Barbara Sher’s Idea Party


How Does the Online Idea Party Work?

You have a dream or a wish, and an obstacle to getting there. (If you don’t think you know your wish, work through my kick-starter and read this post. To learn why you must put logic aside to find your dream, read the following.)

The online Idea Party is here to help you – and the other fellow party goers – with your wishes and obstacles.

Voices from Success Teams and Idea Parties:

Having a team to report to and hearing what everybody did each week is very exciting. It’s kept me moving all year. In the past I made some good starts on my own, but found, every time, when the energy ran out, I ran out. Now it doesn’t run out.
Jade G.
Children’s Playroom Therapist, New York Hospital

I would do a painting a year, a sketch a year. If it was only me I know I would never do it. Having to tell you makes all the difference. It’s crazy why I didn’t do this years ago, it’s so easy all of a sudden.
Caroline R. Personnel Executive, Macy’s Dept Store

Post Your Wish and Your Obstacle Here!

And help your team mates out when you can. Use the Reply link to help, the form below the comments to add your own Wish and Obstacle.

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4,426 thoughts on “Barbara Sher’s Idea Party

  1. There is no reply button below Sara’s most recent comment, but here’s my response.
    Oh, Sara, what good news! Prayers work; I really believe in them! This news has made my day, my week, my month, my . . . . well, you get it! No having to worry about horses or being tied down to owning a tea shop now.

    • Thank you so much Mary Ann, for your guidance, your prayers and inspiring stories. These definitely got me on track with the jobhunting.

      And yeey no worries on any ownerships or horse ride messes… very happy I really lost my motivation today. And Im happy to start learning new things. And this news already makes me feel much better physically.


      • Short update:
        Last month I worked at the restaurant and it makes me feel hapoy, its hard work but I like the work. The feedback of guests on my plates that go out are very positive also my collegues and bosses appreciate my harmonious teamwork, hard work and joyfull attitude as they toldme in their feedback. Unfortunately they did not schedule enough hours not make enough hours to meet my ends (can not pay for my rent, so Im in trouble. My main job wil start Sept 1st, so Im very occupied with finding a third job for July/August to make more money next to working as a cook at the restaurant.

        But in spite of the money issue it all makes me feel good. Lost weight, depression is gone. Don’t think I will find a men soon because I spend most of my time at work and the men there are in a relationship, except the owner. That is only one..

        Obstacles: money short, rest is solved.

  2. I’m here because I don’t know what it is I want to do with my life, and I’m 62! I have tried several things, and I have even been in one of Barbara’s WriteSpeak groups several years ago. I’m always on the verge of knowing what I want, but I don’t seem to be able to articulate it. I almost said on the verge of knowing what “I’m supposed to do”. Lol, tired doing that! My only obstacles at this point are me, myself, and I. I tend to do anything else my mind comes up with besides searching for the answer to the question, what do I want? Even when meditating. Even when coming here to join the Idea party! I spent time reading and replying to messages before writing this!

    Patty, I do remember that the writing exercise Barbara led us through on the initial online meeting – before week 1, was eye opening for me. I think I will try it again and see if I can go deeper with it.

    Thanks in advance!!!

    • Dear Jackye,
      I think Patty knows more than I do about this, because I’ve never been in Write Speak. And so I don’t know what the writing exercise is. But it looks to me like you get right up to the “Starting Gate” and then don’t go through the chute and out into the rodeo. Something stops you every time. Resistance!! All of us creative types have it. I have it big time, as I’m trying to bring a number of projects to fruition in my own life. It senses danger and wants to protect us from it. Barbara has said that the only useful and lasting way to reduce fear is to reduce the danger that’s causing it. And that comes about by getting support (Think Success Team) and think being able to support others as they support you, and it comes about by taking things in little steps, as little as possible.
      In the coaching that I’ve done, I have told people that I fully believe that people have several talents, not just one or zero like they think they have. And these have much to do with what they are good at, that they love doing. You wouldn’t love it if you weren’t good at it. And there are things like typing and floor mopping and bookkeeping that I’m good at, but I don’t love. Not by a country mile. And Barbara wanted us to spend our time on doing what we love. As much as possible.
      So, I haven’t been in Write Speak, so I can’t address the exercise. But here are some “bread crumbs” to follow: This is not about “supposed to’s”, as you know. Have you ever done the Ideal Day exercise out of Wishcraft? Wishcraft is a very powerful book, and it, right along with being in a good Success Team, changes lives. I was in one that met for 3 1/2 years in Seattle, and I know. The combination of those two things was dynamite.
      Another bread crumb: What, besides writing, is something that you love (operational word here–love) that you’re good at? Obviously, you must have some writing talent, or you wouldn’t have been in Write Speak. Another Bread Crumb that Barbara has had people do when they are having trouble unearthing this is to take a piece of paper and number down the side, 1-20. And list 20 things you love to do. Twenty??!? Yes, 20. There are various ways at getting at hidden talent, but that’s one of them.
      Another Bread Crumb: We tend to get so cerebral that we forget to take delight in life. I do that a lot! But picture a life where you do what you love, and live the way you love, every day. Wow! Sound impossible? Try the Ideal Day exercise, and then break it down into what’s in existence in your life now, and see if you and your team can design action steps that you can take right away to get some of the juice of life, the honey of life, flowing to you. Beyond this, it may be that you are a Scanner. Barbara wrote a whole book about Scanners, called Refuse to Choose. I hope there’ll be a book club on that pretty soon, and on her other masterpiece, I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was. These book clubs help a lot. Barbara was all for the most direct approach, and the quickest, fastest approach, to getting anywhere. These are a few bread crumbs, that might lead in the right direction. I sure hope they do.

      • Thank you Mary Ann! Yes indeed-o, I recognize my problem as fearing to succeed. Funny because I always excelled in my employment – but that wasn’t for me, that was for my employer!

        I’ve read several of Barbara’s books, but not “Wishcraft”. With you and Sara both recommending it, I’m downloading it and reading it this evening!

        I’d tell you about the writing exercise, but it was so surprising and effective when you first hear it and do it that I would be doing you a disservice to tell you more about it. Perhaps Patty has information on where or how you can try it.

        Thanks so much! And much love to you!

    • Dear Jackey,

      I’m not experienced in this, but what sure helped me is the book that is provided on this website for download. This is the book Wishcraft of Barbara Sher. It guides you with exercises in each chapter to getting your wants clear and it explains a lot on resistance and on the importance of wants.

      Also on youtube there are videos of her speeches and explanations on the topic. More general on the topic

      The book and videos helped me to accept and get some understanding of my life that I thought of as chaotic and unfocused. Which I now see as a life of rich oppurtunities and very interesting talents and adaptivity. The book takes you step by step towards your wants and gives a lot of examples.

      Hopefully it can help you

    • Reading your message you seem to love to help people out. And you love to write. If that is correct there you have two wants already..
      Your wants do not have to be a “life mission” just list things you love to do, that are fun for you to do, that you enjoy while doing it. Think of it as a kind of bucketlist, not with the attempt to set your life goal with it.

      • Muah!!!!

        Thank you Sara. You see, I take some things about myself for granted and forget that they are unique passions. It is wonderful to hear your story of how you have learned to embrace your gifts. I’d say that helping others is one of your talents as well!

        Both you and Mary Ann recommended “Wishcraft”, and I will be reading it this evening! Thank you so much for your imput and true help.

        With much love.

    • That one will help you find your drive, the thing that can keep you going even as you switch up the services you offer, where you live, and how you spend your days!

    • Hi Jackye,
      Some thoughts:
      When meditating, it’s okay to have any thought, and just allow it to “be”, then watch it unravel, allow it to pass to the next thought. That’s it. That’s all you need to do. Just watch the thoughts float by and observe them as they pass. If your next thought is “I’m doing this wrong”, etc., then allow that thought, too. Don’t control anything; in fact, that’s part of the point of it.

      I’m saying this because you said the “should” word, and meditating is the process of allowing what is, here and now, to “be” without trying to control it.

      If you do this for 10 minutes every day, you will learn what you are really thinking and feeling in your core self, which will help you figure out what you’d like to do.

      Another idea:
      One Barbara Sher exercise that may work for you is this: do not write down what you want to do. Instead, right now, immediately write down a list of 10 things you would hate to do!

      Did you do it? :-). See how you were able to write the negative list? Heck, it’s even fun!

      Now, turn the page over and write the things you’d like to do. Don’t think of job titles, just things you would enjoy on a day off.

      I’m the same age and can relate to not knowing what to do but my reasons might be different than yours.

      One more thing: are you sure you don’t know what to do? I mean, is your wish “unrealistic” so you’re trying to find a lesser goal?

      These are just some thoughts I had which may or may not apply to you. Good luck!

    • Have you heard of psychedelic treatments ? It’s been around since the 50s which it got suppressed . I recently found out and I am seriously thinking yo give it a go. Usually the answer is inside us but it’s so buried deep inside that it’s almost impossible to find . What If that was a way to help you see clearly inside and access your deeper desire in life.

      I got inspired but real’s people stories about overcoming serious OCD,PTSD etc by using this technique and that’s what makes me consider it for me and others.

  3. There is no reply button for Sara, but here’s my reply.
    If you’re positive for COVID, omigod! I’ll send up some prayers. The other ones worked, at least to a degree, and so these will too.
    As to the pastry, this sounds right. My lineage is part Native American, half Celtic, and a quarter Bavarian and 1/8 German. I’ve seen pictures of that pastry a lot. And that’s probably why. I have never had any, but it sounds quite yummy. I think some of them are quite big. I think that some of them may even be about 9 inches to a foot across, or so. I wish I could tell you about the powerful antiviral Native American herbs that I use, but I can’t in this forum. I will pray.
    Meanwhile, keep all sugar, in all forms, out of your body, for it is a major immune destroyer–that’s my best advice.

    • Thank you Mary Ann, looks like I feel a little better today. Decided to see if I can invest a few minutes to get the jobhunting wheel going again.
      Have set my goal to getting out three to five applications today.
      If it were only to feel less destabilized when the IT job gives a no. I expect to hear from this company today or tomorrow.

      The restaurant has called me, I will be working there for a few days next week, unless I m not recovered yet. They were nice.

      Have been searching for all kind of pastry and tearoom vacancies, but there are not really much available. Found some beautiful bakeries and tearooms. I will go and visit some as soon as I get better, just for fun to enjoy and have a look. Actually with the tearoom/pastry thing, I notice that in my head I started to mould “my own tearoom” with every nice feature of other tearooms I discover. Also I feel very fascinated by the pretzel pastry. I looked up some recipes to bake some myself… It’s pretzels everywhere now. I was watching tv shortly yesterday and I saw a lady in a show wearing a ring of white gold shaped as an elegant, relatively huge pretzel on her finger. She was a millionair investor and in no way related to bakerystuff. I got the chills spotting a refined pretzel ring on her finger.
      So the pretzel era has begun…

      Well I dont know If I would ever want to own a tearoom/pastry/bakery/ It would be fun to do but owning a shop or store ore anything feels very restrictening/prisoning to me as a daily ongoing thing. But maybe Im wrong.

      Anyway upcoming applications will be in horsebusiness, so quite something else…
      Thank you for pointing out the ongoing pipelines concept for jubhunting. I see a pattern that I do stop moving assuming life is ok. I think that pattern is also with men. I must say I feel releaved to shift the view to creating ongoing options in life (pipelines) to keep things going, in order to develope and for safety. Wow..I think this is crucial to discover now from this position in life.

      • Dear Sara,
        The pipeline concept is something that Barbara and Patty Newbold presented to me a few years ago when I had relaxed too much during a job hunt. What is “horsebusiness?” Having a tearoom sounds cool, although I know that running a business can really be a lot more than a 40 hour week. I have made better money working for myself than for others throughout my life. So there is that angle to it. I’m glad the tearoom people are nice. Yay! In any food industry, it is vital to be healthy to work there. A restaurant I know of was shut down during high tourist season because of an employee who came to work sick with hepatitis, and spread it to a customer. That’s all it took to shut the whole place down. I’ll pray for you to be well.

        • Dear Mary Ann,
          In this case these are vacancies in IT. But not It companies but large important organizations related to certifications and horse-riding as a professional sport ad horse breeding.
          Blockage here is, I looove horses, they are very special and I used to treat the ones that had behavioural issues. Only the “horse culture” here, especially in horse-riding sports, I don’t really like, it is a very very closed off and strict community where money and scores (winners points) count. That does not feel comfortable to me.

          I will definitely have to be free of symptoms for three days before I can start working again at the restaurant so fingers crossed..

          Right now I started writing the first motivational letter of 3for my applications today, but I don’t feel “it”, with non of my 3 jobs that I planned to apply for today. I’ll take a break and see what I think of it later today.

          I agree with you on making more money for yourself than for others. My obstacle with owning a tearoom or shop or whatever is not the work it takes, but the fact you are responsible for being there every day at openings hours. When you need to take care of something and go somewhere you have to arrange it to do so. And going on a holiday needs a lot of planning with others as well (If I would ever, because last years I did not have a holiday due to lack of time or lack of money)
          So it’s more the inefficiency of being obliged to stay in a building during certain hours every day… that freaks me out when I think of it. (remembered that feeling from working in a store in my twenties)

          • The IT company called, I got the IT job!!! They want me for this position and were sure of it from the start in the first interview. I really had no clue. They want me to start September 1st.

  4. Hello Everyone,
    I’ll be volunteering at the Pebble Beach car show from Aug 19-21, 2022.
    The obstacle is that I didn’t get a hotel room in time and now everything (hotels, airbnbs, boutique hotels) is booked.
    Anyone know of a place I can stay around the Pebble Beach area?

      • I used on a roadtrip across the country and had great experiences! Henry, check it out! And if you decide to be a couch surfer, buy or make dinner or a dessert, or do something nice as a gift to your host. Life is an adventure!

    • Ideas, in case you’ve overlooked any of them: Move as close as possible to where the jobs and casting calls are. Take classes from working directors, so they get to know you (and to boost your resume). Organize parties or workshops for your fellow actors, so they think of you when they get well known enough or trusted enough to recommend you to casting on their next show. Invest in multiple photos and bios, so you have just the right one for any given casting call. (When doing casting calls for office workers, I used to toss any resume that showed the person looking like a gangster or a sex symbol. There were more than enough actors to choose from who looked the part in their photo.) Choose your day job to make it easier to get to more casting calls and to practice your craft, even in local theater groups or amateur productions by friends. Use every opportunity (podcasts, live workshops, etc.) to ask directors and producers what irks them and what delights them when dealing with actors. (I hired one several times and lost it when he claimed he needed another day off for the death of a third grandparent in the course of a year, always while on one of my training videos, which were short-term gigs.) If you do commercial video, everyone creating interactive videos will adore you if you master the art of returning your head to the same position after each bit of script. (Wow, did that save us money in post-production!) Watch at least some stage performances or movies hyper-attentively to learn from the actors and director, rather than to follow the story or enjoy their creations, and use what you notice at your next casting call. Be really nice to your paymaster’s staff; they talk.

  5. Dear Sara,
    I am offering life coaching, and for that, I am going to want a website. As a therapist, my appointments will either be handled in person or via phone calls. I will not be doing telehealth.

    • Ok thank you It’s clear to me now.
      In that case the shortest route to having a website would be the diy website constructions. I’m not aware of the options in the US, but I saw some possibilities mentioned here. If this is still a bridge too far, you can ask a student or anyone who has a little bit knowledge, to set one of these up for you and to explain to you how to put the content in. To find such a person, just ask around, maybe at your local PC store (they will probably not do it themselves but they might know a friend or a nephew whatever. Just make clear that it’s a easy di website you wish and you don;t know how to do it yourself. I would say a lot of teenagers that are interested in computers etc can do this, they often already did this for themselves. Other option is that the company that provides such diy websites heve a helpdesk to help you throug the set up. But that depends on the company and the quality of their services (I would recommend one with good service and a helpdesk that is indeed available for questions anyway)

      • hi
        i did not follow every single detail on this thread but you can start with a very simple page with templates or none ….i always call wix even 24 hours and they have a truly wonderful service with real people from all over the world speaking to you and will help you.

        I mean you can learn as you go and have your highlight and tesimonials and then learn as you go…..there are so many features..
        can a good calendar and chat feature..and there you go…
        if you need design support you can ask them too, they will find many choices…
        you can go as far as you want.

        At least you can blog and upscale as you go..

  6. Hi everyone,

    Is there a Barbaras club in the UK? Or do you all meet up online in a Teams call or similar?

    I just watched a video and Barbara has inspired me.


  7. Hi, everyone! I’m trying to start a design-build company that uses regenerative design principles and healthy building materials to improve the health of the earth and home occupants. My desire is to use this company to build healthy buildings for private residential use, as well as to build affordable, beautiful and healthy spaces for elderly and Alzheimer’s patients. I want to start with my grandma’s home, which needs to be rebuilt. She just passed away after a decade with Alzheimer’s. I was hoping to rebuild it for her, but finances were tight and time got away from us. 🙁 I hope to raise money via crowdfunding to start this business, purchase and rebuild her home, and rent it to bring in capital for future projects, like the care homes. Each site will have a healing garden and offer courses and food sharing for the community. As I grow, I wish to provide remote and hybrid work opportunities for those who are often forgotten, like those with anxiety, chronic illness, or single parents who want to spend time with their kids while still doing fulfilling work from home. The vision is that this work will be nourishing for all, from soil to wildlife to humans, and employees will all have the freedom to care for their physical and mental health needs while being part of a supportive and nurturing collective environment. We wish to connect the community with creativity and education, across all age ranges. I have only been limited by finances (okay, and my nervousness, doubt and lack of connections with others who wish to be involved, who have the skills and tools).

    I have just posted online trying to find someone who has experience with crowdfunding campaign strategies and marketing ideas, in hopes that someone will have an understanding of how we can engage an audience and draw as many donations as possible. I don’t know how to do this without donations; I would need money for materials and for the home down payment to get started, as well as money for a crew. Some people do do work parties to learn natural/healthy building methods for free, but in order for my family to be willing to sell it to me, I need to raise more capital and have at least a few crew members who are bonded, well-trained and experienced. I need a good crew!

    I’ve completed training in green building design and building science, but I’m hoping to find some people who might be interested in getting involved. Perhaps someone here has insight into crowdfunding for large amounts of money, or knows someone who sells healthy building materials who may be willing to donate some materials to the cause, or someone who has taught natural building methods or might have experience building and has a penchant for quality and safety. or someone who is knowledgeable about solar and/or rainwater harvesting or permaculture gardens. ’m not sure, I am just hoping for any insight or recommendations, honestly!

    I got quite sick from unhealthy buildings in recent years. I’ve been chronically ill for a long time as a result, and Ikmow how it feels to struggle finding good remote work. This cause is near and dear to my heart for many reasons. I would love any help you could give. Thank you so much for reading, and I wish you all the luck in your wishes coming true!

    Warm Regards,


    • What wonderful ideas! Have you looked into kickstarter or idiegogo? Lots of people like to fund projects that benefit others. Best of luck!

      • Thank you so much, Karla! I deeply appreciate your support and encouragement! I’m looking into Kickstarter and Indiegogo at the moment! 🙂 I can’t tell you how much your good luck wishes mean. I need them! Thank you again!


    • Dear Brit,
      Several questions and several thoughts:
      Are you in the U.S, or elsewhere?
      I can only advise based on similar experience within the U.S. I live in Western Washington State and my experience is from there.
      First question: Who inherited gramma’s home?
      Second question: Is it the more or less typical stick frame house, or what?
      Now, here’s the backstory: My mom died, and she left me, the sole inheritor, with $50,000 and several pieces of property, all in a shambles, in high tax districts. I wasn’t going to spend my weekends going out there and slaving on them, as she and my dad had done when he was still alive. I was working at a $5.00 per hour paper-pushing job when she died, and was going through a nasty divorce that was happening at the same time. All I knew is that my hands were full, so I quit my job and began spending 16 hour days working on the properties. She was hospitalized, dying slowly and agonizingly of bowel cancer, and so, with her permission, I was cleaning out her house in advance. When that was complete, I fixed it up enough to be lived in, even though it needed more repairs, and hired a landscaper, from some friends that I knew, to re-design the yard. This entailed having to move a rockery wall back about 3 feet to create a private driveway, instead of having a shared driveway with the neighbors. It was heavy work. This work was being done in the late 1980’s, and in 1980’s dollars, that place cost me $55,000 to totally fix up. I had to hire different people to do different jobs. That house needed Everything! A new roof, insulation, wiring, massive plumbing repair. I had it painted inside and out by a professional house painter. I hired a retired general contractor, who was still working part time, to do a lot of repairs on the place, and a hardwood floor specialist to fix a gaping hole in the hardwood floor and restore one of the other floors in one of the rooms. I hired a masonry contractor to totally rebuild the chimney, from the foundation in the basement, up. It was one of those chimneys that went up the side of the house, so this was a very expensive job.
      I hired a roofer to put on a new roof. That place was a money pit! It cost me more than any other piece of property that I ever worked on!
      Before all of the repairs were complete, I got it so that it could be lived in, and I rented it out. Rent needs to cover the taxes, for sure, and a mortgage payment, if there is one. In my mother’s case, there wasn’t one. She had owned the place free and clear for decades. I was paying for the repairs through the rent plus some money I’d made from fixing up and selling another piece of property. For 10 years, from the time I quit my job, going forward, I bought, fixed up and sold property and parked out raw land. In the end, instead of having $50,000, I had half a million, by 1994. I never had a bank loan. I never needed one. I had nine successful real estate closings in 10 years, and I grew to learn quite a lot about real estate. Sometimes I sold properties with the help of real estate agents and sometimes I sold them myself. I busted myself, wearing out 6 brand new pairs of jeans in one summer, working in the woods on a piece of property, building trails around it and up and down a creek, and building a footbridge across the creek to replace the one that got swept away in a flood from the year before. I was alternatively doing that and fixing up my mom’s house. But then, I’d inherited it.
      And you’ve got yourself a kind of a sticky wicket, because who has inherited the house? Did she have a will? If it is theirs, are they willing to sell it to you? And is it the typical stick frame house? Most of the time, I broke even on the rent from my mother’s house. The second set of tenants I had in there wrecked the place, and I kicked them out and went in the hole repairing the damage. The painting contractor had to be hired again to come and totally repaint the interior of the house. What they did to the yard was unspeakable. Every landlord has horror stories about tenants, and every tenant has horror stories about landlords. That seems to be the way it goes. After renting that place out for 6 years, I sold it. It was extremely hard to sell, from an emotional point of view, for many reasons.
      Crowdfunding didn’t exist in those days. I just started in with what I had. I think if I hadn’t had the $50,000 to begin with, I would’ve stayed working and done the work nights and on weekends, until the house was able to be lived in and then would’ve rented it out, and would’ve worked on the property with the creek in it, much like I did.
      As to natural building methods and things like solar and rainwater harvesting, and permaculture design, you need to google these things and just start hob-nobbing with people like this in your own area, wherever that is. Building codes vary so much in different areas of the country. In some places, grey water and rain water harvesting is actually illegal! Cob and straw bale used to be deeply frowned upon and forbidden, and it took a lot of work by these alternative builders to convince county building departments that yes, indeed, the buildings could be built and were viable. With cob, extended roofs have to be planned into the structures and built that way in rainy country to protect the walls from getting wet. This tends to give the building or house a mushroom-like appearance. These are the kinds of things that the county building code people insisted upon if people were going to be able to build out of cob. I know someone in Western Washington who just gave a “building with mud and straw” workshop in April, and knows about permaculture. He is Michael “Skeeter” Pilarski, and has an herb wholesale business. I think you simply need to start by finding the people in your region who are doing permaculture and alternative building. I tend to hang out around metaphysical bookstores and natural foods markets, and food co-ops, which have bulletin boards about events, and that’s how I start to find out what’s going on locally.
      I really don’t think that crowd funding is the way to go to raise the large amounts of money that will be involved in starting a home renovation project, let alone a home renovation business. There are people who “flip” houses. They buy them up cheap, and then they go and install fancy features, and make the house worth waaaaayyyy more than the rest of the houses in the neighborhood, causing everyone else’s property taxes to take a flying leap. Such individuals are highly resented in the real estate biz, even though they may be making short range profits. House flipping works if the real estate market is going up, but not if it’s falling or holding steady. And right now, the market is crazy nuts, and is crashing in some parts of the country, all ready, with a crash forecast.
      From what little that I know about alternative building methods, out of straw bale or cob, these things are projects that are built from scratch from the ground up, rather than taking on an existing house as a remodel. But I don’t know all there is about this. I generated income by fixing up and selling one piece of property after another, and by working myself A Lot. When you own it already, you get to pocket all the money when it sells, and not just a commission.

    • Brit,
      You might want to check out Jack Dody’s website, He is heavy into teaching people to live a life without giving up convenience and still using things like sawdust toilets, composting bins, etc. He has a manual you can download and he encourages people to contact him. Here is a link to a video on YouTube that centers on his home and project:

      Hope it helps!

  8. Dear Sara,
    There’s no reply box beneath your latest comment, so I am replying here. In my view, there is no “split.” Sometimes, it’s hard for us to imagine being successful in our professional careers. And so we fall back into “the old soft shoe routine,” what feels comfortable to us, even when that is definitely the lesser choice. The cooking job, below the level of sous chef, is a survival job only. It’s only an “any old port in a storm” job, no matter how attractive it may seem. All of my cooking jobs were poor-paying, part time survival jobs. Even working at Sandy’s, I had to supplement that with two other part time jobs in order to pay the rent, and it was crazy and exhausting. I’d go for the gold. And support myself for the short run, until the IT stuff comes in. Yeah, there’ll be some hoops to jump through. But the first IT job that comes through, I’d grab.
    I think sometimes, in their anxiousness to get just the right employee, companies make a mistake by presenting too many hoops to jump through to the potential employees. I’ve had to go through a succession of 3 interviews at some social service agencies, and Then a lot of paperwork to fiddle around with, whereas some others may have only two, or even only one interview. Guess which professional job I’d grab? The one who really wants me and says so. And does it first. A professional job versus a survival job that pays a lot less is usually never a good tradeoff. Unless your aim in life is to be the owner of a restaurant instead of an IT person. It appears from here that the path is clear–it’s a matter of supporting yourself on a short-range basis until the IT work comes in. Sometimes, temp agencies come in handy. And of course, Never Ever tell an employer how long you intend to stay at a job. In this volatile world economy, things could change overnight, and you may end up staying longer than envisioned. It’s never good business to tell them that anyway. I think certain things we need to keep to ourselves, and not foreshadow our moves, and just do the best work that we can. I once told an interviewer that I was also looking for a job with XYZ company, and I lost them both! So we just need to do the best we can, and keep our planned moves to ourselves. But given any chance, I’d get out of a survival job, and into a professional job, and then grow with that company.

    • Thank you Mary Ann,
      Just received my first answer, its a no for the job with the long application procedure. I expected to have wanted that, but now I know its not it, I not seem to really care for this one.

      Well actually I have been working in It for about 25 years now, and to be honest I long for something else. A different kind of personalities as colleagues, something moor interesting and fun to do. But Im very hesitant to make choices for another career.
      Well the one job pending is a bit different, not much coding, so we will see…

    • Dear Mary Ann,

      Today I got the message from the first company that they are definitely interested, they had some criticism on my verbal presentation (I was very nervous and stuttered, did not finish sentences etc), but that was not a no go obviously and I think they offered me the job, only they could not offer the salary as I requested, but they will give me a counteroffer tomorrow. Well I negotiated a part-time study for a masters degree in the field, to “compensate” for the salary, with succes. So I think I got this job (…), I would be very happy because I liked their motivation why they want to hire me, they understood where I was coming from, I sure heard that from their words. So I like that, this will be the first step towards a job where I will not have to defend my strengths and skills instead develope them.
      (This news has not completed landed with me yet…)

      • Dear Sara,
        I have sent up some prayers that this would come about. It looks like you’re reaching the salary negotiation phase. This is very exciting, and positive.

    • Dear Mary Ann,

      Thank you so much, your prayers must have been heard… it all seems to be working out well, this week the best company gave me an offer which I accepted.
      There will be only one more meeting, next friday with a manager and the head of HR, sounded like this will be more a formal meeting, this manager will not practically supervise me, but he formally has to agree with the proposal of me filling their position (as he will be my manager officially). Very happy with this, mainly because I will be doing what I’m good at and second is these colleagues recognized my main value immediately. (other companies did not, on the contrary I had to defend my knowledge and experience and make them see, which the others could not see anyway). So we will look forward to next Friday, but it looks like I got the job.

      Next good news is, for the part of doing what you like I also applied for a job in my favourite restaurant that makes the best food I know at the most beautiful historic place I know. They immediately invited me for a coffee the next day and now I’m hired for next Thursday to assist the cooks as a test to see if I like it. It really felt good being there, really like the people that work there, their kitchen is very professional and well organized and nice and light to work in, also it is very flexible mostly on the weekends and during Holidays. For me it is for now a solution to do what I like, learn to cook as a professional and meet a LOT of new people (its is a touristic area, staff is expected to do allround tasks when necessary, and connecting genuinely with guests is the main core goal of this restaurant)
      Another benefit is the financial one I will not have to pay monthly fees for meeting people but will get paid. So it willprovide me a little extra income without being depended on it.

      So this week will be an exciting week with Thursday my first long workingday in the Kitchen of the best and nicest restaurant in the country and Friday I expect to close the other deal with the fulltime IT job.
      We will see how it goes, I can not believe this is happening now, my life is going to change a 180′ and I will be doing lots of new things I love and meet a lot of new people. Just what I have been dreaming of, thanks to you Mary Ann, Barbara Sher and this Ideaparty. Thank you all

      We have not fulfilled the core wish yet, the one that brought me here in the first place, that is the one of wanting a nice good man with the aim of marriage. We will come back to that later… These steps that I’m taking now will be of great importance. I feel the “man thing” on the brink of happening..

      I must say that these good things happening now scared the hell out of me last couple of days…. Wow what a rollercoaster it is…

      Thank you again
      love Sara

      • Wow, Sara, you got the IT job! Whewee!
        So how do you juggle both jobs? The cooking one sounds to be very good. And you’re being allowed to sort of ease into it, instead of having the kitchen sink thrown at you! Very good! I guess you said the cooking job would be weekends and holidays. Is that how the juggling goes?
        I hope you still have time to live and breathe. That’s an important part of life, too. It gets very rugged if you work 7 days a week.
        Part of life is the all-important balance, so that you have some down time and not just work time. Barbara felt that anything more than 40 hours a week is work that takes up so much time that you don’t have time to pursue your goals. But, in any event, congratulations. You have really scored this week! Yay!
        I think the man stuff will take care of itself. When you have your feet under you, you will be a lot more likely to be able to go in pursuit of that goal. A man isn’t a rescuer of a forlorn maiden in distress. He’s the partner to a robust adult, and an admirable woman.

        • Thank you, yes I’m happy with it, and yes I’m scared.

          How I jugle is that the side job I feel more like doing that for fun and to learn and meet new people and meet a ” new” me. Also I expect this restaurant to not need a lot of help after the summer months. So it will be less hours after the season.

          So in a way the side job is helping me reach some goals. Also it will distract me a bit because I dont like being at home anymore. Other side is, I will not be depending on this job financially, so when I’m done with it or in case I want to work less it will be no problem. For now it feels to me like practising a new hobby and learning new skills and getting to know new people. I will swap this job for other activities in case there is nothing more to learn, its no fun and only drains energy or (who knows) in case I found my man amongst my colleguaes and it would be better to work elsewhere because of that.

          But still scary, because my life will change 180′.. for the last three months I was there with only me to deal with and no job. That did not realy feel as “me time”. Also due to lack of money, I felt very Isolated. That I do not like and want anymore.

          Yes Im a bit scared of how to jugle it, we will see how it goes. I will block some “me time every week”.

          The other job in IT will be my main income, 32 hours preferably if they agree. Anyway in July And August I will have 2 x one week vacation. That I already scheduled in advanced.

          Thats what I could do to breath a little. But Im scared though, what if my body refuses or what if I dont like the IT job or what if the change of life will be too overwhelming. We will see, a hughe difference with my workconditions with my former job, this IT job is easy to do because its what I liked to do and fun to do in former jobs. It does not feel like Im efforting when I analyze, and I will be analyzing most of the days.. so … wel still very scared though.. for all the new and changes comin up…

          Also because of covid regulations I have been working from home for the last two years. Now I will work on site every day..

          Wow.. what a change it will be.. I can hardly understand how I can feel so at ease and positive about it, it just feels like its what I want and I dont really feel the effort.. just as these two applications felt effortless (they were not) but the enviroment and people just felt natural and effortless.

          Well we will see.. just like I heard Barbara once say that “taking a bubblebath” is not by defintion doing what you like nor relaxing. Doing what you like could be something else than that. Well these jobs to me feel like a “bubblebath” although its work, hard work.


        • Well, still no deals closed.
          Last Friday I expected to close a deal on the IT job, but it only seemed to be a follow-up conversation. Somewhere this week I will get a final yes or no. From the conversation I had no clue..

          The job in the restaurant was fun I must say, worked a long shift, but I never ever saw time went by as fast as during this day. I liked the job, seems like they had decided to train me as a cook for certain plates. The atmosphere between colleagues was positive, hard working. My “trainer” said they would talk to the chef as soon as he was back from his holidays this weekend to schedule a new day for me. So waiting for them to call me.

          The insecurity and waiting game is no fun at all… but anyway I got sick with high fever this weekend, still am, so would not have been able to do anything right now anyway.

          • Dear Sara,
            I am going to pass along some wisdom that Barbara and Patty Newbold passed along to me once, when I was in a similar situation.
            We get all excited when we think we have landed a job, and we sort of hang our hat and coat on the one peg, so to speak. We tend to hang onto the prospect and don’t look ahead, because why? We’ve almost got this in the bag. But what both Patty and Barbara have said goes like this: It is always very good policy when job hunting to shore yourself up as much as possible. To that end, they said, you need to create a pipeline of jobs coming to you. What that means and entails is that just because you have a couple of hot prospects on the string, you don’t quit job hunting! Not at all! These hot prospects are encouraging, and of course, you’d take them if they do come up. But the effort mustn’t stop here. And that’s the mistake that most job hunters make. And they’re terribly let down, and even may feel destroyed, if the ones they were wanting don’t come through. They are interested, or they wouldn’t be putting you through all this.
            So, don’t cling. Don’t hang your hat and coat up on the peg. Not yet. Go out and apply for more jobs. Create that pipeline, and do it now. And if you need extra money, try to work temp to shore up your finances. I’ve done that, and had some interesting and even rather fun adventures with it, including working in a pet store, meeting a really neat lady who ran a B&B, and their parrot whose name was Crash, because he liked to hop up and down the computer keyboard when he was out of his cage and . . . .,
            and I worked in the bakery where I made desserts, including lemon cake to die for. Sorry, I don’t have the recipe.
            Now, this may sound weird, but sometimes, when I’m helping someone, I get a little vision in my head of them working at what they want or even love, and then, by gosh, it comes true. This just happened last week. I was seeing an old fashioned and charming street in Europe, in a city, and I think the street was running along a canal–there was waterfront there, but not the ocean. It was a cobblestone street in an old but fashionable part of town. There were a lot of small shops, good small businesses, including one place that was a coffee shop and tea room, with a bakery. And their exterior sign, hung up at right angles to the building, over the sidewalk, was a rendition of this delicious pastry–I don’t know the name of it, but it looks somewhat like a giant pretzel, only much bigger than a pretzel. And I think it’s made with cinnamon and sugar on the outside, and is a very yummy treat. Fairly popular treat. And the shop itself was old but charming. Its storefront was made of lots of small square panes of glass. It had a charming old-fashioned door. And, of course, I don’t know what you look like, but in this vision, I saw you in there, serving customers, collecting their dishes when they were done, and also working back behind the counter, helping to bake these delicious pastries and create other things that the tea room and coffee house had on their menu.
            And they had found a way to pipe the delicious smell out to the street. That smell itself brought customers into the place. It was very old-timey and comfortable and charming inside too, And the people who worked there were good. I saw you doing this. In my little vision.
            I have had the experience of being able to go from temp to permanent work, too. That happened to me twice. I don’t know what the policies of the temp agencies are over there. But that can and does happen here.
            So, best advice is keep moving right along. I know it’s hard work, but create that pipeline for yourself. And keep your moves to yourself. I once said to some people where I was applying that I was looking some other place too, and then bam! They got rid of me. That ruined my chances, and I didn’t get the job, and it turned out that the other place didn’t want me either.
            So don’t foreshadow your moves. It’s best to keep work life and personal life separate. Customs vary and that may be different in Europe, but around here, it’s pretty much of a necessity, especially when you’re applying. Otherwise, it can get really messy.
            But that’s a whole ‘nother story. So, get the pipeline going, and instead of it being an arduous chore, look at it as you are shoring yourself up and protecting yourself and providing for yourself, best you can.

          • Oh, Sara, I hope you will get tested for Covid. You only get a few days to start the new antiviral.

          • Thank you Mary Ann, these words are wise for sure, It was not wise of me to stop jobhunting this abruptly. I will catch up as soon as possible, At this moment I can not take a lot of action because I feel very Ill with a flu. So I will see to get some freemind inspiration on my likes and wants in general.

            As for your vision, it is close to the picture of the restaurant I worked last week. This is a historical place, part of a ancient watermill. So it is with waterfront from a kind of little river and a tiny waterfall, outside you can hear the water. This place used to be a teahouse/tearoom only for about 80 years, it is only for the last twenty years that the owner expanded with a restaurant and a a la carte menu. As I worked there my eyes fell on the menu and I really missed the pastry, well there was some available, but I would expect it to be more choices on the menu, Also I saw them make a large strawberry cake that smelled good and looked amazingly fresh, but my eyes where captured by it and my feeling was, this cake should not look like this if served to our guests in this amazingly beautiful garden. So in a way I had a kind of unconscious “pastry focus” while working there.

            The windows are as you described and also the inside is old, but very very attractive and beautiful, the feeling of a classic castle where everything is beautiful and fitting. Also outside there are the kind of cobblestones. It is not in the city though, there is a village nearby. But being there feels alive and as if you are in a city in a very nice and harmonious kind of manner. There are always people from everywhere, walking, having coffe or dinner or a beer and every guest brings a very good mood. So it feels nice.

            This sign with the pretzel like pastry sign is not there, also I have no clue what pastry it could be that you mention.

            So interesting and inspiring to hear your vision, thank you for sharing that, I’m searching for tearooms nearby that might need some one and look interesting and inspiring enough to work and learn there.

          • Found the pretzel sign you were referring to also I think I know what pastry it is.

            Its a sign for bakeries from the middle ages and seen a lot in Germany, Vienna, and Italy.

            This Pastry pretzel kringle like is this sweet kind of soft or crusty cinnamon sugar coating, also possibly stuffed with creampudding. Seems to come from the Catholic (-church) very old traditional pastry.

          • Thank you Patty,
            I got tested positive on covid today.
            We have no antivirals here.

  9. Dear Jennifer,
    There was no reply button under your comment, so I am replying here.
    Thanks! That’s something to consider.

    • Mary Ann,
      not sure if you ment you needed a website for practically giving a online therapy session to clients. Or that you mean you need a website for advertising your work to inform potentials and provide phone email etc.

      In the first case you will not need a website for that. You can just use Teams or Zoom, whatever suits you best. These are just professional aps to talk live or chat in text. Just install, open, login and that will be it.
      It is what is used commenly by companies (therapists) to do online meetings, with one ore more people. Just for you to know, it is easy and you dont need a website for a practical therapy session.

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