Hanging Out Registration Re-Opens in April 2025
Hanging Out will be the jewel in the crown of Barbara’s Club. To be honest, I think it’s going to be the jewel in the crown of my lifetime’s work. That’s what it feels like. —Barbara Sher, 2012
Barbara called this members-only program Hanging Out, because she wanted it to be like those wonderful moments just hanging out together at her retreats and weekend workshops. Patty Newbold will be your guide now that Barbara is no longer with us.
Registration Re-Opens April 3, 2025
$197 for a full year
Barbara put together her most beloved ideas and stories and wrote her best stuff ever for Hanging Out. This was bigger than writing another book. It was a huge job, but every minute was a labor of love for her. And with this program she gives you videos from her retreats and workshops, loads of audio, new interactive stuff and other amazing things we can’t describe here or we’ll go on forever. All this in addition to the exercises that made a big difference to you in the past.
After almost a year HO is still my favourite thing on the internet and in my inbox. So many things I could just read over and over and find something each time. The world didn’t change but I’m different in it. -JD
I’m excited about this exercise. I’ve printed it out to work on over the weekend. Barbara, I look forward to working it through and circling back. You’re a gemstone! -A Hanging Out member in Week 38
Once you’re a member, the rest will be easy. Every week, three times a week, via email, I’ll send you some very special things to read, watch and do. They’re not what you expect, I’m pretty sure of that. As much as you may like my books, what you’re going to find in Hanging Out is very new and very different. You’ll want to make comments, compare notes and talk to the other members of Hanging Out, and that’s exactly what happens here. It changes the whole experience into something entirely new, something most of us are missing and need as much as vitamins and sunshine. The effect on most members has been profound.
Registration Re-Opens April 3, 2025
$197 for a full year
You can’t get Hanging Out all at once like a book that ends up on that pile of books you plan to read, and you can’t stick it back on your bookshelf and forget what your life is supposed to be. Barbara learned too much about what’s important for us humans to take that kind of chance.
You’ll receive emails from Barbara every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for a year, announcing the day’s video, audio message, Identity Exercise, Reality Series success story or Brain Candy she prepared for you. Barbara’s Director of Sher Success Teams and WriteSpeak Coach, Patty Newbold, will be reading and responding to your online comments. You’ll also be able to read Barbara’s replies to comments from our first eight years of Hanging Out.
Hanging out has really developed clarity in my life. One thing that I love about you Barbara is that you never tell anyone to just try harder and you don’t shame in any way. You support and encourage which is so very rare. You make sense of the non-sense. This group has provided something wonderful for me. Even the subtle messages are always very powerful. —Michelle
So what is it?
It’s easier to say what it’s not. Hanging Out is not a how-to course or a motivation program. I sometimes think it’s designed for people who have worked too hard and forgot what it’s like to wake up in a goal-free world full of fresh, stimulating ideas, fun and camaraderie.
I’ll always have courses for you on Barbara’s Club so you can find your dreams and achieve your goals, but Hanging Out is not about goal achievement. Instead, it’s more like what one member called “a profound and delicious form of Identity Rehab.”
I absolutely love the idea of Barbara’s Club being integrated into the everyday world—nothing to leave behind—and a consistent source of inspiration. Thank you! —Victoria, by email
If you join us here, Barbara’s emails and online messages will be popping into your life briefly, happily and relentlessly, over and over, waking up your senses, making you laugh and go exploring and, most important of all, helping you remember who you are and how good life is supposed to be.
You’ll receive emails from Barbara every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for a year, announcing the day’s video, audio message, Identity Exercise, Reality Series success story or Brain Candy she prepared for you. Barbara’s Director of Sher Success Teams and WriteSpeak Coach, Patty Newbold, will be reading and responding to your online comments. You’ll also be able to read Barbara’s replies to comments from our first eight years of Hanging Out, before she passed away.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for creating Hanging Out with Barbara. There have been so many “favorite” posts. One that stands out is your description of how you decorated your apartment with all the glorious references to color. I wanted to sink into one of your armchairs and absorb it all. Finding our originality. Yes. Discovering ways to express it. Yes. Realizing that time is short and excuses long. Yes. Boxing up all our should, would and could and relaxing into today, into now, into this moment. Yes. Finding that joy is the reward for allowing oneself to just be who you are. Yes. So many wonderful lessons I have learned, relearned, and unlearned this year…What I have learned this year has changed my life. For that I am eternally grateful. – A Hanging Out Member at the end of the year
No risk – full refund if you cancel your subscription within the first 30 days
$197 for a full year
OR pay by the month – $24 per month
Contact webmaster@barbarasclub.com if you encounter any problems with payment or if you don’t receive a “Thank You! And Welcome to Hanging Out” email within an hour after paying.
Registration Re-Opens on April 3, 2025
Purchase a gift certificate
$197 for a full year membership gift certificate
Gift certificate mailed within 48 hours. Contact webmaster@barbarasclub.com if you do not receive yours.
The price is for one year. Is it the same price for each year following if we want to go back in and review information that you have shared with us during our 1st Hanging out year?
Thank you and I so look forward to this!
There are two years of new messages from Barbara available, Debbie. Each of those years is the same price. You can revisit them for free at any time, for as long and as often as you like, for as long as Hanging Out remains online. After you complete two years, Barbara will invite you to revisit the first year in sync with the people you have gotten to know. If you want to be reminded to revisit them, we can resend all of the Year One emails for an administrative fee of $12.
Thank you for your time and help!
So if I re-start again with Hanging Out with the group that has just started in Nov., I won’t see their comments – or I will?
You will, An8el. They start on Monday. You should be able to find a link for the $12 emails only option on this page (when you’re logged in, because you have finished two years).
Cool – I’ll do that!
Is there anyway, to pay for this with a payment plan? I really want to be apart of this program. At present, I am a single mom, on public assistance, home- schooling two boys. One with a cronic illness.
I just read something that set me free. The just love yourself, go meditate and listen for the voice of God, has never worked for me! But, I assumed it was because I wasn’t trying hard enough and if I just tried harder, one day I would hear those unspoken voices guiding me.
I’m not sure if this was added after your post, but further up on this screen there is a pay-monthly button, for $29 per month. I’m considering doing that myself!
Yes, if you don’t see the monthly button offer, you might hit “refresh” or “reload” on your browser page, (which are often pictured in an icon as the little circles with arrows on them.) Many browsers merely reload the page once you’ve been there and so don’t show new items.
No more signups now. We’re off and running. We’ll put the button back up in March.
Just signed up. Wanted to do this for ages but time has been against me. Last time it was offered I was off work with reactive depression ( due to work / stress ( my mums health issues/ selling her home etc etc). Now, hopefully, I’m out the end of my dark tunnel, and can spend time on ME ( and get back to being a lovely, creative, dynamic little Scanner).
Really looking forward to Hanging Out. Best investment in myself at the mo……..
So glad you can join us now, Alex.
I too am in PH but at the federal level and having the same issues as Karin. I just spent 3 months on sick leave due medical ramifications of on-the-job stress and had hoped things would go better. When I got back my boss was away and things were fine till she got back. I was given specific instructions by her boss what to do and immediately got pounced on by her for actually doing them rather than additional things she thought I should have done. She also constantly comes with the disingenuous line of “I’m only trying to help” – yeah, giving me deadlines that are impossible to reach is a real help – ha! I have decided the job is not worth my health and will be leaving it. As a return of the respect I have received from my boss, I plan to give my resignation letter to her boss and the deadline will be the end of the pay period, at that point barely a week’s notice. Just trying to be helpful on my part: why get involved in a bunch of projects that will have to be turned back immediately to others? Besides, don’t need more than a week’s exposure to the poison. Reaching out to friends has been the best way for me to get support and keep my head on straight. Hope you can stay with it Karin and totally understand where you are.
You have my admiration for breaking free of what you know isn’t good for you . That takes courage.
Thanks An8el! Handed in my letter yesterday and actually felt relieved Thursday night after I made the decision to quit Friday. Suddenly the elephant on my back is gone and I can breathe again! 🙂 Must say that not having another job lined up is a bit scary, but I got an offer today to develop and teach an online course this summer. A new challenge which I think might be fun ….
Good choice. Teaching online is a challenge, not for everyone, but I love it! Also, I got certified to teach English as a Second language…it has been a great revenue stream without another job lined up.
Metha,
Do you teach English as a Second Language online?
I am looking for a good enough job as I try to start my canine hydrotherapy service. I am a teacher and love it, but it eats up all of my evenings and weekends and no time to develop my hydrotherapy. My workplace is very toxic……lots of teachers critisizing others behind their backs, and our boss is strictly “by the books.”
Karla, I’ve heard Barbara say that the people you deal with when teaching ESL are fantastic, really fun and positive – a big plus!
Fortunately, I don’t currently have an evil boss, though have lived through several in the course of my career.
There-in lies my question about “Hanging Out” – I am currently in the midst of a 90 day consulting gig that may or may not get extended. I am ok with either scenario. It’s basically just a means for me to pay off some credit cards. 🙂
My ultimate goal is to start a company. I think.
I want to do something creative, inspiring and fun. And lucrative. And let’s me work where and when I want. And being a Scanner, I don’t quite know what that may be. Will “Hanging Out” possibly help me sort that out?
I got mixed up with the idea of handling a vengeful boss (answering things too fast this morning, I fear.) So I retract this: “I *think* it will, Cathy, but I’m not sure.”
Because now I do understand your question: You want to find the kind of activity that you’ll really enjoy. I can’t think of anyplace else for you to get the variety of intelligent, caring input that you’ll get here. And the good company. If you’re doing something new you want smart, helpful, authentic people around you, and you came to the right place. 🙂
All I know is this: Hanging Out builds strength and sends sunshine through you starting with the soles of your feet. It’s not fast, and it’s important to participate with others here, but at some point, the effect of Hanging Out hits critical mass (I’d say somewhere around the elevation of your lower chest but I’m open to hearing other experiences) At that point you begin to sense very clearly who you are and what you should be doing for yourself. You can see better. You know what you’re feeling.
And it sticks.
“I want to do something creative, inspiring and fun. And lucrative. And let’s me work where and when I want.”
My five cent’s : *as long as you don’t expect to have all your criteria met in only one and the same activity,* I don’t see why you coudn’t have it all. And sometimes, for some time, you can also have it all together…
How to handle a vengeful critic,
Tip #2: Listen, wide-eyed and interested, slowly nodding yes to whatever they are saying. When they’re finished, say, “I don’t know how to thank you! You stopped me from making such terrible mistakes! You can expect a box of candy from me tomorrow!” and walk away saying out loud to no one, “That’s what I call leadership!”
This only works if you really look very sincere and stupid while you’re speaking. Otherwise, they’ll see it as nothing but sarcasm and could create even more trouble. (And if you know you can’t pull it off safely, just imagine the whole conversation in your head during any encounter. It will cheer you up immensely.)
Done right the purpose is to create an uncomfortable relationship for the vengeful boss in which you’re often admiring them and constantly asking for their advice. He or she will start avoiding and dodging you, which is a nice state of affairs, actually.
Do you offer a payment plan of monthly payments broken down? I am unable to pay all at ounce. But, I reallywant to join.
We do. It’s $29 a month. Because PayPal will collect the payments every 30 days, we ask that you wait until closer to the 16th to sign up. We will make it available here beginning November 11th.
If you are in the US, you can also click on a full year purchase to sign up for PayPal Credit. Instead of $29 a month for a year, it’s whatever you would like to pay for 6 months, as long as you have paid the $226 total by the end of the 6 months. You can pay $32 a month (for just 6 months instead of $29 for 12) or $6 now and $220 in May — or anything in between. After 6 months, if the full amount has not been paid, PayPal begins charging steep interest.
On either plan, you get our 100% money back guarantee through December 16th, whether you have made one payment or two by that date.
What does one need to do to make use of the money back guarantee?
Just send an email to webmaster@barbarasclub.com by 11:59 pm on December 16. It helps if you let us know what you liked and did not like about the program, because we would like to welcome you back to whatever Barbara develops next.
Patty, I am wondering if it is possible for me to ‘upgrade’, from the monthly $30 payment, if I can just pay the balance of the $226 now and get the whole year’s membership. I’m still kind of deciding but it’d be nice to know if it’s an option.
If you’re interested in my feedback as someone who’s still making up my mind – I am really enjoying Barbara’s posts and I feel like the people here are wonderful. On the downside I am finding it hard to connect with people in the way that a simple forum would allow – with private messaging and the ability to start threads if you want to address the whole group. There’ve been a couple of people I’d have liked to contact personally after things we’d shared in the comments here, but there was no obvious way of doing so. One person disappeared from a thread after sharing some deeply personal stuff and receiving some replies that might have not felt comfortable for them, and I wished I could have reached out to ask if they were okay. I’ve started to try to figure a way to address this by suggesting that we all sign up to Barbara’s public board, but those who don’t see my posts won’t know about the idea.
My other concern is that I’ve seen a number of people ask questions of ‘admin/Barbara’ and their questions have gone unnoticed. I know it must be hard for you guys to keep up with all the messages in every group, and I can’t imagine how busy your jobs must be – but I feel we could do with a bit more support if it’s possible.
Regarding the first matter, I can suggest one possible simple solution – which could be for you (Patty or Barbara) to send out a message to all members suggesting that we all join Barbara’s public board so that we can have access to private messaging and the ability to set up threads where we can interact with each other on any topics that don’t seem to fit the organisation of things in these pages/discussions here. I know other members have said they wish there was a way to interact with each other more and address each other personally, and I know that would make a big difference to my experience of Hanging Out.
Could not have said it better Riss..my concerns exactly.
Even though I’m a successful scanner, I find the comment areas a bit disjointed.
If you send an email to webmaster@barbarasclub.com no later than Dec 16th (NY time), we can do a refund and apply it to a new registration with the same account.
Barbara and I both read a lot of comments every day, but it takes a while to get to some of them. When you need attention, an email to webmaster@barbarasclub.com reaches both of us right away.
Snap, Riss. Have same concerns as you and have just signed up for the boards too. See you around…
That’s great, Alex! Send me a note when you get in there and we can start our group list/conversations.
I love the Boards. I post on HO and on the Boards. I hope a lot of you join the Boards because we can use some new energy there.
Janis, make sure you go and sign up at the forum/bulletin board then! http://boards.barbarasher.com/index.php
I’ve sent my comment/feedback directly to the webmasters by email, but in the meantime while they’re considering a solution we can do this and start connecting! They may end up taking my suggestion anyway and contacting all the members here to ask them to sign up at the forum/board.
DONE!
Yay, thank you Janis! I signed up there as Riss_ (same as my name here but with an underscore). Apparently I need the admins to validate my account before it is active, but once you are in please try sending me a private message. I’ll start gathering a list of all of us who sign up there and we can start some private group conversations!
I signed up to as Jessica. Look for my intro I posted yesterday. I’d love to connect!
Still looking for you on the boards Riss..Found Jessica!
I can’t find you, Janis. I’m on as AlexP
I’m signed up as JGP
I’m signed up on the boards as An8el – going there now to check out what has happened recently… Hope to find you all there.
I too have vengeful supervisor(s), two deep! Oh my! I’m in the bureaucracy of local gov’t, So I’d appreciate supervisor-neutralizing tips from you.
Luckily I have skills and friends, but
I am contesting my recent performance appraisal now. Oh my, rather a long story, but I’m only about a year from earning a pension so – feel compelled to stay. Is that resistance? Seems practical to me, but the stress from this is incredible. I’ve got loads of stress management skills and tips that I use to daily to get me through.
Anyway, let those tips rip!
Thanks,
Karin
One year? That’s not Resistance, that’s good sense! Okay, let’s get going so you can stick around with fewest bruises to yourself.
Today, Tip #1: Decide (or pretend to yourself) that you’re going to write a novel or screenplay – or even better, that you’re part of a secret, worldwide research team documenting the behavior and actual words of vengeful bosses (and co-workers, too.) Every time they do something evil, walk away and send yourself an email with their dialogue, the look on their faces, whatever you need to save.
You don’t want the information to be found, but it will be nothing more than a description of the truth. The vengeful bosses would be enraged if they knew of it, but anyone else would say it’s nothing but an objective description.
The purpose: You will give yourself a buffer zone, a way to keep their bad behavior from actually touching you personally. (And it’s fun.) It’s creative to build a character – with their unwitting help – and instead of thinking ‘Ouch!’ you’ll start thinking, ‘Good one! Wow, she’s really something! Got to save this dialogue.”
Do that for a day or two and tell us if it works for you.
The, whether the answer is yes or no, I’ll come up with more tips for you.
And anyone else who has, or who once had, vengeful bosses (or colleagues), please join in with stories (the more specific, the better) or with good tips.
Perhaps we’ll someday have a Vengeful Colleague or Boss Hot Line – on the phone, or in a bulletin board somewhere – to help all the badly treated people in the world!
Great idea. However, I’ve been living quite a sheltered life so I don’t run into people that are vengeful. I’m very lucky!
I can’t pretend to be an expert in any way, shape, or form with work place situations. I can suggest that if you are only a year away, it might be best to hang on in order to get that pension. Years ago, I left a job because of a supervisor-from-hell; but I will say I had only been working there 2 years, it was a private institution with no civil service protections, and I have not worked much since. I think supervisor neutralizing strategies — what I know you can find on here — could very well be the way to go to get you done and over the finish line. I wish you much success.
I’ll second that, Karin. I would say Hang in there if you possibly can ( = Unless the job is making you sick, keeping you from functioning normally or anything like that to be fixed urgently at almost any cost.) A pension is a lovely “support to the arts” for many years of unworried creativity and fun… Meanwhile, if you decide to invest in this one year at work i view of your pension, do let us know: we can be a listening ear from hard times and/or a source of ideas to make your predicament lighter.
Thanks Barbara, Luisa, and David,
Hanging in there is what I need to do. Luckily I’m now in a role that satisfies my “scanner-ness” (project management/it business analysis) and I’m still serving the county health, and as I’ve said I value that.
I’ve long thought about documenting the ridiculousness, but sometimes its rather painful. I can’t believe how long I’ve been under this situation. A WST article really hit home with me a couple years back “The Queen Bee” WST 2013 “The Queen Bee”. (Making snide comments that discredit me, in but usually “Their assaults harm careers and leave no fingerprints.”) I followed the advice of this article as best I could ” Taking-the-sting-out-of-queen-bees-who-may-be-out-to-get-you/ (much like your advice), such as profusely “accept the advice, acknowledge and appreciate, share my issues and ask for adviceand queen-bees-mentors-and-the-female-boss-problem. However my direct supervisor, who is new at the role, managing a technical team, and not very technical, has determined that my accepting and thanking her means I needed her “coaching” and determined that then it could be said that I couldn’t be performing adequately (when I was just trying to include her and take her “sting out”). However, I was (am) seen a direct threat — and have experienced my queen bee messing with me career and opportunities for years! As well as having a myriad of skills (an initial degree, years ago, to be practical,in both “Geographic information systems” and “Comparative History of Ideas,” years of technical experience and training, as well as a huge interest in human health and motivation. Where in PH IT, I was respected by the business and often called “the IT dept” myself, when our IT dept was consolidated and took me with them, and I’ve been pushed to a hidden, generic role, at the whimsy of the boss who felt threatened by me.
However, with this performance appraisal, after years of recieving low A’s (4.3/5) from all previous supervisors, my new direct supervisor is attempting to give me a D (1.9/5)! I can’t have that in my file, as it is a precedent – and in the range of being able to be terminated for “not performing adequately”. In response to the 1.9, as is the process, if I don’t agree, I refused to sign and asked that another supervisor review. I asked that a high up (male) supervisor, who has always respected my skills and I believe, has influence on my supervisor, be a reviewer. I had going to him, because my supervisor covet’s his interaction, and interacted through her and with him. But, now I’ve gone over her head – and I’m hoping she will be influenced by his thoughts and change the score, but she is seeming stubborn on it. I may have to appeal up to to the lead CIO. He has had years, though, of “my Queen Bee whose out to get me”’s ear, so I hope it doesn’t come to that.
I may be able to pull that off. And it may be worth it, as I’ve said I do like the work, and was just settling into it being the perfect good-enough-job till I make the pension and or segue out of it.
.
I’m sorry, I meant to share a link to the article’s that I referenced.
http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424127887323884304578328271526080496?mod=ITP_review_0&mg=reno64-wsj&url=http%3A%2F%2Fonline.wsj.com%2Farticle%2FSB10001424127887323884304578328271526080496.html%3Fmod%3DITP_review_0%20 http://www.forbes.com/sites/johnbaldoni/2013/03/04/taking-the-sting-out-of-queen-bees-who-may-be-out-to-get-you/
It’s part of the covert strategy of: “let’s piss off the person who’s about to get the pension so they quit and we don’t have to pay.” Scanners often have to deal with the resentments from being “rate busters.” Because the higher quality of their work tends to up the standards for the other workers, who resent it.
Karin, I can relate totally–five years of hell will soon be over, I hope. Then I need to go away somewhere to “detox.” Keep the twits at a distance a la what Barbara suggests & imagine that you are doing an anthropological-psychological field study of the good, the bad, and the ugly; basically, try to get sleep, exercise (incl. mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR)-type meditation) and eat well to reduce stress. Try not to let them get to you, well, as little as possible. All of this is easier said than done, and some days are easier to handle than others, but YOU will get out of that place in one year. You could also just keep focusing on this and try to see if you can run on “automatic pilot” when you are at your job; perhaps, if they are vengeful and nefarious characters, who gives a damn what they say abt your performance? They are not worth the trouble, not the kind of people you want to hang out with. You are unlikely to change their views, and it might quite likely be a ploy to get you to hate the job so much that you leave BEFORE getting your pension. Do NOT do this: you’d play into their hands ONLY. It’s called “mobbing” by the way–just google the word. Anyhow, I’d say, you’ll get the support here, with all of us…if I may say so.
Maria
I have a question!
You say “And with this program I can give you videos from my retreats and workshops, loads of audio”
Does that mean that your previous work (ie: workshops and audio) is included in the price of “Hanging Out”?
Video and audio clips from my previous work show up almost every Monday, Mary. That’s where I get them from.
Signed up and am ready to go! Am experiencing resistance to leaving job with vengeful boss – wishfully hoping she’ll be smacked upside the head and change attitude / behavior. Yeah, right! Luckily, I’m just back from a doc enforced 3 month leave and am giving my gut the right to make the decision when to hit the red “Eject” button to blast out of there. Timing of the new hang out couldn’t be better!
Once things get rolling, give us an example of said evil boss’s vengeful behavior and we’ll give you some very clever, potent methods with which to declaw him/her. You’ll either stop that bad behavior, or neutralize it until you’re ready to leave on your own terms. (rubbing hands together with glee – I’ve got some good ones, and they won’t even get you in trouble!)
Hi everyone, and thAnk You, Maria, for mentioning mobbing!! These descriptions describe how one felt fire Yeatshttp://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/12/28/bullying-at-work-workplace-mobbing-is-on-the-rise/