Take a careful look at what you’ve got. Some dreams have passed their shelflife, but they stay in our minds out of habit. They have to be weeded out to make room for what you really want. Let’s go through your list, and open some space for dreams that really matter to you.

1. Cut anything you’re certain you don’t want anymore….
2. Toss dreams that you’re certain no longer fit you….
   If you’re not sure whether you still want an old dream, ask yourself this question: How much would I be willing to sacrifice for that dream? If the answer is “nothing,” take it off.
3. See if anything on the list is someone else’s dream….
   Off the list.
4. Drop the dreams that consoled you but weren’t real wishes….
   You can find out for sure what these “aspirin” dreams are by fantasizing yourself actually doing them. If the fantasy isn’t fun, the dream isn’t real. Take it off the list.
5. Make sure your dreams aren’t a way of saying, “I’ll show them….”
   Take it off the list. Revenge is the same as dreaming someone else’s dream. You need to let out some of the hurt so you can move on. To distinguish a real dream from a revenge dream, ask yourself a question: If no one had ever hurt you, would that dream still be on the list? If not, take it off. It will drag you down and never fix the wound anyway.
6. Go looking for other dreams that you wanted for the wrong reason….
   You can’t bother with anything you don’t love. There’s always another path to what you want, and you won’t find it until you take these items off your list.
7. Cut anything else that doesn’t make your heart beat faster.
   I know you want to read all those self-help books on your shelf, and fix every broken appliance in the house, and get the garden looking great, but check it out with care: Those might not be real wishes, just some habitual “shoulds,” and they don’t belong on your list of dreams.

   They’re about safety, not talent, and though there’s definitely a place in your life for safety, this dream list isn’t it.

…

Dreams to Keep

Remember, anything on that list, as long as it makes your heart beat faster, must not be taken off. You must keep the dreams you’d still go for if only it weren’t too late, the ones that never had a fighting chance, the ones you got talked out of, and the ones you keep postponing because they scare you.

All right, there’s your list.

You might end up with ten or even twenty dreams left on it. Or you might wind up with only one. But after a search like the one you’ve just made, I don’t think your dream list will be empty.

Now take a look at what has emerged.

Look at the dreams that made the cut. What do they tell you about yourself and your life? What do you see that wasn’t so obvious before? Has something emerged that wasn’t visible before?

Pull out your list and start pruning. Use a new comment on this page to tell us about the experience and how you feel about the resulting list. After you share your experience, read the rest of the comments and reply to a few.

Please be sure to subscribe to future comments on this exercise or to check back here on Wednesday evening or Thursday morning for new ones.

That’s it for this week! Watch for your weekly email on Thursday or just log in again then. If you’re not getting the weekly announcements and you would like to add them, please send an email to me at webmaster@barbarasclub.com. I can also help with comment subscriptions if you need it. Until next week!

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For a warm-up, go looking into your past for the dreams you once dreamed. Write some ages from childhood on, down the left side of a sheet of paper, leaving a number of lines between each entry. Continue onto another page if necessary. Then start writing down dreams next to the approximate age you dreamed them, starting as early as you can. Write without thinking too much just to get yourself in the mood, but try to enter some kind of dream at least every four or five years, even if you have to do some guessing. You’ll be adding to this list later, so be sure to leave room for more entries.

Your Dream History

At three, I dreamed of…

When you’re finished, look over your list and think for a moment. Can you find something else? Remember to include places you longed to see, careers you thought of having, lifestyles you wished for, things you wanted to try. If any of the following exercises remind you of more dreams, add them to this dream history, at the bottom of the page. And get some more paper ready. I want you to make your dream list as full as you can. A lot of dreams have fallen from memory, of course, but when you move to the next steps, many of them will start coming back.

As soon as the list is as long as you can make it, take a look at the entries and ask yourself a question:

What Happened to Those Dreams?

Maybe you got that puppy. Or maybe you had to wait until you grew up and could give it to yourself. Or maybe you never got it. But something happened to every dream on that list. Look at each dream, and right next to it write down what became of it.

There are two purposes to this step. One is that you may find out something about yourself and what happened to your dreams. Another is that this line of inquiry will remind you of more dreams. If it does, write them next to the age you remember dreaming them. If there’s no particular age attached to the dream, add it to the bottom of the page.

…

Is there something you did, or always longed to do, but now it seems too late? If so, it goes on the dream list.

Is your list getting nice and long?

Take a casual look at it and see if you notice any patterns emerging. Do your dreams fall in the same general area? Or did you give them all up for the same reasons? Or are you having a very hard time thinking of any dreams at all?

The dreams you didn’t have.

None of us dreams all the dreams we’re capable of achieving.

For example, what would you have dreamed if…?

Those are your dreams. Add them to the list.

I hope your list is getting very long. Let’s scoop up a few more for good measure.

Try to remember some little dreams.

Make a list of all the little things you want to do before you die…

Now remember some bigger ones.

“I’d really love to…”

Okay, unless you can think of some more dreams, you can stop now.

Write your list in your daybook, notebook or Word document. In a new comment on this page, tell us how many dreams you listed and how easy or difficult it was to make the list. After you share your experience, read the rest of the comments and reply to a few.

Please be sure to subscribe to future comments on this exercise or to check back here on Wednesday evening or Thursday morning for new ones.

Use the Next link (up above the title) to continue on to Exercise 29: Shorten The List after you are done adding your comments.

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1. According to me.
   Take a blank sheet of paper, and label it “The highlights of my life according to me.” Now, starting as early in your life as you can, write down the biggest things that happened to you, as you experienced them. Try to remember how they felt. Include your biggest insights and discoveries, your most wonderful moments, anything that had a memorable impact on you. When you’ve put down everything that comes easily to mind, take another sheet of paper and put this heading on it:
2. The highlights of my life according to others.
   Write down what other people saw as the highlights of your life. You can guess if you like because even when their values were unstated, you had a sense of what everyone really cared about. Write down what your parents and siblings and friends probably saw as the highlights of your life.

Were they the same or different? What does that tell you?

You can do this exercise on a blank sheet of paper, in your daybook, in your book club notebook or in a Word document. Remember: “Mistakes were what your first life was for!” Don’t hold back in making these two lists. You have time now for new highlights. Share your experience with this exercise in a new comment, then read the rest of the comments and reply to a few.

Please be sure to subscribe to future comments on this exercise or to check back here on Wednesday evening or Thursday morning for new ones.

Use the Next link (up above the title) to continue on to Exercise 28: Okay, Start Dreaming after you are done adding your comments.

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