How Does the Online Idea Party Work?
You have a dream or a wish, and an obstacle to getting there. (If you don’t think you know your wish, work through my kick-starter and read this post. To learn why you must put logic aside to find your dream, read the following.)
The online Idea Party is here to help you – and the other fellow party goers – with your wishes and obstacles.
Voices from Success Teams and Idea Parties:
Having a team to report to and hearing what everybody did each week is very exciting. It’s kept me moving all year. In the past I made some good starts on my own, but found, every time, when the energy ran out, I ran out. Now it doesn’t run out.
Jade G.
Children’s Playroom Therapist, New York Hospital
I would do a painting a year, a sketch a year. If it was only me I know I would never do it. Having to tell you makes all the difference. It’s crazy why I didn’t do this years ago, it’s so easy all of a sudden.
Caroline R. Personnel Executive, Macy’s Dept Store
Post Your Wish and Your Obstacle Here!
And help your team mates out when you can. Use the Reply link to help, the form below the comments to add your own Wish and Obstacle.
(Your first comment below has to be approved, so it may not display instantly depending on the time of the day. Once your email address is approved you can post instantly. If you want your own profile photo to show up beside your comments, instead of the cute little design, upload your photo on Gravatar.com and give them an hour or so to make it happen.)
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Wow, there are so many interesting and inspiring people here! I’m so glad I found your club. Thank you, Barbara!!!!
I’ve been wondering for the last year or so what happened to my energy? What happened to my excitement for life? Didn’t know whether to blame it on menopausal hormones or remnants of my dysfunctional childhood or being unemployed. And now, reading all these posts that have me buzzing with pure excitement I get it. Somewhere along the line I got away from Barbara Sher’s honest-to-goodness wisdom and got hooked into New Age Self-Help Books (the first one was free) that promised the moon and left me with nothing but the nagging feeling that I’m failing. So, I had to read more Self-Help books. And more, and even more, which sent me spiraling deeper and deeper into nowhere land. I’ve been staying up way too late at night reading Self-Help books and waking up too tired to do anything but read those darn books. All I have to show for it is the leaning tower of Self Help books cluttering up my bedroom. Yes, my name is Melissa, and I’m a Self-Help book junkie. It wasn’t always this way. I used to be one of Barbara’s girls. A scanner with a planner. I taught dream analysis seminars, wrote a play that got produced, designed and made my own wedding dress, designed and knitted hats for high end boutiques, adapted a historical novel into a screenplay, even became a Feng Shui consultant to a few celebrities. It was great! I just sort of got off track after a painful divorce and having to move back home with my mother, who has had a lot of health problems, and then developed health issues of my own coupled with financial issues that are pretty scary.
With that said….
My wish is to get the screenplay I wrote made into a movie and to finish my novel and have it become a bestseller. I’d also like to get the play I wrote submitted to other theaters and/or maybe turn it into a screenplay. One man told me that when he came to see it he was very tired and expected to fall asleep, but found himself more engaged in it than he was when he saw Cats on Broadway. A woman told me that she liked it far more than a play she saw on the west end in London. Numerous people said it was the best play they’d ever seen at that theater. Basically, I got loads of compliments and gales of laughter during the performances. One man even fell to the floor and was rolling in the aisle he was laughing so hard. AND YET, I’ve been absolutely stuck for five years after the curtains closed. I can’t even look at my writing. Why? Because a woman I considered a long-time friend, someone I deeply admired and respected wrote in our community theater newsletter that my mother and I were pleased with the show. As though we were the only ones! I felt publicly shamed and humiliated. And back stabbed! She had worked on the costumes and laughed all during the rehearsals right beside me. I have been telling myself ever since that I’m waaaaaaaaay too sensitive to be a writer. That I don’t have what it takes. That I’m not smart enough, not funny enough, don’t have enough experience, not disciplined enough, etc. etc. So, my main obstacle is me. And, there is also the reality that I need to earn a living somehow. Right now I’m getting unemployment, but it’s not going to last forever. I keep thinking I should go back to school and become an accountant or a paralegal, but I can’t seem to find the energy to sign up for school. I’m shocked that I’ve reached 50 years old and have no job skills. And, I’m living in central California where the unemployment rate is so high people with master’s degrees can’t even get a job flipping burgers. I’m frankly scared and embarrassed to be in this predicament. I’ve cared for my mother through numerous cancer surgeries and a heart operation and now her memory is slipping. She’s so confused I can’t leave her alone. Ideally, I’d find a way to make a living from home and still have time (and motivation) to write and take care of her. Any ideas?
I hear some depression, and you’ve certainly earned the right to it – being out of work plus everything else that happened. I’d take it easy on myself. When you’re depressed your energy is low and you’re very sensitive, so every slight or cruel comment knocks you down to the ground. When you find yourself fixated on it, that’s not only depression it means the event triggered something similar in your past. The only thing I can recommend without knowing you better is (and you probably won’t want to do this, but you should) to help animals (if you love animals), or see if there’s a volunteer program in your local hospital for holding and walking with newborns whose mothers aren’t able to, or be a free assistant to someone who’s teaching English as a Second Language. I hear that the people who attend those classes are simply wonderful, courageous people – of all ages – trying to do something very difficult, and everyone who helps falls in love with them. It puts you in the middle of a nice, busy, warm-hearted project and gets your mind off yourself until the depression diminishes. But picking yourself up by your bootstraps won’t work. And I see nothing wrong with going to a psychopharmacologist and asking if there’s any medication that would help, at least until you’re back to your old self.
Thank you Barbara for replying to my post! It took me awhile to get back here to see it, but I’m glad I did. I have been doing what you said: volunteering to help others. I’ve been feeding and helping a homeless man and his dog. Making sure they don’t starve or freeze. I am feeling better than I was. My main dream is to get my screenplay submitted. I know an entertainment lawyer who has sold a number of screenplays and who has asked to read it. My main obstacle is this feeling that I don’t have a thick enough skin to be a writer. If I just knew that I had a way to make an income, knew that I would never starve, I’m sure I could handle whatever I had to go through on the road to getting my screenplay produced. But with only $800 in unemployment a month I’m banking so much on it selling I would be DEVASTATED if it didn’t. And when that runs out if I don’t have a solid income I’m in trouble. I’ve lived the life of a scanner and somehow have survived for 50 years on this planet, but without any solid career skills it’s always been below-the-poverty-line survival. Now my 83 year old mother is needing a lot of help during the day so being gone all day at some office would be very difficult and yet I need the income from a career more than ever. I’ve had dreams that said I should trust my writing as a source of income, I don’t know why I find it so hard to do.
🙂 Well, as a single mom of two kids for many years I never trusted my writing as a source of income. I still don’t. Getting a book deal is always touch and go, and it’s always a surprise when it happens. So I wouldn’t trust that dream for practical advice. That’s the kind of stuff you described in your first post that got you into trouble in the first place. Here’s down-to-earth, it’s-so-nice-to-pay-the-rent Barbara: Keep your writing separate from your plans about income. If you’re the best playwright living today, you’re still 10 years from making dependable money (or maybe there is no such thing as dependable money in writing plays). Not because of the quality of your work but because of the state of theater world for a very long time. Good plays aren’t always money-makers for a theater or a producer. And they need to make money.
Find another way to make money and write the plays that make you happy. I know this letter is months old, but I hope my response helps you and maybe other people who read it.
Remember, you don’t rent out your kids, you don’t sell the flowers you grow in your yard, and you don’t demand that your dog gets a job. Some things are for love, and loving your work is the most basic requirement for high quality.
Hi – I’m a programmer and had a great career where I’m at, until 2006 when my body decided to tell me it didn’t like the pressures and I came down with Shingles and was told to let off the stress. I took the advice and subsequently, my career began a slow spiral down until I’m very close to being let go at this time here in 2011. I’m glossing over a lot of things to get to the main points, but I discovered during this time frame that I enjoyed the paranormal and writing as well as doing a radio show on BlogTalkRadio that ultimately led to me doing on-Air mediumship and readings for people. I absolutely love the work and it is *so* much more rewarding that the job I’m in. I feel I’m meant to help people and to live this life with the second half of my life being dedicated to helping others and to make my living in this line of work.
The obstacle is, in this crazy economy, to turn the corner and change this to a career I can truly make a living at, even if the first year or so might be a bit less pay than I’d like, just as long as I’m growing and doing better and better at it. Ultimately, I want to do the work in such a way as to make it my work life for the rest of my life!
My skills are reading and sensing what people are about, writing, on-air radio, computers and technology and having been born with that extra something that lets me sense things that are not easily explained. I’m half scientist and the other half is the human who appreciates and understands that the unknown realities and worlds are out there to be explored and appreciated.
My weaknesses are that I’m certainly not a businessman, nor an agent or filled with in-depth connections in the business of mediumship itself, save for my current radio work. I dislike being in boring jobs and do not thrive in them and have discovered, at age 52, I’m not fond of being sidelined or told that I’m too old for a job or unskilled for the new work coming up.
My strengths are that I never give up, that I trust my instincts and that I’m not about to accept the pre-made roles some bunch of self-limiting people want to foist on me. To hell with that!
I’m very clear on what I do know that I can see for myself… I can see myself reading people in large audiences, being on radio and television and being comfortable and rewarded with the experiences that go with such a career and life-choice. I can see writing and creative expression being right in there with all of this. It is my deepest desire to reach this goal and to do it honestly and ethically with my heart leading the way and my mind balancing things out to make it all work.
Hi, Jon.
Maybe I can help a little bit with this. I flirted with the idea of turning psychic skills into a career, and here are some of the things I did to help that along:
–I participated in psychic fairs. You earn some money and it gets you out in the community and visible.
–I worked a psychic hotline. Not a huge amount of money (despite the clients paying huge amounts of money, just not to me personally LOL). Ultimately I found that route kind of slimy and the clients more in need of psychological counseling than a psychic, but I did feel that I was helping them.
–I worked parties, which was actually loads of fun. I was even hired by a few corporate clients to work promotion events.
–I took private clients.
I didn’t stick with it long enough to really build it, but I think it would have worked.
Also, a bad economy is actually a good time for psychics. When people have money or job troubles, they sometimes turn to psychics. And you can help!
Study the lives of successful psychics like Jon Edwards. Find out how they built up their businesses.
Maybe also work up some interesting presentations about some kind of paranormal subject, and submit yourself to a speaker’s bureau. You can earn money for speaking plus get your name out there. People are always looking for interesting speakers.
Good luck!
Kara
http://karalennox.wordpress.com
Hi Kara – appreciate your response – I’ve seen the same things as you – Am wanting to avoid the “slimy” side of it and to avoid that side of it – I want to keep the ethics in place and operate at the level of what a John Edward or John Holland do. I’m actually going to visit John Edward at one of his events in January to do just as you mention.
I’ve seen some evidence of the psychological issues you talk of and know what you mean with some clients – Definitely a big world out there and lots of odd things you run into.
I’ve thought of developing courses and doing speaking like you mentioned – I’ve been busy writing a book about the life I’ve led with all of this and also think it would make sense to develop a range of items to create a working enterprise – it just takes time to develop the whole thing and become your own brand. The biggest thing I’ve noticed with the successful mediums out there is that they do strike me as extremely ethical and always warn about developing a healthy respect for keeping your ego in check and knowing what you can handle.
What changed your course from following it through to the end?
Jon
Jon–
It was really strange, but I discovered that I didn’t enjoy the process as much when people were paying for it. I found this pressure to “deliver,” and though most of my readings were helpful and accurate, occasionally I would just draw a blank or I would have to tell someone something they didn’t want to hear, and they would be unhappy with me.
I still do a party now and then and I read for friends. I love parties, because the people you read for aren’t the ones paying.
I’d love to hear how the visit with Jon Edwards goes. I was in a live audience of his once, before he was super famous. But he didn’t have any messages for me. 🙁
Kara
http://karalennox.wordpress.com
Hi Jon,
I’d be happy to help you set up some live video readings on the internet if you’re interested.
We interviewed Jeffery Wands a while back, amazing reading!
Email me if it sounds interesting and you’d like to explore this further.
Kris
kris@wellnes.comkradio.com
http://wellnesstalkradio.com
oops..that’s kris@wellnesstalkradio.com…
http://wellnesstalkradio.com
Hi all , I am D. and I really don’t know which is my dream ; I believe it may be that I want to connect with myself more, to learn how to love myself no matter what , to have peace and to leave depression and anxiety behind.
I don’t feel the need to work but I am terrified that someday I might divorce my husband and have no means to support myself.
I discovered recently that I am very creative – I love making jewelery .
I would love to live in another country , to travel a lot , but not sure how could that be possible with my food allergies and sensitivities and being financially dependent by my husband.
I would also loved to live in a cottage , to see hills and forests each morning when I get up , but that would mean that I would be too lonely .
I would love to have a romantic relationship , one that is based on respect and tenderness , with a warm hearted man, but right now I am still married with a bully.
so , I have many desires but nothing seems to pop up like a huge dream.
my main obstacle would be the lack of clarity ,I guess.
I come from a disfunctional family and childhood and I have spent my last 7 years trying to fix the emotional traumas which still lived in me ; not yet cured , but I am better now.
I am now reading my first BS book and doing the exercises , but I am still stucked.
(I also bought today the e-course “discover your dream”).
on top of that , I have no friends to ask opinions from ; I had to stay isolated to keep myself away from ex-clients , relatives and friends who chased me to come back to my former profession (therapist/counselour) which I no longer want to do .
not sure what to say more except that I need some advice.
thank you.
Please, get some counseling re; your unhappy marriage. I think that has to be your first step. There may be options you aren’t aware of. It’s very hard to figure out what you want when you are in an unhealthy relationship.
I wish you the best,
Kara
http://karalennox.wordpress.com
thank you Kara ; I am already doing that for quite some time .
I hope I’ll get more clarity .
Reply to Kris–
I guess we ran out of tiers on my message, I couldn’t reply to your reply.
Anyway–In traditional publishing, I truly believe it’s not really who you know. I have a personal relationship with at least one editor in every big house out there. They all are willing to read submissions from me. My own dear editor at Harlequin has championed a couple of books for me with the publisher’s single-title imprint (Mira Books) where I’ve gotten as far as to the “committee.” I’ve been represented by an agent who works for one of the biggest New York literary agencies.
The books I write usually are romantic suspense of some type. Sometimes they are more in the vein of police procedural thriller, sometimes romantic mysteries. Sometimes paranormal romances. I even wrote a chick-lit book and a YA novel.
There is no question in my mind that I am a good enough writer to at least sell a bigger novel (never mind the NYT list for now–I need to cross that first hurdle of selling to a major publisher). It’s a combination of talent and being in the right place at the right time. It seems to me I’ve had stupendously bad luck–always a near miss, to the point where it feels like I have a curse!
I appreciate your interest so much. I was really feeling sorry for myself when I wrote that first post, but I know I just have to keep trying.
Kara
http://karalennox.wordpress.com
PS You can still reply under the original comment and start a new “tier” inside the same DS
Hi Kara,
Yeah,I couldn’t figure out the reply thing either…so replied to my own post and figured you’d figure it out. Thanks for clarifying things Helen.
I get the “feeling sorry for oneself” deal. Been Producing this Radio Show for 5! years now, originally to help people get healthy and solve problems for themselves, HA!.Awsome people came my way (and continue to) but I have failed at monetizing it well so far. Stressful!
You inspired me to actually READ wishcraft again, rather than SPEED read it. Working the flow chart today.wow! SO thanks.
Regarding your comment,
”
It’s a combination of talent and being in the right place at the right time. It seems to me I’ve had stupendously bad luck–always a near miss, to the point where it feels like I have a curse!”
I get that! You should hear the stories of my adventures will illness in the family after starting a”wellness” show…ah well…at least now I know God has a sense of humor!
The publishing (and radio!)world is in a really weird place right now, as I’m sure you know.
Do you read Seth Godin? That might inspire you, it does me.
Best wishes,
Kris
http://www.wellnesstalkradio.com
Thanks, I will look up Seth Godin.
http://karalennox.wordpress.com
I first read Wishcraft in 1985 and I’ve been following my dreams ever since. I went from depressed, broke and working a stressful job I hated, living in a place I hated, to being a self-employed author of 60+ romance novels, happily married and living in Southern California. All good.
But here is my dream: to be a New York Times Best-selling author. And here is my obstacle: Despite writing numerous “big books” (i.e. not Harlequin Romances) and getting them submitted and read by dozens of editors at major publishing houses, I have not been able to sell one. I can no longer see a “next step,” I can only see myself in this vicious circle of writing yet another book and getting another round of rejections. I’ve had close calls. I’ve had literary agents–really good ones–who believed in me send my stuff out, and got more rejections.
I’m just really frustrated right now.
I can’t seem to sell anything but category romance novels (Harlequins) and my average income has been barely enouth to survive.For the past twenty years, I have been writing and submitting
http://karalennox.wordpress.com
Hi Kara,
Congrats on your success as a romance publisher!
What are the books you’re trying to get published about?
Have you thought about self publishing?
Kris
http://www.wellnesstalkradio.com,http://www.broadcastontheinternet.net
Hi, Kris, thanks for your response.
For various reasons, self-publishing isn’t an option for me right now. I actually have done a couple of self-published books. I hate it, and there’s very little chance that a self-published book would lead to the kind of success I’m looking for.. Nothing about it excites me.
I guess I just feel stalled right now. I feel like there ought to be some new strategy. I am working on a new book, at least.
Kara
http://karalennox.wordpress.com
Hi Kara,
Nice website!
You mentioned needing a “new strategy”
Can you elaborate on that?
Kris
http://www.wellnesstalkradio.com,http://www.broadcastontheinternet.net
Kris–
Thanks!
Okay, well, I feel like one of those “Yes, but” people. But … There are only so many ways to sell a book to a major publisher. You have to write a really good book, and it has to fit somewhere into some major publisher’s scheme. They have to look at it and think, “I know how to sell that.” Or, “This book is so friggin’ awesome, I’m going to figure out a way to sell it.” I write the best books I know how to write. I try different genres, I write something safe, I write something risky, and still I haven’t sold. The only thing I can think of to do is write yet another book, send it out, and hope THIS one succeeds. Which is exactly what I will … I see no other choice. Thanks, by the way, for taking an interest.
Kara
http://karalennox.wordpress.com
from my vantage point(interviewing bestselling authors) it more about who you know, how much marketing you can do etc.
sounds like you’ve got great connections already in the publishing world. can any of those folks help out? what are your books about?
Kris
http://www.wellnesstalkradio.com , http://www.broadcastontheinternet.net
Hi Kara,
self-publishing could be an option, instead of waiting for a big publisher to take on an unpublished script. Some self-published books and authors has been noticed and signed by major publishers too.
Some inspiration:
http://indiereader.com/2011/04/introducing-indiereader%E2%80%99s-indiebook-best-seller-list%C2%AE/
http://www.nwbooklovers.org/2011/09/20/best-selling-self-published-author-is-not-an-oxymoron-a-conversation-with-thriller-author-l-j-sellers/
Much more on the web about this!
Hi, Helen, thanks for the suggestion.
For every self-published book that hits it big, there are ten thousand that don’t. I don’t like those odds. I actually have self-published books before–my husband owns a small publishing company. Self-publishing simply isn’t a good route for me–the biggest reason being, it doesn’t get me excited.
That said, I’ll check out those links you sent. The publishing world is changing very quickly.
Kara
http://karalennox.wordpress.com
Hi Kara,
just walked in on your conversation.
Can you afford to stop writing your romance novels for some time? It just strikes me that to produce something distinctly different from what you normally write, you need to really mentally change tracks. I imagine it’s extremely difficult to simply switch between “harlequin- production- mode” and “literary writing”, so the one might still be more tangible in the other than you – or a publisher – might wish.
So my recommendation would be: if at all possible, allow yourself a break in your day- to day- writing routine and for a while channel your creativity entirely into the flow of your big novel.
Best,
Sula
Sula–
You bring up a very good point. Sometimes I can take time off; I’ll be finishing up a contract this month, then writing a proposal for the next contract. While I wait for a decision to be made on that, I have time to play with other things. But Harlequin is something of a treadmill; I have to keep at it if I want to earn a living.
Now, to complicate matters, I’m going to work on a TV script based on my book series.
Kara
Hi,
Thank you Barbara Sher for this website and all the work you do!
My goal is pretty simple. I want to achieve financial independence. The obstacle is all from within me. The obstacle is that I don’t believe I can do it.
I’m 30 years old and have been in school most of my life. I’ve never had a paid job. I graduated from medical school but was miserable. So now I’m in the process of taking classes to go into the accounting field.
But there is a nagging feeling within me that is it not possible. I don’t know how to go about getting a job or internship in the accounting field. I’m just very scared it won’t happen. But I’m glad that I found this Idea Party so I can start to turn this negative thinking around.
Hi, Rekha:
Your self doubt may come from people long ago, back in your childhood telling you that you can’t do it. These inner voices are not telling you the truth. Recognizing that is the first step.
If you graduated medical school and are now taking accounting classes that means you must be darn smart. You seem to be going after left brain pursuits. Maybe you are more right brain. Have you read What Color is your Parachute? Get a copy and do the exercises. It will help a lot.
http://www.zebracorn.com
Rekha… would you be willing to do ANY job and get paid for it? Just as a fun exercise. Even at home, or amongst your friends or relatives, etc.. Anything, from re-arranging cupboards, to picking up someone’s laundry, running an errand, something, anything- can you see yourself, doing SOMETHING and getting paid for it? Even if its $5 an hour? Dont see it as a ‘job’, see it as a fun exercise, if seeing it as a job brings up discomfort (does it?) , then tell yourself (and others) you are doing some research about work ethics and payments blah blah (make something up). Your goal is to get paid for doing something for someone.
Can you try this?
Hi Malijoss,
Thanks for your reply!
Am I willing to do any job? Honestly I’m not sure. Maybe that means the answer is no. I think the idea of doing certain jobs scares me. And yes the word “job” does bring out discomfort. It’s unknown territory to me and therefore really terrifying.
If I think about it – if I was paid to do someone’s errands…I wouldn’t mind that so much.
And you are right…seeing it as a fun exercise is very helpful.
The thing that has been tripping me up is that I don’t know how to go about getting a job – any job. Maybe that sounds weird to others? And people constantly scare me by talking about the bad economy and how it’s hard to get a job. So it just makes me feel even more scared.
Hi Virginia,
Thanks so much for your response!
I did in fact purchase the Parachute book a few years ago and did the exercises. Then I purchased the latest version a few months ago and did the exercises again.
After I did the exercises I felt a bit unsatisfied. I don’t know why. I think maybe it’ll help more once I actually start working and get a real world sense of what I like and dislike in a job. Maybe then I’ll get more out of the exercises?
You made a good point about the left vs right brain stuff. I never thought about it much. Maybe I’ll read a bit more about left vs right brain thinkers.
I agree that it may be something deep rooted and possibly from childhood. My parents have not been that emotionally supportive of me. I live in their house and they provide for me financially but not having the emotional support really hurts. My dad made a comment to my mother that my college education was a waste of money because it’s not like I’m working and independent now anyway. He compares his children a lot to the other people our age who are working as doctors or bankers and making lots of money and just wants his children to be like those people.
I have read all of the Barbara books and decided to free myself. But my fear is tormenting me. I am a school teacher for languages and literature and hate what I do. I try to become an author (poetry, short stories, a novel in process), to write and sell articles on a freelancer basis, translate, and teach languages for adults. I am a German, living in Germany and earning well as a teacher working for the state. I want to emigrate to Italy to live with my Italian husband.
My problem: financial situation in Italy, I’d give up German securities for a risky thing, everybody tells me I’d not earn a cent. I am scared to death to do the step out of the comfort zone, even though I simply hate my current life as a teacher and my life in Germany.
Any idea how to make that a bit safer? (I’ve not published yet, I only keep writing)
Hi, Barbara. I just found out about this new site from Barbara Winter’s blog. I have been going to your forum for years.
Anyway, I have been planning my future life for years. I have a notebook for every interest and have several ideas for passive income.
The problem is execution. When I have a dollar in my pocket I am so relaxed that I spend time making lists, using workbooks and planning my wonderful future life. When I don’t have a dollar I am so panicked that I can’t think or move forward.
I seem to be constantly inching forward but not moving very fast. How do I break this cycle?
http://www.zebracorn.com
Did you work on a flowchart? That should usually help a bit in terms of real process and not to lose yourself in just planning and never acting
I don’t use a flowchart. That would probably be a good idea. I use goal planner templates but I never stick to them. I will look into flowcharts to keep myself on track. Thanks. 🙂
Virginia
http://www.zebracorn.com
I just finished mine and I must say I am impressed by its structure. I finally have an overview and even though it’s shocking me to see how many things need to be solved it’s at least a help 🙂 good luck
I made a spreadsheet a couple of years ago but it was just another to-do list. No time lines.
http://www.zebracorn.com