Hi All.
It’s Wednesday and the beginning of some new stuff:
Now we shift in Hanging Out, but just a little. We started out your Identity Exercises by focusing on senses and feelings, avoiding completely the pressure we all feel regarding achievement . You might call that the ‘Waking Up’ element in Hanging Out with Barbara Sher.
Then you took a look at your own history, or ‘Who You Are.’ (Well, you played a bit with the notion that there were lots of options about who you might have been; just loosened up your thinking about who you became. (With the Lying Game Family.)
We won’t let go of either the Waking Up or Who You Are elements. They’ll be showing up for the whole year, because you must always be reminded that, first before all, you are alive, and one of a kind.
Now I’d like to start looking at stories about some people who used interesting ways to get what they wanted. This is what I call ‘The Reality Series,’ because, when it comes to systems (like Hanging Out with me) that claim they’ll help you design a great life, talk is cheap.
The question to ask is this: Did anyone real Hang Out with me (or my work) and actually achieve a good life as a result?
They did, and they wrote me letters. (Thousands of them!) You’ll be seeing one or two from time to time.
Today’s letter is the first. It’s about someone who read one of my books or came to one of my workshops and decided to stop waiting for credentials or training. Instead, she just started where she was.
It’s fun to read. The letters I get are always full of feeling and often, fun. In addition, I’m hoping her description of how she got the work she loved will give you some ideas you can use. I’ve given you an exercise so you can really give her method some thought. Try it out.
So, here’s today’s Identity Exercise. It’s in two parts:
First, read this letter I got recently.
Then write the same letter, but replace it with something you’d like to do. Don’t worry about how it turns out and don’t demand that the result is your ‘dream job.’ In fact, write as many of these letters as you like. Their purpose is only to see what new kind of thinking you come up with:
Hi Barbara
I decided to take your advice and started doing my dream job informally, without pay.
Just for fun, I started a program at my kids’ school that focused on the talents of the mothers. Once a month, a mom would share her unique talent with the other mothers. It allowed the moms to see what others did in their “spare time” and helped them see the many possible careers there were available to stay-at-home Moms. I was absolutely floored by all the talented women! Many wanted to work part-time, but were unsure of how to start, or afraid to take the plunge. Some of the women came to me and asked me if I would teach them how to get started.
So I taught an informal class on how to work from home. This evolved into a class at our University. From there, doors just seemed to open up! It has been very exciting and fulfilling! I now get to use my analytical skills (strategic planning) with a group (primarily stay-at-home Moms) that I relate to. I have individual clients who need help figuring out how to work from home, as well as businesses who would like to help their company and employees benefit from “working-from-home” arrangements. I get to travel to conduct seminars, but most importantly, I get to work from home too!
KJ, Des Moines, IA
Now, pretend the same thing happened to you and rewrite her letter, but replace her words with something that interests you. Try to write fast, without thinking too much. See where the story takes you. (You can do this exercise a number of times, using a different story each time.)
For example:
Just for fun, I started a program at my local community center / hospital day room / office in the lunchroom / church / film dept of a local college that focused on the talents / hobbies / dreams / math skills of the members / visitors / co-workers / parents of school kids / film students, etc.
See what you come up with.
Can’t wait to see your comments.
This exercise is still stumping me. I get hung up on the example, mostly because I take the suggested “start a program” as a directive.
Thinking about it some more led me to acknowledge that, while I might want to start a program, I do not want to run it. Our corporate culture is very much based on the idea that you start by doing something (e.g., teaching, nursing, trading stocks, coaching tennis players) and as you move “up” the ladder, you inevitably come to manage people who do what you once did. The equation seems to be that Success = Management.
My “just for fun” would be followed by something like, “I gathered a group of people together and found ways to get them to talk honestly, without filters, about what they loved doing and have always wanted to do. The idea, first and foremost, was to validate the fact that they love doing something in particular (whatever negative thing anyone had ever said about it). We sewed the seeds of self-determination.”
Guess I sort of want to be a possibility farmer. I’d also like to promote measures of accomplishment other than title and rank. The person who loves to cut hair needn’t yearn to own a salon. Shouldn’t they be able to do the best cuts ever and get better and have that be an authentic measure of success?
(and I do realize that this post is sort of disjointed … 🙂
Wow, I just love the term “possibility farmer”. That really resonates with me! I’d love to sit with people all day and brainstorm ideas, possibilities and solutions to problems. Where to go with that is the question!
Why do you need a ‘where?’ As in ‘Where to go?’
Finding a situation where you could sit with people all day and brainstorm ideas, possibilities and solutions to problems would be one of life’s real highs, and enjoyable in its own right. And – excepting for right here in Hanging Out or at the new Facebook Idea Party I opened last week, it’s pretty hard to find.
If you loved dancing, you might want to find a place where you could dance as much a you like. It wouldn’t have to go anywhere. And the funny thing about problem solving with other people is that you’re sitting in the middle of an unusually rich field of ideas. If you really needed to know where to go with anything at all, that’s the place you’d find it. Probably more places to go than you could ever take advantage of.
Yes, you really made it clear today during the phone call, Barbara, that volunteering is the way to get hired, especially in these hard times.
I did this purely as a fantasy exercise. Everything I imagined coming up with indicated interesting little dips in the pool of revealing my desires to myself. On this level, the doing of these things seemed both possible and non-threatening.
Multiple times worked for me too…
I imagined myself having offered to teach a free class on creative thinking – arranged a World Cafe event on a popular community project – I transformed dead tennis balls into juggling balls and hauled them to my local park to teach juggling to any takers on a nice day – I went door to door asking my neighbors if they’d be interested in a neighborhood phone book, even if the only intention I had to carry through on it was to see if anyone was interested enough to help me do it – I gave someone halfway around the world I knew a series of Alexander Technique lessons on Skype to see if it were possible to get any value from doing that.
All fun!
OK, here it goes!!!
Today, just for fun, I decided to plan a trip for women to hike the Colorado Trail with me, next year, when I turn fifty.
At first, I thought no one would respond….We live near the ocean, and I thought that people who live by the ocean would have no interest in visiting the mountains, let alone, hiking them!!!
Well, the response was phenominal!!! Now I am planning to start a business that offers women more experiences, from adventures like hiking the Colorado Trail to a weekend get together by the ocean…..
Barbara….LOVED this exercise! I think I could actually make this happen! I was once an Outward Bound Instructor, and we focused on using nature and metaphors to empower others to change their lives…..
Any input from the hanging out crew would be appreciated….Does this seem like something that would work, or is it just a pipe dream for me?
Fun doing the exercise, either way!! 🙂
Believe me, this is no pipe dream! Before my disabling injury in 2005, I hiked, mountain climbed, cross-country skiied, and backpacked all over the Cascades and Olympics in Washington State. I finished a master’s degree in Clinical Social Work (translation, therapist) last year, but what I really wanted was a degree in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in Ecopsychology. I am about to seek publication of my research paper, on the efficacy of the Wilderness Questing experience. (In other words, does it really benefit people? I proved scientifically, at least with a small sample, that it does.) What you want to do is very exciting, and very definitely worth doing. Resources: The School of Lost Borders, in Big Pine, CA, and Animus Valley Institute in Colorado. When venturing along the Continental Divide Trail, be aware that summer in the Rockies is severe lightning season. The best weather that we have here is actually in September. Then it’s ideal–the summer heat and storms have subsided, and the weather is perfect. October is good too, but nights get down into the teens and twenties by then. I am very excited for you!
I too had a disabling injury two years ago from a fall at home, and it has turned out to have many silver linings, including reinvention, compassion and the will to dream big and well. I feel it was a turning point in my life which has brought me manifold blessings, despite the pain I still endure daily. I finally went for what I wanted, and I see every individual as unique. The people who helped me with my healing turned out to be exactly the ones who opened my gifts and showed me the responsibility I have to use my talents. I write and eat that “chocolate ice cream” (sometimes it’s perfume!) daily. I feel if I garden my own patch, I am helping make the world better.
Thanks for the input!
I used to live in Colorado, and ran a wilderness camp for youth at risk, so I remember that summer weather well! 🙂 I have a group of friends that are going to go on a weekend trip with me in January, and am so excited! Thanks for the support and the resources, Mary Ann!
And Trude, I love your example of living in the present! Thank you!
OH, and please let me know when and where your paper is published…I would really LOVE to read it!
I’m curious as to why there are so few responses to this post compared to the others. Did anybody else besides me feel an inexplicable sense of intimidation even though it’s supposed to be a flight of fancy with no demand that the result be our dream jobs?
I got behind but am now sitting here trying to catch up, so I didn’t post my response to this exercise until now. I wrote it in my blank book, because I don’t have a computer at home that works. Anyhow, here it is: Just for fun, I started a group called the Dream Makers at the local library, and it has spread. I am starting groups in Santa Fe, Albuquerque, Taos, and over the border in Durango, Colorado.
Next week, I’ll be appearing in Amarillo, Texas on a local TV show and next month will also be interviewed in Flagstaff, Prescott, Phoenix, and Tucson. This is turning into a business! I am starting telephone consultation sessions about discovering one’s talents and building one’s dreams. Yesterday, I got a call from a lady in California! Business is booming! And it is so exciting! I have always wanted to work for myself and travel and lecture, and help people to grow, and now I’m doing it! This is fabulous!
Sounds fabulous! This dream job would also be one I would enjoy….I love the name of the workshop!!
Woo hoo, loved this, it really resonated with me. 🙂
Annabel I understand what you mean. I too found this very difficult to do. I don’t want to organize or present or Help or teach others to find their dream. My whole life has been full of this. I want others to encourage ,support, open doors and give to me and I want most of all to allow this to happen. I am very resistant . All my life I have put others first always thinking that I could not do or be what others could . Barbara talks about the poison of positive thinking. God I have done all the courses trying to fix myself and it does not work. I have been so focused on giving to others that I find I have no dreams for myself, I feel lost and isolated and the thought of creating a course , business or group for others makes me want to cry.
Hi Margaret,
I don’t know how to encourage and help you, but recognize your problem :-). Probably it is not exactly the same, but I can tell how it works for me. I found out many years ago that most of the time ‘helping others’ does not really make me happy. And started to reduce my efforts to help others and tried to find my own goals. The problem is that putting others first and trying to understand what they might need, seemed the only thing I am really, really good at. I guess that I am not only trained to behave that way, but also have a kind of talent to understand and help others. All other things seemed so unimportant, just hobbies or passtime, compared with being there for others. Somehow it is much easier for me to find out what others need, instead of deciding what I really want and then do what I can to go after it… I found out that the best thing is just start with a small project of my own, aks people for help or their opinion, and look what happens.
For me it is very, very difficult to ask others for help. It feels kind of wrong or unneccesary to ask them to do things for me. Although I KNOW that most people are glad to help me if they can. I only allowed myself to ask for help if I really needed it badly, was in big trouble, and after having tried out first to do it on my own, instead of just asking for things I like or love… But now I have decided to change that and look what happens.
Ciao,
Maria-Dolores
Hello Everyone,
I would like to add a photo to my posts. Could someone tell me how I go about doing that? Thanks! Heidi
Yes, me too.
Found this on the contact page:
If you want your own profile photo to show up beside your comments, instead of the cute little design, upload your photo on Gravatar.com)
This is a test to see what might work to add a photo to these posts…before I go opening my mouth about how to do it. The first one I’ll try is from using an html image link from photobucket album.
[IMG]http://i1204.photobucket.com/albums/bb409/an8el/PC030114.jpg[/IMG]
Nope, that didn’t work. Next I’ll try a direct link from the same source…
http://i1204.photobucket.com/albums/bb409/an8el/PC030114.jpg
Well, you can see the photo parked at photobucket by clicking on the link, but I’d like to get it to show in the post. So this time I’ll try using html code here…
Nope, no html code is allowed to show up in these posts…so that didn’t work at all. It looks like if you want to post a pic, that you should use a link to where the picture is parked somewhere on the internet.
This is a great exercise! I can not believe how easy it fits with my own ideas. The exercise seems quite harmless but out comes a complete vision. it puts all the small pieces together.
THANK YOU!!!
PS ~ I am huge on synchronciity, so I note June 6 is “D Day” (for those of us who remember)…and so today is my GO DAY/DECISION DAY/ZERO HOUR for my Dream! Wishing each of you the flow of Divine Synchronicity! X
“Just for fun, today I begin singing all the songs that bring me joy. I sing in the streets, while walking, caring not what others may think, yet focusing only upon the Joy. I sing in many languages ~ English, Greek, French, Italian, Hebrew, Arabic and Japanese, to name a few. This joy I feel courses through my being and helps me to speak and write with ease. I paint with my words, using my natural creativity in flow. I have always dreamed of being both a Foreign correspondent/Journalist as well as a Strategist/[Specialist, so I meld both dreams into one as I craft amazing letters and pen the most colorful inspirational works. I am a Worldwide Rainbow Soul, and I easily teach others about Spirit by allowing my dreams space and freedom to manifest. I weave my Path with delight every hour, and I write of the Wonder that never ceases.”
Thank you, Barbara, as I begin just to sing those beautiful songs. I find that the colors of my Music provides me just the key I need! Love and Blessing to you all.
Barbara,
Of all the exercises you’ve posted so far, this one excites me the most. I love details of what folks have actually accomplished, (rather than simply dreamed of) and I appreciate so much that you are sharing these stories. Ever since I first read your book Wishcraft I have used the notion of offering my services for free in order to do what I love. Here are two recent examples. My deepest longing right now is to perform locally by singing and playing piano. I’m progressing, but my skills feel shaky. So last year I volunteered to perform at a local assisted living center (weekly) for 9 weeks. I did the same 12 old-timey standard songs each week. Great practice, and I think most folks liked it pretty well. It was dynamite practice for me!
My second story involves creativity coaching, which I am exploring as a possible vocation. I recently offered a 4 week class at a local church and twelve people signed up. This gave me the chance to organize my information and practice my skills as a group discussion leader. I received much positive feedback, and I gained much in terms of experience and confidence. Thanks, as always, for nudging us along this path of volunteering our talents. It’s a great way to plunge in and get going.