Hi All.
It’s Wednesday and the beginning of some new stuff:
Now we shift in Hanging Out, but just a little. We started out your Identity Exercises by focusing on senses and feelings, avoiding completely the pressure we all feel regarding achievement . You might call that the ‘Waking Up’ element in Hanging Out with Barbara Sher.
Then you took a look at your own history, or ‘Who You Are.’ (Well, you played a bit with the notion that there were lots of options about who you might have been; just loosened up your thinking about who you became. (With the Lying Game Family.)
We won’t let go of either the Waking Up or Who You Are elements. They’ll be showing up for the whole year, because you must always be reminded that, first before all, you are alive, and one of a kind.
Now I’d like to start looking at stories about some people who used interesting ways to get what they wanted. This is what I call ‘The Reality Series,’ because, when it comes to systems (like Hanging Out with me) that claim they’ll help you design a great life, talk is cheap.
The question to ask is this: Did anyone real Hang Out with me (or my work) and actually achieve a good life as a result?
They did, and they wrote me letters. (Thousands of them!) You’ll be seeing one or two from time to time.
Today’s letter is the first. It’s about someone who read one of my books or came to one of my workshops and decided to stop waiting for credentials or training. Instead, she just started where she was.
It’s fun to read. The letters I get are always full of feeling and often, fun. In addition, I’m hoping her description of how she got the work she loved will give you some ideas you can use. I’ve given you an exercise so you can really give her method some thought. Try it out.
So, here’s today’s Identity Exercise. It’s in two parts:
First, read this letter I got recently.
Then write the same letter, but replace it with something you’d like to do. Don’t worry about how it turns out and don’t demand that the result is your ‘dream job.’ In fact, write as many of these letters as you like. Their purpose is only to see what new kind of thinking you come up with:
Hi Barbara
I decided to take your advice and started doing my dream job informally, without pay.
Just for fun, I started a program at my kids’ school that focused on the talents of the mothers. Once a month, a mom would share her unique talent with the other mothers. It allowed the moms to see what others did in their “spare time” and helped them see the many possible careers there were available to stay-at-home Moms. I was absolutely floored by all the talented women! Many wanted to work part-time, but were unsure of how to start, or afraid to take the plunge. Some of the women came to me and asked me if I would teach them how to get started.
So I taught an informal class on how to work from home. This evolved into a class at our University. From there, doors just seemed to open up! It has been very exciting and fulfilling! I now get to use my analytical skills (strategic planning) with a group (primarily stay-at-home Moms) that I relate to. I have individual clients who need help figuring out how to work from home, as well as businesses who would like to help their company and employees benefit from “working-from-home” arrangements. I get to travel to conduct seminars, but most importantly, I get to work from home too!
KJ, Des Moines, IA
Now, pretend the same thing happened to you and rewrite her letter, but replace her words with something that interests you. Try to write fast, without thinking too much. See where the story takes you. (You can do this exercise a number of times, using a different story each time.)
For example:
Just for fun, I started a program at my local community center / hospital day room / office in the lunchroom / church / film dept of a local college that focused on the talents / hobbies / dreams / math skills of the members / visitors / co-workers / parents of school kids / film students, etc.
See what you come up with.
Can’t wait to see your comments.
This exercise really sparked my joy and energy, (quite noticeable, as I’ve been feeling the opposite lately). I wrote 8 scenarios in my Hanging Out journal. I’ll give one because I enjoy reading other’s ideas so much. Just for fun, I bought a bunch of bottles of tempera paint, big roll of paper, cheap brushes and tape to hang paper on whatever wall we can find. I went to the park and invited strangers to join me in my Freedom Painting Club! (or I collected some friends and we did it). Everyone painted wildly on their big papers with bright colors and whatever marks they felt like making. I led the uninitiated, shy or “I’m not an artist” types with a guided painting by prompting them with my process of starting with a favorite color and shape or blob right in the center of the paper, then continue to add new shapes and colors to that one.until the paper is filled with individual expression or Freedom Painting. I share other fun, simple techniques for whoever needs extra prompting. After we all fill our papers, we have a follow-up volunteer time to talk about our own or another’s painting. Lots of other interesting activities ensue, like giving the paintings titles and making up fantasies about which museum they may end up in etc…..or we just walk around and enjoy them. This group becomes very popular and I get to express myself lots through free painting and encouraging others to enjoy painting freely.
Being anti-social today, I ignored the ‘started a program’ and just headed it ‘just for fun’. I live on a field that drops off over a few hundred feet down to a pond, and I wrote: Just for fun I built a marble track that starts at the top of the field and runs down down down and around with loops and curves and drop offs and underground mysteries and even some water works. And there’s a little ratchet system run on solar that pulls the marbles back up to the top again. People can come and play with it for a few bucks or a few chores and also check out some of the other interesting things here.
And, I discovered I’m not the only person to fantasize about marble tracks, which are evidently also known as marble runs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYVeOMN6CtI
You reminded me that I love vintage marbles! I have some that I’ve collected since childhood and now I want to discover a bit more about why I love them and have hung on to them for so long……cause that’s what we’re doing here – finding the part of what we love that we can incorporate into our lives. Thanks Rebecca, and I’d love to be at such a place as you invented – would be really exciting and a wonderful escape.
Hi Barbara,
Only recently did I start to form an idea of teaching at our local Adult Education Community. I would advertise a four week course called ‘Now for Something Completely Different’ – mainly because I do not know exactly how it will evolve. It may depend on the participants. I am not afraid of public speaking and I love people and like many here, want to help them achieve their dreams, in order to help me with mine. I would need to offer a money back guarantee simply because I have a MAJOR BLOCK accepting money for my services. (I am a true Scanner with an excellent degree and many other qualifications yet still in an entry level job at 46). Once I can get over the fact that people would pay $10 an hour, the going rate at the college, and that the pressure would be on for me to not waste their time and money, I think I would really enjoy putting it together. The days I have confidence, I get really excited, but the other days I wonder what I am thinking of! I will start to put my programme together in detail anyway to build my confidence and see where it leads. Thank you!
Lovely! What a great name for a class. I love it! It was totally convincing.
How did it feel to write it?
How did it feel to write it? I assume you mean the post because I have not yet written the course outline, but it was easy and enjoyable to write. It was good to put it in writing and form my thoughts on this goal more clearly. I have printed my post out to stick in my Hanging Out book to both remind me of this idea which makes me so happy and also to get started on it. I am also (7 days now) writing for an hour each day (typing) whether I feel confident and motivated or not (as per your philosophy that our ducks don’t have to be in a row in order to get things done, and when I get the courage, will show you where to find what I write on my new WordPress blog. I write philosophy I think! Whatever is in my head anyway.
Hi Emma, thanks for bringing up the accepting money issue and self judging about entry level jobs when we’re talented, mature people (I’m 54). I suffer from both of those, too. That is why Barbara’s teachings are right for us, we need to let out our genius that has nothing to do with money or social status. Once we’re engaged in creating and expressing that part of ourselves, we’ll build our self worth level and things will happen that we never expected (as Barbara’s current free audio msg claims). I think that was just a pep talk to myself. Felt good.
Sadly I dropped the idea for the course. Not feeling so confident these days. I am waiting for it the lull to pass but I enjoyed YOUR pep talk 🙂 I am still really enjoying my blogging though (no pay to stress over).
Just for fun, or more precisely, just for myself, I started to write about the life long lasting effects of growing up as a child of seriously troubled parents. I guess this is so difficult to write about because it is kind of a taboo, at best a sideline, a detail, something that may only be mentioned as soon as you got over it… Nobody really wants to know how that kind of experience can completely change one’s life and does not disappear after a few coaching sessions. Also because our society appreciates altruistic helpers, who want to make sure that everybody is happy before they eventually start thinking about their own wishes and needs.
I didn’t realize it was a taboo, Maria-Dolores, but I’m very glad you’re writing about it. I think it could be incredibly important to other kids who were brought up by seriously troubled parents, and I also think it’s important for you to do it for yourself. I think we all need to know that it can change a person’s life, and how it does that. I respect you for doing this writing.
Oh, Barbara,
in certain families it is so big a taboo that nobody ever realizes what is the real problem! Most of the energy is used to cover-up any possible shortcomings. So that some of the kids, or whoever, start thinking that all those misunderstandings and other problems must be their own fault and will disappear as soon as they manage to behave better, be more helpful and friendly. Which is an illusion.
Just for fun I organized an international meeting point in a coffee house in northern Tuscany, Italy, where I live. In the beginning I was rather sceptic about my own plans, focused mainly on similar initiatives I had seen, but that had failed… Then I decided that the only way to know was to begin and look how things develop. The projects I had seen that did not work out, were supposed to generate an income for at least one person, all year round, whilst the only thing I wanted was to make life a little nicer and have some fun :-).
I was lucky because the owner of the coffee house (and pizzeria) is a friend of mine. I could use one of the small conference rooms for our meetings, or sit in the main lobby as long as our group was still small. The basic idea is that every Friday morning all members of the group will be sure to find at least one or two other persons at our meeting point. To have a cappuccino, chat, exchange languages and other skills or plan trips and all kinds of activities. The first piece of ‘furniture’ was a huge bulletin board with post-its in all colors of the rainbow where everybody can post what they are looking for and/or have to offer. A kind of Facebook, only better because we meet face-to-face instead of virtually.
I used some of my own photo print posters to decorate the walls. And decided that this is where my future Dream Team meetings will be. The place, a former elementary school, is already well known because of their pizzaparties at night. I want to make it famous for the International Dream Team and Coffee Mornings.
Great idea, Maria-Dolores!
Great exercise!! I wrote it a couple of times, and one time I decided to stick exactly with the original.
This way it brought me ideas i never thought of before!
Here I share what I wrote:
I decided to take your advice and started doing my dream job informally, without pay.
Just for fun, I started to show people some nice things I found on the Internet.
Once a month, a big meeting would take place with all the nerds and techies, and they all would share their newest most interesting findings.
It allowed the people to see that others did the same in their “spare time” and helped them see that they are not alone and the many other interesting things that were out there in the Internet. I was absolutely floored by all the inspiration, fascination and collaboration! Many found that they would wish strongly to work in an area where they can live these passions, but were unsure of how and where to start and ask, or didnt have any trust that jobs like these existed. Some of the people came to me and asked me if I would teach them how to get started.
So I taught an informal and collaborative class on how to find or create a job in the area that interested them. This evolved into a class at our University. From there, doors just seemed to open up! It has been very exciting and fulfilling! I now get to use my analytical skills, that I gained form surfing the web for 15 years (strategic planning) with a group (nerds, techies and curious people) that I relate to. I have individual clients who need help figuring out how to work in this informational field, as well as businesses who would like to help their company and employees benefit from the potential of synergy and inspiration that emerges when employees start to develop their passional interest. I get to travel to conduct seminars, but most importantly, I get to work from home too, because I can give these classes via hd-skype-conferences!
That’s just terrific, Christian. Somehow I didn’t read it before. But it’s grand. i wish you were really doing all those things!
I was just thinking, many ideas (teaching creativity, etc) can be done at a local college that offers “continuing education” classes. I did that a year ago, but it was for something I wasn’t really excited about (two software programs). I have been thinking about something I would LOVE to teach. Plus they keep offering the same old classes over and over and I bet the local community is really wanting and needing something new, fresh, and creative.
Just for fun, I started a program at my local library, that focused on learning something new each month, like amateur science, weather, astronomy, and other interesting topics. I used the site http://www.meetup.com to create it. Once I had several members, we had an initial planning meeting with a topic for each month, and each presented. People got to learn new and interesting things, plus I got to learn a lot too. And it was fun to coordinate and plan it.
p.s. I searched meetup.com for “Barbara Sher” (with no location specified) and found 5 groups! 🙂
The work that I am trying to move from involves working with people on an intense level, so my initial reaction was nooooooo…, I want to be quiet and to get away from people. Then I thought of the “dabbling” exercise – of the value of intense focus, trying things out, doing things in a quiet and mindful way. Most of this exercise was getting over resistance, but gradually I have seen that even creating an opportunity for quiet focus, with photography or gardening which are two of my loves, could be something that would lead into all kinds of possible adventures with people where I wasn’t feeling depleted.
“just for fun, I started to take several trips around my city , looking for special places in nature and interesting traditional villages . I love to see places and people and fairs .
I love to travel and to take my lunch with me and eat it on a blanket , near the forest.
and then something wonderful happened ; I got courageous and I put myself on a train and went directly to Budapest (Hungary) , to visit the city . From here , one thing went to another and I soon found myself on a plane , going to Marrakesh , to explore more about interesting cities and people and food . I love to travel and whenever I get tired of it (which never actually happens but I need to work sometimes) I get back to my countryside home , where I process everything I saw , felt and tasted on my trips and work a little bit , to support myself .
its a fantastic way of living ! ”
now, this is what I would love to do now .
and I am not sure its possible, considering that I am married , I don’t work, I have many allergies and food sensitivities (so much for exploring the ethnic food ) , I am afraid to go by myself anywhere and I am afraid to fly :(((.
but what I can do is to start small ; maybe I can visit a closer village and then see how it goes; but I am a bit terrified.
I really loved this. This is my dream (to work a little bit then travel). I too have food sensitivities so I need to be careful. I am sure others might have ideas to help you. 🙂 Thank you for sharing!