to morph into something even worse. Then, symptoms vanished, only to resurface day before yesterday again, with a vengeance. Do you know what it feels like to wake up at 3 in the morning to feel like there’s a road crew drilling away in your head, and trying to do significant damage to one ear and part of your jaw? This thing is so weird, and I haven’t been this sick in 30 years. I normally don’t get sick at all, not even during cold and flu season, but when I do, it’s a doozie, and this, for sure, is a doozie!
I can’t very well think of any constructive, forward progress with this going on! All I know is that I’m back to the doctor tomorrow for the 5th time in a month. What now? I’ve spent the day battling the “road crew” and staggering to the store for more otc med. Up early tomorrow to get into the clinic waiting room as one of the first people in there, so it won’t be a 4 hour wait. Our medical system is pretty overwhelmed and pretty broken.
Theoretically, I’m back to work by December 4, but right now, that’s theoretical. RSV is incredibly contagious, even after fever and symptoms are gone, weirdly enough. It’s a monster. So right now, as for the past 21 days, I’m just trying to survive.
I would say if you’re going into psychotherapy, go because it’s your passion, and not because of the paycheck. And be ready to engage fully, nonjudgmentally, in the “trench warfare” of counseling–things like suicide intervention, crisis intervention, substance abuse issues, domestic violence, and worse. It’s all right out there. Be not afraid of it, and don’t take your clients’ problems on. They cannot become your problems, or that will sink you.
I cannot take on any counseling outside the State of Washington, where I ‘m licensed. The face of counseling is changing, and I know of a couple who have received couples counseling from a Marriage and Family Therapist from South Carolina, even though the couple lives here in Western Washington. I don’t fully understand how this is possible. All I know is that at least for the most part, therapists are restricted to practicing in the states in which they are licensed. Some therapists are licensed in more than one state, although licensing requirements vary and are often extremely difficult. Some may entail going back to school for extended periods of time to meet certain state requirements.
As it is, I cannot presently do any kind of business, including life coaching, remotely. I have been doing some locally and in order to expand, I will need to find office space. All to be worked on after I flatten the road crew and beat the RSV virus. Hopefully in another week or so.
If Kimberly Stewart, our webmaster sees fit, I am open to sharing my email address, and she can see to it that we exchange email addresses somehow.
Other than that, my writings, beginning with the Ecopsychology paper, and going from there, are ways I hope to be able to communicate to the world. I offer a variety of teachings on Native American philosophy and ways of life, some from my upbringing and some which has been encapsulated into an entire weekend called “Earth Awareness,” that I’ve offered to retreat centers in the past. I am an experienced public speaker and am open to invitations to speak, and will go wherever that is wanted.
That’s the best I can suggest for now.
Time to go engage battle with the road crew. And get ready for an early departure to the doctor’s office tomorrow.
Hi, how to join an idea party?
Thank you
You’ve just joined.
What is your dream or goal, and what is the obstacle, or obstacles?
Hola.
Quiero saber si la fiesta de ideas está disponible en español?
Saludos desde Argentina.
Dear Alejandra,
I lived in New Mexico for 11 years, so was exposed to Spanish a lot, but I don’t speak it. I more or less get what you’re asking for help with. Is there anyone among us who does speak Spanish who can help Alejandra?
Or, is there some kind of software that can be used to translate back and forth as we go? Or what?
Alejandra asked if the Idea Party is available in Spanish.
Alejandra asked if the Idea Party is available in Spanish.
Okay, here it goes.
I never knew what I wanted to be. I wanted to learn. Not at as means to an end, but as the end itself and then like over and over and over again. I love learning. I love teaching, or I thought. I love the idea of teaching. And now I love all neurodivergent. So I started to teach online a kid just as a favour. An AdHd one. But now I am stuck. I do like this, but I am afraid. What if I have moments of low energy and I can’t show up? For a decent living I need to give a lot of online lessons. If I want to have enough money I need to profile myself as a professional but I don’t have any degree on ADHD. I keep going round in loops on this one and then I think I should just go back to teaching in a school like I did before and that makes me sad. And yes I did look into the option of a course but a good one is like 2000 euro and I can’t afford that. How to proceed?
Hi, Masha! If 2000 euro stands between you and something you’ll love, you might want to check out Cash for Your Dreams in the Courses section of this website.
If uneven energy levels stand between you and teaching the students you want to teach, maybe search for methods to manage your energy/improve your overall fitness/change your nutrition or (my friends and I call this sharpshooter training, because new sharpshooters don’t even practice shooting until they are quite exhausted and crabby) come up with practices that let you fake the energy by whinging to your friends on the side as you set short goals for yourself.
Or, if you want a career that calls for constant learning without the need to be energetic at particular hours, you might also investigate journalist (esp. writing features articles or shorts) or writer for hire. Or workshop developer. Or corporate training developer.
Dear Masha,
Evidently you’re somewhere in Europe instead of the U.S.
I am a Board Certified Educator in the U.S., which means that I not only have teaching credentials that I earned by going to the university, but I got teaching jobs for the first 3 years after graduation. I was a school librarian, and I worked with students kindergarten through seniors in high school. In the State of Washington, where I am from, a teaching certificate expires 5 years after the person quits teaching. But, a Board Certified credential is good for life. I became certified this way because of my K-12 experience.
I don’t know how it is in Europe. As far as I know, you have to have a teaching certificate to teach in the public and private schools in the U.S.
These days, a growing number of people are home schooling their kids. And they don’t need any special credentials to do this. Tutoring doesn’t take any special credentials, either, although it is one on one. You don’t teach a group of students as a tutor, at least not usually.
In the U.S., you could never “teach online as a kid, as a favor.” Not teaching, in the formal sense, at least. You could make postings or create a podcast on line, and share any and all kinds of information on just about any subject–and people do, all the time. No degrees, credentials, or licenses needed, as there is with teaching.
In the U.S., some people go to college specifically to major in Education, and spend 4 years getting an undergraduate degree in Education. That’s one way in. The other way, and the way I did it, was to major in something else. My B.A. is in English Literature. After earning that, I went back to school for a “5th year” to earn teaching credentials, which take a year to earn, and I also earned a half of a master’s degree in library science, enough, at the time, to qualify me to become a school librarian. So that’s how I was able to become a school librarian, after the university. And 3 years later, to become Board Certified, based on experience. But it takes a long time in school, a degree or a degree plus at least an extra year, plus professional work experience to be a teacher.
I don’t know how it goes in Europe to become a teacher. I don’t know what the requirements are these days.
I also have a case of ADHD that I’ve had since I was a small child. And I now hold a license as a psychotherapist. Because I went back to school to earn a master’s degree in a behavioral health discipline so that I could become a psychotherapist. I was handicapped by a serious and permanent injury when I began, and was absolutely broke. And I didn’t have any family or any romantic partner. So, in other words, I didn’t have anyone but myself to rely on. I afforded graduate school by applying for student loans first, and then applying to 5 different graduate schools. I got accepted at two of them, and went to one of them. It took me over 2 very hard years to earn my degree. Because I’m a psychotherapist, a behavioral health scientist, I know about the field of behavioral health, at least in the U.S. Unless Europe has something that I am unaware of, there is no such thing as a “degree in ADHD.” In Behavioral Health, you choose to get a master’s degree that will lead you to become a counseling psychologist, or a social worker. I took courses for both disciplines when I was in grad school. I earned a master’s degree in social work. But, because of the courses that I carefully chose, I am now licensed as a Mental Health Counselor in the State of Washington, which comes about as a result of getting a degree in counseling psychology. At least in the U.S., a behavioral health master’s degree takes a little over 2 years to earn, going full time, including summers. And it’s very intense. I had to study 117 hours a week just to keep up with the assignments.
Your undergraduate grades need to be a B average (3.0) or better, to be admitted to graduate school, and all graduate school grades need to be a B grade or better for each course. A C grade is considered a flunking grade in grad school.
In order to learn anything about the treatment of ADHD, you take Continuing Education Units (CEU’s) after you graduate and after you become licensed to practice. A certain number of these are required to keep up your license, which is renewed annually, at first, and there are certain ones that you must take and certain ones that you can choose. Also, if you work for an agency, and many people do when they first start out, the agency may be able to send you to special trainings in ADHD, so that you can learn about what the most recent treatments are. At first, you will be practicing under supervision, and so your supervisor may recommend or help steer you in the right direction for your desired ADHD training. But there is no such thing, to my knowledge, as a degree in ADHD. Training in ADHD treatment is something that you go for when you’ve attained your master’s degree and when you’ve begun working in your profession. And then you get the training that will allow you to specialize in ADHD treatment. That’s how it goes, to the best of my knowledge.
Now, as to the energy problems that you are experiencing:
I can tell you this–grad school is exhausting. You’re never getting enough sleep and you haven’t time to cook good home-cooked meals. I never had time to do laundry, either. At the end of the semester, I rounded up all my laundry and went to the laundromat where I filled up several extra-large washing machines at once! It is deliberately very tough.
I have some insights into what may be messing up your energy, beyond the obvious things. (Like getting good and adequate sleep, eating a healthy, nutritious diet, getting exercise every day, and not consuming energy drinks, which boost you and then make you crash, or caffiene, which comes in coffee, black tea, green tea, and chocolate. And not doing street drugs.
Since you are in Europe, do you happen to be living in the mountainous part of Europe, as I’m suspecting you might be?
I was living in the mountainous part of New Mexico, which is where I was getting my master’s degree. I kept having good days and bad days. And on a bad day, I could hardly do anything. I was living in a little mountain village where the valley floor was at 7,000 feet, and there were 9,000 to 11,000 foot peaks surrounding us, with roads going up through high passes in those mountains.
I finally hauled myself into the doctor. She did a number of tests, including a sleep study to see if I had sleep apnea. I didn’t. She finally did a special blood study, which found out the problem. I didn’t have enough oxygen in my blood. I only had 50% oxygen in my blood!
No wonder!
I left New Mexico and moved back to Western Washington State, where I live now, at 500 feet above sea level. And when I go and get a blood test now, I have about 98% oxygen in my blood, which is good and plenty. And I don’t have those down days and up days anymore.
If you’re going for graduate school, you have to be on deck and on time for class all the time. You can’t keep skipping. I ended up in the hospital in my final semester, and I was very frightened that they wouldn’t let me graduate. But I still turned in my papers on time, and they let me graduate. I had been getting straight A’s, and I think that had something to do with it.
So, as far as your energy levels go, another thing that can really haul you down is if you have a low thyroid. That can really haul your energy down and really deck you. So the first thing to do is to haul yourself into the doctor for a thorough going over and a bunch of tests. And there’s one other factor–your own mental health. Mental health issues can really be exhausting. Things like anxiety, depression, and grieving the loss of someone–pet or person, can be really draining. The “up days and down days” of intermittent exhaustion suggest to me that it may very well be an altitude-related blood oxygen problem. I’m not talking about altitude sickness–the kind of thing that you see with tourists who come from living at sea level who try to climb the highest peaks in the Alps, but lack of enough oxygen in the blood due to trying to live at high altitude. It’s not for everyone.
The money is not the issue right now. It’s the training. I don’t worry about having to give a lot of online classes to make decent money. The thought doesn’t even cross my mind. The training and the professionalism matters for the area you want to go into. And I believe that goes, no matter where you are–here or in Europe. You can’t “profile yourself as a professional” without becoming one. It’s a long haul, but it’s a game changer and a life changer. Becoming a psychotherapist is part of my purpose, and because I knew this going in, I was willing to take it all the way. It fired me up and kept me going, even when the going got tough.
I understand that in at least some European countries, undergraduate education is free for the first 4 years. I don’t know how the graduate education goes. Do you have student loans over there? How do people finance their educations beyond the B.A. level, and for that matter, at the B.A. level? Are there academic financial aid offices, or financial advisors at universities whom you can talk to? Go and find out. Begin collecting information. And determine that you ARE going to become a professional! And then you’ll be one! In grad school, we were together in a study cohort, too, and this helped a lot. There were about 6 or 7 of us who often studied together, and inspired each other.
So it wasn’t all about a gruelling, grinding struggle, done alone. We helped each other.
I think the best thing here is that if you want to be a professional, then become one. I have outlined how. There is no “profiling it.” You gotta put in the time and guts, sweat, and brainpower, and become one. Don’t lack of $$$ or Euros stop you. I started out handicapped and flat broke. I’m descended from Native Americans (“Indians,”) and American pioneers. My grandpa and gramma were pioneers. They came out West from the state of Iowa to homestead in Washington State. This was before cars were invented. So they came West on the train and then by horse-drawn wagon. There’s an old pioneer saying which my Uncle repeated often: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” So don’t profile anything. First, haul yourself into the doctor for a thorough exam and a bunch of tests. Then, start collecting information on what you really have to do to become a professional, in your part of the world.
I hope that this has helped.
Hi everyone,
Just recently someone recommended me to read one of Barbara’s books which showed me for the first time how the life of scanners look. And I could relate to the cycling scanner I yhink thats what she called it.
Anyway I found it interesting when she said to find your nectar. I kind of struggle to identify what fuels me and was hoping I may find help here to learn more how I can find out what my nectar is.
I guess my wish is to know what fuels me to keep me going. To find the red thread that makes me me. My obstacle is that I just can’t seem to see it. I see parts of me here and there but dont know how to connect them. What Im good at or the thing that makes me.
Any ideas how to approach it?
Thank for your help.
Sue
Dear Sue,
Yes, here are a few ideas.
I didn’t know when I was a kid that I was a Scanner. But I do now. Back then, Barbara Sher hadn’t started publishing anything yet in those days, either. But all I knew, all too painfully well, when I was a teenager, was that I was a multi-talented, multi-interest person, but the pieces never seemed to ever fit. It was painful. I called the pieces “shards of a broken mirror,” for that is how it felt. My family loved the outdoors, and every weekend, practically, we were going to the mountains. I live in Western Washington State, and we have some of the most glorious mountains in the world, with lots of trails in them. I am also a musician, and by high school, I was an up-and-coming young prize winning violist. So let’s say, my family and I go out on the mountains for a 9 day wilderness expedition. And then, we get back to town and my viola playing stinks because I haven’t been practicing in 9 days. Shards of a broken mirror! Nothing I did ever seemed to fit together with anything else! All I felt like was an unhappy loser.
What I’ve discovered are some ways to begin to break that suffering, suffocating feeling.
This is one of Barbara Sher’s exercises. Get out a piece of notebook paper, or do this in a notebook. Number the page, on the left-hand side, 1-25. Now, for each number, write down something you like to do. These things don’t have to be major or earth shaking. They just have to be things that you like to do. 25 of them??? Yes! I don’t care if you have to write “scratching when it itches.” Put down 25 of them. I have made a shorter list of 10, and my list looks something like this: Music. Walking. Going to the mountains. Storytelling. Going to the beach.
Visiting a beautiful botanical garden. Talking on the phone to a friend.
Reading fiction. Reading children’s picture books. Making beautiful abstract drawings. That’s 10 of them. They are active things, not passive things. That’s important. So I didn’t put “Watching You Tube Videos” or “watching sports.” That doesn’t count. This is a list of you doing things. And there are more than this. Write spontaneously and just as quickly as you can, as ideas occur to you. What about the ones you already have? What are the “parts of you here and there?” Those are probably important parts.
As you go through this list, you’ll probably begin to discover patterns, or relationships between certain things. I discovered that, besides my ongoing love of nature, that I had an artistic thread running through me that I didn’t know was there before.
Right Livelihood is what you love doing, that you’re naturally talented at, that you lose track of time when you’re doing it because it’s fun, or engrossing, or both. You don’t necessarily have to get paid for it, but you’re doing it because you love it. Being a writer or a poet is one of these; being an amateur musician is another. You do it because your heart is in it.
An important piece is that we need to be actively doing things and not sitting around and watching other people do them.
There is a very powerful exercise from Barbara Sher in her book, “Wishcraft, How to Get What You Really Want.” It is the exercise in which you describe your Ideal Day. This isn’t an ideal vacation day. It’s an ideal lifestyle/work day. Imagine that you had all the money in the world and that money was no object or concern at all, and neither was talent. You had all talents and skills that you can imagine, and the money to do anything with that you could ever want.
So you start writing–this’ll take several pages in a notebook–your ideal day. In the juciest detail that you can possibly write it in. When you first open your eyes in the morning, what are the surroundings like where you are? Are you with someone? Who? What are they like? Then, you get up. Describe, in detail, what breakfast is like. And, then, getting dressed and going to work. Or do you go out at all? And does the person who you’re with? Or not? If you’re going to work, what is that like? How do you get there? Are you driving in? In what? What is the workplace like? And what sort of work is it? How does the first half of your work day proceed? (Or are you working at night instead? A torch singer in a cabaret would. So would many actors and musicians. )
What happens at your first 4-hour break–on a daytime work day, a lunch beak. What do you eat? Where do you eat? Are you meeting anyone for lunch? Who, and why? Are you collaborating on a project?What’s that? What’s the second half of your work day like? And, at quitting time, before you go home, is there any particularly luscious or yummy food that you pick up to take home for dinner? Are there wonderful things growing on your property that you can gather and bring in for dinner? What is your property, land and dwelling, like? Do you have a pet or pets? If so, what kind? What are their names? How does dinner go? What happens after dinner as you begin to wind your day down? If you have a partner, do you engage in any special things before bed? (This can be sensual, but must be kept clean!) And then, finally, you go to bed, and go to sleep. Do not spare any details.
After you’ve written all this, then go back through it and analyze this. Ask yourself, “What are the things in the Ideal Day that are essential, optional but desirable, and frills? Make 3 headings in your notebook, and list all the elements. Then, having done this, analyze it again, and ask yourself, “Of the essential elements, which ones of these are in my life already?” Some? All? None?
. . . . . Guess who has just discovered what she really wants.
The work begins to get the essential elements into your life as soon as possible. Barbara’s book for Scanners, “Refuse to Choose,” helps to show you how to put the pieces of a varied Scanner’s life together. Things like travel versus working, for instance.
I also very much believe a couple of things: That everyone of us has about half a dozen talents instead of just one or zero like we think we have. And your talents are what you’re naturally good at that you love doing. The other thing that I very much believe is that it is necessary to find your purpose. I happen to be part Native American, and we have a very longstanding tradition, going back thousands of years, called the Vision Quest. This used to just be for young men, but now, it’s for anyone, because there are so many more opportunities for women at this time. The Vision Quest is not a camping trip. It is a rigor. It takes about a year to properly prepare, and it takes the guidance of a Medicine Person, or a group that expertly and exclusively guides people on Vision Quests. The seeker goes into a remote wild area, with only enough clothing to keep warm at night and rain gear in case of a thunder storm, and their journal and some pens. And maybe bug juice. And TP. And that’s all. They won’t see another person, and they will be fasting, drinking water, but taking in no food, for up to 4 days and 4 nights. And all the time, they will be fasting and praying, and crying for
Vision. It is always about how to help the people, and never just for oneself. Very powerful and surprising things come about from Vision Quests, that you wouldn’t ever be likely to find out about otherwise. And the Vision that comes, that has to do with your Purpose, your Destiny. your Calling, your life’s work. The wisdom I hear from most Western writers is to discover your talents and then work according to those. But, in my experience and the experience of many of my ancestors, that’s all fine and good, but your Purpose may be something much, much more, entirely. These are the things I know. It is necessary to find one’s talents as a first step. And you do this by paying attention to what you love doing. And you do that by paying attention to what do you like? So, prepare for the world to begin to open up to you like a beautiful flower!
Hi Mary Ann,
Thank you for your detailed answer and tips on how to approach it. Much appreciated.
I’ve done the first exercise and listed 25 things. I list them hear and my thoughts as I still struggle a bit with it.
1. Read fiction books especially with magical content/story
2. Sewing random home decor items and learn how to do then
3. Learn new quilting techniques
4. Learn some cricut techniques
5. Eating yummy dinner (fancy or simple) eating it not cooking it lol
6. Eating sweet dessert
7. Day dreaming. I know technical not physily doing anything but I do it often and I love it. Maybe sort of meditation to me.
8. Trying to ways on how to organize myself
9. Drinking a cup of coffee
10. Walking through a beautiful tended garden (someone else created it i just walk through and admire lol)
11. Learning a language just for fun. A few phrased and words. Im not hood at it but its fun.
12. Learning about mindset and tools and test what works for me
13. Going for a walk with the dog
14. Meeting friends and chat
15. Board games ( often need so.eone else to start it but I love it once Im at it)
16. Puzzles (occasionally. Love the wooden unidragon puzzles)
17. Listening to stories from other people what they did and feel myself i to their life)
18. Sketching, doodling random things
19. Discover and test flat paints a new techniques that ive just discovered. Can’t wait to start that one lol
20. Quick and easy sewing projects with pattern or without. Pattern must be simple to follow.
21. Sleeping
22. Pet the dog and cuddle
23. Writing little journal entries
24. Taking long showers
25. Discovering the world through my daughter’s eyes
Ive adjusted a few things from my original list. And I also felt like I needed to add something that I enjoy doing with my daughter. However, I do struggle with that as its always about what we have to do and what life pulls us in to do.
3 major areas stick out to me.
1. Develop my creative outlet
2. Learning about mindset tools
3. Nature outdoors
I’m just curious if you read through them what are your thoughts? Maybe there is something I cant see?
I haven’t done the visualization exercise excise yet. As I know I can visualize myself i to anything but in real life its often a different feel.
So im careful with that. Lol
I thought I would love to be a personal assistant when I got out of school. Ive studied, worked only office jobs even though it was hard for me at times to find jobs, I traveled abroad to learn English properly even studied 2 other languages although its not easy for me. Just to finally work in that job and realizing I dont like it. Im done with it.
Could also be it was just the thrill to prove myself I can do it. Im not sure.
I tried to build up a srwing business not very successful mind you as it always felt im doing stuff I dont like.
While im writing this im wonderi g if I should just drop the monetization dn simply just explore about creativity and share that journey. Maybe through the eyes of my daughter and me. Hmmmm…. but I do have some courses already ready to go. Maybe I just keep them up??
Develop my creative outlet and learning about mindset tools that triggers something in me. But whatbif I go down the same rabit hole as with the office work? Somehow I thi k that time and energy was all wasted. Maybe it wasn’t. I did end up being able to speak and write in English fluently and now living abroad with my Australian husband (im German).
Oh I dont know…..
Dear Suzanne,
The things that immediately stick out in my reading of your list are the learning of languages, the sewing, and the sketching and drawing, and all of these stick out at me for the same reasons, which helps to shed light on things–I’m absolutely no good at any of these. It seems to me that Europeans are generally more fluent in several languages than Americans, but I think that could also be because of a greater emphasis on learning them in your academic curriculum, perhaps. Anyhow, learning another language is something that I struggle and struggle and struggle with.
I studied Latin for 6 years and then, in college, 2 years of immersion French. We were only speaking French from day one. I became so fluent that at one point, I was dreaming in French, but I always had to struggle with it. As to my sewing, I have had to spend three years in school learning how to make garments from patterns, but Yikes! I’m an absolute klutz! I’m one of these people who sticks myself with the needle 4 or 5 times trying to sew on a button, and my mending looks like chicken tracks, and usually doesn’t hold together very well. I Hate Sewing! I’m just no good at it, and would never take it up as a hobby or fun thing.
And my art? Oh, Horrors! I have no art talent whatsoever. My art hasn’t improved any since the first grade. That is why I’m a photographer instead.
So what does this prove? You’re talented in art, and I am not. You’re talented in sewing, and even speak of quilting projects, and I am absolutely no good at it whatsoever, and I hate it, to boot!
And you even mention learning languages for fun, and I can’t imagine doing such a thing. Doing it at all is such a struggle. Even when the alphabet is mostly the same. Yikes!
So what that proves is that you have talent in these three areas–and this is something which makes you unique.
And that is valuable information. When we do what we love doing, and are naturally good at, and we lose track of time when we’re doing it because it’s fun, engrossing, or both, we are engaging in our Right Livelihood, whether we are getting paid for it or not.
So those are some good clues.
My own talent list looks like this:
Musician
Writer
Storyteller (I have performed at some storytelling festivals
and have organized storytelling events and performed at open mic nights)
Public speaker–I speak on Native American beliefs and ways of life, and the Native American prophecies, and related topics.
Life coach, mentor
Psychotherapist
Photographer, specializing in wilderness scenic photography and close-ups of wildflowers.
Psychic Reader
A whole bunch of outdoor skills, from being a four-season hiker, backpacker, cross-country skiier, and mountaineer.
But your talent list is different because you are uniquely you.
I think it begins with identifying our talents. And those are the things that we love doing, not watching other people do, but doing ourselves. And we lose track of time when we’re doing it because it’s fun.
In the Ideal Day exercise, when we pretend that we have all the money in the world and that money is not a problem, then, in doing that, we’re putting the “monetization” aside, and also imagining what it would be like to be in a life that we have created that is just the way we would like it to be. Every Essential, Optional but Desirable, and Frill in there.
Studying courses . . . . hmmmm! This sounds like work to me. It sounds like a grind. Unless it’s something that I’ve always been wanting to learn–like taking a pottery class, for instance. Or learning how to weave tule mats out of reeds. Or some very advanced music studies to improve my viola or violin technique. Or some digital photography classes.
It’s what I love doing. What I have the talent for. What I want to explore. What will brighten my life.
I really don’t think there are “rabbit holes” when we’re doing what we’re talented at that we love. I don’t think anything is ever wasted. We’re always learning something. The only cautionary note is to not hang in too long at any job that is boring you to death or is a very toxic work environment. But coping with that, and getting out of it, that’s a subject for another night. Our talents are God-given, and we were born with them. It’s our destiny to express them as fully and as wonderfully as possible during the course of our lifetimes.
Once we have discovered our talents, then we work to discover our purpose. And the strange thing is, the purpose and the talents fit together like a hand in a glove, once we learn what they are and are working to express them fully.
So, take on the Ideal Day exercise, and throw precaution to the winds. Remember, money is no object, you have all the skills in the world, and you have designed your wonderful life to be just as you want it. So Go For It! And see what happens!
I want to own an acre or more of redwood forest land that I can live on and build my home and workshop grow fruit trees before I turn 18, without property taxes or utilities. I want to be off grid. My obstacle is that Im to young to buy land and I dont have enough money to do so.
Dear Azariah Sigh,
I don’t know if it varies from state to state, and I’m up here in Washington State, but around here, you have to be 21 years old in order to legally sign a contract, and that includes buying real estate. I don’t know for sure about California, but I think there’s a good chance it is the same. I bought, fixed up, and sold real estate for 10 years and also parked out raw land, and in that time, besides making a considerable amount of money at it, I learned quite a bit about real estate, which is just about as good here as anywhere, and I did this in Colorado as well as Washington State.
You are creating obstacles for yourself if you think you can own land and build on it without property taxes. However, this is a generalization, and so the proper people to investigate this with would be the county assessor’s office of the county within the state (presumably California) that you want to reside in. Once in a while, and for certain categories of people, there are tax exemptions; also tax reductions are worth investigating.
As you may imagine, fruit trees take lots of light. And you won’t find that in the depths of a redwood forest. So the land would have to come with an existing meadow or clearing for however many fruit trees you intend to have. And fruit trees take irrigation, and that takes power, generated somehow. I’m not saying it’s an impossibility, but I’m just pointing out the practical nature of things that would have to be solved if you are to have your dream the way you like it.
You will also have to provide for your water, and there are several ways you can cope with this. You can haul your water, and if you do, you are going to have to learn a method of keeping it from going green on you so that it doesn’t become polluted from being stored in its container too long. You don’t want it to become polluted with algae, for then, it is no longer drinkable, nor can the container be salvaged at that point, at least to the best of my knowledge. There is a non-toxic way to treat hauled and stored water so it won’t go green on you.
The other way is to sink a well. Most wells these days have to be drilled, and this involves the “powers that be” again, and the obtaining of permits. Any time you have a well, there is also the consideration, in case of a permanent dwelling, as to whether you are going to be permitted to have a 5 gallon sawdust bucket for a toilet, or a composting toilet (and I’ve seen some dreadful examples of these that don’t work, and the stench and the mess are unbearable!) and/or the county, or the place where your land is situated may require you to have a flush toilet and a septic system. This happened to my Dad once, when he thought he could just be off grid. The local government required him to put in a flush toilet, a septic tank, and a drain field, and he did all that work himself, building the septic tank out of concrete blocks which he cemented together. Remarkably rather like building the Egyptian pyramids, only on a miniature scale.
Some acres are long skinny acres, and with the requirements of a well and a septic system, plus road easements, for you will have to have at least a driveway onto the property, there are certain required setbacks between the well and the road, setbacks between the well and the easements, if any, and the well and the septic system. The well has to be uphill from the septic system, including the septic drain field, for obvious reasons. And the land has to pass a perk test. Setbacks vary from 25 feet to 50 feet from the well to these other things, so this makes a long skinny acre, say 50-60 feet wide and up to 100-150 feet long, unbuildable. I know some people who are living part time in a yurt on a long skinny acre like that, but it is registered with the county as recreational property and isn’t considered to be their full time address. And the lot is one of these long skinny unbuildable acres. When you go to buy land, always know where the survey markers are, and get a survey if there isn’t any. There should be one recorded with the county. You will also have to know if there are any existing easements or encroachments, and you will want title insurance to absolutely insure that there is no cloud on the title. Your land sale can’t close without a clear title. An alternative to the typical septic system and drain field is the Mound System. The disadvantage to these systems is that they don’t last more than 10 years, typically, until they blow out and “die” and then you suddenly find out that your toilet no longer flushes, one fine morning.
I would urge against mound systems entirely. They are a very poor deal.
Then, you have the very business of three more things: The business of wanting to build within a redwood forest, when people have been struggling for decades to preserve what little redwood forest is left.
I am not familiar with California state laws regarding being able to build within redwood forests; all I know is that people down there are trying to get redwood logging stopped any way they can. Your option to go ahead would be to find a place already built within redwood country that someone was trying to sell, rather than doing a fresh build, but you would then probably be looking at an existing structure without the features you want. It’s difficult to convince people to let you live permanently off grid. More and more people are doing it, but in some areas, county officials can be quite adamantinely opposed. And it will be very difficult to budge them. Particularly in an area where they are not eager, or possibly even willing, to allow a person to drop trees to clear land for a dwelling, and assorted other reasons to not have trees in certain places upon the property.
There are some other things to consider, and one of them has to do with ownership, period. And this brings up the question of citizenship. If you are a U.S. citizen, great. If not, sometimes, other countries will allow non-citizens to buy and own property, and they don’t even have to have permanent residency status. It works that way in Canada. But I don’t know what the rules, regulations, and requirements are in the U.S.
All I do know is that the climate in this country towards immigrants is much harsher than it has ever been. I’m not saying this is impossible, but be forewarned that this is something to look into thoroughly before you get to assuming that you can just by land, unless you are a U.S. citizen.
And now to the business of money. It is possible to buy and develop raw land without a lot of money. If the county or the local government is forcing you to put in a flush toilet and a septic system, then you are going to have to run water to your property, from the nearest hookup to the nearest local source, and this can be very expensive, because the cost of running the line in the ditch, and doing the ditching, is going to be extravagant. How extravagant? You’ll need to check on this, locally.
Seldom will banks or other lending institutions lend money on raw land.
You will need to be looking for a situation where the owner is carrying the contract. You work out a written contract between yourself and the seller, and you pay the seller a certain payment every month, plus interest. This happens all the time in the real estate business. In some parts of the country, it is possible to put $1,000 down and then make monthly payments. I know of a person who did this, but not in California. After that contract was generated, he could start building on his land, to his liking, and was not forced, as my Dad was, to have a flush toilet. For his toilet, he simply dug an outhouse hole, 6 feet deep, which is the typical depth, and built his outhouse around and on top of it. And skipped all the business of septic systems. And lives in an off-grid cabin. In Alaska. There are some areas up there with no property taxes, but I don’t know of any place else in the U.S. where this is the case.
So, it seems, the money is the least of your worries. Typically, a down payment on a property is going to be around 10% of the total of the asking price, and sometimes 20%. That depends on what kind of a contract you can work out with the seller.
In buying an already built place, there are many more considerations than I can go into here; all I will say is always, always, always get a home inspection when you go to buy a property with a dwelling on it, and be ready to pay any closing costs, since there will be no loans possible.
There are ways to get around being 18. The age of majority varies in certain states. You will have to begin by checking locally where you intend to live to see what they say. I know of someone who graduated from high school and immediately began doing just about what you want to do. And it was legal and successful. You will need to check locally on this, as your first step.
Lots of great, practical information there, Mary Ann. Thanks for helping Azariah.
Im looking for a piece of land 7000$ or under or someone who wants to give away their land. I dont want to make payments. I have savings. Im not worried about the other things related to building. My obstacle now is finding that land or land owners.
Dear Azairah Singh,
You might get a piece of land for $7,000 or under. I just have no idea where. A few years ago, up here in Washington State, some friends of mine (the ones who are living in a yurt) bought their long, skinny, unbuildable acre with no water on it for $35,000.
I think your best step, at this point, would be to start researching the real estate market in the actual county or counties in which you decide that you want to reside–the counties that are within redwood country. Dig around (no pun intended!) and locate sources of listings for raw land. Sometimes, great bargains can be obtained for land that is being sold for back taxes. That is land in which the owner failed to pay the taxes, and so the property has been seized and it can be had fairly cheaply that way. The taxes owed would have to be paid to clear the title, and the title has to be clear, or the sale won’t close.
The only way that I have ever heard of anyone “giving away their land” is through an inheritance. My mother died, and I got 5 pieces of property that way.
It wasn’t easy, and before I got it, everything had to go through a probate attorney. There were attorney fees to pay. But I ended up with some properties that I could do something with. Let’s face it–there are a lot of foreclosures these days and, like I’ve said, land going for back taxes too. But real estate is a valuable commodity, and you can inherit it, if you are in line to do so, or get it cheaply, but nobody is going to just “give away” their land. The best thing you can do right now is to educate yourself about the markets in the counties in which you wish to reside, and then, also visit the county courthouses of those counties, and learn what they have going for back taxes. You’ll be dealing directly with the seller, and cash deals are not unheard of. Properties, these days, are being outbid furiously–that is, as soon as a property is listed, buyers are bidding above one another to try to get the property. That’s what’s been going on. So don’t expect to offer way, way, less than the asking price. It’s time to find out what asking prices there are, and research the back taxes market, where stupendous bargains can be found. And as I have already warned, do not Ever buy anything sight unseen. You’ll need to visit the land, walk the property, get the survey, know where the survey markers are, know that there are no encroachments, know what easements (including power line easements) that might be there, and be 100% sure that the mineral rights and water rights come with the land. And that you can do what you want to do and build on it, before you put down a penny on it. You don’t want to buy a property and then find out that a gas or oil company comes and says, “We are going to start drilling for oil on your property next week!” Or, finding out that you have no water rights, including not being able to put in a well, or have the county officials telling you that you can’t build whatever you want to build or not build, or do what you want or don’t want. You want to know that you can do as you intend to before you ever put down one penny–
and these things are never guaranteed. Learn to know what the survey terms like “NE quarter of the SW quarter of Section 8, Township 16” means, and learn how to read survey maps. Everything west of the Mississippi in the U.S. is surveyed on the grid pattern of townships, ranges, and sections. Get to know all this. Buying a piece of raw land requires research. Lots of research, before hand. The place to check for “tax repo” properties are at the county courthouses of the counties where you intend to live. You will need to go there, because a lot of their records are at the courthouse. This is what I know.
I would like land in Santa Cruz, Del Norte Or Humboldt Thank you for the survey advice and rights advice. I will definitely keep that in mind. If anyone who has a piece of land like I described is reading this though dont hesitate to contact me. I may be able to get around my age by paying cash and recieving the property as a gift.
Dear Patty,
Well, when Mom died, I ended up with 5 pieces of real estate, one raw land and 2 others with houses on them, and one with a beach cabin on it, plus a 40-acre parcel that had been part of my grandpa’s homestead. (Everything west of the Mississippi is surveyed into Ranges, Townships, and Sections, in a grid pattern. East of the Mississippi, it’s all by what they call Meets and Bounds.) And on and on this went, buying, fixing, and selling real estate for the next 8 years or so. I was never an agent or a broker. You don’t have to be if you own it first. Some things I had a realtor help me sell and some things I sold myself. And I learned a whole heap. I refer to that time, between 1987 and 1995, as my “real estate tycoon” years. I never had any brothers or sisters, so I was the sole inheritor, and the properties, all except for one house, were all in a shambles. Dad had died a few years before Mom got cancer and died, so the fact that things were in pretty bad shape really wasn’t her fault. She couldn’t possibly have worked on things, the way they were.
And I’m happy to apply my knowledge whenever and wherever I can.
Mary Ann, you have lived such a full and varied life! We’re always so glad when you share what you’ve learned with folks encountering an obstacle.
This is a reply to Patty, not me. The reply button was not below Patty’s comment.
Thanks so much, Patty. This work warms my soul!
Hi everyone my name is Belén and I’m 22 years old and I’m from Spain,Valencia. Last month I discovered Barbara Sher by her TED Talk and I was really touched by her message.
The thing about my dream, is that I’m not sure what it is or maybe I lost direction, I don’t wanna tell my whole life overall because I know there’s no much to do, I’m on my own. Okay, I’ll get to the point, I’m the middle child of a family (without dad) whose mother has ELA and we don’t have anyone in the house who brings monetary support. I’m able to eat-buy food, products and clothes thanks to a university scholarship that will end this December and yeah after I get my University Degree (in January) I might be able to find a job (I’m still trying to find a job outside my studies). All my teen years I’ve been taking care of my mom and that’s why I don’t have experience in any job, so it’s more hard to find a job, besides the fact that I live in a town where you need a car if you wanna work on the city (right now I’m trying to obtain a license car).
I quite know what I love to do(I really love to do art, create designs of clothes, I also sing in soprano since I was 5 years old), but I don’t know if that is correlated to my dream, but I find it difficult to concentrate/organize since I have to take care of my mom and the house, I have little free time for me besides studying. I’ve already reached to the medical centers and organizations of ELA and no one was able to do much of a help.That’s why I think that maybe I don’t know my dream but I’d love to be independent before I’m 30, have a work that pays my needs and be able to hire someone who takes care of my mom, and if it’s possible have a house for my mom in a calm place for her.
I know I’m asking for too much, I just wanna know if what I’m thinking is too crazy to come true or if you know someone who was in a similar case and was able to endure it, or any suggestion you have, I’d love to hear about that. Thank you for reading my message!
Hi, Belén! Congratulations on making it through college with so many responsibilities at home. For those in the US, ELA is Spanish for ALS, aka Lou Gehrig’s Disease. Your mother needs a LOT of help.
And so do you. It’s very hard to dream while juggling so much, but I trust that in time, your dreams will make themselves known. Barbara talked a lot about getting a “good enough job” if you’re an artist or a singer. That’s a job that pays enough without taking all of your time and energy. It’s a “subsidy to the arts” that allows you to explore them in your free time, without needing to pay your bills from your artistic abilities immediately.
You can make lots of money as an artist, a clothing designer, or a singer, but only after you put in lots of underpaid hours. And you won’t find any spare hours for this until you and your mother have a place to live and food to eat.
Consider exploring jobs at places that understand your mother’s needs and how they affect you: rehab centers, hospitals, high end progressive care communities. Or perhaps companies that manufacture or sell healthcare devices (such sales pay better than most sales jobs).
Take advantage of your university before you leave: ask every faculty member, every advisor, and the placement office for help choosing a good-paying job with defined hours and a low to average level of stress. Ask them to help identify jobs, employers, and your top qualifications for those jobs. Most really want to help a student who asks for help.
When any interviewer asks you about work experience, be ready to tell them your roles in organizing the work of your household, providing care (childcare and home healthcare) that you’d be paid nicely for elsewhere if you weren’t needed so badly at home. You have valuable experiences, and you understand work ethic and duty and loyalty, and you have shown you can learn whatever is needed of you, which is what they’re really looking for when they ask about work experience.
When they ask you about where you see yourself in five or ten years, tell them you expect to be earning enough to provide a caretaker for your mother and a home of your own in five years and a great career with lots of room to grow and learn in ten years.
Wishing you the best. And thrilled that you’re already thinking longer term. Life offers plenty of years to do all of the things you love, including singing and designing and making sure your mother can live without your personal caretaking.
hi everyone 🙂
I picked up painting in 2020 when i was in a difficult place and i wanted to get good at something that i was objectively bad at. ive gotten so much better over the years of sporadic effort. ive started posting my art on instagram now to put it out in the world. most of my work is inspired by other artists. however, since i started posting a month ago, i have gotten so so many good ideas! i am a trekker who treks the himalayas (india) every year. one of my ideas is to paint the mountains i saw and loved and felt on the trek. i believe it would be super good and make people feel things, impacting in a positive way. i have been wanting to sell my paintings and start an art print club here in india (every month i send out an art print of my original art, a little letter from me, and maybe another small cute sticker or bookmark or something; for a small fee of INR 350). honestly, i would love some reassurance for this hehe. and if i were to really reach for it – maybe someone to help me set up a website (idk if its asking for a lot). oh! im so very glad to even put this idea out there and have people see it! i have a masters in finance (i trade indian equities for a living) so businesses have always been my thing. now combing business and art and trekking and maybe even my running and dancing at some point feels so very good to even say out loud. thanks for reading! and let me know if you want to join me in this in some way? thanks!
https://www.instagram.com/kowsalyasubbiah?igsh=Z2xtNnUwOTd2M245&utm_source=qr
my instagram
https://www.instagram.com/kowsalyasubbiah?igsh=Z2xtNnUwOTd2M245&utm_source=qr
my instagram
Hello , my wish is to run a fashion and art bussness . My obstacle is my mental health ;anhedonia and memory loss of skills i learnt in fashion school. Can i still run a successful business without feeling creative ?
Let me elaborate a little,i have been desiring to do fashion since 2015, and even went fashion school, but when i graduated i had a mental health episode that totally messed my mind and sense of identity even as a creative. I have gotten back to painting but i dont have the confidence to make anything.ideas dont come easily to me, but i still want to live my dream.
Tell us more, Christabel, about what excites you about running such a business. If you think you’d really enjoy providing an environment for and supervising other creatives, this takes you in one direction. If you can picture yourself being the person who convinces buyers to choose products from your company’s designs or to commission bespoke ones for their customers, that’s another direction. If you are hoping to restore your abilities to be the company’s principal designer, that’s a third.
For any of them, from my personal experience, your first steps should include working for a smaller company in the same space, whether that’s fashion design or home goods or some other design market. Volunteer for everything. Try things you might fail at and see what happens. Learn from every person you can in one or two companies. It’s a lot harder to get knocked off track while you’re building a business if you’ve seen the challenges we don’t see from the outside before they hit you.
Working for another business is also a very good way to start meeting all the different types of people you will need to succeed in business, whether to hire them, get referrals from them, or just to learn what to look for in your employees. Is it good to have an artsy accountant or a numbers-driven one who pushes you? Do artists make better supervisors of artists or do HR or business school grads?
Whatever you do, take it one small step at a time. I’ll be talking about this at 3:05 pm EDT at Saturday’s free Dare to Soar Telesummit, https://barbarasclub.com/telesummit/
Hey Patty , thanks for your response. I love the creative process, of bringing an idea to life and making people feel good by looking good. Am currently doing an internship in finance. However over the weekends n evenings i still do design. So far i have had 5 orders since we last spoke. And currently working on 2 more.
That’s fantastic, Christabel! Thanks for the follow-up. You will be an inspiration to others. You hit an awful obstacle and a confidence-shaker on your way to a creative career, but you’re rebuilding your confidence, developing your skills, and you’ve found an internship in a field that will suit you well as you look to finance the growth of your creative business, either as information that gives you a leg up on getting financing or as a source of enough income and investments to finance it yourself. Way to go!
Dear Christabel,
Years ago, I had a career as a professional symphony musician, and these days, I still play. It’s a very common thing to not feel like practicing, even if you’re trying to play when practicing as if you’re performing, and you’re doing everything to try to make performance better. A very common thing indeed! But I did it anyway, and on my most “reluctant” days, the playing, after I’d played for an hour or more, actually improved my mood.
I am a psychotherapist, so I am well aware of anhedonia, and in my own life, I have had to learn how to work to overcome anhedonia. It can be done, but isn’t easy, and involves a “layered approach” to creating good experiences. Or, for example, pulling the weeds and mowing the lawn, working hard to make it look nice, and then having a picnic with family on that same lawn, later in the day. You do the things first, and then you may feel reward because you’ve worked hard to create the right environment for the pleasurable activity to occur. The feeling of reward is experienced after all is done.
So, I think the short answer is yes, you can still run a successful business without feeling creative. I did that over and over again as a professional musician. The other thing is that Barbara said that you can pursue and achieve your goals even if you’re in a rotten mood. You don’t have to be “happy” or “believe in yourself” first in order to get to your goals. You just keep on doing it, with support, and watch what happens! I have been working with her stuff since 1987, and I have found out that this is really true. It takes putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how you feel, and the reward is felt later.
Hey Mary, Thanks for your input. I actually started creating even when i didnt feel like it, and sharing photos n videos of my work. I have gotten 5 orders and made sales.I agree doing the work brings satisfaction and a sense of purpose
Dear Christabel,
Yup! That’s the way it goes. The reward comes later, as a result of the work, and not before. And also, inertia doesn’t change as a result of insight, as much as it changes with action. Action is the much stronger force. So, you’re finding this out, I guess. Wonderful success! I’m happy for you!
“even when i didnt feel like it” — words to warm Barbara Sher’s heart. In her Success Teams workshop, she encourages us all to keep an Actions and Feelings journal, just to prove to ourselves that we succeed just as much (and sooner) when we take the next small step in our plan no matter how inspired or burdened we feel at the time.
Hello all! Really all I keep thinking about day in and day out is getting fit and healthy again and traveling to new territory I have not been to before.
My Obstacles. I have children and a husband. Before I had my second I was really fit and young looking. Now I am sluggish, cranky, tired, unmotivated. I have a three year old. I noticed when I work out I am more tired. I want to sleep and I am cranky. I don’t workout now so I can save my energy for my children, tending to the house and spending time with my husband. I also work over night on-call so if I workout I am dreading the night. Basically my obstacle is fatigue. I really value my sleep.
My obstacle to travel is money. I want to travel at least 4x a year. When I started my family that has died down soooo much and I lost myself in caring for my babies and hubby. My husband wants to travel with me, but he makes less than I do at the moment. I don’t want to leave him behind with a crazy cute little three year old and the other two boys, because I want to make the memories with him! I also want my kids to come twice a year with us to outside travel. We all have our passports, we just need the money. We can make the time. I have no problem pulling my kids out of school to travel for a few days. Afterall, it is educational.
Thank you all 🙂
Hi, Lily! What kind of work do you do working on call? Nursing? Perhaps a source of your fatigue is from disruption of the circadian rhythm and the ensuing problems? Have you spoken to a Naturopathic/Functional/Integrative provider to do a workup of your fatigue?
Also, I don’t know if traveling is within the US of outside. If you wish to take your family and can pull kid out of school, how about renting an RV and getting a remote nursing job you can do on the road?
Dear Lily,
Some considerations:
Children and a husband should not be obstacles; after all, they are your loved ones. When I was very small, in fact, from the age of 11 months old onward, my parents, who loved hiking and backpacking in the mountains, took me on these outings all the time. It was a bit unusual, but that’s because my parents were unusual. They were both Forest Service employees who had spent their summers working in the mountains as fire lookouts, and so when I came along, they were determined that having a baby wasn’t going to keep them out of the woods. So I came along, potty chair and all, 8 miles in to a mountain lake, backpacking. They took me everywhere.
If you have a three year old, and you also work nights on call, you are bound to be burning the candle at all 16 ends! When do you sleep? And is sleep constantly disrupted? How is your sleep hygiene? Is it any wonder that you feel tired, cranky, unmotivated. Sleep isn’t optional. Sooner than later, you’re going to drive yourself into serious health complications with this kind of a lifestyle. It isn’t sustainable, long range. It sounds like it isn’t even sustainable, short range. The fatigue is a definite sign that your exhausted body is screaming at you to change course, or stop. It seems that you are reaching a dangerous point.
If you work out, you’re dreading the night. Why? Because then, you become incredibly exhausted? Your health is everything. It is Number One. Without your health, you have nothing. How do I know? I’ve been there. I used to think I was made of steel and could take on the work of 10 men. Until I had a stroke, and was forced to stop. My life unraveled, and I went from riches to rags. I wound up unable to work at all, and I lost my farm and I ended up on welfare, and even homeless, and finally regained my footing.
And your body is sending you alarm bells.
Besides your health being Number One, your family is, collectively, number 1 A. Believe me, the very first thing is your health, and right next to it, them. So please, on Bended Knee, find a way to restructure your life and quit killing yourself.
I know this sounds harsh, but it’s real. I was dumb enough to do this to myself twice. The first result it produced was a stroke. It is possible to see the brain damage on my MRI. The second time, I was working 3 jobs and working from 4:30 a.m. until 11:00 p.m., 7 days a week. The results produced a heart attack.
I wasn’t able to work after that for quite awhile, and then when I had recovered, I had to modify my life and quit working insane hours. I simply couldn’t any more.
As to the travel, you simply need to stabilize your life and your health first. Because travel, no matter what kind and where, is stressful in its own right. What kind of travel and where? Jetting off to distant lands, and then going around on excursion busses, cruises, and seeing all the sights and hitting the clubs and the shows? Or traveling in your own country, camping out? Without the RV?
I have traveled a lot, but have only jetted off to distant lands a few times. And I know how to travel on a broken shoestring budget. I drive my own car, I pack specific foods that require little to no refrigeration, I use a tent and I stay in State Parks and Forest Service campgrounds.
With the tent, I don’t even have to pay hookup fees. State Parks have good bathrooms, and most of them have showers. Food can be very simple. So my expenses are gasoline and camp fees. I also go into dispersed camping, which is free.
So travel not need be expensive, even with kids. But you mention passports, so it looks like you want to go abroad, and this may well mean jetting off to distant lands.
But it’s time to work smarter, not harder. You can’t afford to ignore those alarm bells any longer. I thought I could get away with it until the two times when I suddenly collapsed. And we don’t want that, do we?
I was somewhat fatigued, but my body wasn’t giving me as many signs as yours is.
So here’s what I think. Lifestyle change and the resulting health protection are Number One goal. And then, after that, you can make some goals to travel cheaply and domestically, taking in much of the natural beauty that surrounds you. You will be making memories together, guaranteed. And it will be adventuresome to be able to hear an owl in the night, to see a fox, to wake up to the calls of mourning doves, and not have to pay the exhorbitant camping fees that come along with camping inside of something bigger than a bus and putting up your dish antenna so you can watch TV.
And at least some of your wanderlust will be satisfied. I know of a young family that does travel abroad with 2 little kids. They stacked up the rewards points from credit cards and used those to greatly reduce airline fare. They kept the cards paid off every month. When they traveled, they stayed in B&B’s instead of the more expensive accommodations. It saved them a ton, and they still went as a whole family on their travels together. As to pulling kids out of school, well, you may run into legal problems that way, but I know that there are instances of it being done. But I think the very first thing is your health, and then possibly some very simple, very low cost travel plans, and, once your health is more stabilized, make some longer range travel plans, say a couple of years out, to use those passports. Is there a way that your husband can work not harder, but smarter, as well? Sometimes, it is a matter of adding value to your work, so that, for instance, one grows from being a janitor to being a computer wizard, and starts one’s own successful business, or builds several income streams, including passive income. You can do this and still be independent enough to travel. This is what I see.
I think you misunderstood my post. This only changed since I had my last son. I am on call overnight and it is very easy. I get enough sleep, but still seem tired. I notice when my toddler is not with me I have more energy. My toddler has so much energy. Too much stimulation makes me very tired ans cranky. Why I moved from NYC over 30 years ago. I am very healthy otherwise. You told me to find a way to change, but this is my way by posting here. I just heard a lot of lecture from you instead of ideas. My health is stable. I never referred to my health being poor. I eat well, get enough sleep, I just reserve my energy because I know my toddler with two other boys and husband is another type of stimulation combination I am not use to.
I think you misunderstood my post. This only changed since I had my last son. I am on call overnight and it is very easy. I get enough sleep, but still seem tired. I notice when my toddler is not with me I have more energy. My toddler has so much energy. Too much stimulation makes me very tired ans cranky. Why I moved from NYC over 30 years ago. I am very healthy otherwise. You told me to find a way to change, but this is my way by posting here. I just heard a lot of lecture from you instead of ideas. My health is stable. I never referred to my health being poor. I eat well, get enough sleep, I just reserve my energy becau7se I know my toddler with two other boys and husband is another type of stimulation combination I am not use to. Also, I said my obstacle is fatigue. My husband and children are wonderful, I just feel lousy when I am too stimulated with noise and touch.
Dear Lily,
I’m sticking to my guns. I felt exactly as you do–that I was made of steel and could do anything, and that there was nothing wrong with me, and kept on ignoring or minimizing the fatigue, until the night when the restaurant that I had been working in suddenly turned grey, spun madly around, and I wound up on the floor. Of course, it was me experiencing all this. I had been working and sleeping in split shifts. I was a breakfast cook there, so I came into work at about 4 or 4:30 a.m. to begin my shift and left at 10:30 to go home and crash. Then, I reported in at 4 to another restaurant and a bakery, which I cleaned, and finished that up around 8:30. Then I went up the street to the first restaurant, where I’d been a breakfast cook, and proceeded to clean that place, and would be through, usually, by around 12:30 in the morning. Then I could go home for about 3 hours of sleep. Then I would get up again, go to restaurant number 1, and repeat the whole business over again, 7 days a week.
And, amazingly enough, I shoved my collapsing episode under the rug, went right on pretending that everything was fine, until a heart attack decked me a few months later. And forced me to not work at all for awhile, and then I was forced to reassess and redesign my life.
The fatigue you’re experiencing, and the crabbiness that tends to accompany it, and that could be related to it, is a definite bodily signal that something is off. It’s your body’s warning.
Previously, when I had the stroke, the summer before that, I had been working to restore an old farm that I had bought sight unseen (never a good thing to do!) I had to collect and consolidate 4 tons of junk that had been dumped there, and had to hire a guy with a truck to help me haul it all off to the dump. And then, it was necessary to get the wood up for the winter. I was told that it would take 5 cords. A nearby logger sold me one of his chainsaws, and taught me how to use it. So I proceeded to buck, haul, and split 5 cords of ponderosa pine. The average large tree will come to about a cord. I was laboring in hot weather, ranging from the 90’s to the triple digits every day. The chimney to the farmhouse also needed fixing, and was mortared on the outside with micaceous Gneiss. The guy who was the mason for that job was the same guy as the logger. He wanted me to help him split some of the stones in half, and so I did. I later found out that it was easier to split that stone than it was to split the dry ponderosa. I have experienced splitting different kinds of wood, having lived in the country for over 20 years, where the only heat we had was wood heat, and dry ponderosa turns out to be one of the most difficult types wood to split. Some people don’t know this, but a cord is a stack of wood that’s 4 feet high, 4 feet wide, and 8 feet long.
One day, when I was splitting the final rounds, there was one piece that just didn’t want to split. I had turned the top of that ponderosa into a toothbrush, trying to split it. No matter what I did, even if I raised the axe over my head, jumped off the ground, and came down with an enormous whack, that thing just wouldn’t split! Finally, along came a visitor to the farm who asked me what I was up to. I showed him. He borrowed the axe and finished off the job. I was relieved, and the whole 5 cords was finished. What I didn’t know was that I was just about “finished.” It was after Labor
Day, into the fall of the year, before I finally finished all of these tasks. And then, in October, Whammo! The stroke hit. I had a balloon payment due on the farm in February, and I couldn’t make it, because I was disabled from the stroke and couldn’t work at all. I lost the farm and went from riches to rags and into welfare.
I have not misunderstood your post. Not at all. Because I can relate, and from my heart, to someone who seems to be very stressed and is reacting to her fatigue the way I was, twice, immediately prior to the times when my health crashed, life threateningly.
So please, on Bended Knee, don’t do that. Don’t keep ignoring the fact that your body is giving you red flags. I did, and it nearly cost me my life–twice. What I’m saying is, restructure your life before you’re forced to. Or before you don’t even have a chance at a life anymore. We don’t want that. And as I’ve said, money is not the issue. I didn’t just give you “lecture.” I gave you a strong warning, and I also gave you a way out about travel. I said I know this couple with 2 little kids who accumulated the rewards points from credit cards to be able to go jetting off to different parts of the world, and they paid off the cards every month, so no debt. This way, they were able to afford greatly reduced air fares and go as a family of 4. They stayed in B&B’s instead of more expensive accommodations and were able to enjoy traveling to at least a couple of destinations a year this way. So there’s a way to do it. And I spoke about suggested ways to work smarter instead of just harder, gaining skills and increasing one’s value in the workplace. All of these are good things, and not just “lecture.” I also spoke about how to travel very cheaply, and still really enjoy it and make lots of good memories. There’s good in that too, and not just “lecture.” I probably would have reacted the same way, gotten mad and told someone off, if I had been confronted when I was a cook and a restaurant cleaner, about my work schedule and work habits. But no one confronted me. I had a rageaholic disposition in those days, which I’ve learned to tame somewhat, since, and my basic attitude was that the best defense is a good offense. And I wasn’t afraid to use it.
But I have offered you heartfelt advice, which comes from experience. Working on call at night and being up in the day to keep up with a 3 year old means that the candle is being burnt at several ends, as I was doing when I was sleeping in split shifts, and running long on 3 hours of sleep. So please don’t act like I did, and get mad and ignore my heartfelt advice. Your body is waving red flags at you, and your life could depend on it, seriously!
Hi Lily,
You said your obstacles for traveling are basically fatigue and money. Here’s what came into my mind:
fatigue: I perceive fatigue as the nervous system saying “Hello, I feel threatened!” (for example by too much stimulation, demands, etc.). What helps me with this are things like mindfulness meditation 20-40 min. (even if I really don’t like it but it helps), somatic tracking (e.g. somatic tracking for fatigue on youtube) and pacing my energy (like you already do). Mind body stuff, nervous system regulation. For worse cases programs like the one by Gupta or alike programs can help.
Also I’m a fan of acceptance that energy resources are limited.
Maybe you can find a way to be ok with not being fit for the moment? Sounds like you already do a lot. Maybe the right time will come again sometime later. If you feel a shift like this could be helpful for you.
money: I know there are couples who do housesitting together. I think maybe this is possible as a family too. There are websites for housesitting which often includes taking care of the house owners pets as well. But it’s free accommodation in several places in the world.
Also maybe it’s possible for a family as well to get free accommodation for a bit of work like you can find possibilities on workaway for example.
And there are websites where you can exchange homes for the holiday.
Take care and good luck!
Hello, my name is Necie and my Wish is to host wellness tea parties and paint/journaling parties and turn this into a business.
Tea and art are more than just hobbies—they’re part of my soul’s ritual for healing, connection, and creativity. Tea offers me a moment of calm in a chaotic world. It’s my daily ceremony of self-care, a quiet invitation to breathe, reflect, and be present. Each cup carries warmth, intention, and a story.
Art, on the other hand, is my voice without words. Through design, color, and creativity, I express emotion, tell stories, and create pieces that uplift, soothe, or inspire. Whether it’s a journal page, a digital print, or a serene tea-themed scene, I pour love into everything I create.
Together, tea and art allow me to blend comfort with creativity—ritual with expression. They are how I nurture both myself and others, offering beauty, peace, and inspiration with every brushstroke and every brew.
Whom I want to serve:
• Women, primarily ages 30–65+
• Often caregivers, older workers, or professionals in transition
• Living with chronic illness (e.g., fibromyalgia, autoimmune conditions)
• Feeling emotionally, spiritually, or physically exhausted
• Seeking hope, healing, and empowerment
• Interested in faith-based, mindful, or creative tools for wellness
What They Crave:
• A sense of calm, purpose, and connection
• Gentle self-care rituals (like tea and art)
• Encouragement and support during career shifts, grief, or health struggles
• Creative outlets: journaling, reflection, art, faith-based printables
• Safe spaces and communities that understand them
I need feedback on getting sponsors and donations of art and tea supplies. Also, my Wish is to develop this community.
Events will be held a local community center quarterly.
Necie, if you have a tea shop in your area (one that sells a variety of teas), ask them to sponsor you. They would either show up and serve tea (while letting your customers know about their teas) or let you use their shop (if it has tables and chairs) and teas for the event.
For art supplies, there are crafts store chains going out of business now or closing stores. You may be able to buy supplies from them at a great discount if you can travel to them.
Thank you for this response! We will look into house sitting.
I was wondering if I should just relax and not worry about being fit right now and just enjoy the kids and hang with hubby. Maybe, my mind is having a hard time switching the priorities when it comes to working out. My body is already say “no way.”
Thank you!
I also suggest you look at the Workaway website. It’s not like you’re doing super hard physical labor trust me. I have done work away before and stayed in some really beautiful expensive homes and maybe out with their website couple hours a day pulling some weeds, maybe planted some seeds in the garden. Quite often you get your own very nice bedroom and they feed you. I stayed at a work away where a man was there with his two boys and it was absolutely delightful. There’s no charge at all. Good luck you sound really smart! I too get overstimulated and drained very quickly around very energetic children so you’re not alone you’re just hypersensitive perhaps to your environment. I think you’re doing everything in a great way right now!
Hi, Necie.
Your idea sounds wonderful.
One idea for supplies is to find a Reuse store. Where people have given away art supplies, and the Reuse art center is selling it extremely cheaply, because their whole point is to save the environment from paint etc. in a landfill. For example, there is a store called Remainders Creative Reuse in Pasadena, Ca. Looking them up might give you some key words to research places that are near to you.
When you get to the point of having your supplies, and you are looking for participants, I have few ideas for you:
* Meetup, of course. If you create your own group, it will cost you about $200 per year, which is a small amount to spend on marketing.
* You can post events on other people’s Meetup groups, if they are interested in your event. Groups who might be interested might be about:
meditation
spirituality
empowerment
healing
personal growth
creativity
*Groupon: people are definitely looking for fun things to do there, and there is a health and wellness section of Groupon where you can specify that your event is for healing.
*Chiropractors offices. Really, some Chiropractors are into the emotional healing part of wellness, especially those who practice Kinesiology ( I worked in one such office for 10 years.) They may have a place to advertise in their offices. That might be a stretch, but this thought might lead you to other thoughts of the type of places you could collaborate with, and offer you painting events as an amenity to their business. Many such offices also call themselves “Wellness Centers”, so you can look those up to make contacts in their offices, local to you. My office, years ago, periodically held “Wellness Fairs”, where they sampled their various healing modalities, and gave out free treatments. They might allow you to do a presentation there, so people can be aware of what you have to offer.
I hope this gives you some ideas to go for!
A lot of 55 and older living communities ( I mean physical locations where they have housing in a closed community) – have all kinds of activities that their residents can sign up for. Some of these events are available for outsiders to attend. For example I have been to a drum circle held at one of these communities, and they met each week. Some of the members of the drum circle group had been going for years.
This is Awesome because you are absolutely right a lot of these senior facilities look for activities and when I worked with a home health agency’s the doctors whom owned it I traveled extensively with them creating events and experiences.
Totally forgot about it. I am good at planning events for others and need to focus on my needs.
I used to advertise on Meetup for live events and was stalked by a participant husband for months and after that stopped using it out of fear.
I love all ideas shared and have been in a rut since starting a new job that has created so much stress in my life.
Thanks so very much!!!
Hi Michele, I reached out on NextDoor asking my neighbors for help finding space to rent and a physical therapy business owner wants to work with me. I plan to hold the first event in September which is Chronic Pain Awareness Month.
Now I need to price the art supplies and negotiate rate with physical therapist. A mom on NextDoor wants to attend and bring her daughter.
I was thinking I could ask the owner to speak and would handle the tea party and paint event and speak on fibromyalgia and the importance of movement.
Will also ask local tea business to join me and feature some tea geared towards wellness.
WOW this is all coming together so fast and my prayers were answered. Will also do a press release to showcase both our respective businesses.
I want it to be fun, functional and meet new people and repeat monthly.
Have to figure out how to price the event.
Congratulations! I applaud your efforts!
Necie, another place to find participants might be non-denominational spiritual centers. If you speak to the director, they may allow you to advertise there – especially if you offer an event there, free – except for the price of art supplies, to their members. Or free, if you want to consider the price of paint part of your marketing expenses. Perhaps you could focus on the women’s group.
I also wonder if rehab centers would like to hire you as an amenity to what they are already offering their patients?
And Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous might be interested in advertising for you, because what you are offering sounds like an awesome outlet for someone healing from addiction.
Will f/u on this.
More ideas: I imagine that there might be some sort of art therapy certificate that you can earn through an accredited school, then you can take your expertise and intuition to all kinds of places who would hire you as an art therapist. Rehab centers, mental hospitals, senior living spaces, perhaps places of healing for people who have survived abuse, even prisons.
Hi Michele.
In the US some states require you to have a Masters Degree in Art Therapy to call yourself an art therapist .
My degree is Communications and have a certificate in wellness and life coaching. I have to call myself something different.
Dear Necie,
I bet you could do this more than quarterly, if you want. Art supplies? Omigod, you wouldn’t believe the number of places that are closing their doors in these hard times. Hopefully, you live close enough to (or perhaps in) a metropolitan area that you can get to them. A big craft store just closed here in my city, called Hobby Lobby. Nothing left of it. And it’s been around for a long time. How to make the art supplies affordable: Right away, set up what I call a “slush fund.” Into this separate fund, you deposit 10% of any and every form of income that crosses your palm, no matter how big or small, and you do this First and Foremost, before you even pay the rent! I mean this! You’ll be surprised at how fast this fund grows.
Go to a tearoom and create a partnership with them, in which you help them advertise and promote any specialty teas that they may have, and they help you by providing space for your events. You may even be able to convince them to carry some of your more medicinal or unusual teas that they don’t have. And, this sounds so lovely, so wonderful, that I really do think it merits having it a lot more often than quarterly. More like monthly at the very minimum. One artist I have known who started some seminars involving art and encouraging women’s creativity became so popular that in short order, she had to sign women up for her workshops well in advance, and she wound up doing things with them weekly for 8 week sessions. You are very right to imagine that women are craving this stuff. I think they really are! It just sounds beautiful to me. Even if I’m not an artist, by a long shot. But don’t try to have it at a community center. Go to the venue that matches what you do. And make a deal with them. I bet they’ll love it too, instead of seeing it as competition. You want to arrange a kind of an “I’ll scratch your back if you’ll scratch mine” proposition, and I think they’d go for it! It might really help put them on the map!
Hi Mary Ann
I reached out on NextDoor asking my neighbors for help finding space to rent and a physical therapy business owner wants to work with me. I plan to hold the first event in September which is Chronic Pain Awareness Month.
Now I need to price the art supplies and negotiate rate with physical therapist. A mom on NextDoor wants to attend and bring her daughter.
I was thinking I could ask the owner to speak and would handle the tea party and paint event and speak on fibromyalgia and the importance of movement.
Will also ask local tea business to join me and feature some tea geared towards wellness.
WOW this is all coming together so fast and my prayers were answered. Will also do a press release to showcase both our respective businesses.
I want it to be fun, functional and meet new people and repeat monthly.
Have to figure out how to price the event.
I am so happy that it’s coming together!
So am I and had the opportunity to meet via phone with the business owner.
More brainstorming: There are support groups for new female entrepreneurs on Meetup, and probably other places to get you started in your business.
Plus there are networking and referral groups to join, such as BNI. There are a lot of them. In the past, their structure was “if you scratch my back, Ill scratch yours” with regards to referrals; where they would tell their business contacts about your business and refer them to you, while you did the same for them. Perhaps there are structures that are different, where they can introduce you to other people in related fields who can share ideas or provide further contacts for you to make.
Your business model also reminds me of somatic therapy, since it involves taking action for a therapeutic effect. You may want to do an “informational interview” with a somatic therapist, to ask how their business came to fruition and what they had to go through to become successful. They may even want to collaborate with you, and refer patients or clients.
Will do and have reached out to some.
Our fledgling Success Team, a spinoff from a recent Idea Party that I threw, has had its first meeting today. We are due to meet again in a week.
The way I publicized the Idea Party was first to use my address book and call all my local friends. And then, getting very little response, I opened it up further and contacted everyone on my mailing list. In doing this, I got enough people to have an Idea Party, plus two other people who said they’d be there for sure (one said she’d bring friends) and two weak maybes, and one really wimbly, wobbly, slithering maybe. The maybes never made it. Neither did the two who swore that they’d be there and didn’t show up. This completes my contacts.
The Success Team had four people who met today, out of the original 7 who did manage to make it to the Idea Party. Which is an all right number for a Success Team. One person whom I expected to be there failed to show up. I tried to invite the two to come who said they’d be at the Idea Party, but who didn’t show, and not a word out of either one of them. I’ve given up calling them.
Hopefully, our missing member will show up next week.
It has been hard to get the Success Team together, and already, there are cracks in the plaster, so to speak. One person, who did not come in with a goal and an obstacle in the usual sense, but with the goal of crawling out of the hole of a lifetime of low self esteem, acted very surprised when she heard from me for the 5th time that we would be meeting weekly, on a business basis. She just happened to blank this information out, even though it had been stated several times. I know very well that Success Teams are not psychological groups, and this will kill a Success Team, sure as anything. She stated that she almost skipped the meeting to go to a social event that her sister was trying to draw her into, because it was important to her sister. She stated that she has spent a lifetime being suppressed by others, and always having to be secondary. She was highly encouraged to focus this week on what brings her joy, and what brings her meaning, and to make declarative statements that are good about herself. And bring us a list at the next meeting. One of the cracks in the plaster is that the missing person was her husband, who stayed behind to give his brother, who was having a medical problem, emotional support.
It was great that she came, and we tried to impress this upon her. But she was disturbed at finding that this is a weekly commitment, something that she hadn’t been willing to hear and take in, up until today.
So, already, there may be attendance problems and a shrinking group. I sincerely hope not, but it may be.
So now, the question becomes, How do I get new blood to come into the group?How do I get it to be fresh and growing? How do I recruit new membership?
A long time ago, I sat in a Success Team that was dynamite, but I was not the leader. It was being led, and constantly fed, by one of Barbara Sher’s Success Teams leaders, who put us through an 8 week training program first, and who kept on giving us new members who had also been through the 8-week trainings, so that when a member left who had accomplished their goal, a new one could join us, and the group was kept alive and vibrant.
So, what about this? What now? My “technology” consists of this desktop computer and a land line. And I do not have Facebook access (long story!) but it looks like I’ll have to open this up to the public at this point, or shortly. I just pray that these “iffies” see the value in this and decide to really get into it, and attend.
For the woman, there’s hope, because she went completely contrary to Family Tradition and pulled away from her sister to attend. And I do hope and pray that her husband comes to the next meeting.
But . . . How do I promote this thing? It looks like I’ll have to go public with it. I’ve used up my 60 or so contacts. Places where I used to be able to post fliers a few years ago don’t even allow them anymore. You see very glossy things like movie posters in those places now, but the regular fliers have completely disappeared. People are doing everything electronically these days, I guess.
So, what now? Any ideas? I want our fledgling group to survive and thrive, and like any fledgling, it is in a delicate state.
Try https://www.meetup.com/.
Can you create a new email address, perhaps one that you use only for this endeavor, and use that to make a new Facebook account – which again you might choose to to only use for this project – and link up to any friends, acquaintances, and family members. Create a group on Facebook for this project to and promote it there.
When I was in a number of MLMs (no I don’t do that any more but I dud learn a little in the process.) Any time we has a prospect we’d ask them if they knew anyone else who might need what we’re offering, and we’d continue to press them for names and phone numbers until we had at least 5 or 6, and then we’d call those people immediately. If we were talking to Jack for example, we’d call Jack’s cousin, Jill, and say, “Hi! Jack gave me your number because we thought that you would enjoy participating in this project we have going on. We’re meeting at this place, at this time. Would you like to join us? Do you know of anyone you think would benefit from this endeavor?” The you immediately call Jill’s friend and start again,” Hi! This is Mary Ann. Jill gave me your number because she thought you might enjoy joining us… ”
Give two possible dates & times, perhaps this next meeting and the date and time of the one after that :”Would you like to come this Friday at 2:30 pm or next Friday at 3:00?” Jack and Jill will be there. Is there anyone you can think of who would enjoy being a part of this project? Then call those people, etc.
It’s OK to be a little bit pushy if you are as kind as you are pushy.
Get as many names and numbers as you can. If you get a definate no you can call that person again in a month and tell them how well the project is going and how you’d lime them to join you next week, etc.
If you have a church nearby, post on their bulletin board. Also bulletin boards at colleges, high schools local libraries.
You might want to put up a page on telephone polls.
Put up a sign on your own lawn – that is how you would promote your own yard sale or garage sale.
There’s a book called “Guerilla Marketing” with more ideas.
Hope this helps,
Tamie
Dear Tamie,
Thanks for these ideas and for reminding me about the book called “Guerilla Marketing.”
Hi Mary Ann. Meetup is a great place to get people to gather!
Many Meetup groups are looking for events to post on their Meetup site, and would welcome your event onto their already established page, who already have members.
I did this years ago, because I was part of that Meetup group. This group allowed members to post events, and a couple of friends of mine in that group were running a workshop. Then one was on vacation, and the other one wanted help, so I co-facilitated. It was great! My friends were both burnt out, so I took it over and ran it for 3 years – as an event on the Meetup group that somebody else paid for and administered. I was made “an organizer” by the Meetup group leader/owner, and so I had the ability to write up posts. On my post write-ups, I was able to attach videos in the description. Who better to sell people on Idea Parties than Barbara Sher herself? You could attach her TED talk that describes Idea Parties!
So, you can find Meetups within whatever distance (mileage) range you want to cover that are related to Idea Parties and message the Organizer of each group, offering to provide your Idea Party as an event that they can offer their members. (They all want interesting things for their members, and want membership to be active, so you will be a help to them).
You can look up groups in a search, with words/phrases like:
– self-improvement
– entrepreneur
– business
– empowerment
– self-esteem
– shyness
– social anxiety (although these people may not show out of fear. But they might)
-women
-support
– fulfill your dreams, etc.
These members will Already be interested in improving their lives and have made steps to reach out to a group to help them do it. They are closer to attending your idea parties than the average person.
**Another bonus to Meetup is that you can Cross Post! This means that for one event with a write-up and a date and a venue, etc. You can duplicate the post on several different group’s Meetup pages, with their consent and help, of course. So if you posted the same event on, say, 5 different Meetup groups, you would have a higher likelihood of having more participants. There is a setting on the posts where you can limit the number of attendees, so you don’t have to worry about that. I would look into how exactly that applies to Cross Posting, because I haven’t done it. You will need to mention on each posting that the event will have members coming that are outside of the membership of that particular group, so they have a heads-up that unknown people will be there.
A thought occurred to me that people may not want to share their dreams with people they know, because we all know that people who know us often put down our dreams. They share their fears with us in order to protect us from being disappointed from potential failures. So, maybe the people you invited on your contact list were hiding from Each Other. I vaguely remember Barbara Sher saying something about having idea parties or success groups with strangers, so that people don’t hold back in front of each other.
Regarding the post itself, I typed it on Word first, so I could save it. I can’t remember if Meetup can take a word document or not, but at least you would have a stable copy of what you want to have on your post.
Also, when you are an organizer of a Meetup (the main organizer will add you to their list of organizers, then you will have rights of posting) – you can “copy” a post, then edit it without publishing it to the public. From there, you just change the date and anything else you want to change, so that you have your next meeting on the Meetup calendar, whenever you want to post it to the public.
I have gone to so many Meetups, and in fact, met most of my current friends and my partner there. So it is a worthy place to create gatherings.
Hi everyone. My wish is to find a job/career that I can do well and earn a living, and that I will enjoy doing (not be too stressed out: I get stressed out very easily). I am really asking for resources to very personal help in career counseling.
My obstacles are:
1. that I am organizationally dyslexic (so sequences of events, like which buttons to press in a software I will not remember; routines I will get out of order; organizing data; organizing anything really. I will mess up paperwork and documentation for sure.
2. I have ADHD (without the hyperactivity). So I am extremely forgetful, I start projects and stop them, then start something else, etc. I am Not detail oriented, nor do I multi-task well.
3. I am so scared to make mistakes! I am terrified of failing (and I do a lot). I failed a teaching program (twice)
4. I don’t have expertise in anything because I have essentially been hiding all my life, after the major catastrophe of failing a college teaching program (twice). I do not want to work with young kids anyway. But older kids and adults would be fun to train somehow. I am good at explaining things so that people really get it, and so they get interested in what I am saying. I tried sales in a bird store. That didn’t work (so much to know about birds!)
5. I am very idealistic about not wanting to hurt people or the environment, so I couldn’t work in an industry that sold things to people that they do not need or would be bad for them, or took advantage of people or ruined the environment.
6. There are other obstacles, too, but I don’t want to bore you with them.
I feel like I need an ongoing idea party all about me (Ha!) or a career counselor with a LOT of patience to deal with this scared person who wants to say no to everything. Where do I find that help? I do have a counselor for emotional work, but looking for extensive career help.
Any ideas?
Thank you in advance!
Dear Michelle,
Well, I’m a lot like you.
I have ADHD, With the Hyperactivity. I have been forgetting things and losing things since school began when I was 6. Computers usually drive me stark nuts. I am very, very afraid that I am flunking or going to fail all the time. (The quintessential pessimist!) And I am terrified of failing, also.
Your strengths: You are really good at explaining things to people so that they really get it and get interested in what they’re saying. And you don’t want to hurt people or the environment. (Yay!)
And, my strengths: In spite of all the above bad stuff, including ADHD, I managed to get into grad school and, once in there, although I very often felt discouraged, I Aced (got straight A’s) in grad school, and came out the other end with a Master’s degree in Clinical Social Work. And, I live in Washington State, in the U.S.A., where I am a licensed Mental Health Counselor (another way of saying psychotherapist..) I also do life coaching, which, according to my business card, is a pathway into finding your purpose, developing your desires, activating your dreams, and healing whatever is standing in the way.
I have done some life coaching over the past year, and I love it.
Oh, and I love nature, especially the wilderness, and I don’t want to gyp people any more than you do. You are not hopelessly lost.
My best suggestion to you is to get yourself matched up with a good life coach, and to keep hanging out with the Barbara Sher group any way you can. Hopefully, you will be able to find a coach who understands her methods. Her book, Wishcraft, How to Get What You Really Want, has a whole bunch of exercises in it, and one of the most crucial ones is Your Ideal Day exercise, in which you write out your most ideal day imaginable. Not stretched out on a beach under a palm tree, but a very wonderful work day. Beginning with when you open your eyes in the morning to when you go to sleep at night, and put in all the juicy details. Then, in her book, Barbara shows you how to analyze that dream, break it down piece by piece, and shows you how to get at least parts of it into your life right away. Sound good? You bet it is! I highly encourage you go get ahold of that book and get going in it right away. And, if there are any Success Teams, or Success Team leaders in your area, then see about getting into a Success Team right away, or as soon as possible. Barbara kept saying, “Isolation is a dream killer.” And it is!
We cannot get things done all by ourselves. So, please, know that you are not hopeless (any nature lover isn’t!) and get involved!
Thank you, Mary Ann, for your kind words and smart advice, and for sharing your success story with me! I do have that book Wishcraft, and I will check out that exercise.
And I’ll get back towards getting involved in success teams. A life coach sounds perfect. I do have a counselor, and will have my third session with her tomorrow.
I really appreciate your encouragement. Washington State seems like a beautiful place to live.
Dear Michelle,
It certainly is. We have some of the greatest, grandest, most beautiful mountains in the world right here, two ranges of them, the Cascades and Olympics. And we have ocean beaches, and Puget Sound (salt water) with many beaches and islands, and the San Juan Islands, which are gems of themselves, and the only drawback is that it rains 10 months out of the year. But, if you get tired of the rain, you can cross the mountains (in winter, this gets very snowy) and get over to Eastern Washington, which starts out as Ponderosa pine forest and soon becomes sagebrush desert, all the way over to Spokane. And hot weather in summer, and lots of sunshine. Over the years, there has been much orcharding there–Washington State is famous for its apples, but there are many fruit orchards, and there is much farm produce grown there, all under irrigation, thanks to the water from the Columbia River. It is a state with an endless diversity of outdoor opportunities. The rain drives some people nuts and drives them out, but if you don’t mind stuffing your shoes with newspapers at night occasionally, well . . . .
Michele,
I agree with Mary Ann, you do an amazing job at describing things so people truly understand. I believe you’re a storyteller at heart. You painted yourself quite vividly!
Though I’m not a career coach (but a “creativity guide” for artists), my process (digging deep to understand self, goals, and personal blocks) is quite similar. If you’re interested, I’d be happy to have a (complementary!) chat with you.
…Perhaps Patty can share my info with you? (I’m not sure how all that works).
As you requested, I have sent a connection email introduction. Happy connecting!
Hi Natalie! Thank you for seeing me so successfully! I will definitely reach out. I am currently working on a workbook called Unlock Your Career path – a course for neurodivergent adults and teens. When I get through more of it, so I have something to talk about, that might be a good time to chat? I am so happy that you and Mary Ann have reached out to help. It makes my heart feel good to know that people out there are kind and helpful. 🙂
Dear Michelle,
That’s what we’re all about here in Barbara Sher territory! She has helped and healed so many, and her work continues to live on and continues to do so. Welcome aboard!
Dear Michele,
besides the “ideal day” excercise to discover ,what you really want, I also suggest the Book ” Refuse to choose”. It was an eyeopener for me. Meanwhile I discovered in addition to the information about the life as a scanner some information of helpful practical tipps and tools for ADHD-people – and this is such a relief for me, as the classical tipps did not work – which is really frustrating.
To find a life coach trained in person by Barbara Sher, just check this site
https://barbarasher.com/coaching.htm
I am one of them and I love to help people focus and discover their strengths and then find ways to get, what they want.
Greetings!
I am in one of Barbara Sher’s book clubs, currently happening. One of our assignments is to call up our friends and throw an idea party to help them get over any obstacles to their dreams. It so happens that a place where I have been working for several years has just closed its doors, and so I also invited everyone who has ever worked there to come to the idea party too. And the net result?
One person said they’d come. A slimy, wiggly maybe from one friend. And that’s all. And it’s the main obstacle. I have a small mailing list and can email and phone the people on that list. I am not on Facebook or any other social media platforms. Nor can I get onto Facebook at the present time. A friend has publicized it on her Facebook page. So the other main obstacle, and the one I need answers to, is that I don’t understand how in heck I am supposed to publicize this thing so that people will show up. The meeting is on Saturday, July 12. I have already reserved the space. Help!
Mary Ann,
Don’t lose hope, and remember that “one slimy, wriggly maybe” is wonderful. That one person could need this event more than you know, plus they could also bring friends…
As far as spreading the news to others without the use of social media, of course it can be done!
Quickly print some well-designed flyers (there are templates in PowerPoint or Canva) and place them in all the places you can think of around town! Libraries, coffee shops, restaurants, churches, etc…
Can you personally email (one by one, not in inpersonalised group) friends and family you haven’t spoke to in a while, and tell them about the event in an excited way (how it could benefit them)?
You can contact your local library and/or newspaper to see if you can place a free or cheap ad either online or in print to advertise the event…
Also, many people have newsletters these days so seeing if you can also advertise the event there…
There is also Craigslist, Meet-Up (specifically for local events), NextDoor App, etc…
Lastly, you could hand out flyers to neighbours, employees at your favorite places around town, etc…
We seem to rely on the internet too much (and the irony doesn’t escape me that I’m speaking to you from it, thousands of miles away in Italy)… but for this reason, people are hungry for REAL in-life connections… just think about the last few events you discovered outside of the internet and how they reached you.
But also, remember quality over quantity…Just a few key people will make the event a success!
Good luck!
Dear Natalie,
Thanks for these ideas. They do help.
Dear Mary Ann,
I don’t know, which Book you are currently working on – neither what is the real reason, why nobody seems to show up (no time, no interest, doesn’t understand, what an idea-party is, …) , but to learn more about how to through an Idea-Party, you might also check “Wishcraft” – Chapter “Barnraising”.
Idea-parties are so much fun. They are even the part I love the most when leading a success-team – but also as a part of any event where I present Barbara’s work.
So you might tell your friends, how much they would help you to live your dream / overcome your obstacle, and that they also could get some help for their dream on that day, if they want.
So to explain my friends an idea-party, I say: it is like a tupperware-party, but instead of tupperware, you get ideas. or it is like a mutual brainstorming. S oI don#t think, you need a big list or Social Media, but kindly ask and invite some nice people guys personally – to bring some food / drinks and their positive, supportive mood. Hope that helps.
Love – Astrid
Dear Astrid,
I explained to everyone I contacted what an Idea Party is, and I invited all my friends and everyone I knew from where I was working. This comes close to 20 people. Each person got an explanation about the Idea Party. I have already reserved the space for it. And I got one wiggly, wishy-washy maybe and one yes. And that is all.
So, that is the obstacle. I want this Idea Party to amount to something, and the question is, because I’m not on Facebook or other social media, and given the fact that nobody posts fliers anymore–places where they used to be posted have been obliterated around 2019, then the question becomes, how do I publicize this thing? I do have a small mailing list, and I am going to publicize it to them. Beyond that, I don’t know what to do. And that’s the obstacle. The space is in a co-op grocery, and food/drinks can be bought from the store there.
Hi there,
If the ideas party is due to take place in the co-op grocery can you ask them to promote the event? They may have their own mailing list of people who already know where it is and are used to coming to that place (a hurdle for some when trying new stuff) Also if food/drinks can be bought from the co-op then it is in their interest to have a good amount of people attending.
All the best
Ana
Dear Ana,
Good Thoughts! Thank you!
Hey Ana and everybody who helped,
The Idea Party was a success! And a Success Team was birthed from it. Our fledgling Success Team meets for the first time this Friday, July 25, and I am both nervous about it, and looking forward to it very much.
Just wanted to let everyone know that it worked out well.
Hello! I grew up singing and writing songs on guitar and I am now in my late twenties. I would play gigs with my friend who played guitar as well in college and then adulthood stepped in and took over. Sudden death of my parent (who encouraged music), the financial instability, moving away, trying to meet new music inclined people but failing to do so, everything shutting down for the pandemic: it all took my momentum and desire away. I’ve mustered up the stamina to post videos of me singing, but it feels like I’m posting to a void. It’s not the same as connecting with real people, out in the world, and playing live music. I miss performing but it feels like a lifetime ago. The thought of it now intimidates me but I know I’d probably feel better and more like myself if I did it again. Sometimes I tell myself I should just move on and grow up. If I could find one person who I trusted like my old friend, it would probably make it easier to go out and play together.
Dear Joy,
Is there a way that you could form a band? Or find a band that’s forming and is looking for band members? I think it’s very important with talent like that to not let it go. Barbara once said, “Send up a flare!” So could you somehow put up a “Wanted” ad somewhere, to the effect of “Guitarist and singer wants another guitarist for the purpose of playing gigs.” Or, perform at an open mic night somewhere and have a sign sitting around that says the same thing, and announce it. Or, announce it on social media. I bet you’d get mobbed!
Thank you for your encouragement! I think I am going to do just that, and find a way to join a band / ask around / “send up a flare!” These are great ideas, I really appreciate it!
Good!
Hi Joy. I just Googled, “Where do people who play music find others who want to play together?”
A lot of stuff came up. There are online forums where you can find people to collaborate with.
I figured it was easier for me to Google that direct question, because I am not in the situation, like you are. It’s so much easier to research for somebody else than for ourselves!
Once you ask the question and try different versions of the same question, you will get a ton of answers. It seems like “collaborate” is the word that most people are using.
I applaud your bravery for reaching out! I am excited for you to get back into it! I hope you have so much fun!
Before Covid I was working one on one with a life coach and going to her group sessions through Meetup.com. We would always meet at a cafe or tea house. We would have to make a purchase and she would have to reserve a table for us but she avoided paying rent that way. She would also do Skype one on one sessions.
Dear Maida,
I was looking into some cafe venues last night and am going to check into some other things today. I have a client who gets very emotional–the kleenex box needs to always be handy, and so she needs private space. Wish: to find private space for our one on one sessions.
Obstacle: Where and how?
I am looking into study rooms at the library today, later, when they open, and until I can find space in which to do my psychic readings that may or may not meet privacy requirements, those may have to do for the time being. I hope to have found space for group sessions, and I need to contact the building owners for details.
I just got a lead last night on some psychotherapy space. And Monday, I go traveling and track down a supervisor that I need to re-start my practice.
I am remaining optimistic that private space for one on one sessions can be found.
And group space for the drumming group that I have been running can also be found. But the timing of this is less crucial.
A further wish: An empty board room would work.
Obstacle: I don’t know any bankers or businessmen who have boardrooms. How to find?
Great ideas, Maida! It might not work for Mary Ann’s tearful client, but it could be fine for others.
I came across a note today from an early Success Team of mine that says there’s a supermarket in Lansdale, PA that offers use of their 40-person meeting room. And I used to reserve a free 10-person meeting room in the basement of a coffee shop in my town. The only rule was that no drinks or food could be brought in, only those purchased in the shop.
Dear Patty,
I am negotiating for group office space tonight and I have just discovered an ad for some affordable private office space that I will pursue tomorrow morning.
There is a beautiful little tearoom space that I found this evening that will work very well for some people, and it’s a delight! And, tomorrow I’m on the trail again. I am optimistic that something will be secured soon. I am on my way right now to go visit someone who may know about board rooms, or how to get at them.
P.S.: This morning, I secured the group meeting space at a co-op grocery store for an Idea Party, and I can keep on reserving it for other things, or at other times, too. And there’s the small tea room, which is a very beautiful place.
Still working on private space and a space for a drumming group.
Obstacle:
The place which I have relied on for private 1-1 life coaching sessions, and group meetings in a large room, has suddenly announced that it is closing its doors for good effective June 29.
Wish:
I am scrambling to come up with another venue that provides free or very cheap 1-1 private space and small group space.
Obstacle: There is no way that I can do this where I live, and one place I’ve already investigated wants $100-$125 per hour to rent their space, which for me is totally prohibitive. When I say free or very cheap, I mean it.
Any ideas of where to look would be deeply appreciated.
Could you offer to do the 1-1 sessions in the client’s home or office and rent space only for group sessions?
Are there any coaches or therapists (or other single-person business offices or low-occupancy office buildings) in the area who want to make a little extra money while on vacation this summer, on their day off, or while looking for new full-time tenants?
Is there a hotel that rents rooms by the hour?
Thanks for these ideas, Patty. The idea of subletting office space from a therapist has already occurred to me. And I’m going to make inquiries, before the day is out, about some other potential spaces.
I’m still open to any other ideas from the Idea Party.
I hope you get some great ones. I threw in the “hotel room by the hour” idea to jog a few brains into thinking outside the box for you. Remember that you can help get more ideas by saying something about any of my ideas like, “What I love about renting a hotel room by the hour is ____________, but what do we do about the ____________ side of this?”
Or, “What appeals to me about renting from a therapist is __________, but how can I convince them I’m not a threat to their business or insurance risk?”
Turn every idea into a more specific wish and obstacle, and you get more ideas.
Dear Patty,
In the therapy business, we do that all the time, and I need to get going on it. We do not consider other therapists as threats; it helps us and them, because they make extra money from a sublet, and when you’re getting going, it helps you because it’s economical. I need to get supervision first, and that’s the catch. I’m going to go look at a space right now before they close, tonight. I know of some outdoor spaces, but indoor is more desirable. Each therapist carries their own liability policy, so no conflict there. It’s a good idea!
How about at a church or other similar center? Sometime they have rooms that they allow outside groups to meet in.
Is online via zoom 1:1 until you find a room an option?
Or go for a walk, like walk and talk.
Or in a café
Or a publik evening school (in gernany called “Volkshochschule” might have space
Thanks, Astrid.
We don’t have any public evening schools here; I wish we did. Decades and decades ago, back in the 60’s, the University of Washington had a “Free University” where people who knew all sorts of things could teach them, and it was easy to sign up for just about anything. It was a wonderful thing. But we don’t now. However, you’ve given me an idea. There is a college and a couple of universities around here that I could approach.
I like the walk and talk idea, and I have a couple of outdoor options already.
I am exploring 3 options this evening before they close.
Thanks!
I
Hii Lovely people!!
I am Mythri from India. I am a realism/hyperrealism artist who specializes in portraits. I have drawn many celebrities – mainly actors and cricketers. I would love to get the artwork autographed by the respective celebrity. I have tried to find ways, but unfortunately it is difficult to get in touch/meet due to security concerns.
It is difficult to get my artwork noticed by the celebrity in social media too(due to high volume of content)
Thank you for reading my wish 🙂
Dear Mythri,
I think that the best way to get in contact with various celebrities is through their publicists, rather than through their fan bases. They get so much, as you say, high volume of content, that many of them have staffs of people who try to keep up with the overwhelming amount of fan mail and social media posts that arrive daily. If you are going to go at it in that manner, it needs to be in regards to what they are doing, and be work related, so when you are contacting someone like that, and, say, you are writing to them, tell them what part of their work you really like and why. And then try to make your request. Which may or may not be granted. But hey? Why not try?
Thank you!
Hello wonderful people,
I am so inspired by this beautiful resource and Barbara’s work.
I have MANY BIGGGGGGGGGG ideas 🙂 and absolutely suffer with isolation so would love some help 🙂
My wish is to have my own home (ideally build an environmentally friendly home)
My obstacles have been that I haven’t worked for 9 years and rely on the government for my income.
This summer I have the opportunity to stay somewhere for 4 months but after that don’t know – my wish is to find somewhere stable to live within the next 4 months so I can have somewhere safe to live that is my own.
Thank you for your time to read my wish.
Jess
Hello wonderful people,
I am so inspired by this beautiful resource and Barbara’s work.
I have MANY BIGGGGGGGGGG ideas 🙂 and absolutely suffer with isolation so would love some help 🙂
My wish is to have my own home (ideally build an environmentally friendly home)
My obstacles have been that I haven’t worked for 9 years and rely on the government for my income.
This summer I have the opportunity to stay somewhere for 4 months but after that don’t know – my wish is to find somewhere stable to live within the next 4 months so I can have somewhere safe to live that is my own.
I also feel called to say I have always practiced art, been to many art schools and write and sing my own music. My dream would be to earn a living from my creativity.
The obstacle holding me back is having a number of learning difficulties and fear of exposing myself.
Thank you for your time to read my wish.
Jess
Dear Jess,
I wrote the long comment to your first post, which is posted below, before I wrote this one.
The components of life are the Physical, the Mental, the Emotional, and the Spiritual. Your spirituality is whatever you choose it to be–your relationship between yourself and the Creator. The emotional part of life is your relationship between yourself and others. The Mental part of your life is your Right Livelihood–that which you’re naturally talented at, love doing, lose track of time when you’re doing it because it’s fun or engrossing or both, and it engages your talents. The Physical part of life is 5 things: your health, which is foundational, for without that, you don’t have anything except perhaps monstrous medical bills; your home (and right now, that is most unstable for you); casual acquaintances, like neighbors, for instance; geographic location and whether you need to move or not; and whatever you have for survival income, which for you, at this time, is not much. And so even survival is difficult. I know, I’ve been there and done that!
I, too, have some serious learning disorders, and, put together, make it almost impossible for me to learn computers or learn most things at the university level, for that matter. They are ADHD, a slow processing speed, which means that my brain doesn’t process things as fast as most people’s, which sometimes goes along with ADHD, and also, perhaps the worst case of dyscalculia known to man. Which keeps me from majoring in most any scientific discipline, and also keeps me out of most business schools, because an MBA requires calculus! Don’t even mention higher math to me! My brain just won’t go there! I was a music major in school at first, and then ended up with a B.A. in English, and enough teaching credentials and half of a master’s in library science to become a school librarian. By the time I was 38, I had 3 supposed lifetime careers destroyed–professional musician, school teacher, and freelance editor. I am verbally gifted and no good at all in math. That’s me. And yet, for 10 years, I had quite a career, that I carved out for myself, in real estate.
In order to stabilize life and get from the dream stage to the doing stage, it takes steady work, in small steps, knowing that everything that you do is leading towards your higher goals. And, as Barbara Sher says, your survival job subsidizes the arts. In one of her books, and in her other writings, she lays out what a survival job is: Something without toxic bosses and co-workers, work that you can stand doing, and it doesn’t take up more than 40 hours a week, or else you won’t have time for your other work–your Right Livelihood. And, it pays well enough that you can keep a roof over your head, provide yourself with basic health insurance, provide yourself with food, and basic transportation. If it doesn’t do these things, then it’s not a “good enough job,” or a survival job.
You will obviously have to get off of welfare by being working, in order to stabilize your housing situation and pursue your dreams of being an artist and a musician.
I once lived on a small island, and although I was well educated, I knew that if I wanted to stay there, I was going to have to have immediate work, so I interviewed and got hired at one resort to clean cabins there, and interviewed at another resort to be a salad chef. I had neither cooked professionally nor cleaned professionally before, so I was “faking it until I made it,” but that’s what I did. Other Island jobs included working at a used bookstore, working in a pet store, being a breakfast cook (cooking skills are good survival skills!), being a professional baker, cleaning a bakery and a restaurant at night, and working in a B&B. I eventually founded my own house cleaning business, and built it up from zero to $30,000 in one year. There were a lot of wealthy people I worked for who needed their large homes cleaned.
And so I was able to continue to live on the island for several years. Then it was time to move to New Mexico, where I re-established my cleaning business, until one day when I was horribly injured and couldn’t work anymore. Bedridden for 8 months and unable to walk, I was offered $435 a month disability, but who in heck can live on that?? Nobody!! So, I re-evaluated my talents, decided to pursue counseling to the hilt, which I knew I had talent in, went and got help filling out all the FAFSA forms for student aid, applied to 5 grad schools, got accepted at two of them, and went to one of them, beginning in 2009. The horrendous injury happened in 2005. By September 2006, I had landed a tutoring job at the community college level, and kept that job clear until I entered grad school, in January 2009. I was crippled and could only use handicap ramps and elevators. Going up and down stairs was absolutely impossible. And all through grad school, it remained this way. It stayed this way for 10 years.
Since then, things have improved, and I now live on a second floor apartment, with steep stairs, and although they do provide a challenge, I manage to get up and down them somehow, and haul groceries up them. And, I’ve gone back to hiking in the mountains again, and car camping. There’s been lots and lots of physical therapy, or I wouldn’t be walking at all.
There are Four Keys: 1.) To take care of the Physical part of life, and do that first, so that you will have stability, and a way forward to being able to develop your music and art goals, without the Welfare Office breathing down your neck about “making too much money,” and therefore, the benefits that you depend on, get suddenly jerked, and you get destroyed. Who needs that? Nobody!! Remember, the “Good Enough Job” subsidizes the arts.
In addition to the jobs I held at the Island, I also did a 3rd job, which was a labor exchange, in which I burned piles of tree limbs and brush from a logging operation in exchange for a place to pitch my tent, when I was homeless, before I had enough money saved for an apartment. But not paying rent gave me the advantage of being able to save gobs of money for it. So that within 6 months, I had the $1,000 it took to get into an apartment.
And the income to keep on affording it after that. 2.) Gratitude is the second Key. Gratitude and 3.) An action plan, in small, do-able weekly steps, that you keep on with, day to day, getting you more stability and the ability to be forward-thinking, and to see and recognize opportunity when it comes up, and also to create your own survival job, if no one will hire you. Look to be of service, somehow, to the community that you live in, and that way, you establish yourself and begin to build a niche for yourself, for if you have a service that others want, you will have customers, and can live on a small island, where the tourist economy goes dead in the winter. and 4.) Knowing that life isn’t linear. It’s a Circle, and the
quadrants of the Great Wheel of Life are the Physical, the Mental (Right Livelihood), Emotional, and Spiritual, and they all work together, like the great turning of this Wheel. You are the Wheel and the Wheel is you. All parts of it are important, and the idea is to be in Balance, and building up the Physical part well enough that you are supporting yourself and subsidizing the arts. Then, you will be able to begin developing the art and music, and get into a Creators’ Support Group, so that the fear of exposing yourself fades, and you can start realizing your art and music dreams. So let’s see you put some stability under yourself, with income and housing, and then let’s see where you go from there.
Dear Jess,
What is preventing you from working? Is it that you’re 65 or up and retired, or is it that you’re on Disability? And, are you in the U.S? Or elsewhere, and if so, where?
Being on the “government dole” presents some pretty interesting problems, especially now, in a time of massive instability, particularly for anyone who is dependent upon the government. Who knows which way the chips are going to fall next? If you you were elsewhere than the U.S., the picture would be different.
There are several ways to get property without having to pay an arm and a leg to get it, but “there ain’t any such thing as a free lunch,” and you’ll have to have some money to begin with. Or be able to create it.
Which I’ve always done when jobs were scarce, or when there was massive discrimination in hiring, which I have had to face. And I made far more money working for myself than I ever did working for “The Man.” I have had major health challenges in my life more than once, which forced me onto Welfare, but, at some point, when I could work, I began working again and phoned up the Welfare Office and told them that I didn’t need them anymore. What a good feeling that was! It gets infinitely harder after 65–there are more barriers, and a person has to be really clever in order to surmount them, without destroying one’s benefits in the process.
These things have to be addressed before we go on to talk about housing solutions, because, having been there, disability is the most fiendish, most difficult barrier to overcome so that some desired life changes can be made. And, if you’re under 65, in the U.S., at least, if you don’t work for a considerable period of time, then when you do retire, at, say, age 65, you will get very little to almost nothing in Social Security. You will really be suffering big time. I know someone whom this happened to. He didn’t work for a long time, and ended up with $200 per month in Social Security, and nothing from any other source.
It gets very cold and snowy in the Rockies, where he lived, and wood was the only source of heat for his house. Only he couldn’t afford to buy the wood! And, by the time I knew him, he was too old, anymore, to even chop the wood.
He ate a one-pot vegetable stew about once a day, and that was about all the food he could afford. It was horrible! My heart goes out to you if you’re on disability, but even then, if there’s any way at all to escape from that, then do it! I was forced into that place, due to severe injury, and I did it.
Even if it’s a cob house that you build, (and these can be really nice), and you have friends helping you build it, you’re going to have to have some kind of money to begin with, and avoid getting your tail in the trap that my friend got into, when he got really old, up around 80. I bought him his wood one winter.
Increasingly, anyone who rents to you is going to ask you to prove some sort of financial stability. And in most instances, be able to pass a background check. At least in the U.S., there are Section 8 apartments for elderly, age 62 and up, and disabled. A friend of mine with cancer was able to get into one of those complexes, even though she was only in her early 50’s. But first things first! We’ve got to get you stabilized first. And, as you correctly forsee, that means getting a roof over your head that you can call your own. The entire Section 8 program is under threat at this time. Otherwise, the only way to cut down on the rent is to have a roommate, and that doesn’t always work out. You have to be very expert at screening them in order to keep from having the violent deadbeats and drug addicts join you. I have typically asked for the last 3 employers and the last 3 landlords as references. And that works pretty well. You’ll have to devise your own screening questions to determine if they are on drugs or not.
But in the meantime, and before that, how much money do you have saved up, and what are you doing to save it up now? Yes, this can be done, even on welfare, or while house sitting, so that you will be able to get into an apartment or onto a piece of land later on.
There are so many variables that I can’t really speak with authority about much of this right now. Nor can I go far into your various housing options. I bought, fixed up, and sold real estate–both raw land and houses, for 10 years, had 9 successful closings in that time, and all real estate transactions were self financed. I made over half a million dollars doing this. So I know something about real estate. And housing options. I just saw on the internet an advertisement about an ecovillage that people were able to live in for $200 per month. But beware! Some alternative communities are worth joining, but all too often, they are drug-ridden hells, and practically no one works at anything, leaving even basic day-to day upkeep of the place sorely lacking, and tasks falling to one or two people, and with no clear agenda about the purpose of the alternative community. I’ve seen too many such places as this, and they are to be avoided, believe me!
A good alternative community will have a purpose and will have some leadership and structure, so that everyone is housed and everyone has a job to do which benefits the community as a whole. And I could go on about that, but I won’t right now. The first thing is to get stabilized. While you are house sitting and not paying rent, be saving money any way you can. Not working is really putting a crimp in things. Is there any way to change that? If you can physically work, then that’s the first thing. Regardless of previous education and experience, be willing to take almost any kind of job, no matter how humble it is, and do it. When I was in that situation, I worked 3 part time jobs and I also house sat where I was living at the time. My wages, I was saving like mad. I only bought the simplest food and I had a car, so I bought gas for it as needed, and that was about all. No matter what your circumstances are, start right away by saving up 10% of your income, no matter how small, and no matter from where, and this gets skimmed off the top right away. This, you keep adding to, and it goes into a special fund, and you don’t touch it. It doesn’t exist. When I did this a number of years ago, I was also adding my total wages to it every two weeks from one of my part time jobs. In this way, from April when I began through August, I had $600 saved up, and it took me two more months, through October, until I had the necessary funds, $1,000, to get into an apartment. There might be other options, like getting a piece of land, but this would have no shelter upon it. I think the very first step is to stabilize yourself, and then think about your housing plans. Banks typically won’t lend money on raw land, and to typically get into an existing house, you’d have to put 10% to 20% of the sales price down, and you’d have financing on the rest of it. And you’d have closing costs to pay. But, now, we’re talking financial stability and we’re talking megabucks. There are various ways to get land, and possibly get a foreclosure–it takes a very savvy buyer’s agent who specializes in foreclosures for that. And then, there are ecovillages which will sometimes let people in, and there are ways, although there have been zoning issues around this, to get onto a piece of land and build some sort of alternative housing, like a cob house, for instance. Up in Alaska, there is very little zoning in places, and it is still possible to get land and build a cabin on it. But, a person would have to have pretty good building skills, and friends to help. I know of someone who has done this. Remember, though, it’s Alaska, and the winters are Really Tough, dark, and long. And prices of everything are fiendishly high. I could say a lot more about this, but for now, the first piece of this to work on is stability for you. Just socking all the money away that you can, so that you can get into a place by fall. It’s almost June now. Not much time. I don’t know how cold, wet, and dark it gets where you live. But you need a roof over your head. That’s first. And some income. Then, we start planning the rest!
Hi Mary Ann, thank you for your comments!
I am wanting to give you more info but feel as this is public facing don’t feel comfortable.
Is there a way to privately message?
Thanks,
Jess
Jess, I can forward your email address to Mary Ann, if you like.
Dear Patty,
It’s OK with me if my email is shared with Jess. The details I know from my life experiences, of bumping and batting around the Earth, and of my 10 years of self-made real estate experiences, are rather many and large for this format, but might be helpful.
I Patty,
I actually have reflected and have received what I have needed to from the amazing amount of information in the comments, thank you so so much!
Mary Ann, I have sent your email address to Jess.
Dear Jess,
Patty Newbold has passed my email along to you, and I encourage you to reach out that way. I believe that there is much wisdom from life experience and business experience that may benefit you that I am willing to share with you.
I wish I could transform abandoned industrial plants into creative hubs also some ruined children camps to make fun and interactive playgrounds. I m private enterpreneer ,experienced in structural design about 12 years ,managied engineering projects for USA and Europe markets for 5 years..
Adore crafting: sew /crochet/ even made felt boots ones. the obstacle is no budjet to start
Then you need to start small, Luba. But you need to start by doing any part of this that you love.
For example, you could start with a monthly Meet Up for other folks who are creative with fiber crafts. You can sell your crafts to begin affording to advertise creative gatherings where you make a profit, with your fiber crafting friends among your paying audience or your presenters.
Or you could start by offering your structural design expertise to a non-profit organization that might later go in with you on a grant application. Don’t offer to be the designer. That’s too big a donation. But perhaps a reviewer, giving their board guidance on the plans being offered to them.
Make connections or money at each step on the journey, and you’ll get there.
Dear Luba,
I live in a fairly large city in the U.S.A. with an extensive system of parks. There are also county parks nearby. In my city, the Parks Department recently (within the last 5 years or so ago) did just that. They totally renovated a worn-down picnic area into a very fun and interactive kids’ playground. So, my suggestion is to forget about “the lack of a budget to start,” and try to begin by seeing if you can get hired–bring them your gifts of experience and expertise–see if you can get hired to design/build a playground somewhere. In addition to parks and recreation centers, there are certain communities within major cities undergoing community improvement projects. Like putting in community gardens and playground spaces. So, I would suggest going to county and city government officials–to councils, or local or regional governing bodies–to see what projects are in the proposal or planning stages, and what is scheduled to be built, and go from there. You may also wish to write up a proposal or design for a typical playground, so that, upon making an appointment to see the right people, you could present this, just as an example of what you can do. This could be presented to individuals, council members, or to an entire council, at one of their meetings, or to a board at their board meeting. It might turn them on. But I would assess the need, and the desire, by talking to people first. And then, the problem of a budget vanishes, because they love you and want you to work for them!
As to the crafting, I love Patty Newbold’s suggestions for you. The more craft fairs you can enter with a variety of the best of your goods, the better, and it would be very helpful, if you aren’t already doing it, to join a crafter’s guild or group. There are knitting groups, quilting groups, and fiber arts groups. I even have a friend who is in a gourd group. They are all gourd artists who make the most amazing decorative objects out of gourds.
Oh, and also, around here and in the next county, within the last 10 years or so, a number of Community Centers have been built. Since it rains a lot here, and for a lot of the year, these places provide indoor recreation, like basketball, for instance, and there are indoor classroom/meeting spaces, and I think there are indoor dance spaces too. These are meant to be community hubs where people can come to engage in a variety of activities. How did they get built? With government funds. Taxpayer dollars.
I hope that these ideas are useful, and that you are able to turn something up.
Hello Everyone here!
I am Shweta, from India. I got to know about Barbara Sher through a friend of mine. I recently watched the youtube TEDX video – Isolation is the dream-killer, not your attitude and I was humbled by the work. And I immediately wanted to check out and connect with success team. But I didn’t. It was hard to be vocal about what I want. But then, I also wanted to do it. And after 2 weeks, here I am.
I am an actor, writer and healthcare clown. I have written many songs in English for 4 years now. I want to make a single musical video. The language of the song is English.
I have spoken to music producers here, but somehow I don’t move forward.
My obstacle is the difficulty to believe in this project wholly. My inability in finding the right music producers and my inability to trust the people in the process. And finally the money to make it happen, but I also have some savings that I can pull out.
That is where I am right now. Thank you for hearing!
Hi, Shweta, please join Stage32.com!
It is a collaborative international platform for creatives. Join lounges, take classes, collaborate with people on the projects, take classes, etc.
Talk to people about your project. Come to “introduce yourself” weekend.
Best of luck!
Natalya
P.S. what is a “healthcare clown”? Are you in healthcare trying to transition into acting/music in general?
What a great resource, Natalya. Thank you for sharing this. I hope it’s a great help to Shweta.
I had missed this. Sorry for writing this late. Thank you so much natalya. Will join stage32.
In very short, Healthcare clowns work in hospitals aiming to provide relief and comfort in those tough environments.
I have been an actor always, its been 3 years I also work as a healthcare clown now.
Dear Shweta,
I think that somehow, any way that you can, getting into a Success Team will be vital to being able to move forward the way you want to. You’ll be able to get connections, clout, and there will be the weekly meetings as the “accountability factor,” and a built-in cheering section, which is what we all need when it seems like it is all steeply uphill. You’d be amazed at who knows who and who knows how to get what done in a Success Team. I’ve personally experienced this, and have seen others personally experience this. It’s really dynamite! That’s my best suggestion. If there are none in your area, Patty Newbold, our webmaster, has been running them on line from time to time.
We really need to find another Sher Success Teams Anywhere Leader in Europe! That time zone difference with India–9.5 hours in summer, 10.5 in winter–makes it hard to find two hours a week when we’re both awake.
Hi Patty,
I am in Europe – I have never done a success team before what is involved in being a team leader?
Jess
I’m in Europe too (England) and would also be interested to learn what is involved in being a team leader..
Jess and Ana, you can read more about the Sher Success Teams Leader Kit here:
https://shersuccessteams.com/
Dear Shweta,
There’s someone I know who’s in the film industry. He’s an American actor, musician, and multi-talented artist. He owns his own film production company, has been in many movies including at least one musical, and has directed more than one movie. In addition to his acting career, he goes on international tours across Europe with his rock band. In spite of his celebrity status, he is not immune to helping others. He has been known to do it. I think that it is a long shot, but that it may be possible to get in touch with him through his publicist, rather than any other avenue. Finding that person may be problematical, though. This multi- talented person is the American actor, Johnny Depp. If you can get through to his publicist, and they were helpful to you, you’d be hitting a gold mine of information.
Another way, and somewhat quicker, is that I am affiliated with a theater group which every year produces musicals. I don’t know what they know about making music videos, however, because they do all their performances live. But I can ask. I will try to find out from them if they know anything.
This is actually a follow-up reply to Schweta. I did contact the theater producer, but she was of no help, directly. She did suggest to simply Google “How to make musical videos,” and thought that a lot of information would come up. I hope that helps. It may be a start, and be easier than getting through to Mr. Depp’s publicist, but I would still give it the long shot, because, as I say, it would likely be a gold mine of information, if you could. In between his acting career and his rock band performances, Johnny Depp gets dressed up in his Captain Jack Sparrow costume, and fully ready to play the part, goes into various children’s hospitals and entertains children, especially those with cancer. He says that if he can bring a smile, or maybe a giggle, to these children, it means everything to him. So, in his own way, he has been a health care clown. Because he sure teases and jokes around when he’s with the children. And they love it.
So, it’s a long shot, but just maybe! And if it works, hey! But try the publicist, not the fan base. I think you’ll get lost in the furor if you go the fan route. Try to rise above it, if you can. He has starred in at least one musical, but has not produced any of his own, that I’m aware of. Still, a good fit, I think, if you could ever get through to him somehow.