How Does the Online Idea Party Work?
You have a dream or a wish, and an obstacle to getting there. (If you don’t think you know your wish, work through my kick-starter and read this post. To learn why you must put logic aside to find your dream, read the following.)
The online Idea Party is here to help you – and the other fellow party goers – with your wishes and obstacles.
Voices from Success Teams and Idea Parties:
Having a team to report to and hearing what everybody did each week is very exciting. It’s kept me moving all year. In the past I made some good starts on my own, but found, every time, when the energy ran out, I ran out. Now it doesn’t run out.
Jade G.
Children’s Playroom Therapist, New York Hospital
I would do a painting a year, a sketch a year. If it was only me I know I would never do it. Having to tell you makes all the difference. It’s crazy why I didn’t do this years ago, it’s so easy all of a sudden.
Caroline R. Personnel Executive, Macy’s Dept Store
Post Your Wish and Your Obstacle Here!
And help your team mates out when you can. Use the Reply link to help, the form below the comments to add your own Wish and Obstacle.
(Your first comment below has to be approved, so it may not display instantly depending on the time of the day. Once your email address is approved you can post instantly. If you want your own profile photo to show up beside your comments, instead of the cute little design, upload your photo on Gravatar.com and give them an hour or so to make it happen.)
I wish to find a new career path and life purpose. My obstacle: after working 18 years to build an arts center for my community, I had the rug pulled out from under me in a very nasty way after only one year of operation. I was fired from a job and dream I loved and focused on for so long for no real reason except politics and ego. Now what? I’m still angry about what happened, but don’t want to be. I feel lost. I didn’t just lose a job, but my friends, support system and being part of a community I really cared about. There’s a tiny part of me that likes being free, but I long for a sense of purpose and belonging…and don’t quite know what to do next. I was lucky to get another job quickly to support my family, but its not fulfilling. I need to be passionate about what I do. To really make a difference and be part of a team. Help?
Ouch. That sounds devastating, Jeannene. I’m glad you’re angry. Otherwise you might be depressed. Are you staying in the community? Is the place big enough so you don’t just see the same people?
Are you sure you don’t want to write a novel about this event? It might be therapeutic at the very least. I find myself smiling faintly as I write, so there’s surely something a bit revengeful in my thinking.
Funny you should say that. I’m actually a playwright (or was prior to kids) and I definitely have 18 years of juicy material regarding working in local government! Just not sure I’m ready to go there yet….
Thanks for the response Barbara! I think it is fantastic that you are personally here!!! So for now, I choose to stay in the community. I have young kids (6 & 8) in school here and a nice home that needs a ton of work before it would be ready to sell. I don’t think I should make a major relocation decision until I know the direction I’m heading career wise. I live right by the building I put together which is hard to see it every day and not be there; but I’m still so very proud of it. I have many friends here and quite a bit of support from people who value my contributions to the community and were appalled at how I was treated. I know I need some time to grieve and be mad…but I so much want a new direction too. I was lucky to be offered another job right away in mid-management at a large cultural institution. I really like the people I work with, but it’s an hour drive and crazy long hours that are tough on my family. So I feel like that’s my landing pad and a safe place for now…but it’s not enough for me. I really want to do something that is meaningful and use my leadership skills in the arts. I need a new big dream! (I’ve been re-reading “I could do anything…”, esp. the chapter on “I’ve lost my big dream — now there’s nothing left”….and thank you for that by the way. I’ve been reading a lot about careers and starting over in mid-life and it’s the only thing I’ve found anywhere that addresses how I feel!)
i live in germany and there are some communities, organisations like “car sharing”, you posting on internet that you driving from A to B, you give hours where you driving, and you can find people who wants to do the same. there is funy tendency, that most of the people dont have cars. in berlin for every 1000 people there are around 300 private cars. so one car for three people :), even families do not have car. so maybe it is time to do sth for the nature? or you can do sth for the (not jet known) community of people in the same situation :), on this way maybe you will meet nice people, who would appreciate your help 🙂
http://www.mitfahrgelegenheit.de/
Good afternoon,
I’m still a little embarrassed to speak this aloud on the TWIP, but I’m in the middle of “Refuse to Choose” and it’s a revelation. I used to make jokes about wanting to be a professional dilettante and if I won the lottery I would spend the rest of my life just learning as much as I physically can.
Which leads me to my wish/obstacle. I wish to be a professional dilettante more than anything else. However my obstacles are: fear and living (and working) in a very linear world (I’m a digital project manager by trade).
Thanks for letting me share,
Caren
You came to the right place, dear Caren. Almost every Friday, over at Hanging Out with Barbara Sher, I like to send a message that can be called ‘A Dilettante’s Play Date.’ It’s good for a Scanner’s mind to be delighted by something new, and to be surrounded by curious, playful people just like she is.
Thank you! I’ll be sure to start hanging out.
If you want to take a look, Caren, just go to
BarbarasClub.com and click on Hanging Out in the menu. I think you’ll love it. (I do!) It has turned out to be such a warm place, not just because of the great dilettante adventures we have, and the Identity Exercises each Wednesday (Or the laughs they get from my short videos on Mondays) but because members are always commenting and telling their own stories or being interested and concerned and encouraging when they hear anyone else’s story. You’d be most welcome.
As long as you don’t work more than 40 hours a week (preferably less) and you don’t hate every second at work, you can do everything you love while you hold down a job. Look in the ‘Types’ (Part II of Refuse to Choose) and you’ll find a happy programmer ‘dilettante’ who takes on a quarterly creative project every 3 months and creates or learns something wonderful every time.
Hello Barbara:
Happy Holiday to you,
As an aspiring writer , my dreams is to make the right connections. I am in the process of working on a book of poems in regards to publications . I need push,
advice, guidance and assistance in getting my book out. Is there anyway you can help?
With Thanks:
Shyrell Wisdom
You need a Success Team, Shyrell. Go to http://www.shersuccessteams.com and see if there’s one operating near you. Good luck!!
I’m doing this because I’m having trouble getting into the New Years idea party.
Wish: Create a doll that talks for about 45 seconds, then maybe post on YouTube, everybody wants to own one so they are sold to people, then possibly create a cartoon based on this doll and what she says. Mainly just get the doll made is my first wish. Obstacle: Even though I’ve been to one doll show and it was inspiring, I’m not sure what to do next (or first). How do I get this doll
manufactured? Or do I need to do it myself? How much money is involved? Do I collaborate wth a doll manufacturer or do I design it completely and find someone to follow my directions? Is this at all doable? I have been thinking about it and taking the tiniest of steps (with months of pauses in between), but feel that I have not really committed to it yet because I question whether it is doable. (My 2nd wish is to get into the New Years idea party.)
Did you ever get in to the TWIP? Here’s the easiest way:
1. Go to twitter.com
2. Find the search space at the top of the window and type in #ideaparty.
3. Voila! You are there. Easier than anything else I suggested. (Live and Learn!)
Once you get a prototype, you might want to contact small factories in Thailand. Friend said they’re geniuses at reproducing anything.
But, unless you have investors or funds, you first need some company to order a zillion, based on what they think of your prototype. They’ll pound down the price until you don’t make much per doll, but they’ll sell a zillion dolls. It’s also possible (once you can show them you know how to get things made) to go to shopping channels. In fact, they’ll even produce them. And sell them on TV. I’ve been told that, if they produce the item, they give you about a penny each (or something ridiculous). But they apparently sell a lot, so it’s a bunch of pennies.
I’m sure there are sites on the Internet that tell you all about QVC and The Shopping Channel and How to design and manufacture [toys/dolls/anything]. Find someone who’s good at google searching and ask for help.
Good luck!!
Thanks so much. I’ll study what you’ve told me until it sinks in. You make it sound more real and do-able than I ever think. I tend to keep things in my head, go over and over them–yes, in isolation. Then, of course , nothing happens. I can’t believe there are real things that can actually be done and I can do them. So, Happy New Year to you and to me, knowing that I can make some changes and take action. Yea!
My dream is to teach the world to be kinder and more compassionate with each other, to write books on how to be more connected to our families, to our neighbours, to our communities and to the world.
My obstacles are many:
1. Lack of connectedness myself – I live in Australia with no family and very few friends (largely because I am quite a recluse)
2. I Need to be there for my family as my son has high functioning autism and feel guilty wanting to do something for the larger world.
3. I’m afraid that people will think I’m a fruit cake and worse that I have no right to even think of teaching this.
4. My family and friends will roll their eyes and say “yet another project that you won’t complete”
5. I have committed to studying a psychology degree, for which I recieved a year’s credit for something else I studied, so now I feel obligated to continue with it, although I do want to do it as I feel that it is one thing that I have always wanted, but not sure why exactly.
6. I have NO idea how to go about this project.
7. I get distracted and side tracked VERY Easily (read, I have a STRING of projects that I have started and never finished).
8. I am afraid to start in case I fail and then every one will say, yet again, I haven’t finished anything.
I found my way to your book, Barbara, by way of a chrismtas present. I was given a book by Kaz Cooke called Women’s Stuff. In it, in a tiny paragraph, she mentions your book as a way to help build self esteem. I am greatly lacking in self esteem, so looked it up and downloaded the kindle version of your book. It has to say the least, two days after christmas, been revolutionary (boy, am I grateful for that christmas present, which I thought at the time was an odd gift to get really). In the first two chapters, I have realised that my passion is social justice and that I need to promote kindness, non-violence and compassion between all mankind. I know it sounds cliched, but I literally break when I hear of the atrocities such as the kind in the US just before christmas and that of china on the same day that no-one really got to hear about. It seems very hard (and quite self indulgent) for a middle class, suburban housewife whose son has autism to do. My husband would say my priorities are wrong and that charity begins at home. It’s awfully guilt inducing to say the least. But I digress. I really just wanted to thank you for your book (I could do anything…).
Well, even if charity does begin at home, no one ever said it’s supposed to end at home. I have to assume you’re giving a lot of effort to your home and family. It doesn’t sound like anyone expects you to give more at home.
The bigger problem is becoming credible. It’s hard for anyone – even without your responsibilities – to start and carry through an organization (or whatever form you were thinking of) of any kind, including one that will try to carry out changes in human behavior. It’s just too much for one person. I see two options that could allow you to do this:
1. Join or assist another organization that’s already doing this. Ask people here and on my bulletin board at http://www.barbarasher.com/boards to help you find such organizations. (There’s a well-known and widely respected organization, for example, that teaches and is named, Non-Violent Communication.)
2. Start small, with a blog. Say what’s in your heart and what you want to do. Then invite people to write ‘guest’ postings for you, so it won’t totally your responsibility to deliver the writing. When you have time, search for efforts being made in the direction you care about and report them in your blog. Then go to Twitter and send people to your blog to read everything – by you, by guests posters, or even links to other blogs or articles on the Internet that they can read.
One of the early efforts, of course, has to be locating and scheduling as many people as you can to write posts on your blog so you aren’t responsible for keeping the postings fresh. Ask for help on how to do this, if you’re not able to find them on your own. (I would certainly ask for help if I were doing this.)
The other has to be to find a way to make your blog well-known so people will want to write for it, as well as read it. My bulletin board, or the people here in the BarbarasClub IdeaParty might be able to give you advice on how to do that.
You do either or both of those ideas without having to devote an untenable amount of time to them, or having to worry that you haven’t ‘stuck to’ them.
My wish is to do things to completion.
Obstacles:
1. I am scattered: I have little bits of a million things started and not one thing completed it makes me feel as thou I don’t know what to do now.
2. I am a bit lazy.
3. I lose interest easily always moving on to the next thing. I start things with complete gusto feeling as though this is it the thing I am going to be fantastic at and just love then something else comes along and off I go,
4. I am completely disorganized with all these things.
5. I don’t have a lot of free time.
6. I don’t use my free time wisely.
7. I am overwhelmed and so don’t know where to start…. It feels like what writers block must feel like only with everything!
One sentence will turn this discussion in the right direction:
Isolation is the dreamkiller.
Here’s a perfect example of how hard it is for most humans (not just you, Rose, but everyone, including me) to get anything done *when they don’t have to.*
Take a look at anything you have committed to, and delivered on. You’ll find almost always that there have been certain elements present:
1) There is a deadline by which your work must be completed.
2) There is a living human, not yourself, expecting and waiting to receive this work at that time.
That’s just what humans need. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, and the big myth of the Lone Ranger charging on alone, accomplishing great things, is, in fact, a myth. As many have said, even the Lone Ranger had Tonto.
I’ve started to write many books. The ones I was writing for myself never really got finished. The ones I was writing for a publisher always got finished. The reason was simple: they gave me a cash advance and I spent it. If I didn’t finish the book, I figured they’d want their money back. That worried me enough to sit down and write when I’d rather have started a new project.
Not very glorious, but very human. So I advise you to pick a project, find someone who has a reason for wanting you to complete and deliver it at a designated time, and then get to work.
Bringing in another human this way, will turn what you *want* to do into what you *have* to do. And then it will get done.
Wow! Do you mind if I take some of that advice?
Wish: To be motivated to do the things I need to achieve my goals–efficiently, while having fun and ease, and for at least 15 hours a day, 5-7 days a week.
Obstacles:
1. That sounds crazy — both impossible and unhealthy.
2. Hubby will discourage me.
3. I’m not sure my goals are worth it. I may need to change the quality or quantity of goals. I did one of Barbara Sher’s books and all the exercises. I’m not willing to give up what I get paid to do what I’m already good at (partly because I need money to start a family in the ~5 years of egg feasibility I have left). I’m more scared than excited about the family and work goals. I’m in my fourth job in four years, so if I change again, I will be really adrift and feel bad about my abilities (and can’t re-finance). New job has the same pressure of visibility I was trying to avoid…and yet isolation.
4. I’m not sure if keeping busy is something I like or just a mania inherited from my mom, who now has chronic heart and digestive problems.
5. I lose interest in things that are good for me. For example, I like veggies, until I decide to give up sweets and then only crave sweets. For example, I like hiking, but because I know I need the exercise, I’ve managed to put it off so many times.
Well, it’s not impossible, and not necessarily unhealthy. I do it 4 or 5 days week when I’m writing a book — for two years.
However, when I have a book to write, life is very simple. I know exactly what I have to do every day. I know who’s waiting for the writing. I know they’ll take back their advance if I don’t hand in a book, and I’ve usually spent it half way through the process. So I can do it.
I think it’s extreme. I don’t think you’d wish for this if you were already working steadily on something you care about for 3 hours a day, 4 days a week. Wanting all those hours and days sounds like the way we feel when we’re really hungry: ‘I could eat a cow!’ Of course, you can’t eat much more than you usually eat, but when you’re really hungry, it seems like it would take a whole cow to satisfy us.
And it’s not a very good idea to quit work you get paid for, especially if you’re good at it. I never advise that people leave their jobs to follow dreams, even when they’re clearer than yours seem to be. A job can buy you time (among other things) to do the other things you love on your own time.
I like keeping busy. I like working at something that interests me. I’m not crazy about doing nothing. And if you feel your ‘busy-ness’ impulse is a mania, why don’t you put it to the test? Just plan (and get the materials ready) to do one new thing each week, for a few hours a day? If you want to spend time with your family, why not make a project that includes or is for them? (Inventing great things for families to do together might be one interesting project for you. Writing it up in a blog, might get you some great ideas from others, and maybe some real admiration, too.)
I don’t think that being interested or not interested in things that are good for you is really part of this discussion. Especially when you’re talking about something like food. Part of that is biological, part psychological. It’s a whole different thing.
So, which (if any) of my suggestions could be adapted to suit you?
Your book, “I could do ANYTHING, if I only knew what it was” should be a mandated read for highschool and college students! I managed to graduate from a highly competitive university, with honors, and still not knowing what I REALLY wanted to do. I have been battling with this torment ever since. I am 43 now.
WHAT IS IT THAT WILL MAKE ME HAPPY AND PASSIONATE ABOUT WHAT I DO? WHAT IF THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME AND NOTHING WILL? Throughout the past 20 years, I have been a successful marketing/advertising/PR exec, a mom (which is my favorite job), a massage therapist and yoga teacher (all at different times). But I still struggle with the constant itch that I am not one of those people in love with their career. And I desperately want to be. I want to jump out of bed every day, like your friend’s father you described.
But fear has deeply taken over. I bought your book, I am embarrassed to say, TEN YEARS ago, and was too overwhelmed to read it even then!
Today I JUST started reading it and instantly I was comforted that I AM NOT alone or some freak that struggles with my desire for a dream career. As most of my peers do what they love and it reminds me everyday of how lost I am. 🙁
At the moment, I am unemployed thanks to the market crash, going through divorce and broke. I am TERRIFIED. Do I just go back to the Marketing rat race to catch up financially or do I take this time to finally figure out who the heck I am? Even with major debt and no income, I am thinking of “braving” it out to make this THE TIME to find and do what I love. But my God, I am so scared.
I pray your book helps me, as mentioned, I am battling with fear, anxiety, depression and am beyond overwhelmed that I am stuck at this painful fork in my road of life at the age of 43.
I need to make ends meet quickly especially with Christmas around the corner. Is this the right time or do I take something temporarily to pay the bills while working through your book ? HELP!
Warm regards,
One very lost single mom in Annapolis, MD
Hi Jennifer. So sorry I didn’t see your comment before today. That’s a very scary situation you’re in, so I think you should take things one at a time.
Today: I do believe you should do whatever you can to make ends meet with Christmas coming so soon. Even if Christmas wasn’t coming, the first thing to do is find a job you don’t hate and start bringing in some income. It would be great to find one that doesn’t take you away from your kid too much, if that’s possible. How old is s/he?
In an emergency, any legal, not-physically dangerous way to bring in cash should be looked at.
When you don’t know exactly what you want to do with your life, and you have a kid you love and you love being a mom, it can be interesting to figure out how to bring in some money, using talents you know you have.
For example: I knew someone who had lost her entire business to her ex-husband and his girlfriend, who crashed (naturally) then got up (because she had to) and went on to make an enjoyable and lucrative career out of cleaning apartments for single professionals (like lawyers, brokers, etc.) in lower Manhattan. They worked insane hours and after a while she saw they didn’t have time for any kind of social life, so she started making their apartments look better – bringing new bedroom linens and bath towels and accessories, even window treatments, plants, etc., leaving them in their packages on the table along with the receipt so the person could reject them or leave cash to pay for them, eventually even preparing meals that were oven-ready, good wine, candles, the works. These professionals had money, and paid her well when they realized what she was doing, and started bringing home friends for dinner. Word got around and she got busy. After awhile she had to employ other people to do the cleaning part, but she continued to do the ‘home-making’ part.
I don’t know if you enjoy putting words on paper – you have a clear writing style in your comment – but if you do, you should look at The Well-Fed Writer. It’s quite a revelation, very practical and a very good read, by someone who had an easy, natural writing ability and decided to see if he could bring in income by taking on jobs that ad agencies were too busy to handle. This is not for someone who wants to write the great American novel. He did brochures and other such things, called himself a ‘copywriter,’ and within six months was doing quite well. That’s his first book, and the one that impressed me the most.
What I’m saying is that figuring out how to survive a crisis like yours can be very useful to someone who is still searching for who they are and what they should do. Earning money doing things that aren’t soul-crushing, but also aren’t what you would ever have called your ‘dream job’ can be interesting, even entertaining.
It’s exactly how I got started, incidentally.
The most important thing, however, is to end your isolation as soon as possible. You’re thinking and feeling too much, which anyone in your position would be. Any serious loss (career, marriage are high on the list) creates depression in the healthiest person. To start to heal and stabilize, you have to have people around at least part of the time, a place where you’re required to show up at a certain time because somebody’s waiting. Try to find a way to get into a Success Team, if you can. Sign up to assist the teacher on, say, Tuesday and Thursday mornings at your kid’s school.
And let me know if you got my answer. Sorry it was late.
My dream is to break free from my family’s negative ways and make something of myself. I wish to feel okay about that result even if it means I have no family left.
I did this. I found that I’d been so overrun by the demands and energies of others that the only way I could navigate through the noise was to constantly orient back to my own inner Self. Initially I had no clue how to do that, so I spent a lot of time simply observing what lit up to me- colors, shapes, a picture in a magazine, a style of clothing on an individual walking past me. I started to keep a journal, like the one Barbara wrote about recently, just recording things without judgement so that I could gradually coalesce and refine the signal within me, the flickering but steadfast inner essence of me that was there to lead me back to my joy and my Self. It worked.
I recommend the Journal as the starting place. Perhaps you already have your signal clear- the journal will help show you what you want and need to do on a deep level to honour that signal.. I still use my journaling for this- to meander through my creative impulses, to see what might be arising for me, to catch the very first stirrings of an embryonic inclination that has been incubating within me but has yet to take more solid form. My journaling is my map of my inner landscape. 🙂
This sounds like an idea I am willing to try. I am not sure what is the first think I wish to accomplish but I think it is about detachment and recognizing what I should and what I cannot control in my life. Joyce Evans