Hi All.
It’s Wednesday and the beginning of some new stuff:
Now we shift in Hanging Out, but just a little. We started out your Identity Exercises by focusing on senses and feelings, avoiding completely the pressure we all feel regarding achievement . You might call that the ‘Waking Up’ element in Hanging Out with Barbara Sher.
Then you took a look at your own history, or ‘Who You Are.’ (Well, you played a bit with the notion that there were lots of options about who you might have been; just loosened up your thinking about who you became. (With the Lying Game Family.)
We won’t let go of either the Waking Up or Who You Are elements. They’ll be showing up for the whole year, because you must always be reminded that, first before all, you are alive, and one of a kind.
Now I’d like to start looking at stories about some people who used interesting ways to get what they wanted. This is what I call ‘The Reality Series,’ because, when it comes to systems (like Hanging Out with me) that claim they’ll help you design a great life, talk is cheap.
The question to ask is this: Did anyone real Hang Out with me (or my work) and actually achieve a good life as a result?
They did, and they wrote me letters. (Thousands of them!) You’ll be seeing one or two from time to time.
Today’s letter is the first. It’s about someone who read one of my books or came to one of my workshops and decided to stop waiting for credentials or training. Instead, she just started where she was.
It’s fun to read. The letters I get are always full of feeling and often, fun. In addition, I’m hoping her description of how she got the work she loved will give you some ideas you can use. I’ve given you an exercise so you can really give her method some thought. Try it out.
So, here’s today’s Identity Exercise. It’s in two parts:
First, read this letter I got recently.
Then write the same letter, but replace it with something you’d like to do. Don’t worry about how it turns out and don’t demand that the result is your ‘dream job.’ In fact, write as many of these letters as you like. Their purpose is only to see what new kind of thinking you come up with:
Hi Barbara
I decided to take your advice and started doing my dream job informally, without pay.
Just for fun, I started a program at my kids’ school that focused on the talents of the mothers. Once a month, a mom would share her unique talent with the other mothers. It allowed the moms to see what others did in their “spare time” and helped them see the many possible careers there were available to stay-at-home Moms. I was absolutely floored by all the talented women! Many wanted to work part-time, but were unsure of how to start, or afraid to take the plunge. Some of the women came to me and asked me if I would teach them how to get started.
So I taught an informal class on how to work from home. This evolved into a class at our University. From there, doors just seemed to open up! It has been very exciting and fulfilling! I now get to use my analytical skills (strategic planning) with a group (primarily stay-at-home Moms) that I relate to. I have individual clients who need help figuring out how to work from home, as well as businesses who would like to help their company and employees benefit from “working-from-home” arrangements. I get to travel to conduct seminars, but most importantly, I get to work from home too!
KJ, Des Moines, IA
Now, pretend the same thing happened to you and rewrite her letter, but replace her words with something that interests you. Try to write fast, without thinking too much. See where the story takes you. (You can do this exercise a number of times, using a different story each time.)
For example:
Just for fun, I started a program at my local community center / hospital day room / office in the lunchroom / church / film dept of a local college that focused on the talents / hobbies / dreams / math skills of the members / visitors / co-workers / parents of school kids / film students, etc.
See what you come up with.
Can’t wait to see your comments.
Oh, firstly, happy new year. Am trying to catch up with all the exercises I’ve missed but have given up ( apart from writing down an “index”) and am just dipping in. So today is the reality series informal dream job letter. I started off OK, fine even. Then got STUCK – on the WHO, my AUDIENCE. No idea who would be interested in anything I’d love to do, let alone pay for it. Hmm biggie RESISTANCE wave.
What is it you would like to do? Perhaps we can help you.
Hi, Athena. In typical scanner fashion it could be one of several (100
Oh hell, stupid thing cut off most of my post. I carried on to say that I don’t want to put up anything specific in case it was only a whim. However, I always meet this resistance when it comes to coming up with audience, clients or participants etc. can’t even show friends or family for fear of “humiliation/rejection”. I just keep coming up with ideas. And then never doing them…. Classic!!
Well, that’s still rather vague for us to be able to help. Why not try a few things out on us? I’ve been doing that, getting great support and encouragement, and my life has taken a dramatic powerful change the last couple months.
Also I find family and friends the WORST people to show or share my ideas with. They tend to be far less supportive than complete strangers.
Even if it’s just a whim, why not throw something out and we can help you figure out who your audience might be, give you some ideas, try to help you get unstuck?
Also, FWIW, I was quite lost for a while recently as well, as my life had taken a totally different direction the last few years.
I decided to just throw everything out there and see what sticks – then I started getting emails and phone calls and having conversations with people asking for my help with launching their businesses in a powerful way so they can quit their day job. This is an entirely unexpected direction! But it started from just going out there and doing stuff.
I feel the same – lost ( I understand the horse analogy from Barbara Sher ). What do I do?
OK. How’s this for starters (Athena, I like your comment about throwing everything out and seeing what sticks). Back in the summer I stopped drinking. To help me get thru it, I joined a few sober blogs. With one you have to email in everyday, saying you’re siber. I decided to take a different approach and take a Thumbs Up photo each day and email it in. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed doing this. It’s been a creative outlet during my time of desert dryness recently. I had the idea to open the concept ( thumbs up pix) to others. To share in the fun and creativity. I can’t find out how to do it. Have looked into setting up a blog but you can’t open it up as you’d get robot spammed. And it’s all started to get too complicated ( and I really need my life to be simpler fir a while). I’ve got a great name for it: STU ( stands for sober thumbs up – although it doesn’t have to be just for sober people). Even got a character for Stu. Does this count as an idea I can be helped with??
Well how about make it a Closed or Secret Facebook page? Then you would have to approve people before they could post anything.
If it’s Secret people would have to be invited or otherwise know about it.
If it’s Closed people could see it exists and then request to Join.
You can create Tabs on your facebook page and you can attach documents and notes. You could write a tip sheet for getting through the first 24 hours sober, then the second 24 hours, and the first week – that’s the hardest, right?
Over time you learn the skills of sobriety but it doesn’t come with that first decision to stop, or that first meeting, or that first conversation with someone who can relate.
You can put together a short list of ideas for people to cope. Later you can make it available as a freebie and collect email addresses if you’re wanting to offer something for sale in that group.
Perhaps you could start building a book, a program, a workshop, by asking your group questions … what do you do when? How did you handle?
Keep it upbeat and positive, keep it focused on how people are maintaining success in their sobriety, what things they are proud of. I know many people who would flock onto a site like that like white on rice.
Actually “Group” would probably be a better term / category than “page”.
Wow, Athena. That was a quick and really good/helpful reply. Thanks!!
Have thought about FB but a. how do I set it up without it being linked to my normal FB profile b. I’d wanted it to be a bit more “proper” than “just an FB page” ( self judgements!!) and c. should I stick to just sober people or widen it out and is the “sober blogosphere” overloaded already??
Eric,
What kinds of things do you like to do?
FWIW I felt lost for many years – when I lived in California I started doing psychic readings at fairs, festivals, and bookstores as a way to make money while I was injured from my job. Long story short I learned a lot about how to turn that into a way of working fewer hours with more people, while at home, or perhaps just working weekends.
Through this combination, and working with clients, they were telling me what they wanted and I was creating my offerings around what people were saying they wanted, what they were asking for and turned myself into a Life Coach.
Long story short, my injury was too much to keep up with working, years later I moved to Key West, and I’m many miles and long hours away from anything like fairs and bookstores where I can build my business the way I had in California. I also was no longer sure of my focus or direction, and had become quite lost. In part because didn’t know what my niche, my “thing” was.
So instead of finding a niche, and figuring out exactly what I wanted to do, I stopped “being lost” and just got out there and started doing what I knew I wanted to do – which was start a blog and write about things going on in my area.
I learned of such a thing as a “Lifestyle Blog” and I have created that to write about whatever catches my fancy (as best I can) – cooking, cats, chronic pain, technology, spiritual studies, events in and around Key West – meanwhile, I am, bit by bit, implementing all that I learned about being able to have a successful thriving business working in my pjs in my bedroom.
Now I very unexpectedly have people coming to me asking for *business building* coaching. So, they are asking, I am creating and giving.
Just taking action was the thing – it’s the spaghetti at the wall, it’s the get off the chair and go do something it’s the just get started, do something, anything, that interests or inspires you, and that will lead you to the next thing and the next and the next.
Don’t worry about how to put all the puzzle pieces together for right now – just go do something.
If you’d like to share a particular thought, idea, something you’re toying with, this is a great place to get ideas, suggestions, and support.
Well Alex, I’ve never set up a group page so I don’t rightly know how that would work!
But from what I can discern, it seems like it can be something set apart from your page in the sense that as the admin you’re someone over here doing your thing normally, but you’re in control of this particular topic group page.
I don’t think the sober blogosphere is over crowded, there’s always room for a unique voice – and frankly, there’s a lot of people who want something outside the standard 12 step methodology. A lot of people have issues with that, and a lot of people find a lot of negativity and hypocrasy there.
If you can offer sobriety in a positive, fun, uplifting, exiting, joyful, nourishing, thrilling, wonderful, marvelous way, people WILL come.
I like your concept of sticking to sobriety, and the STU, but I could also see widening the circle to include people of all kinds of addictions, be that food, drugs, gambling, etc. After all, the underlying reasons for addiction are fundamentally the same, and there are many shared solutions (e.g. “move a muscle, change a thought”).
The thing I understand about Facebook is you are allowed ONE personal page, and can have MANY Group pages and, well, Pages, i.e. fan page, business pages as you like, tied to the ONE personal page.
So really, you HAVE to tie the group page to your personal page, or risk being banned / blocked / locked out of FB.
If you are concerned about what people might see on your personal page, before you create your Group page you could go in and change the settings on your posts to Close Friends (you will need to set up some, or all, of your current Friends as Close Friends).
Things a bit more generic you can leave Public so there’s some content there. Then just be mindful when you’re posting to mark your posts as Close Friends or Public – FB usually defaults to what you last chose.
I would suggest making it a Closed Group so people could see it, it would show up on Related Pages, otherwise you would have to actively go out and find people to inform about it … unless you have another way to do that. If you want to grow your audience, Closed would probably be a better option than Secret.
And 🙂 I’m happy to help!
I know what it’s like to be lost, then be found. And I know what it’s like to question your ideas, thoughts, dreams, vague musings, and how helpful it can be to get ideas, information, support, from someone else! 🙂
Athena,
I do need the support. I am stuck on what I like to do (the essence part is important) I see that with many: Barbara Sher as a great example.
This is the area (purpose, mission) that fills the heart and won’t let go. I have gotten bored with the things I did like for that above reason.
Alex-Just finishing the Refuse group. We learned there to give ourselves permission to just play with all the creative dreams that we can think of-and then just drop them if we want to. No obligation to finish.
What a relief!
Athena- I agree with you-about the family thing! That could be dangerous -expecting their support.
Athena-Congrats. That is inspiring.
Thanks!
(And parenthetically, for group knowledge purpose … this is my reason d’etre …. I say something, someone values it and says thanks …. this is my juice.)
Hi Alex-
Don’t worry about the resistance-Barbara has lots of tools to deal with resistance. Just give us an idea of what you love to do. Some people already know what they love. Others are searching. Barbara also has tools for that. We are here to help each other discover our dreams, use the tools to get that dream, and give each other support along the way-especially in dealing with obstacles like resistance.
Barbara – 3am!!! Yikes! Thanks for the support. It always gives me a rush of energy.
I first tried out that befriending resistance thing when I had my biopsy for breast cancer. That darn doctor tried out a new instrument-a replacement for surgery. It was like a gun with a blade. He put it against my chest and the blade went In and ripped out a piece of tissue. The area was supposed to be numb. But it wasn’t. I felt all the tearing. My shoulders and chest contracted with the pain. Yikes. I told the doc to give me some whiskey and a leather strap next time.
Afterwards-I went to A bookstore to try to distract myself. But the negative voice came.”You are still hunched and in pain. What is going to happen later? This is the weekend. You won’t be able to get any meds.”
But then I remembered the teaching on pain. Half of the pain is the resistance to the pain. Don’t run. It is trying to help-to warn you. Thank it. Don’t resist it or it will cause more pain.
So-I said, ” Hi pain. Thanks for coming to warn me. But it is all over-just the fault of that crazy doctor. He is gone now. I won’t let him do that again. So-you can go now -no problem here.” I continued looking at the books. I was reading a book about 15 minutes later and realized suddenly that the pain was gone! It worked!
Barbara-thanks for being there and urging me on during the last 20 years. And I am sure there is a whole village in El Salvador that would thank you as well if they understood what helped me find the courage to walk with them and share in both their suffering and courage and hope.
Hi Barbara
I decided to take your advice and started doing my dream job informally, without pay.
Just for fun, I started taking on friends/clients (frients) ;to help them achieve their dreams. My first, talk took place after my yoga class with the instructor who I had recommended the Wish craft book to. She asked me if I would take her as a Pro Bono client. I said yes. The only thing I asked for was feedback. The time was fun, and great, that night she sent me an almost overwhelming page long email that was grateful to me for what I did. Does anything seem better than that. She helped me to develop my format and method of how I would work with FRIENTS (this is the first time I made up the word, to deal with a problem that I had struggled with in what I wanted to deal with in my second career). Namely I want my clients to be my friends and have no conflict with my friends being clients. To put this in perspective I read Barbara’ book wishcraft in 1985 and now I have to get ready to practice with my fellow coach Maggie in Australia on Skype from Frankfurt Germany where I will attend in January my second coaching class with THE authentic Barbara Sher. This is after a year and a half being on “hanging out” is that enough evidence of how effective her system is. I think so. Follow your dreams and do what you love to do the rest will work itself out.
Jim
Jim-Great to hear about your movement towards your dream job. That reminds me of Patty’s comment in the Refuse to Choose work we did-the problem is in the Starting. We need to make any movement as a first step-to get out of the ditch and back on the road.
Sounds like you are out of the ditch! Congrats.
I hope to do that again with my new goals.
This is the crazy thing about starting a new dream-resistance comes up again-even though I learned to conquer it in the past through Barbara’s work.
There was no once and for all enlightenment!
I did it before-but must go thru the same steps to overcome the resistance again. Probably something in Nature-a survival mechanism. But I don’t see any tigers around here. Looking forward to Barbara’s next book for the explanation!
I just read the sentence you wrote “I did it before-but must go thru the same steps to overcome the resistance again.”
One minute before reading that sentence I was writing an email to a friend telling her how excited I was about doing this new thing…creating surface design, sheets ,paper goods etc. ( I’m an illustrator) As i finished the e-mail i thought, “No one will want my stuff.” And then i read your post.If that wasn’t perfect! R_E_S_I_S_T_A_N_C_E
Karen Isn’t it funny how things seem to happen in significant clusters like that?
The R word! Yikes-I hate it.
Here is how I decided to deal with it some time ago. This was after I realized that it would probably come back each time I ventured into new territory.
*Two ways to think about resistance.
*I am a defective weirdo. Others don’t have this problem. I am the only one. Must have been born with a defective gene. Might as well not try anything new. I’d rather not try.
*Or- No big deal. This is part of nature somehow. Just a survival mechanism. We didn’t want to be on the lunch menu of the local tiger-in the good old days.
I am just going to accept it and use some tools to move through it.
For me-it gets worse if I try to resist the resistance-or ignore it at first.
Have you used any of the tools in Refuse To Choose? Barbara has some great tools for dealing with the fear-reducing it.The tool is called the 3 Magic Steps
*We make a flowchat for the project.
*We then look for holes in the Backward flowchart. Holes could be a technical obstacle we don’t know how to overcome. Those are easier to deal with than the other type of holes-resistances,fears. As I understand it -Barbara is telling us to look at those holes and use Reality Testing to reduce the fear.
I think she is saying -no happy talk jumping in. Some of the fears may be valid. Saying I Can Do It -is not dealing with those realities.
One example of Reality Testing she gives is to just do something and then show it to someone to test the “They won’t like it thing.”
To stop resisting the resistance-I am going to try turing around and facing it-and making it a friend. “Hi resistance. Thank you for coming. I know you are trying to protect me from danger. But there aren’t any tigers in the area today. So you can leave now. I will do some reality testing to make sure we are ok. Bye-bye now!
Sounds like you have a very creative project going!
Ah, Wen, it’s always good to hear you thinking out loud. An honor, in fact. It’s after 3 a.m. here, and I’m sleepy, but I can feel a big smile on my face.
Wow! Love the comments -so much creativity going on here despite any obstacles.
I am getting a late start here. I am just finishing the Refuse to Choose group. Am in the process of doing my another flowchart for that group. What a wealth of ideas, systems, and support. I especially love the tools and techniques that help overcome the resistance to our dreams. I find that having these steps -tools-and flowchart helps counter any resistance.
Before doing this exercise-I’d like to write my first letter about what I did do to get my dream in the past. I used Wishcraft and had no other support. This is what I did:
My dream was to go to Nicaragua -and later El Salvador-as a human rights worker to help save lives by defending peasants from death squad and Salvadoran military attacks.
I had met a few Salvadoran refugees near my home -heard their stories-decided to go there to document the situation and do public speaking/raise money to help.
I uses Wishcraft to make out a plane/flowchart to get there. I had no money-no contacts there-and didn’t have a real grasp on the complete politics of the situation. But I just marched through that flowchart-despite my fear and resistances-and made a very meaningful and exciting like for myself for about 10 years. In the course of those 10 years I:
*Marched into the Salvadoran war zone with about 200 peasants to take back their lands from the military who bombed them out of their villages.
*We broke through the military checkpoints -unarmed-and took back the lands in a movement called Going Home.
*Arrested by Salvadoran military.
*Caught in bombardment from the air. This story was written about in the New York Times. We were interviewed by phone from under desks as the bombings were going on.
*A short documentary was made of that day.
*I helped lead delegations on many more trips -some included folks from Hollywood.
*Talked my way out of arrest by military while leading delegations into the jungle swamplands to meet secretly with peasants whose families had been killed and tortured by the death squads and military.
*Spent years conducting slide shows based on my photos. Raised lots of money.
*Set up an office/furniture/etc all with donated money -no grants-just public speaking.
*Ran the entire project in US on volunteer help.
*Interviewed guerrillas in the mountains.
All of this came from my flowchart. Flowchart+Action.
So-thank you-thank you-Barbara. After all these years and many attacks-the peasants are still living on their lands and building their communities.
Will answer the exercise in my next post-future dream.
Wen,
You are amazing.
Jim
Jim-So great to find you again. Love Hanging Out. Looking forward to spending this year with you and the gang.
Wow. Speechless. Never talked to someone who did something like this before. You must have an incredible amount of courage.
And then you say, it’s got to do with Barbara’s flowchart! That’s very promising. When you can realize something like this with these methods, they should do the trick for me, too.
Welcome, Wen. Looking forward to spending the year with you, too.
Johanna -Thanks for the welcome. Glad to be in this very creative group!
Yes -I used the backward flowchart in the Wishcraft book. It really works. I didn’t have group support at the time. I just sat down and made those bubbles on the chart. There was real fear-external death squad type of fear. But there was also internal resistance to the dream. The flowchart helped me put all those ideas down on paper. It created the structure I needed to overcome some of the obstacles to the dream.
Later -I used the same “fighting death squads” technique to overcome advanced breast cancer. That is why it is always frustrating to have to deal with resistances yet again in starting a new project.
I thought that overcoming resistance would be a one time thing. Not so for me.
That is why I joined the group – to get support for the next project. Barbara’s tools+support. That should do the trick!
Great meeting you.
Well THAT sent me back to my bookshelf. I have pulled out Wishcraft… blew off the dust… and am about to check out the flowchart.
Bev- I love the flowchart. My favorite tool. I am just finishing the Refuse to Choose book club. Amazing stuff! If you get a chance to take it in the future, you will find it quite helpful. Also, the section called 3 Magic Steps will give you more info on how to find the holes in the flowchart and the tools to overcome them.
This is a rather eye-opening exercise. I wrote a letter about my jewelry/bead work business and found that some of my goals have already been accomplished. I just didn’t recognize and acknowledge that until just now. I found an antique shop that had open case space and I now have a full case of vintage/antique jewelry in that space. I’m making enough to cover rent and a little extra. I also made a little money this year repairing jewelry for clients and other dealers. Hadn’t really paid attention to that until I wrote the letter.
The hard part for me is taking it to the next step. I have huge amounts of vintage beads that need to be repaired and I just don’t seem to get into my studio to get them done. My procrastination comes from fear. I’m afraid of success. I’m afraid of failure. I’m afraid of disappointing others. I’m also afraid that my work won’t be good enough. This, in itself, is simply silly thinking as I’ve been doing this for over 40 years and I do a great job. I’ve even taught beading classes. Can’t understand why that still scares me!
I’m going to keep the letter handy so I can look at it daily. I’m putting it in my “Jolly Journal” that Barbara had us start at the beginning. I’m thinking I’m being to hard on myself. That inner critic has been very busy, lately.
Hello, Linda:
I can’t pretend to know much about beading. I am not very talented in crafts. I did explore just a bit kumihimo which uses magatama beads in necklaces and bracelets. http://www.primitiveoriginals.com You might enjoy this unique take on your beading interest. Tiny seed beads lose me. I can’t see to thread them. Bigger beads, especially ones that are not perfectly spherical are better. I need a better thing than a flimsy plastic threader. My worst problem is trying to glue the end caps on a necklace or bracelet. Kumihimo braiding gives a unique texture and pattern to jewelry items. One can even make jewelry using wire — copper, stainless steel, silver, titanium, gold.
Thanks, David. Been doing Kumihimo for several years now. It’s really cool what can be done with it. I love the little beads. The smaller, the better. I use a jeweler’s visor on some of my projects to see the little holes. And, I love the big beads, too. I’m just addicted to anything that can be strung, especially glass beads.
End caps can be tricky. Not sure I understand what you mean by gluing them on. I don’t use glue as it can dissolve in water if the piece gets wet. I usually string bead caps on with the last bead, then the clasp goes next by being crimped on.
I truly appreciate your encouragement. I did get some magatama beads so you’ve inspired me to get some playing done with them! Thank you!!
Do you knowo f a video that demonstrates your method of fastening endcaps and clasps? I also heard of wrapping wire some how. The kumihimo I have tried uses beads, but also does not always put beads on every strand, so you get parts of the braiding showing up. If you have a video, maybe I can get a friend to describe it to me. I’d like to succeed with this craft. It has so many interesting possibilities. You can even use a square loom. I thought that I could maybe make belts, too??
Hi, David. Welcome to the world of beading! Beware…it’s very, very addictive! Anyway, if you want to find videos on how to do certain steps, my first suggestion would be to go to the website of Bead & Button Magazine. They are the biggest bead magazine in the U.S. and host the largest bead show here, too. They have lessons on video you might want to check out. They’re at http://www.BeadAndButton.com.
Sounds like you have a lot of ideas. The loom would be great for belts but they will need a strong back. Leather will work. Would love to see your designs sometime.
Keep me posted on how things go and thanks for your inspiration!
David. I’m responding to your last post. Yes, you can definitely put kits together. I used to teach beading classes and did exactly that. Many bead stores offer the same thing. If you want to try it yourself, I think it would be great! The hard part is making sure you have enough of the same beads to make kits and then being able to price them to sell.
When I was teaching it took up most of my time putting classes and kits together. I spent so much time getting ready for classes, I didn’t have enough time for me to create pieces for myself. As much as I loved teaching, it wasn’t where I really wanted to go with my art. I would consider doing it again when I have more time.
Thanks for the ideas!!
Linda-You are right. I used to bead. Loved it. But had to stop-hard on the eyes even using the tools.
You really have to have patience to do it. Very time consuming. I marvel at the fact that you were able to create a small business. How did you do that? I found that it takes so long to create each piece. It is amazing that you were able to do that.
Hi, Wen. I’ve been beading for over 40 years so I do have quite a backlog of finished pieces. Some just needed updating. My business isn’t really my work right now. I had a lot of vintage/antique jewelry/beads that needed to be repaired. I actually have several 13 gallon tubs of the stuff. I keep buying out estates. That’s where the business got started. My goal is to one day be able to sell my work more broadly. I have sold it in the past in a very small way.
I’ve read several of your posts. You are truly an amazing person. Your courage and dedication are truly an inspiration. Thanks for sharing all you’ve done so far, and, be sure to keep us updated!
Thank you
I think if one is into beading, one could develop beading kits: a ziplock bag of beads, claps, wire, directions, tools, for a novice to start a project. One could have gallons of beads and by this kit method, use up a bit of same.
It’s hard for me to find a reply link exactly where I need it. So I’m replying here.
Okay, so kit making is not quite it. What about youtube videos and working for a bead company. Can you trademark designs???? I know Paloma Picasso did for her jewelry.
Hi, David. I’m writing down all your suggestions! They are very good and I think if I have a list of ideas like this, I can do some great things! I really appreciate you taking the time to reply and to inspire me.
I am very humbled by the outpouring of support, ideas, encouragement, and suggestions from you and everyone else! For the first time in my life I feel very connected to people.
All the best.
I’m not sure where to post a reply now. I am glad, Linda, if I and others helped you. Did you say you wanted to teach classes? Would senior centers be good places to look, church groups, or college arts classes?
Hi, David. I’m not really into teaching anymore. It takes up a lot of time getting classes prepared. But I am putting your suggestions on my list, because you never can tell what might come along!
Thanks again for everything. You’ve been AWESOME!
Linda, I admire the way you made a little heart business work with courage and endurance. Fantastic! I understand how you could see your success only after writing what you wanted to have. “Oh, I already have that!” As if a part of the brain had invested hard work to NOT let you see it! At least that’s what I observe in myself: to be successful seems to be one of the most forbidden things.
This pile of things to repair sounds like a huge to-do-mountain, like a burden: Is there perhaps a kind of dividing it into so little steps that it doesn’t seem to be of any danger to the inner critic? Like such a little harmless, almost ridiculous action it doesn’t really count? Like “ten minutes, just before I leave my store” or something like that? Anyway, you’ll manage that, too! 🙂
I wish you much joy!
Thanks, Johanna, for your suggestions! My repair pile isn’t a burden, it’s what I’m itching to get started on. The suggestion of doing a 10-minute studio session is hard for me. The problem is I want to do 10 hours. That’s where the procrastination lies. Keep thinking I need to set aside the big chunks of time to get in there. But maybe if I just decide on one piece to finish at a time, I could make some productive headway. Will have to be careful not to go so involved I block out the whole world. Used to do that years ago, but I have caregiver responsibilities now and can’t lose track of time like I used to.
By the way, I’ve been reading all your posts and I find your ideas, creativity and insight to be very inspirational. Are you a writer? You’re encouragement is always appreciated.
Thank you!!!
“The suggestion of doing a 10-minute studio session is hard for me. The problem is I want to do 10 hours. That’s where the procrastination lies.”
Barbara suggest miniscule action in “Live the life you love.” It’s a good way of getting started!
“Will have to be careful not to go so involved I block out the whole world. Used to do that years ago, but I have caregiver responsibilities now and can’t lose track of time like I used to.”
Isn’t it wonderful you are ABLE to be lost in an activity like this? It sounds familiar and very attractive. Even if you have to keep time in mind now. I can imagine you working in bliss.
“By the way, I’ve been reading all your posts and I find your ideas, creativity and insight to be very inspirational. … You’re encouragement is always appreciated.”
Wow! This comment certainly gets a place in my Hanging Out book. Thank you so much!
“Are you a writer?”
Well, I’m a writer because I write. (Not because I publish which I don’t so far.) But usually I wouldn’t tell anybody. Just like Athena says in another place: People don’t understand it. Here in Hanging Out I feel much, much more free to admit what I’m doing all the time (in my spare time) because I think it’s the place for it. Like in a greenhouse …
Johanna-Love that greenhouse thing.
I just got the visual of it. I see all of us -we are just sprouting -and reaching out to the sun of our creativity. Yes!
Johanna and Wen. I love the greenhouse metaphor, too! Can’t wait to see what we’re all going to grow up to be!
Linda -Yes! It will be the year of the sprouts!
Linda-
Your word feel warm and healing. Thanks.
Re: Wow 40 years of beading. You really love beading. And-13 gallon tubs. I can see all those beads now. I know the excitement -the bead fever. Those tubs must be filled with beauty. I can see you digging Ito create something beautiful.
A question- what does selling more broadly mean. I am not familiar with the business end.
What would that look like?
Oh not finding a reply button on some of your posts. So-I am attaching these posts to your other comments.
Hi, Wen. These are really good questions! For me, the next step is to have my own antique/bead shop. I want to specialize in antique jewelry and glass as well as have a gallery to promote up-and-coming bead and glass artists in my area. It also means getting into the holiday boutique circuit to sell my designs.
Thanks for asking! That really helps me clarify my direction!
All the best!
Linda B-Great detail. One more question so that I can really understand your dream. What is a holiday boutique circuit and what does it look like? Is it local or do you have to travel?
Oh -and what do you love most about all of these different areas?
I remember that you said that the teaching aspect wore you down with all the prep-that you didn’t have time to creare. So-what is the sweetest fruit or the honey in this for you-the best part.
Is it the actual creation of the item and then showing it to others? Or do you enjoy more just the thrill of being around beads, etc. I am thinking about the store idea you mentioned. That would mean time managing the store. What part of the store would you like? And-do you like that more then actually creating?
Or do you love both aspects equally?
I am trying to see what your greatest reward is -in Barbara’s terms. She reminds us that we are like bees gathering honey. What is your honey?
Wow! These are some really great questions! I really appreciate that you took the time to ask. So few people really want to know. I’m really grateful for your concern and interest!
Holiday boutiques are shows where artists rent space at local organizations (mostly churches, etc.) and sell their work. The organization makes money from the space rental and the artist gets to sell their work, network with other artists and new clients, and get exposure. They don’t usually involve travel outside the area and are mostly weekend shows.
I have managed fine jewelry store in the past and I know what that entails as far as running a business. This is something I enjoy and do well for others. The “honey” for me would be to have a place where I can sell my antique pieces and my own creations.
I love the beads! Can’t get enough of the little beauties. But I also love the practical side of running a business. My ideal would be to run the business, create for the business, and buy for the business.
If you have more questions, please ask. These are really helping me to determine what it is I really want and to get a clear vision of what this will look like.
You’re the best!
Where I live there is a store that has beads, jewlery, fused glass, etc. and the creators all take turns running the front of the shop. The owner is in the back making beads and overseeing the operation.
Perhaps you can take over someone else’s business? So many people create “beading businesses” when really they just want to be “beading”.
Hi, Athena. Thanks for the idea on taking over another artist’s bead shop! That’s one I’ll put in my list of ideas.
My goal is to have my own antique shop where the focus is on antique/vintage jewelry, glass, ceramics and “smalls.” I would use this venue to sell my creations and to allow other artists to have exhibit space, but the main focus would be on the antiques.
Maybe I can keep an eye out for someone who wants to unload their antique shop???
Thanks for getting the creative ideas going! You’re the best.
Linda B-
So glad to help. And this gives me a chance to practice the principles of the Refuse To Choose stuff.
Few more questions. It sounds like you like to create -that is usually solitary. Or-do you do that with others? I am hearing that you like to network x to be around others too. That sounds like honey too-in the business and networking.
Is that an element that you could’t be without?
In Refuse To Choose there is a concept called Duration. It helps you think about what you really love-what is not Honey for you. What was missing when you left a former project. That points to what you love-the Honey.
I hear that you left teaching-you no longer got the Honey/the Reward-when you had to spend time on things other than creating. But-you say that you loved the business. Didn’t that take time from creating?
Also -what obstacles do you see in the plan to have own business and also sell your creations there?
Have you tried working with others in a business? Or is there no honey in sharing the business with other?
And I will be asking for help too-once I formulate my dream! So -be ready.
Hi, Wen! Thanks again for these thought provoking questions!!!
I am perfectly happy being solitary or with people. I love to be around creative people so we can feed of the inspiration and enthusiasm each person brings to the table. I also do well in my own studio working alone.
Teaching was fine. I really enjoyed it and learned so much from my students. I stopped doing it because I was working full-time at a hi-tech company at the time and was expected to work between 50 and 60 hours per week. No time to put together classes. I haven’t ruled out doing it again and those ideas are written in my journal.
The business I would have would focus primarily on antiques. There would be opportunity to sell my creations but that would not be the main focus.
I’ve never owned my own business before (resistance) but I’ve worked in a lot of small businesses over the years. I do currently have a case of antique jewelry in an antique store in my neighborhood. I am open to having business partners.
I would be very honored to help with your dream! Thanks so much for asking and for all the wonderful questions!!
Linda B- I just said hello to Wendall for you! I am so lucky to have her as my friend. I learn much from her. I will be posting more info about my other friends-Isaboo-Derby-Bonnie and Clyde-Ella-Luna-Stella-Jack-Baily-Raindrop-Shoddy-Buttercup-Leia-Amelia-Spirit-Gumby-Lou-Kashi and Amir= all my animal friends. Each has a very unique personality.
Thanks for your kind words of support!
Now-one more question. Are you changing the antique jewelry in any way or reselling?
It sounds like you really know what you love! You provide a great picture of your dreams.
Next step -how about any obstacles? Have you read Wishcraft?
Do you know how to do the backward flowchart? You will need a copy of the book.
So-as I understand it-you start with a dream. Let’s say: Run an antique jewelry business -store or internet?
Don’t panic-this is just practice. You can drop the idea at any time if you no longer like it.
The next question Barbara asks in Wishcraft is something like-Why can’t you have this dream? What stands in the way. Don’t have the book with me. Will review it tonight.
For now-let me know if you have the book and have looked at how to make a flowchart. There may be holes -maybe big holes in the flowchart. No problem. Barbara has tools to handle that.
Let me know -we can go from there. I need to review this myself so that I can make one. I ran a few Wishcraft groups a few years ago. Need to review that and add the updated stuff from Refuse.
The flowchart will help you ground the dream-despite the holes. It will take that dream out of the clouds and put it in a place where we can work on it. One of my dreams has hugh holes-so don’t worry about that. Just think of Wendall. She never worries about obstacles. She just goes straight after her rat-frozen! Nothing is going to stop that woman!
Linda B-forgot to ask. Do you have a model? A real life person who is doing what you want to do?
And look at the Touchstone section in the book too.
Wen- I hope you can appreciate how wonderful and amazing you are! What you’ve been through in your life and what you have learned from it has me in awe. I love “when the bombs stop falling, then dance.” And, I can’t wait to hear about all your other animal friends.
I haven’t read Wishcraft but will get a copy right away! It sounds like what I’m looking for.
To answer your questions: I do repair some of the jewelry and some I redesign. Most is left as is.
There are plenty of obstacles, mostly financial. But I would like to take a page from Wendell’s book and just go for it. I think the obstacles can be overcome if I can get back to a regular job for a year to 18 months while building the antique jewelry one.
I so love all these questions. I think I’m beginning to get a very clear picture here.
Thanks for everything! Have you ever thought of being a coach??? You could call your business Wendell’s Wisdom. Anyway, I’m going to get Wishcraft and work through that.
Let me know if I can return the favor.
Recently I found out that my imagination tends to wander away from what I’ve got. I prefer thinking about what I haven’t got or about other people’s problems. I want to change that: I’d like my imagination to stay with me and to illuminate the wonderful life I actually have got (because I created it that way). So I won’t invent a project now but tell you about one I really have executed and still do.
Almost 18 years ago my partner, three friends of ours and me – five women – decided to meet as a writing group. Partly we had written own stuff before, partly not. As I was just preparing myself to take the exam in northern language and literature, I was in a good practice of organizing and documentation. From the first meeting on, I started writing the minutes, which were read at the beginning of the next meeting and gave the group a very healthy structure, filling folder after folder with these protocols and copies of everything we read (we now have folder nr. 11).
Through the years this protocols developed towards an nice arts journal and accompanied the group’s creative process: writing poetry, short stories, novels, series of novels, songs (and art journals …); giving reports on different issues; photography, drawing, cakes, clay figures; dance and martial arts performances; festivities like round birthdays with creative program and so on. Everything reviewed in the special protocols, which serve as a platform to appreciate every contribution, its originality, individuality, development.
In 2009 I found out about Scanners and reported about Refuse To Choose in our creative circle. Clearly all five women are Scanners and appreciated this information very much! It helped to develop an even stronger identity as multi-talented persons.
Whatever happened (health or job problems, big relocations, extension studies, weddings …), the group kept meeting, again and again motivated and reformed by my moderation and minutes, which include details of our personal circumstances, the atmosphere of the meeting, and a report of the very elaborate reviews we give each other’s contributions. My work is very much appreciated and honored and on our anniversary I get little presents and speeches and a lilac silk rose (all of which I write about in my protocol 😉
The whole project is totally private which means, there’s nothing officially published until now and no one but these five women gets to read the nearly 180 journals. It all serves the creative and personal growth of the members and the joy of friends and family (nice parties, greeting cards, performances, gifts, readings …).
2014 was a hard year: mobbing, depression, health issues on one hand, backing, assisting and helping on the other. I hope, 2015 will be better. Everyone can take care of herself again. Soon we’re going to plan our meetings for the new year.
Wow Johanna, great story about the power of a group of friends and appreciation.
Thank you, Sharon. The special thing to me personally is that I overcame part of my writing block by this method: I needed the protocoll till next month if possible; but nobody would press me to do it (hate that) or be mad if I couldn’t do it; everybody would be interested when I brought it. I made up my own literary form, could write as much or as little as I wanted. I chose my own function, a honorary post which is very important for the other members, too. Ideal setting!
Johanna-Love the story about your group. You have much to appreciate. Hoping that 2015 is not as difficult as 2014.
Thank you Wen for your replies!
Johanna-
Looking forward to “sprouting” with all of you this year. Love being in the greenhouse!
Can someone help me .I noticed that many of the response to this exercise are from Sept,June May of 2014.Where are the recent responses from the new hanging out group? and can we find responses that are in order of the date posted?
Its so confusing.
Karen,
I guess everybody is busy with Christmas and there are no current responses! 🙂 Let’s just wait a little. Merry Christmas!
YES.
This is the question? Did anyone real Hang Out with me (or my work) and actually achieve a good life as a result?
Here is the answer:
YES .20 years ago I did a lot of “hanging out” with Wishcraft, and a few other books.I didn’t have a “team” to support me but I did hire a career coach who subscribed to the same ideas as Barbara. I saw him every two weeks for a year.The result of much work, hours of painting (while running my own design business to make money) and putting together a portfolio, knocking on doors and calling everyone I knew to get me through some doors …resulted in an amazing successful career as a children’s book illustrator and writer.The reason I’m here now “hanging out ” is that i need a jump start to find the next inspiring thing to get me excited.It may just be a new way of working, a new medium, or something different all together. I know that Wishcraft was a big part of my successful career.
I’ve had several careers in my life and they always started the same way.I did something i loved ,began at the bottom not knowing much, worked really hard because i loved doing it, made it up as I went along, always had radar out for anyone who could help me ,and had good luck. Now I’m looking for a new road to go down.
One thing I j have to say is that I have many friends who are artists also who didn’t have the luck i had even though they did “what they loved.” that’s always been a puzzle to me, why they didn’t have more success.So what is the missing ingredient if you are doing “what you love” and the money “isn’t” following?
Karen I think the thing about other artists not having much luck lies in the fact they are artists.
All the artists I know really love the art, but don’t do so well at the business side. Often I have heard peoples websites or marketing materials or portfolios lie unexposed for months because they’re trying to get it “perfect”.
Also it can be scary putting yourself out there, and artists are sharing part of themselves that I think is different than a lot of other types of work. I know in one of Barbara’s books she suggests doing a “test run” with something else you like to do but aren’t so emotionally attached to, so if you get rejected you don’t care so much, it doesn’t hurt deeply.
Maybe since you have had such great success you can help your artist friends who are struggling?
And I think coaching helps too – if you don’t know what to do, what possibilities there are, or even how to work things, it can be frustrating trying to figure out how to get that success. Plus having someone believe in you and share your ideas with is enormously valuable.
thanks barbara and kj. found your exercise and the response of kj most enlighting, hopeful and imaginative. very helpful to all of us who are looking for creativity. look forward to trying all of them and more to come. happy and healthy holidays.
I like this exercise. It makes it feel like we have permission to explore possibilities without any guilt LOL