How Does the Online Idea Party Work?
You have a dream or a wish, and an obstacle to getting there. (If you don’t think you know your wish, work through my kick-starter and read this post. To learn why you must put logic aside to find your dream, read the following.)
The online Idea Party is here to help you – and the other fellow party goers – with your wishes and obstacles.
Voices from Success Teams and Idea Parties:
Having a team to report to and hearing what everybody did each week is very exciting. It’s kept me moving all year. In the past I made some good starts on my own, but found, every time, when the energy ran out, I ran out. Now it doesn’t run out.
Jade G.
Children’s Playroom Therapist, New York Hospital
I would do a painting a year, a sketch a year. If it was only me I know I would never do it. Having to tell you makes all the difference. It’s crazy why I didn’t do this years ago, it’s so easy all of a sudden.
Caroline R. Personnel Executive, Macy’s Dept Store
Post Your Wish and Your Obstacle Here!
And help your team mates out when you can. Use the Reply link to help, the form below the comments to add your own Wish and Obstacle.
(Your first comment below has to be approved, so it may not display instantly depending on the time of the day. Once your email address is approved you can post instantly. If you want your own profile photo to show up beside your comments, instead of the cute little design, upload your photo on Gravatar.com and give them an hour or so to make it happen.)
Hello everyone!
This community is kind and intelligent, and I am delighted to be here and contribute. I am an adult student who is encountering numerous challenges. I’ll graduate with a bachelor’s degree in the summer. I’ve become disengaged as a result of certain difficulties in previous semesters and require assistance with accountability. I’m overwhelmed since I have so much to do before I graduate.
I have no one to turn to because I am the first in my family to graduate from university and have taken classes throughout my life. Finally, I’m going to finish!
If someone could support me in achieving my academic goals, I would be grateful.
My obstacles are that I require someone who is exceptionally skilled in this area, has experience working with people with ADHD, and is willing to offer their time.
To be honest, I need a cheerleader!
Attending school during a pandemic has been extremely lonely due to the fact that the majority of it has been completed online and Zoom. Last week, our professor gave us a pep talk in which he stated that the finest students occasionally give up at the end and encouraged us not to do so. I’m not sure if this is the case, but I’m here attempting to avoid the pitfalls, graduate on time, and seek support. Maybe I’m simply exhausted, but I’m not disheartened at all.
“This summer, I’ll be a college graduate!”
These are my educational objectives, which is why I require the assistance of an “Academic Cheerleader.”
1. Time Management
2. Spring Classes
3. LSAT Prep (June Exam)
4. Summer Classes (Graduation)
5. Career Development
6. Write Speak
Interests: Law, Attorney, Author, Speaker, Religion, New Age, Self-Help, Culture, Anthropology, Spirituality, Spiritism, Psychology, Food History, Salsa & Belly Dancing, New Orleans, Service Dogs
Thank you for reading!
Dear Madison,
I am a person with ADHD who aced (got straight A’s throughout the course work) graduate school. I hold a master’s degree in Clinical Social Work, and I am looking forward to establishing a private practice in psychotherapy this year. I am also a Board Certified educator, grades K-12, in the areas of English and Library Science.
So much for credentials.
First of all, what are you majoring in? Is it something, like Engineering or Architecture that leads to a job when you get out the college door, or not? The reason I’m asking is that your career choices seem very unfocused and are all over the map. Which is not good, when you’re about to graduate. So, the crucial question is, what are you majoring in?
Right now, the immediate thing is to survive college and prep for the exam in June. I wouldn’t put write-speak on the list, even, at this point. The course costs $1465 to $1990, and it starts March 5. It is very intense. Meaning that you won’t have time to do it and survive college too. This would be a possible goal to consider after college when you are up and working at a professional job, and can build the savings for the tuition without undermining yourself.
So the immediate things right now are to survive spring classes and prep for the June Exam. That’s 2 things, not 6.
Now, there’s a rule of thumb to succeed in school, and it is this: For every hour of class, you need to be studying two hours. And not doing anything else. Get to a place inside the library on campus and do all your studying there. I am assuming that your campus is back open. Is it? You will need as undistracted a place as possible to study. The quietest parts of libraries are ideal. Coffee shops and the like are hideous. Waaaayyyy too much distraction. Where I lived, there was always way too much distraction–studying there was out of the question. I did 98-99% of my studying in the depths of the library. The more monastic the setting, the better!
My ADHD is so bad that if I had to read a textbook that had pictures or even boldface headings, I would have to have two pieces of 8 1/2 x 11 paper, at right angles to each other. I would be using them to block out the pictures and headings, and was constantly sliding them down the page as I read. Otherwise, my eye would be constantly moving to the picture or the heading, and I would be utterly and constantly distracted. I found that until I adopted this technique, I was having to re-read the same paragraph about 5 times before it sunk in! Therefore, studying was taking forever! I had to have a means of survival, and so I came up with this. Of course, I was taking notes as I read, too. That helped to focus. This meant that I could study in an effective and efficient manner. In graduate school, you Have To turn in your assignments on time. You get docked an entire letter grade if you don’t! There’s no such thing as an option about being late. So just adapt this for yourself, even if you’re not in grad school.
There is no time for other activities. You study. Period. I didn’t have time to eat right, sleep enough, or do laundry! I was studying 117 hours a week, just to keep up with the assignments. But this was grad school, and it’s harder than earning a BA in most cases. At the end of the semester, I bundled up all my laundry in big black garbage bags and took it to the laundromat. I’d get 3 triple loaders all going at once, and it would be an all day affair.
As an undergrad, I was going to school and working at the same time. It put an extra strain on studying. I had to fit my study hours around all kinds of weird times. I had no time for socializing at all, until about 4:00 in the afternoon on Sunday. Week about over. Time for a new week to begin. Studying was done, but another bunch of studying about to begin. Not much time to do anything.
I was on my own in school. No one supported me.
Another technique that Really, Really helped me, and I highly recommend it, is realizing that I had X amount of studying to do to pass each class, based on the 2 hours of study for every hour sitting in class principle. So, at the beginning of each quarter or semester, I would get these really thick 3-5 subject spiral binders for each class. Inside the cover of each one, I would draw, in ballpoint ink, these little rows of rectangular boxes. Two boxes, and then two more, etc. Week 1 would have the boxes outlined for how much study time it would take for that class. Week 2, Week 3, etc. up through week 10, or week 16–whenever the quarter or semester ended. Each box represented an hour of study time. And the important principle was this: 2 things: I would color in a box every time I had studied for an hour, with my ink pen. So I was giving myself credit, and creating a record, of how much I had actually studied. And, because I was working as well as going to school, and time was very precious to me, the most important principle of all: I Grabbed All the Little Scraps of Study Time I Had!
For example, let’s say that class let out at 12:30 and by 1:30, I had to be on the bus, heading to work. It would take 10 minutes to get across the large campus to the bus stop. I had a sack lunch along, and so I ate it in about 20 minutes. This gave me from 12:50-1:20, more or less, to study. So what if it wasn’t an hour? It was Something! So I’d do it, and then color in half a box in my notebook, giving myself the credit. I did this all the way through graduate school too. I would even be grabbing 15 minutes of time, sometimes. Those little snippets of time add up, and it makes it a relief, not a burden, to sit down and study for longer, like say for a two-hour stretch. I would study for my different classes in the order that they occurred. The 8:30 a.m. one would get studied for before the 10:30 one, and then the next one. Also, depending on the urgency of what was happening. Midterms and especially finals were cramming marathons.
So that’s your immediate work right now. Nothing else. And that’s plenty. Plus prepping for the exam. I never had a big exam to prep for just before graduation, so I find this rather strange that you do. But if you do, then so be it! You may wish to investigate, at the academic advisory offices, if there are services offered by the college which assist students to prep for these exams. Most schools do have these services.
Your attorney career option is a Juris Doctor, a doctorate in law. Plus, it entails the passing of the state bar exam for whatever state you’re in. That’s a great deal of very challenging, hard work.
Looking at your choices, you have a few that go together in categories: Religion, New Age, Spirituality, Spiritism–All of this has to do with the spiritual side of your life, so that’s one category. Self-Help and Psychology are more or less related, in another category. You won’t get anywhere in this field without a master’s degree. If you want to become a psychotherapist, you’ll need B grades or better in your undergraduate work to make it into grad school. Same with being a lawyer, of course. This is why I wonder what you’re majoring in. Your major should be directing your career choice, especially this close to graduation. Being an author and speaker, we’ve agreed, needs to be put off until you are established in a good job and able to save up the tuition for Write-Speak at a later time. The program takes a year.
New Orleans might just mean being able to go there and absorb the atmosphere of the place. Belly dancing seems like an interest or a hobby that can be pursued after your academic years are over. To really get anywhere in Anthropology, you pretty much need a PhD.
PhD programs are usually after the master’s degree, and are usually 5 year programs. Are you really up for this much studying? My sister-in-law has a PhD in Anthropology. I also know of someone who earned a PhD part time while working as a professor at a small college, with her master’s degree. Most college professor jobs require a PhD. It is rare to get hired at a 4 year college or university with only a master’s.
Food history and salsa seem to go together somehow. But again, I think these are more interests, to be pursued when studying becomes less intense.
You have two things on your plate right now. Spring Classes and the exam prep. Not a multitude. No time for belly dancing classes now. Just the studying. I’ve told you what my grad school experience was like, that led me to be able to become a “shrink.” It takes hard work.
And giving yourself credit for every hour, or fraction of an hour, that you study. I’ve gotta go. I hope this has helped.
Dear folks,
Are there any of you out there who are authors of cartoon books or, for that matter, children’s picture books?
I want to write a cartoon book. There will be an illustration on each page. My writing is the captions that go along with each illustration.
The problem is, I have a rough draft of this book now, but I don’t know how to format it properly as a book manuscript, and I’m seeking advice from experienced authors about this.
My thought is that I should turn the paper sideways, since the book will be wider than it is tall in its final form, (going from portrait to landscape, on the computer) and just write the caption for each illustration near the bottom of the page. And, then, on each page, say something like “Illustration here.” Is that the way to do it, or what?
I was advised to type out a regular manuscript and indicate where each illustration goes, but this doesn’t make any sense to me, because there will be few words, and illustrations on each page. It just doesn’t make sense to do a manuscript in the traditional portrait manner.
Is there anybody with any expertise out there who can help me?
Hi, Mary Ann!
I’m not sure if you’re open to paying a small hourly rate for expertise about this, but I was just researching experts in crowdfunding to pursue my own dream, and one of the professionals whose biography I looked at specialized in children’s book publishing and editing. He has a very low hourly rate, and from the reviews, he seems to really know his stuff! I’ll include a link, in case you might find it valuable to you on your journey. I’m looking into a dream in a different field, but his expertise seems perfectly tailored to your project! I hope this helps you!
https://www.upwork.com/freelancers/mattc
Wishing you all the best and I hope your dream comes true!
Warm Regards,
Brittany Nicole
The damn computer cannabilized the comment again! And it was a short comment, and it got gobbled right up! This happens all the time!
What I had said is that for 6 years, I had an editing and manuscript preparation business going. I was a book editor then. And I have been an English teacher, and have tutored writing at the college level. So I don’t need any editorial help. I just need to learn how to format it right, and this just may be the answer. I will investigate.
Dear Brittany,
No, this isn’t working at all, and it’s hideous, and I can’t even talk to him, and what’s more, I’m getting burnt trying!
Any other ideas? Does anybody know of anybody out there that I can contact to get my need met here?
Hello Mary Ann.
Thank you so much for your answer! Reading about your anecdotes give me hope for my future in music. I’ll take your advice!
I just need to find a job to be able to sustain myself since my parents need to cut my financial support to help my younger brother in his endeavors through university.
As of now, I’ve been practicing an hour since December through a program called Melodics. Picking a genre is a bit complicated for me since I like so many so I’ll have to sort that out.
I still live in Vancouver, BC in Canada so I’ll explore whatever options are available around me. I’ll find a way.
Cheers!
Firstly, gratitude: I am so grateful for Barbara’s books.
Secondly, brags: Because of Barbara’s wisdom, I have been able to meet make many dreams come true. I make people happy with my music. I educated my son’s, I own a house at the beach, I have a wonderful partner. I built an edible garden. I am traveling the world.
Thirdly, the toughest nut to crack: I want to get fit and lose weight so I can ski, mountain climb and enjoy my body into old age (I’m 66). I have hired a trainer and he’s doing a great job. I’ve joined Noon for weight loss. I’m just so unmotivated, or maybe sybaritic? And keep riding roughshod over the steps to get there.
My other dream is to walk on the beach/mountains/forests with my sons and their families. Getting fit is part of this picture. My sons aren’t on board with this goal. I thought having a home by the sea where they could stay might encourage them but, obviously, I can’t make them do what they don’t want to do. So this has me stuck. Thanks in advance for your brainstorming.
Dear Nanette,
Thanks for your courage in addressing this issue. In weight loss, it’s necessary to rule out physical causes of weight loss resistance–thyroid disease, for example. I have that, and I can literally eat 700 calories a day and gain weight!
I was a hiker, backpacker, mountaineer, and cross-country skiier. Was, I said. In 2005, I had a catastrophic fall in a freak accident, and couldn’t walk at all for 8 months. I had sheared my right ankle bone in half. It was a twisting fall, and my hips almost got separated from my backbone. And there were several vertebrae in the middle of my back that got dislocated. I am handicapped to this day.
But I still go camping and hiking. And I want to get it so that I can go backpacking and playing in the snow again.
Because
Up until that time, I was more or less height-weight proportionate. Because I cannot take any kind of narcotic drugs, I had to take fistfuls of Ibuprofen, with the doctor’s approval, to try to control the pain. And what this meant was that I had to eat something every 3 hours around the clock, 24/7. Because if you don’t eat something when you’re on that drug, it’ll blow a hole in your stomach. And so, the weight began to pack on. What between the eating and the inertia, that’s what happened. I now have 65 pounds to lose to get into height-weight proportionate shape again.
Where do you live that you are close to beaches and mountains? Is it somewhere on the West Coast? In Washington, Oregon, and California, there are many hiking clubs and hiking groups. Right now, I feel that I’m not in shape enough to join in their activities. I used to lead wilderness expeditions for one of these organizations!
But, the key is, I’ve rejoined the organization anyway. And, I’m lucky in one respect. I live near a beautiful, large park that has a network of miles of crisscrossing trails that go through beautiful old growth virgin forest. And I’m guilty of not exercising enough, but I’m trying to change this picture. So what I’ve begun doing is knocking off work at about 4 p.m. so that I can get out to the park and hike for an hour or so before dark. I have set my own fitness goals for myself. I am in very poor shape now, and the back injuries compound the problem. But even they improve with exercise. Everything does. So, I am working on the goal of being able to do a five mile hike in this park. The trails are mostly level. And then, the next goal is to go to a beautiful state park where there are beaches, and hike a trail that has 700 feet of elevation gain, up to a viewpoint. When I’m out exercising like this, I forget that I’m fat. I’m just out there, breathing in the beautiful smells of the forest and maybe seeing squirrels and little birds. And excitingly, maybe a bald eagle or two. I just love being out in nature. And, if I can complete the hike up to the viewpoint, I will camp overnight there and the next day, do a 5 mile beach walk. Beach walking is harder and more challenging than hiking on a trail. Then, after that, I will be ready for the mountains, on a more or less level river hike of 8 miles or so, and there are several choices like that around here. I live in Western Washington. After the more or less flat 8 miler, I will be ready to try a day trip up to some mountain lakes that have elevation gain to them, and about 3-4 miles in. I will do 2 or 3 trips like this. Then, it will be time to try a longer day trip with elevation gain of about 3,000 feet and 7 miles round trip. I simply get in the car and go do these things. If these things work out, I will be then willing to try an easy overnight backpack trip with minimal gear. Five miles in, with a gentle uphill grade, near a creek, to a place to camp by the creek. A pack not weighing more than 25-35 pounds, including my tent. If this is successful, then I have a few other mountain trips planned. Last summer, I did a 6 miler into a mountain lake, with gentle elevation gain, hauling a day pack. And my back didn’t complain! Victory over evil.
This is the way I do things, and the way I plan it. I do not go fast. The emphasis is not on going up the mountain 3-4 miles an hour, gung ho!
I have never been a fast hiker. On a trail with 1,000 feet of elevation gain, I go about a mile an hour when I’m carrying a 35 pound pack. I don’t hike, usually, more than about 2 miles an hour or 2 1/2 miles an hour.
If I am successful in these mountain trips, then I will probably sign up for an easy trip with the mountaineering club. By then, I ought to be in better shape than I am right now. The point is to walk every day and get out on a hiking adventure once a week, in beautiful surroundings. The trouble with a gym membership and working with a trainer is that my mind is still focusing on being fat. When I’m out in the beautiful forest, or at the beach, as I was the other day, watching a vivid sunset over the water, I’ve forgotten entirely about being fat, and I’m caught up in the beauty surrounding me. I think exercise needs to be enjoyable, and the more beautiful the setting the better.
So my best advice is to start with the doctor’s office, proposing what exercise you want to do. Get the right and proper socks and sneakers and later on, hiking boots that will fit your feet properly. This is vital. And then just stick your head out the door. Whether anyone goes with you or not. And do it every other day or so, and then, do it daily. For about an hour or so each time. Even with my weight-resistant body, and my injuries, I’m noticing improvements, almost immediately. This past month, I dropped 12 pounds. It’s different for every person. And it’s no good to make evil comparisons, and go on evil diets. Diet is a 4 letter word! I eat in balance, and keep sugar entirely out of my body–in all forms, including high fructose corn syrup which occurs in many things. The main thing is exercise. I cannot do it just by eating right. And this out in nature, getting stronger all the time. I have learned from years of experience that nothing prepares you for the mountains except hiking. The city parks and sidewalks are too tame. But I’ve outlined my plan here. Having a buddy or a companion along helps a lot. But the main thing is to get out in nature. The nourishment I get from those brilliant sunset views over the water make me yearn for more.
So feed yourself with experiences, daily, like this. And weekly as well.
Life will improve, and so will your health. The stuckness that we have is mostly in our minds. As one of my favorite You-Tubers, Brooke Whipple, says, “She Gone! Oh, don’t forget to get outside and Get Happy!”
What a wonderful enthusiasm! You are certainly admirable with how you have overcome so much. I’ll take a page from your book and pursue daily treks.
Dear Nanette,
It’s great that you’re going to go trekking. Great! I just got back from being out there in the mud and the sweet smelling forest. Saw only a little wren and a seagull, and someone out in a tiny boat in the Sound, fishing, just after dark.
Look for a third alternative. Explore what sorts of places and activities they might enjoy with you. Find that sweet spot where you both say YES!
Well everyone’s motivated by different things but I have a friend who hates exercise. So when I was out with her next I said “why don’t we walk up this hill for exercise?” She said, reluctantly, “sure”. I made sure to engage her in controversial subjects that I knew she might disagree with, which raises adrenaline and cortisol, which created distraction from the pain of exercising as she busied herself making her point! Before she knew it, we wer at the top.
The idea is to distract for about 2 weeks only, because after that, the body will want to move and it will be less of a struggle. Well. For some people. 🙂
Hello everyone!
So, I feel very awkward admitting this but I guess if you want to make your dreams come true you should knock on some doors. Here is a bit about me for context.
I love art. Drawing was one of my favorite activities during my childhood and teenage years. It is what pushed me to go to “Art School”, I’ll explain why the quotations in a bit. I always love music as well. To be honest, a little bit more than drawing. I decided to stay with illustration because you can practice graphic design with it which was more realistic. It was a safe choice.
So, I traveled to Vancouver, Canada, with the financial support of my parents. I got into a Design school, After two years, I realized I wasn’t happy with this decision which really messed me up because I convinced myself for the longest time that this is what I wanted. it sucked for a bit but I manage to get my Bachelors’s degree last year.
I am out now so I guess I don’t have more excuses. My wish is to eventually become a singer-songwriter/ music producer. I have enough equipment: a laptop, a music producer software, and a MIDI keyboard, a program that teaches how to play the piano.
And my obstacles, no music experience, and I guess not having the right people around me.
Sorry if this was a lot. and thank you for your attention.
Greetings,
Eduardo
Dear Eduardo,
As with Mandy’s comments (see below) what kind of music do you want to produce? Begin to get a focus for what you want to do. That’s the first step, because until that happens, you won’t know what kind of musicians to surround yourself with, and which way to move next. And for heaven’s sake, take some piano lessons. Nothing much can be achieved with some program or other! You’ll remain mostly in the dark.
When going after a career as a musician, as well as when going after anything else, really, the deal is to strive for excellence. As a singer/songwriter and music producer, you are going to need to understand music theory thoroughly, and you are at least going to need to have access to a piano, not just a keyboard, and this means shelling out significant amounts of money so that you can afford a piano. It doesn’t have to be a 12 foot Steinway! But you need the full range of octaves. And a piano of your own.
So: Can you combine these two talents, and work as a graphic designer, or commercial artist, and use the money from this to “subsidize” your other artistry–the development of yourself as a musician? It’s going to take some bucks to get a piano and you’re not going to get there by driving for Uber or delivering pizzas. Or, is there a way to work a day job to support your dream of being a musician?
The standard musical training one gets, like standard music lessons, will tend to send you down a path of being classically trained, which may not be the “right path” for you. But you could go down this path for a ways, learning to read music and learning basic keyboarding techniques, and then you branch off from there, possibly with the help of your music teacher. As a musician, you’ll need to be practicing from 1-3 hours a day–and as likely as not, the longer times will be in intervals and not all at once. Therefore, you’ll need your own piano.
If you think you can just go to any music department at any college campus and just use their pianos, you’ll find that you’ll need your own. They don’t have time enough for all the music majors who want to use their practice rooms. You can get a small upright, so it can fit into a
small apartment–you won’t need a cavernous living room.
And then, your lessons.
Your teacher is bound to be connected, some way, somehow, to other musicians. So pick this person’s brain for ways to get ahead in being a singer/songwriter and music producer. Make these desires known to him or her. And, as I wrote in Mandy’s comments below, scour your area for performance opportunities as a singer–get to as many Open Mic nights as you can. Don’t sing with any kind of backup software. Just sing. And you may wish to acquire a guitar and take guitar lessons, too. But the piano keyboard is so fundamental to learning music theory, that in music school, every musician is required to learn it and practice it and have piano lessons, even if they’re string or flute players! So this is basic. And there are no short cuts. Trying to short cut like that destroys the excellence that you’re wanting to build. So go for the gold standard, always. And settle for nothing less, as a musician. You can see Mandy’s comments that I wrote below about how many songs to a set, etc., for performance possibilities with a band. It takes 50-60 standards ready to roll out for most singing gigs, but the average Open Mic performance is only 10 minutes.
I learned how to read music and was taking piano lessons from the time I was 5 years old. I hated the piano and made very little progress on it, (my Mom had an upright in the living room) and in the 4th grade, began playing the viola, and discovered I was good at it. Of course, this began classical music training. And that lasted me through my college years. I was going to a university on a music scholarship my first year of college and the music school had two things that they emphasized–the usual classical music studies and Broadway musicals. They performed a different one every year, to packed audiences for a two-week run in a downtown theater. If you decide to actually get into music school, find one that does this. The place I went was Gonzaga University, in Spokane, Washington. It was the “musical home” of Bing Crosby, back in the day. The campus library is named after him. And I think that’s why they help to advance the musical careers of those who want to perform this kind of music. There were some pretty serious singers and actors in that music school. And the musicals we performed were hits with the audience–all the time!
So, to get started right away, find some Open Mic opportunities, get some favorite songs ready to go, and go perform. Go sing your heart out! At as many Open Mics as possible. Figure out a way to get a small piano, but with the full range of octaves. You’ll need it to compose music. Don’t cut any corners. And then the piano lessons, and guitar lessons.
I have had the luck of meeting and getting to know a little bit, a very successful singer-songwriter, Susan Osborne. She would bring down the house with all of her performances. She formed her own production company. She started out with the bar scene, recorded her music, composed lots of original songs, and ended up touring internationally.
She lived on the same small island I lived on, at the time that I got to know her.
It can be done! And I know you’ll find a way. The important thing is to get a taste of what you want right away, by singing, and then advance from there, nourishing your talent every day. Good luck with it all!
Hi Eduardo,
I’m a musician, folk musician. I am happy to announce that you can learn a lot about music and the industry at camp! There are all kinds. There are music and music writing camps/weekends/workshops. The ones I know most about are Lark Camp, Rocky Mountain Fiddle Camp, Alisdaire Fraser camps and weekends. Musicians network a lot on the internet. So they have clubs and groups for every genre. What is your favorite? I live for Celtic. There are also online magazines for every instrument. Strings magazine is great for fiddlers.
They start rank beginners! So many camps! Klezmer, classical (usually need some experience) TRAD jazz…etc
Well, I had just spent about a half hour typing away, and my blasted computer cannibalized the whole thing!
GRRRR!
So here goes again!
My response to Nanette (and warning to Eduardo) went something like this: I hate to burst your bubble, but music camp requires preparation. A person who doesn’t know how to read music and has never had their hands on a keyboard or another instrument, and has no idea where middle C is, is unlikely to do anything but drown their talent and desire for music by coming to music camp in that condition! And music camps aren’t cheap. I am a classically trained violist, violinist, and I also play concert harp and percussion. I was going to college on a music scholarship and a professional job in a symphony orchestra when I was 17 years old.
To get involved as a musician means doing more than toying around or dinking around at it. The toyers and dinkers usually give up in less than 3 years, and are off doing something else. To become involved as a musician means going for the gold standard every day, in every approach to music. And this doesn’t mean it can’t be fun. But, the way into the music world is to take lessons and learn how to read music, from day 1. A few singers think they can get along by just learning a few songs off the radio. Yes, this’ll maybe get it so you can perform at a few Open Mic venues, for about 10 minutes. And there’s no money in it. Just the exposure.
So, the way in is to get lessons, learn to read music, and for a singer/songwriter, this means piano lessons, guitar lessons, voice lessons, and learning music theory. In about that order.
You cannot properly learn how to play a violin from a magazine, Period. When I first started to drag a bow across the strings, it whizzed, it snarled, it screeched, and it sounded pretty wretched. Nor could I play in tune. Enough to send the pets and the neighbors’ pets scrambling for the door, and even the goldfish swimming in frantic circles. You can’t learn violin from a magazine. Why? Because no one is observing you. Your teacher inspects what you’re doing or not doing with the bow, and corrects it so that some decent sounds start to emerge from the violin, instead of whizzes and snarls. And the teacher inspects your left hand position, and puts it in the proper place, so that you can begin to play in tune, and free your hand so that you can reach for the high notes, unhindered.
It takes weekly lessons, from day 1, and it takes about an hour a day or so of practice in between. Nothing grows talent quicker and more solidly than this. And as a musician, it is vital to be solid as a performer. That means knowing what you’re doing and not just standing up there “faking it until you make it.” Your audience will know right away if you’re not solid, the results will not turn out well. So lessons, and practice, from day 1. And decide, right away, do you want to sing popular standards? Jazz? (It is considerably harder to sing. You’ll need to know some music theory–chord structures and chord progressions. You’ll need to learn piano, and possibly guitar, and voice. Voice lessons will allow you to extend your range, improve your volume, and develop control of your breath so that you can hold long notes.
There is no substitute for lessons and practice. And music camp requires preparation. Some musicians think they can skip all that and just “wing it.” But, to perform actual music gigs in a band requires about 60 to 100 songs, and possibly as many as 300 songs, ready to go. This’ll not likely to ever be done by trying to learn them off the radio. And there are copyright laws that have to be taken into account if you’re going to ever play for money.
After about a year or two of learning to read music and lessons, it may be time for a beginner’s music camp. But music camp requires preparation. And being a real musician requires the effort. Learning how to read music and lessons are a must. There aren’t any short cuts. People who think so are just fooling themselves.
This is very true for classical camps, but the camps I mentioned do have very fun classes for rank beginners. That being said, of course do what you can with lessons. Our university offers jazz and bluegrass classes as well as traditional theory.
Hello Nanette.
Thanks for all the resources. I’ll make sure to check them out:)
When it comes to genres I tend to gravitate towards Pop, Rock, Punk, and Electronic since I grew up with those.
I am just getting into networking online since I always found it intimidating. But so far, it’s going well.
Hello,
I’m nervous to write about my dream (since it took me years to admit to it) and I hope I can be of service to some of you too with some helpful ideas. There are three things I really love: singing, acting and personal growth (also through spirituality). The awareness that comes with my spiritual journey helps me to sink deeper into the arts.
I have singing lessons, I make music with a guitarist and I do improvisation theater for fun. I would love to be a professional singer but I have some obstacles. I really should be spending my time finishing college and trying to make more money. I have a small child who I love more than anyone in the world and who ofcourse takes up a lot of time. We have enough money for now but not that much and i want to do what is best for our child. I feel selfish even thinking about my dream because I don’t only have myself to worry about.
Does anybody have any ideas or advice?
Greetings
Mandy
Dear Mandy,
First of all, I think you’re very courageous to admit your dream. Why is it that society seems to want to place such a burden of guilt upon people who are creative geniuses in the area of singing as a way of making a living, and for that matter, to a lesser extent, acting? But this happens, and so this is a very courageous first move.
You are taking singing lessons. Good! This can help you to develop your voice and extend your range. I’ve done it, and I know this. You say that you make music with a guitarist, and that is broad-ranging. What kind of professional singing do you want to do? Can you start off with pop or jazz standards? Or something else? Do you want to be a singer/songwriter? Both are possible. And they can combine well into a career. Have you already recorded anything? Are any of the musicians you are surrounded by, including your music teacher, familiar with how to go from amateur to professional to show you the steps of how to form your own production company and start recording things?
I get that you don’t want to perform opera. What kind of music do you want to perform? Or indeed, are you wishing you were in a music conservatory somewhere which was preparing you to audition for La Scala? Or the Met? Or do you want to perform in Broadway musicals?
Or what?
Are you in the U.S. or Europe? It makes a difference in terms of the legalities in performing music that’s already copyright. And, it may
make a difference in terms of what performance venues exist. I can
only speak to what’s happening in the U.S.
One good way to get started is to begin to sing at Open Mic performance venues if they exist in your area. Around here, prior to COVID, there were several coffeehouses and there was a monthly open mic at the library, of all places. Check around your area. You need to be prepared to perform, and it would be good to make repeat performances. You can put together about 10 minutes of songs for an open mic performance. No auditioning necessary. Just be ready to do what you love, and that’s sing. There’s no money involved–it’s just the exposure and performance practice, which is practicing in itself.
When you are practicing, banish the word “practice” from your vocabulary and from your soul. Each time you sing, sing your heart out, the way you dream of doing for an audience.
Now, what really hits me the most, here, is that you are in college and
“should really be spending time finishing college and making more money.”
Any time I hear the word “should,” I get suspicious. Is the internal dialogue going something like this? “YOU REALLY NEED TO FINISH COLLEGE AND BE A RESPONSIBLE, SENSIBLE ADULT! YOU HAVE A CHILD TO SUPPORT, YOU KNOW!! Give UP These Silly, Frivolous Notions About Being A Singer! Singing Is STUPID!!”
It may well be time to take that nasty, critical voice by the throat and tell it where to get lost, or at least challenge some basic assumptions:
1.) What are you studying in school?
2.) What kind of demand for work will there be in the thing you are studying when you are done studying it?
3.) How much do you care about it? Do you love it? Are you passionate about it?
4.) Do you realize that certain singers can become fabulously wealthy?
5.) In regards to the thing that you are studying, what kind of income do you expect to make in the first year? And after that, as you progress?
Would you be an entrepreneur, or would you be dependent on being hired and being able to keep that job for, say, 3-5 years? And what chances for advancement, and therefore, greater pay, are within the field? Compared to what you could make as a professional singer?
6.) The passion for music can never be snuffed out, no matter what.
That is a Fact, not an Opinion.
I know. I was a professional musician when I was 17 years old. I have been many other things since. And thank God for the work of Barbara Sher! Even after a 50-year hiatus from music, I am back to it again, enjoying some of those “Rubenstein Moments” when ever I play violin or viola, and I never would have, if it weren’t for Barbara’s influence.
The deal is this: You go with what you love, what you feel passionate about. A Native American Elder put it very well once: “Your purpose is to grow in joy. And if you don’t, then that’s when they send the hail. Because They just want you to grow!”
And she was so right! We cannot afford to ignore our passions. I did, until I’m so old that I’m practically dead. And I ended up in some really miserable jobs, and working for some really awful people, because I did what was “expedient” and nothing else.
So, my advice to you would be, sing, sing, sing your heart out! Every time you are singing, you are performing. Let that passion flow. Your audience will love it, and you’ll bring down the house! And your music and music performance will grow and evolve.
For most singing gigs, you need to have 50-60 songs ready to roll. It’s about 45 minutes to a set, consisting of about 10 songs. Total performance time 2-3 hours max, 45 minutes to 1 hour minimum. But, you should know a total of about 100 songs. It is good to be prepared for 3 hours of performance time. 2 songs can be covers, the rest originals, if you’re a singer-songwriter.
If, say, you’re the lead singer in a rock band, and it’s a cover band, they typically play more songs, like one every 5 minutes, and they typically play longer, like 2-4 hours. Three hours nonstop is not unknown. So you should be able to do 3 hours of material by yourself.
I do hope these remarks have been helpful. Get with professional musicians who can be willing to show you the ropes and get it going.
So, definitely time for some serious self-examination. And silence that nasty, critical voice before it drives you over a cliff!
Sing, sing, sing, and if it’s anywhere near where I am, I will be in the audience stomping and cheering and starting a standing ovation!
Hello Mary Ann,
Thank you so much for your thoughtful and helpful reply. I live in Europe (the Netherlands), otherwise I would have loved to meet you!
I will take all of your advice into account! The guitar player and me have only just gotten together, we’ve probably written around twenty songs so far but we have only finished four (more in progress). I think they can be classified as pop. I know the basics of playing guitar and also some tambourine but I would love to focus on singing.
I think I know around 100 cover songs (but it’s a good idea to prepare for a performance, since I wouldn’t know which one to sing if someone asked me now haha). The problem is that the guitar player does not want to perform (our plan together is to record the songs), but I do, I would love to perform. It has come to my attention that singing with a backing track is frowned upon by most musicians haha. They say it is just karaoke, so I think I will need to learn these songs on guitar too. I have classical singing lessons, I am learning to sing opera but I would like to be a professional pop/rock singer (I would also very much love to be an opera singer as well, but I’m still learning classical singing and it will take a few years). What the native american elder said resonates with me very much!
Regards,
Mandy
Dear Mandy,
Yeah, that’s right. You really can’t be singing with a backing track. You’ve gotta produce and record real, live, music.
I used to have a friend who was the drummer for a leading rock band. And, any time he heard “synthetic drums”–that is, drumming that was being produced by a synthesizer instead of by a live drummer, he could detect the difference, and it always made him furious. Most people, it is imagined, couldn’t detect the difference, but he certainly could. I had to listen carefully–my violin/viola/symphony musician’s ear is not quite as sensitive as his was, but I certainly could pick up a “tinny” quality to it that wasn’t there with live drumming recordings. And it would drive him nuts. The very idea that a talented musician could be replaced by a machine drove him nuts. And I think he’s right.
So, good luck with it all. I think you will succeed.
I can imagine that, music needs its soul 🙂
thank you!
Hi, my name is Daniel. Love has always been important to me, and I always loved people even when the surroundings got tough. For the last ten years, I have been reading, meditating, and writing to understand how to live more lovingly towards life and the people around me. I have some experiences that make me think some things are not widely known but may make us understand each other more deeply.
My dream is to find and communicate such truths that make people love and understand themselves and others. I want to do that together with others that feel the same way.
My main hurdles right now are income and how to go about it. I want to freelance with something that moves me in the right direction. The thoughts I have right now are freelancing with something like translation, content writing, or copywriting while starting a blog. But I am open to other suggestions as well. I think writing and pattern recognition are my main strengths. Please let me know if you have any ideas on how to move forward with this. Thank you for reading. I wish you a great day filled with love.
Hi Daniel,
I resonate with so much of what you said!
Specifically about our common desire to share our wisdom with the world
There are many writing jobs, even at the every level if you’ve never had one. There might be an opportunity for some part-time writing positions to provide you with income while you build up your personal brand/business in your free time.
I’m curious, do you have professional writing experience? What type of writing would/do you specialize in?
Your post is well-written and captures your emotion well. With some thoughtful positioning and strategy, you could easily write a captivating website that brings you in business.
Greetings from California.
P.S. you mentioned translation as a skill. To/from which languages?
P.P.S. how much income would you need, exactly?
Hi Alvaro,
Thanks for your kind and thoughtful answer! I’m glad to hear that my message resonated with you. I just started with freelance writing and just had my first job. It was translating recipes from English to my native language Swedish. To translate from English to Swedish is also what I will focus on if I continue on the translation route. I have been writing in some of my past projects also. I had a webshop a few years ago, and I also had a blog some years ago where I did interviews and wrote articles.
One of my most meaningful experiences last couple of years has been writing poetry. Sometimes I have written texts to people that I think have reached something deep within them. I think they could realize to an extent the essence of who they are and that they are loved. Some of these texts became music when I went to a music production education where people also appreciated my writing.
It makes me hopeful to hear you think I can get jobs based on my message. I feel unsure about my skill level and which type of job would suit me best. To write creatively and emotionally telling stories for a meaningful cause is something I would like to do. That is the direction that feels most exciting right now. But I also feel I want to experiment with different jobs to find my way.
What you say about a website and positioning is interesting. I have a hard time putting myself out there, but I understand I have to do it. I will have this in mind moving forward.
I think $3000 per month would be enough for me to get by and $5000 per month to make it work in the long run.
Do you get any ideas on how I can proceed based on what I wrote? I hope you don’t mind me asking, its interesting to hear what you say. 🙂
The first thing that comes to mind as a great place to start exploring is-
Helping non profit organizations tell their mission story, the stories of the people they help, and the letters they send to their database of potential donors.
This connects your experience of telling emotionally evocative stories with your understanding of what it takes to interview someone, while allowing you an opportunity to be paid in a per-project format or even as a percentage of the donations you help generate for the organization.
Words are a one of a human’s greatest powers and you, my friend, have access to two entire languages worth of impact at your fingertips.
Start with organizations in your local area, maybe there are some you know. All you need is some momentum and to display testimonials from happy clients. You’re already on your way.
If you need an accountability partner or someone to strategize with, I’m happy to help.
That sounds like a great idea! I will look into it. Thanks for bringing this to my awareness!
Accountability sounds great. I would also like to know more about what you are up to and if I can help in any way. Please feel free to contact me at danielfrankkarlsson@gmail.com.
Dear Daniel,
I think that the greatest way that you can move your thoughts forward and reach the most people is through writing. In past years, along about February or so, every year, Barbara Sher’s website has given people the opportunity to become involved in “Write Speak.” This was, and is, Barbara’s signature program for those who want to produce a book and become a motivational speaker, like she was. This might be something to consider, if you want to write to inspire people. This takes you through every step of writing a book within a year so that you emerge with a book that’s written and published, at least in some form. Blogs can become book chapters, and this may be another way to go.
Would you be working as a translator? Translating what language to what language? I think the best thing is to just embrace your goal directly and write.
What are you doing presently for income? How much time can you create each week for writing? Do you have some income of some kind and/or work of some kind, or are you unemployed? You’ve gotta be able to put food in the belly to have fire in the belly to write. The year-long Write Speak course isn’t cheap. If you can’t do it at once, it would be a good thing to create a savings goal so that by next year, barring any unforseen calamities, that you can start saving weekly and monthly, creating a special fund, bit by bit, so that you can take the course next year. Patty hasn’t announced it yet, and February is rapidly approaching. I am trusting that it will be offered again.
If for some reason or other it isn’t, then the other way is to carve out time each week to write. And in order to get started, go get yourself a whole bunch of ink pens and a ream of paper, or several spiral notebooks. I have found that writing with my fingers comfortably curled around a pen is a lot easier than trying to pick away at a keyboard. In order to stimulate your thinking, you may possibly want to speak into a tape recorder or other recording device. The hardest part, sometimes, is valuing our wisdom. Knowing that we have something valuable to say. See if you can get into a Success Team somehow, or possibly form one, with other people, so that you can get support and get the dream started to blaze up from being a tentative small flame to a steady blaze! Writing warms the heart and soul of the writer as it warms the audience that it reaches. And you’ve just had good advice from a very creative-thinking marketing expert. That’s why these Idea Parties are great. As far as income goes, writers have done all sorts of things for income, just to keep the rent or mortgage paid and food coming in. I knew someone once who cleaned rooms at a resort and wrote in his spare time. Someone else was a patent clerk. Any “good enough job” is a subsidy to the arts, including writing. And that is a job that doesn’t include toxic bosses or co-workers, does not demand more than 40 hours a week, and does not involve something so demanding in the doing of it that it exhausts you. Plus, it needs to pay enough to keep a roof over your head, food in the belly, and the bills paid without getting nervous about how this is supposed to happen every month.
When physical foundational needs are met, then you can move ahead with the writing. It’s nice to have a job in an adjunct profession such as copywriting or editing or some related field, but not necessary.
Good luck with it all!
Hi Mary Ann,
Thanks for your kind and informative response! The “Write Speak” program sounds interesting, but I think I need to get going with my income first. I will consider it in the future.
I just started with freelance writing and just had my first job. It was translating recipes from English to my native language Swedish. To translate from English to Swedish is also what I will focus on if I continue on the translation route. That has been my income lately and to sell some things I’ve been collecting. I think $3000 per month would be enough for me to get by and $5000 per month to make it work in the long run. I think I can set aside 7h per week for writing a blog and 20-30h freelance writing.
It’s hard to value your wisdom, I agree with that. It’s easy to see it in others and hard to see in yourself. At the same time, you need to start sometime, and I feel I need to start now, or it will never happen.
I feel writing is what I want to try now and not some other type of job. I wanted it for a long time, and since I liked the first job I want to continue with it.
Thanks for reading. Please let me know if you get any more ideas you feel like sharing. 🙂
I like what you wrote. I am a psychotherapist (among several occupations) and that helps me work with people to be more loving and understanding of themselves and others.
Regarding writing, there is a website http://www.freedomwithwriting.com that actually gives information about paid writing opportunities.
I wish you the best in finding a way to put your ideas into action!
Hana Dolgin
Thanks, Hana! I will look into your website tips. Your psychotherapy job sounds interesting. What kind of therapy is it? How do you feel about working with it?
I studied Gestalt psychotherapy many years ago in NY. It is a present-centered, experiential therapy, meaning the focus is on what the person is experiencing in the here-and-now, as in reality we live in the present, one moment at a time. People usually don’t change from talking about things, more from experiencing things, so the focus is on bringing the client into the moment, to have an experience. That may sound kind of abstract… 🙂
I started practicing again, since now a lot of therapy is being done remotely through video, and it is great, because there’s no overhead for renting an office, etc. There are many websites that provide directories of therapists and make some money from matching clients to therapists, etc. so they help find clients. I have 3 so far. I enjoy the work very much. I hope to build up to about 10 a week, and that would leave me time for other things I do, like playing music (I am a professional saxophonist), doing T’ai Chi, bellydancing, doing yoga etc.
Hello!
I am wanting to start a private practice in Washington State. I am a licensed mental health counselor, and about a year ago, earned a certification from PESI in how to deliver therapy via telehealth. There were so many requirements that have to be complied with because of HIPAA, including having to install security cams, that I realized that I could never do this remotely from the apartment that I live in. It would require many other things, and is expensive and difficult to implement. So, I intend to run my practice out of an office or via telephone contact, where I call the client at the time of the appointment, the way one of my mentors is doing. It’s working for him.
I have this obstacle where I do not understand how to attract clients to form and build a practice, and survive the “rollercoaster” effect that happens until the practice becomes solid at about 20 clients. That means you may have, say, 7 clients one month and 2 the next, and the rent is still due!
Practicing out of my home isn’t possible because I live in a place which bans being able to run a business out of your apartment. I would have to move, but the same difficulties with setting up a telehealth practice still present themselves. There are so many security breaches possible via the internet, and they involve HIPAA. So, I’m going to do it via in-person and telephone contact.
I have two questions:
1.) Are you practicing in the U.S. or Europe, or where?
2. ) How do I attract clients while following the ethical guidelines about not using social media, and how do I build a practice?
For me right now, these are the burning questions of the hour.
Okay, thanks for sharing! There was a practitioner that visited our church doing Gestalt therapy. I was surprised to see people have that intense reaction. It seemed to reach something deep within them. I got the impression they found it healing to go through it also. Perhaps I should try sometime. I found talking useful also but experiencing might be even better. I’m glad to hear you enjoy it and find it meaningful. I hope you will get more jobs coming in so you can get more time for your other interests!
Dear Daniel,
I, too, am a psychotherapist and life coach. I will be launching a private practice in psychotherapy very soon. The mission statement for my practice is as follows: “To awaken people to their talents, to their purposes, and to the actualization of their dreams. And to heal psychologically from whatever is standing in their way.” I have a master’s degree in Clinical Social Work and am licensed in Washington State as a Mental Health Counselor. Which means that within the State of Washington, I am licensed to deliver psychotherapy. I also have a deep lifetime love of nature and I have written one of the few research papers in the field of Ecopsychology. To be a psychotherapist requires a master’s degree from an accredited university. To be a psychologist requires a PhD. At least in the U.S. And, it is illegal to deliver therapy without these credentials and without a license. A BA or B.S. degree won’t get you very far. You’ve just got to get good enough grades doing one of those to become admissible to graduate school–3.0 or better. And in grad school, B grades or better in everything.
The program I took to earn my MSW was very rigorous–I was studying 117 hours a week just to keep up with the assignments! It’s a lot of work, and you have to really want it, and want it badly. But if you’re not passionate about the work, you won’t last in the profession anyhow.
I started out on a volunteer basis, and for 7 years had a spiritual group going. In between monthly gatherings, people would call me up and seek me out, and I found that I was dealing with the “trench warfare” of counseling–substance abuse, domestic violence triage, domestic violence counseling, crisis intervention, suicide intervention.
Whew!! Most counselors complain of being drained after they’ve been working with clients. I never felt drained. I felt energized instead, because I rapidly found out that I was making a difference in people’s lives. I want my private practice to be more oriented to helping others make forward progress with their lives, and healing what stands in the way. I want to fit a special emphasis in ecotherapy into the practice. Since graduate school, I’ve delivered equine therapy to a population of developmentally disabled adults and youth at risk. And what an interesting and rewarding situation that was! Nothing compares!
I’m happy to share more of what it’s like to be a therapist if you are interested.
HI Mary Ann,
There are many HIPPA-compliant telehealth platforms, for example, Zoom has a telehealth platform which I am using that costs about $120 a year, which isn’t much (I found a coupon, so it was less). There’s a free one doxy.me, but I had problems with sound and once I couldn’t see the client at all! That’s why I switched. Also, I took a short course on telehealth and they recommend having the client sign an “informed consent” form regarding telehealth and the limits of confidentiality, etc. I don’t know why you would need security cameras. As to you not being able to “work” out of your home, I don’t think anyone can forbid you to work on your computer. So many people do that.
There are several directories you can get signed on to for free (they make their money in a variety of ways), I am on headway.com, and also choosingtherapy.com. Headway will get you registered in-network with insurance companies, and they take care of billing and payment. Also, I signed up on Zocdoc.com, which is a directory and you only pay $65 one time when they a client finds you through their website. So there are many options. Indeed.com is a great job search website, you can do a search for psychotherapists in your area. Best of luck!
Hi Mary Ann,
Thanks for your response! I’m glad to hear you found your job that rewarding when it was that tough studying for it. I was curious about people’s experience working with therapy since I’m interested in different ways to support people. I have no interest in becoming a therapist right now, perhaps later down the road. Thanks for sharing, I hope all turns out great with the new practice!
Daniel,
Something to explore: https://www.italki.com/
You can help others learn your language, even start by practicing for free, but then charge $$ when you are ready.
It’s a wonderful site, and even just helping people practice speaking a new language can be meaningful, as most of us are fearful of messing up and appreciate any kindness or encouragement we get.
Best of luck,
Jennifer
Thanks, Jennifer! It sounds like an interesting thing to try. I have never thought about language learning and the importance of vulnerability in that way before. Thanks for sharing that. I will look into it.
Hi! can’t believe i am doing this but here we go!
My names Lisa and my wish is to be a children’s book author. I realized this dream after years of working in different fields, yet always find myself coming back to writing. I write funny and educational children’s picture books. Many people who i spoke to told me its impossible to even have any agency or publishing house even reach back out to you and there is no money in this field. I tried contacting multiple publishing houses, and no one ever answered. Feels kind of defeated but now i realize the importance of being around positivity. I know I can go the self publishing route, but i don’t even have the extra money to advertise. I just want to spread love, joy, and education to children around the world because that is what kids deserve. Can anyone help me with my dream?
Thank you, Lisa
Hi Lisa!
My mom writes poetry/lyrics and has been doing so for as long as I can remember. One day she mentioned she wants to donate money to schools in Guatemala for art supplies, specifically to the city of Esquipulas, where she’s from. One problem, she didn’t have the money to print any books!
We called around a few local print shops in the area. From there, determined how much each book would cost to make and how much she could realistically sell each one for.
You might say, “yes but Guatemala is much cheaper to have something printed” but that’s not the point of my story.
The question is “how did they do it?”
Answer- My mom asked every single person on her Facebook friends list and every single person on her phone if they’d be willing to buy a book if 100% of the money went towards the cause. “Oh, and do you know anyone else I should talk to that might be interested in helping school children in Guatemala get school supplies for art?”
People have to know you’re really going to use the money for good, so making a video or Facebook post about it is a great way to publicly keep yourself accountable and transparent, to make others comfortable with their donation. You can post this before reaching out to people, so then you can call them with the following:
“I’m not sure if you’ve seen my recent Facebook post but I’m (state your cause) and wanted to know if you’d feel comfortable sponsoring a book for a child? It’s only $xx.”
Then you just stay quiet and let them think about it! (I say this part because my mom was very nervous to call people, so I’d remind her that as the person representing the cause it’s her job to simply ask for the ddonation. And then give them time to answer you!
Another example I have is-
A local hospital’s Director of Radiology asked me to help promote her book so that someone sponsored the purchases. This means that, similar to my Mom’s story, someone else pays for the book creation costs and then you donate the book to wherever you see fit.
Well, in the case of Dr. Barbara, we came up with the idea of asking school libraries, local libraries, and college clubs for women, if they’d like to give their students/staff books on women’s empowerment for women in S.T.E.M. fields. She ended up even getting corporate sponsorships from medical product companies.
You see, it doesn’t have to be YOUR money and you don’t have to wait for a publishing company. The secret is to pick where exactly you want the books to end up, then you simply tell people you know and people you don’t know (including the recipients), what your plan is.
Who knows, maybe schools themselves know how to get you the money!
People are the answer. Confide in others to help you, but you have to continue to be the evangelist of it.
If you’re curious how I know so much- I’m a marketing director for a luxury services provider in Palm Springs, so I understand the value of sharing a beautiful cause/message. I know nothing about book publishing but I love my mom and her passion, so I got creative about how she could make an impact without having to talk to people outside of her existing network. And I love my community and science, so helping Dr. Barbara was an easy “yes”.
Hope that helps!
P.S., you’ve made me realize maybe this is another niche of consulting I can offer as a service. (Robot voice, “Scanner brain activated.”)
By the way, my mom started this endeavor 4 years ago. She has now gotten hundreds of sponsorships (totalling over a thousand now) and donated hundreds of books, art supplies, and clothing items to children in need in Guatemala.
She even started a yearly poetry festival in her hometown, featuring local youth and giving them prizes. All without a single penny out of her own pocket, thanks to people she’s met before/now.
One man, a radio personality in Los Angeles, found my mom’s donation request video post in a Facebook group and sponsored 100 books by himself because he loved the cause so much.
They’re now working on a pitch for my mom to make it an official non-profit organization.
You can do it, too! And much more! And you can do it right now, with the resources you have and the people you already know.
Sending love from California,
Alvaro Sandoval
Thank you so much for this thoughtful reply! I will look into these options. Thank you
Dear Lisa,
Of course I can! You’re in touch with a book editor. I was a freelance editor for 6 years, and during that time, I was also on the editorial board of a major Northwest publisher.
Here are some things to know as a beginning author about the publishing process, and I hope they help you become undefeated.
First, I think you’re wise to not choose the self publishing route? Why? Yes, it’ll get your book “out there,” but out where? A friend of mine is an author of several children’s books. She has just published a book on Amazon, on demand. When a buyer orders it from Amazon, she gets a very small cut. When a buyer buys a copy directly from her, she gets $18.00 per copy. But where are the copies? There are a couple of options, and one is that there are massive numbers of books stacked in a warehouse or a storage unit on shipping pallets. Is this the way you want to go?
Another way is to get your book out there via a publishing company.
And the distinct advantage is that this way, it can make it into bookstores. If you self publish, they never will, because bookstores either order from publishers or jobbers, otherwise known as distributors. And these are only available to authors who have gone through a publisher. Otherwise, bookstores won’t touch the book, no matter how good it is.
So how to approach a publisher, and actually get published? Through an agent, that’s how. You’ve found out, the hard way, that publishers don’t respond to queries from authors. So you need an agent, whose business it is to sell your work to the right publisher, and to find that for you.
So how do you find an agent? And what are some things to know about agents?
There’s this publication that comes out every year–and it’s the Guide to Literary Agents, obtainable at major bookstores. It lists agencies from A-Z, on all possible topics that anyone could write about. Agents specialize in certain topics. There are some who specialize in children’s books. For some misbegotten reason, they didn’t publish an edition in 2021. So I have the 2020 version, and it’s time to go after the 2022 version. This is your Bible. You sit with it and go plowing through it with the aim of taking notes on any agent who: 1.) will take work from an unknown, beginning author, and 2.) will specialize in children’s books.
Many of them won’t, but there are those who do.
Your manuscript needs to be letter perfect (no spelling, punctuation, or grammar errors) and it needs to be ready to go to press. The Guide contains articles about how to get a manuscript ready to go to press that are necessary to pay attention to. This is part of learning the ropes. You may need to be able to write a short one page synopsis that summarizes the work, as well, although this is usually done for larger works. You follow the agent’s submission guidelines.
I love everything that the publicist told you, because an agent is going to want to know what kind of a “presence” you already have–so, in order to attract an agent, you will need to be able to do the steps that are suggested with Facebook and with any other lists that you already have, and if you have ways set up to get sponsorship so that you can sell 100 copies at once, for example, this would be interesting to an agent. It used to be that an author could simply depend on an agent to sell their book and do all the selling, but nowadays, it’s different.
But Do get the guide, and follow it up. Again, I love everything that the publicist told you. How good to have someone like this helping!
I hope I have de-mystified the publishing process a little bit. It is a lie that “there’s no money in this field.” Just walk into any public library and go to the children’s section. There are oodles and oodles of children’s books in any given library! And every children’s librarian, every year, buys the Caldecott and Newberry Award books. The Caldecott books are the best picture books, where the illustrations play a predominant role, and the Newberry Award Books are chapter books for older readers. Some of these are so engrossing that they’ve been made into movies, and are good to read by readers of all ages.
So, my best advice is, get an agent, and get ready to publicize!
You’ve got some great publicizing advice from an expert.
Thank you so much for responding! I will use the suggested ideas and continue to make this work. Thank you!
Cool. Good. I’m glad it could make a difference.
Hey, Lisa! Do you know about Teacher Pay Teacher? It is teachers creating things for other teachers to use, and most teachers buy from the site. I know you are not a teacher, but maybe you could create an activity for one of your books or a video of you reading one or something, and post it there for not too much money….then it would create interest among the crowd that would eventually want to buy your book!
My wish is to make myself feel more confident in daily life and to be more social. I need help to overcome this thoughts.
The obstacles I face are :
1. I am afraid I wouldn’t fit in and that people would talk bad about me behind my back .
2. I’m constantly scared that people would make fun of me
3. I constantly feel that no guy would like me because I’m lazy, not beautiful and I don’t have any charms and I haven’t achieved anything. I’m still a graduate student, while many of my peers are having successful careers. Everytime I think of myself and this situation, I feel so ashamed.
4. Above all, being in my late 20s, I feel I’ve wasted my time in early 20’s having minimal social interaction. I feel this has mad me immature, as I feel many of my questions sound like teenage insecurities. As, I’m supposed to be a bringht young woman by now.
Hey Yasmin, I am new to this website, love Barbara Sher. All of your points remind me of myself when I was in my 20’s. I am someone who has realized (in my 40’s) that I am not someone who is supposed to “fit in”. I am more of a leader and an outlier with my own mission in life. I learned this when I found out my Human Design, and I encourage you to look up yours at mybodygraph.com (it is free, but you create a log in) Also I started practicing Nichiren Buddhism in my 20’s in Los Angeles. It really helped me to find a wonderful, supportive spiritual community and chant to build the foundation of my life. The goal of the practice is similar to Barbara’s idea that we all need to become happy doing what we love, to share it with the world and help others enjoy their lives.
Finally, we cannot keep comparing ourselves to others. It is just not fair to you, as we can never be expected to replicate someone’s else path. But you are NOT alone, in that feeling of having immature insecurities. I can relate and also I know the lengths that people go to in order to cover up their own insecurities. Bravo to you for writing it out and admitting it. I believe self-awareness and willingness to grow are two important things, that you have!! Good luck on your self awareness journey, you deserve every happiness.
Hi Yasmin,
First off you should be proud of yourself for speaking out about your insecurities. That took courage. I also felt the same way in my twenties until I realized that every fear and insecurity I had led me to a path of destruction and I ended up with nothing, no one and embarrassed. I took a spiritual path of learning and growing.Now in my forties I enjoy life and can just simply be myself. Don’t be to hard on yourself and don’t care too much because life is love and it starts by loving yourself. It is afterall YOUR Journey . Good luck!
Sweetheart Yas, haters will hate, give them something to talk about! I completely understand how you feel and it won’t stop, throughout life either you embrace it, understand why they gossip about you or your projects and learn to live and thrive in spite of the haters or you allow them to drag your frequency to theirs.
3 levels of conversation:
People who talk about other people
People who talk about things
Those who discuss ideas
Where do you fit in? and if you are not a sheeple, then why would you care what the sheeple gossip about? Pretty or not you seem pretty fkng cool to me! Put on your favourite top and wear your smile like a flower wears her colours, nothing can stop you when you embrace your inner beauty sweetheart!!
You ARE lovely
Awright! Here comes Gramma, and she’s gonna cuss you out!
Listen, seriously, I’ve been where you are now. Miserable, rotten, less than zero self esteem, and feeling wretched because I was being blown hither and yon by every “social trend” and couldn’t fit into any of them.
So, welcome to my imaginary drawing room. It’s winter, so there’s a roaring fire in the fireplace. Draw up that rocker over there–that one with the nice padding, and I’ll take this one.
I will answer your points, one by one, in the order that you presented them, and sometimes it’s going to sound like tough love. I’m part Bear. Sometimes, if I think it might actually do somebody some good, I take people apart, scatter the pieces around, and put them back together again, so I hope you don’t mind, and this doesn’t scare you off completely.
So here we go.
1. Fit into WHAT?? I finally learned that what I used to yearn to fit into was mostly weak, stupid, watered-down pablum that wasn’t fit to associate myself with, let alone fit into. Garbage in, garbage out. I found that there was something much finer, much mine-er, which I crafted, and I’m going to show you how I did it.
2. I’m constantly scared that people will make fun of me. Why? Do you have one foot that’s backwards? Impossible flaming red hair that’s kinky and that flies and blows all over the place? Purple skin with pink and green polka dots? And ears like Dumbo’s? And what do their opinions really Matter?
3. The No Guy problem: In one of her books, I forget which one, Barbara Sher said, “It is one of my deepest beliefs that nobody is lazy.”
When I first read that, I burst into tears, and sat here weeping for a good half hour, loudly. All my life, I had horrible, abusive people who ratted on me and ratted on me and ratted on me, tearing me down and calling me lazy. My Dear, Gramma Bear says: The word “Lazy” and the words “Graduate Student” are asynchronous–they don’t fit, they don’t match, they don’t stand together, at all, period! I don’t know about you, but when I got my graduate degree, I had to study 117 hours a week, just to keep up with the assignments! I didn’t have time to sleep enough, to eat right, nor to do laundry. At the end of every semester, I took all my laundry to the laundromat and got three triple loaders all going at once! No kidding! That’s not called lazy!! I also had half of a master’s degree in Library Science, which I have no desire to ever complete. In that first master’s attempt, I still had room for somewhat of a social life. It was easier. But not this one! It was brutal. Period.
And Nobody who is a graduate student is lazy. Nobody. Period.
Who’s been ratting on you anyway? Tearing at you until you feel like a half-chewed up dog toy, or chewed up rag doll? Time to kick them out of your life, whoever they are, and I do mean for good! Such people are undermining and destroying you, and you must be rid of them, or they will destroy your psyche utterly. If you can’t muster up the moxie to do this yourself, then get a good therapist to help you do it! This is vital!
You say you haven’t achieved anything. My dear young woman: By dint of the fact that you’re a graduate student, you’ve Achieved something! Your achievements are superior to most! It takes at least a 3.0 grade average or better in your undergraduate studies to even be admissible to graduate school. Not to mention that while you are IN graduate school, you must maintain B grades or better At The Graduate Level! So what is this utter nonsense that you haven’t (and the corollary you aren’t) achieving anything? Who said that? The ratters, again? What utter nonsense!! “My peers have successful careers.”
Your peers? Who are they? Your peers are your fellow graduate school students! All of whom are working very hard to learn something that will benefit the world, in some way or other, hopefully. These Are Your Peers!
And who is doing what in these successful careers? Are they spending all day mindlessly picking away at computer keyboards, doing some sort tecchie work in a world that’s gone technology mad? Or what? It is high time to redefine “Successful Career!” And to quit making evil comparisons that only pull you down. Shame can be crippling.
4. How could you possibly have “wasted your time” in your early 20’s? I was a highly sought after, talented young musician who went to college on a music scholarship when I was 17 going on 18. I was 18 in my freshman year. By spring semester in my junior year, I was changing majors, and I was 20. This meant longer in school to finish my Bachelor’s degree. I finally did that when I was 21, and then proceeded to go after teaching credentials, and the aforementioned half of a master’s degree in library science. Just after I completed this, I left college and got a job as a school librarian that lasted a year. Two years later, and diminishing jobs as a school librarian, and finally a giant recession which wiped out the profession entirely–they laid off all teachers with less than 7 years’ seniority–I quit the education field and became a freelance editor for the next 6 years. I started that when I was 29. Where was my social life in all this time? Who in the heck had time for it? I was never a social butterfly. And yes, I did get married. The day I met him, I was dressed in an old ultra-grubby pair of jeans, a parka, and mittens. I was leading a day hike for an outdoor club that day, and meeting someone was the farthest thing from my mind. My horrible red hair was all over the place. Ugly? Pray tell, what crack did that person crawl out of? But something happened, and the following Tuesday, I was skipping graduate school for the day to go climb a mountain with him. And the rest is history. Appearances didn’t matter at all! It’s not the social wiles that make the difference! It’s what’s inside a person’s heart that projects through their soul that makes the difference. And you certainly haven’t been wasting your time. You went farther in school than I did at the time. You went on to graduate school. And that cannot possibly be called a waste of time!
Now then, one more thing:
Get ahold of Barbara Sher’s first book, Wishcraft, How to Get What You Really Want, and start crafting a life for yourself. Pay particular attention to the part about the Ideal Day. Do it all, and then break it down, the way the book says, so that you find out what the essential elements are, and what you already have. And start crafting a life that’s authentically yours. This will put you in touch with your talents, your deepest dreams, and will set you upon the path to start activating them.
And it will liberate you from the tortured life of believing someone else’s lies, and of believing that you have to fit into something or other.
I know, because I was once one of these tortured people. Your peers are the Literati of the world. Graduate students, all. Your Quest, is nothing short of finding out your Divine Purpose, and discovering that you have all the talents to carry it out! And Barbara Sher’s work is the necessary balm that heals old wounds and pours bension and blessing into the soul. Welcome Aboard!
I hope I haven’t scattered you around too much. Tough love from Gramma Bear.
Once you begin walking this
I just wanted to finish with,
Once you start walking this way, there’ll be a whole new way of perceiving the world and perceiving yourself. There is so much beauty that awaits!
And so much good in the world!
Hi Yasmin, perhaps you could try this: imagine you’ve got your wish and you’ve become very social and very confident. Run this fantasy through your mind for a while, add as many details as you can, imagine what you are doing, how you are feeling, make it colorful and as real as possible. Ideally, write it down or at least record a voice memo. Look at the fantasy and consider, what was the very best of it, the sweetest spot, what made your heart beat faster? See if you can create a goal around it, ideally something tangible. Then use Barbara Sher’s Wishcraft (available for free online) to work towards this goal. There are so many great tools in this book (and in Barbara’s other books too). Good luck!
I have a couple of dreams that I’m trying to bring about! One is a solution for a really wonderful environment/space/caregiver for my grandma with memory troubles, and I’m wondering if there’s a way to provide value to others in the community struggling to find genuine, kind-hearted care that we can come together to afford. I’m thinking someone might have a building or home with rooms for 5-10 people; Between all of our families, perhaps this will significantly cut costs for caregivers (if we all split the cost, it should be doable!). I want it to be very COVID-safe and for everyone to be treated with gentleness and kindness; maybe we can have a little garden for residents and some of the food can be prepared from that to cut costs and make sure they eat well. I just want it to be a very happy place with people who care and love the residents like family. It would ideally be in the Los Angeles San Fernando Valley area, where she lives now. Her assisted living is terrible and I know others are also struggling to find good, affordable care or companionship for an elderly loved one. Perhaps someone even has a house with several rooms but a loved one who is lonely and needs care? Someone who can’t afford the costs of the home or caregiver comfortably and would benefit from others contributing to those costs. Does anyone have any ideas or a space? Or are there any caregivers in the area with a spare room in need of rental funds that would be willing to care for her?
I am also trying to find a way to rebuild her home and use the project as a means to start a healthy construction company, one which offers disabled and chronically-ill and/or struggling/anxious parents or individuals flexible employment (some remote, frequent breaks, can bring children to jobs or stay home when they’re sick, etcetera). The company would build homes with healthier building materials that are good for the environment and resistant to rot/fire/earthquakes. The home designs would be creative and fun and take into account healthy soil and gardening features that help reverse climate change and support wildlife. The buildings would help contribute to the regeneration of the earth instead of adding more of a burden. It would be a design and build firm that supports the community, air, soil, climate and workers tremendously.
Our family is running out of money for my grandma’s care and is heartbroken, feeling like selling her house (which is very damaged and needs rebuilding) is the only way to continue her care. I feel there is a better way. My mom and I need to start something to bring in more income and have always dreamed of designing homes. I believe there is a way to combine forces and ideas so that the community and family benefits equally, and we can make something beautiful and healing out of this difficult time. We are unsure of how to fund it or begin. Im considering crowdfunding, renting out my car, and selling my possessions. I believe there is a wonderful way to help others and the family at the same time. Any ideas would be so appreciated! How do we make it happen?
Anyone else struggling with these issues? Thank you for reading!
I LOVE your ideas. My dad had alzheimer’s, and the cost of home care or a facility is crazy expensive. And the workers don’t get a lot of money for providing the care, so sometimes those who are hired don’t have the appropriate skills.
Best of luck with your ideas and your grandmother! HUGS!!!!
Brittany, I have the space! We can talk about you being the administrator to begin co-creating your dream. I dream to build clean water wells to help our African brothers and sisters get food and water, I will need someone to run these properties in Costa Rica. It’s not LA, USA, it’s Central America and so lovely! 20 years ago I started planting thinking in a permaculture design way. This 1 house has 7 available spaces for elderly care and I had already designed university students to be able to help out and some earthquake proof designs for the additional buildings, there’s also 7 separate gardens to grow self sustainable eco-minded community crops. Let me know if Costa Rica is good for you….
Blessings
Hi Gaia
Your space sounds awesome in CR. I am in Mexico and it would be cool to join you to do elder care if you end up doing that with your space, also hospice care, I was trained as a hospice volunteer in Canada and care a lot about those people and their comfort and peace.
Also the clean water wells in Africa. I just spent 8 months in Tanzania volunteering at a school and fundraising for its expansion, and have traveled a lot in East Africa (Kenya, Tanzania, Zambia, Congo). My dream is to return to Africa and be part of a project like what your dream is, and also teach yoga over there. I had to leave because I needed to work and had run low on money but my heart and passion are there.
Definitely struggling with the same issues at the other side of the country. Can’t help with construction ideas or folks in the area, but I love https://teepasnow.com for great tips how to care for folks on the dementia journey. Teepa is so caring and positive and knowledgeable, and she shares it all with others.