The commitmentphobe’s list of mistaken assumptions:
- You must choose one and only one path in life.
- Everything you love has to be a career. Doing something for pleasure doesn’t count.
- If you’re not in love with your job, it will be a living hell.
- You have to get it right, because every career choice requires a huge investment of time and money.
- Once you make your choice, you serve a life sentence with no chance of parole.
- If you’re not passionate to the point of obsession, you’ll never be content to give up all your other interests.
These mistaken assumptions add up to a contract signed in blood and carved in stone, inspired not only by misinformation but by a dread of wasting one’s life and by the desire for a single passion so great it can make a life sentence tolerable. No wonder Scanners refuse to make commitments. But there’s one problem with their conclusion: Not one thing on that list is true.
Use your Scanner Daybook for this exercise. Did you feel any of these were true before you read Refuse to Choose? Did Barbara change your mind? In a new comment on this page, tell us which one(s) you have abandoned. You may also argue for any you still believe to be true. Then read the rest of the comments and see if you would like to reply to any of them.
Please be sure to subscribe to future comments on this exercise or to check back here on Wednesday evening or Thursday morning for new ones. If there are a lot of comments by then, look for an Older Comments link to see any that do not fit on this page.
Use the Next link (up above the title) to continue on to Exercise 2: The Career Tryout after you are done adding your comment.
I thought that if I trained in something, i then had to have it as a career, even if it didn’t suit me anymore. I’m slowly begining to change my mind on that now.
I’m certain that in the past I probably fell prey to some of the Mistaken Assumptions, but currently don’t think they are at play in my life. When I was younger, I definitely believed that I had to be passionate about my job or life would be a living hell. However, reality made me realize that this wasn’t the case. And, I think I learned pretty early in life that I can almost always generate passion around something in the job that I’m doing — it’s just a matter of how I frame things.
Brilliant Art! The wisdom of age and experience
I think I’m exploring re-framing what I’m doing as possibly because I secretly love it (or perhaps I’m lying to myself)
‘The One Thing’ by Gary Keller is the antithesis to the Scanner ethos, and I can see how a lot of people thinking they can (and should) do only one career/hobby set for their entire life. I took many years off drawing and playing drums and I plan on going heavily back into both. My biggest issue with progressing with drums was that I worked second shift and it was near-impossible to drum in my place after midnight. However, technology has made nearly-silent drumming a reality.
That is amazing J! I drum for healing work and often I am trying to tap on my drum so softly because it is late or other people are doing things in the house that I do not want to disturb :0) Wishing you a lot more drumming and drawing!
You must choose one and only one path in life. – I spent a good chunk of my life believing this! When I was in my 40’s, I was so frustrated by not finding my “calling” that I went and had my aptitudes tested. Guess what? The truly wonderful organization I went to told me that I had “too many aptitudes to ever be happy doing one thing.” The benefit of this endeavor was not finding my “calling” but not feeling like I was a crazy person for not having one (and only one).
Another big one for me: If you’re not in love with your job, it will be a living hell. I have had enough jobs that were hellish to think that any job except for “the one” would make me miserable. That has not been the case, although I have never been happy in any job for a very long time. Barbara seems to understand that for Scanners we can’t be “stuck”.
You have to get it right, because every career choice requires a huge investment of time and money. This was the biggest one for me. I went to graduate school for eight years (I’ve learned that I love to learn) and got saddled with $240K in student loans. Although I’d love to go to school some more, it’s simply not possible. My “chosen” profession is one that can offer some variety but, to be honest, I’m over it now. Ugh
Totally resonate Abby!
I’ve been putting my energy into health and children (not a career).
I’ve worked my way out of a number of jobs including through huge investments of time and money.
I’m trying to find the time and energy for the so-so job Barbara describes while continuing to prioritize health and children.
So glad you are prioritizing family, health and well being Nate!
When we did the Rewards exercise I noticed I seem to stay interested in hobbies/activities I do for pleasure.