Barbara Sher’s Idea Party

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How Does the Online Idea Party Work?

You have a dream or a wish, and an obstacle to getting there. (If you don’t think you know your wish, work through my kick-starter and read this post. To learn why you must put logic aside to find your dream, read the following.)

The online Idea Party is here to help you – and the other fellow party goers – with your wishes and obstacles.

Voices from Success Teams and Idea Parties:

Having a team to report to and hearing what everybody did each week is very exciting. It’s kept me moving all year. In the past I made some good starts on my own, but found, every time, when the energy ran out, I ran out. Now it doesn’t run out.
Jade G.
Children’s Playroom Therapist, New York Hospital

I would do a painting a year, a sketch a year. If it was only me I know I would never do it. Having to tell you makes all the difference. It’s crazy why I didn’t do this years ago, it’s so easy all of a sudden.
Caroline R. Personnel Executive, Macy’s Dept Store

Post Your Wish and Your Obstacle Here!

And help your team mates out when you can. Use the Reply link to help, the form below the comments to add your own Wish and Obstacle.

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3,406 thoughts on “Barbara Sher’s Idea Party

  1. I’m 33 and have no friends where I live. Since I’ve moved around a lot in the last decade, I’ve always had to make new friends, which was far easier back in school or university.
    Today, all of my close friends (if you can even call them that) are over 500km away from me and have their own lives (kids, husbands, great jobs) that leave very little space for me in their lives.
    I’ve been struggling with this for years, the repeated lockdowns this year have severely aggravated the situation and I’m feeling more and more depressed.

    I’m a very outgoing and not at all shy person. I have no problems talking to strangers. I’ve tried making friends before, but it’s hard. Most obstacles I notice are
    1. they already have friends and are not interested in new ones (aka, I’m not needed)
    2. their lives are too busy
    3. its hard to get people to actually invest in new friendships, making them feel like superficial relationships that don’t give me the connection I’m longing for

    I live in the middle of Berlin and I’d like to move out into the countryside (I think nature would do wonders for my depressive moods) but am fearful, that that would increase my loneliness, so I plan to stay and hope, that after Covid-19 everything will be better. However, since it wasn’t easier to make friends before Covid, I am not at all optimistic that anything will change for me after Covid.

    • I find it hard to make friends too. I have always been single and have always joined groups in order for me to be able to do things I enjoy. One such group is meetup.com which is worldwide. In all the years I have been attending events with them I have not made any friends but I still enjoy myself tremendously because I feel like I am not alone and I enjoy socializing with others. In terms of making friends it’s hard for me too. Sometimes I think I am getting close to being friends with someone but then it does not happen since they do not seem to be interested for some reason. But meetup.com has been a gold mine for me.

      • I am single too, lost friends to motherhood, not for good, but for many years. It’s the reality: kids take a lot of attention. Presently my friends are mostly married women with no kids. Some I met through work, some by sheer chance, like in an airport. Meet-up has worked for me too, in the past, the key is finding a group that is A) active and B) you have something in common with. Times of social distancing are not the best for socializing though, let’s face it. I have been dating too, but now with the winter, I lost motivation. I am presently putting my energy more into making home most comfortable, beautiful and healthy. That’s something I can do now and makes me happy.

    • I read your post with interest and just discussed this topic on my talk show on yesterday.

      Sometimes we need to move forward and build our own tribe.

      The other response that someone posted was about Meetup.com which is a good resource.

      Write down what you are seeking in a relationship on a piece of paper.

      Also, write down what is preventing you from having what you seek.

      Sometimes we make assumptions that people don’t want to be bothered. Which may be true. Many people are nervous and anxious right now.

      Some people will enter our lives for a season which can be a day, months, hours, etc.

      Yes, I understand about longing for what you miss but now is your time to move forward.

      There are some organizations that are seeking volunteers people to make phone calls and check in on those living by themselves or lonely.

      Build your own and I do believe you will be pleasantly surprised by the number of people open and receptive to what you have to offer.

      Also,

      Be open and receptive to building your own tribe. If you need 1:1 help I am here for you.

      People even during Covid are isolated and seeking companionship.

      Have you considered doing LiveStreaming on Happs TV, Be Live or
      ClubHouse app (iPhone users only)

      Necie

    • Hi Loretta,
      I live in the same area, and like someone already said, there are plenty of meetups (also with zoom) in Berlin! http://www.meetup.com, it is free. There is also this group here:http://www.connectberlin.de, or, you could also try internations, http://www.internations.org for Berlin, they do plenty of things. If you speak German you could also try Freizeitpartner.de or place an ad for new friends into Tip Berlin magazine. Good luck!
      Don’t be dishearted. There are absolutely millions of singles in Berlin.

  2. Hello Everyone!
    I have been trying to figure out what type of business I can start based on my strengths and passions. As you can see below, I’m a Multi-Passionate individual and have had a really difficult time incorporating all of my strengths below:

    *I have a love of learning: mastering new skills and topics (cooking, interior design, painting, healthy living, starting an online business, and self development.)

    *I’m also an Idea Lover: I love coming up with different business ideas (but currently I’m stuck!)

    *I’m a Highly-Sensitive Introvert and therefore I do spend a lot of time thinking and needing time alone to process ideas, feelings, problem solving, etc.

    *I also have a deep appreciation for beauty and excellence (in the arts and music, in creative food presentation, flower arrangements)

    Any nuggets of wisdom or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
    Thank you!

    • Have you read Sher’s book on multi-talent? It offers templates for those of us who need to do multi-interests.
      The template from “Refuse to Choose” that I adopted was a “seasonal” lifestyle – where each of my interests came around again as the appropriate time of year appeared, and it was very satisfying
      If I were you, I’d also check out the “Kolbe Index” test – I took the “youth” version because the adult was too expensive for me at the time…same result, supposedly. The idea on this personability test is everyone has a mixture of the way they prefer to do jobs – and this needs to be answered in choosing the types of jobs that need to be done in this sort of way. The categories are: Implementor, Fact-finder, Quickstart and Follow-through. Everyone is a mixture of each of these, and being resistant in one is just as important as being insistent in how you end up preferring to work at a goal.
      It’s a really interesting thing to know about yourself as a person when you chose work for yourself, IMHO.

      • Thank you so much Angel! I need to get myself a copy of Refuse to Choose. I’ve never heard of the Kolbe Index test. I will need to check that out as well.

        I greatly appreciate your time and input!

        -Connie

  3. Hello, I’m 43 and have been single most of my life. I would love to meet a man who is interested in me and who I have interest in.
    My obstacle: I believe I have been too much on my masculine side all my life (having to go through life independently and counting mostly on myself). As a result I have high expectations and can be quite critical of others / men.

    • Hello @Marie,
      I wonder if there is some way you could get accustomed to living with or collaborating with others to help with an adjustment.

      So you mention masculine side of yourself, plus high expectations, and being critical of others. I am writing from first-hand, real-life, painful and very costly experience of how relationship styles can go wrong when combined.
      I think it is very wise to identify these in yourself and a very important part of the battle just to see yourself. Some people don’t see themselves or don’t want to, and it is very hard for them to change how they behave.
      It is just an opinion but I do speculate that it may be possible to find a man who has a weak, passive, or maybe masculine but gentle personality within which you might exercise a more dominant or masculine role even if it is only by habit! But I think there is a danger that in many of those cases either you or he could end up disappointed and feeling unfulfilled. For examples: if he is gentle and you were very dominant you might unintentionally miss his complaints about unhappiness in the roles; or if he is passive or weak it could be years before he finally complains that he is bitterly unhappy and can’t stand it any longer; or maybe you are the one to figure out how unfulfilled you finally feel trying it that way.
      Another pitfall could be if you and your man are both trying to occupy a masculine role. In many cases I suppose this likely to lead to ongoing conflict and division and dissatisfaction.
      If the man you meet can happily delegate, which allows you to take many actions which you are accustomed to, then this might work. Even then if you overturn his decisions or break agreements with him it would go poorly. With such a man it would probably still be important to cultivate your femininity and it would be important to form a union that includes his desire and drive to be masculine (maybe traits such as ‘leading’, overseeing, protecting, providing in a significant way, and having a lead role in decisions when there is a disagreement).
      About being critical I wonder if you are critical toward yourself as well or only toward others?
      It can be very hard to have high standards and feel good in partnership with someone who has very low standards, low ethics, laziness, etc. But in terms of being critical it may be necessary to also have a warm heart toward yourself and your partner, complete with human foibles, shortcomings, areas of simply not being gifted, and infirmities.

      To bring my comments to a close: maybe there is a setting in which you can exercise your feminine traits, and cooperate and collaborate with other people in order to make these traits more of a habit and develop them further, in preparation for the relationship you want. Maybe you would even meet the man you hope for while you are in one of those settings. Covid seems an impediment for this kind of social activity, but maybe someone else here could generate some concrete options.

      • Hi Tom, thank you so much for your very detailed and helpful answer. I really like your conclusion of finding new ways to cooperate and collaborate with others as a way to express more of my feminine energy.
        Just to clarify: I do believe that feminine traits are most natural to me (like to most women), but having to compete in the workplace and doing a lot by myself made me become more in my masculine over the years. I guess many women experience this these days. Being in our masculine helps us build competence and strength, which is very useful in life. However when it comes to interacting with men, it sometimes makes it more difficult, because we don’t want to be in our feminine when interacting with men, and sometimes it feels like as men see us getting stronger, they no longer see that what we really want is to be able to go back to who we truly are.
        Thanks again for helping me finding a next step to progress on this. Have a great day

        • Three suggestions: Study Edward de Bono thinking skills. (Course for parents teaching kids at: CoRTthinking.com, but his best book out of 80, is: “Serious Creativity”) By studying thinking skills, you’ll get better at understanding that “critical” thinking is just one part of thinking abilities and problem solving solutions. Particularly, “parallel thinking” is what you want more often in a relationship situation – the ability for the group to assume different attitudes as they regard the question on the table.
          The second suggestion I have for you is to read a linguistic explanation of communication styles within genders and what that means for people who cross gender lines in their communication abilities. It’s an old book called: “Talking Nine to Five – Workplace Control…etc.” By Deborah Tannen, Phd in linguistics. It will help you understand reactions you probably have to put up with within who you’ve become working at “guy jobs.”
          The last is to study negotiation; I recommend a series of books by Ury & Fisher = the first is “Getting To Yes”, next book(s) include tips for negotiating with “difficult” people. In this series is the invaluable: “Using Emotions in Negotiation.” Essentially, great relationships are a series of agreements that evolve as issues emerge over time into what the two of you can rely on.
          With those books in practice, doesn’t matter if you’re identifying as whatever gender, you’ll be better at building a series of agreements that will make a solid relationship that will last past expectations. At some point, you’ll need to surrender expectations and accept that person you’ve chosen – and usually at that point, you’ll have chosen well.
          As my current guyfriend says, “Capitalists don’t belong in relationships.” Meaning, you can choose someone, but great relationships are more “made” and only partly “found.” The two of you WILL exchange places in what you do for each other over time, guaranteed! From myself, I’ve learned that assigning blame is a trap, because relationships are interdependent rather than one person being responsible or not. Cognitive bias is also another great field to learn about that will give perspective on defensiveness, “sunk cost fallacies,” etc.
          I judged whether or not I was going to get involved with someone by how I felt when I was with them, not “who they were.” I also was attracted to someone who learned from practice – that idea that new ways of doing things could be learned has always been within my power, so having it be in the power of the person I’m closest too was attractive.
          Finally, check out the site: assumelove.com It will blow you away this sites’ attitude on how to nurture longterm relationships. In fact, your long term friendships will benefit – and it’s time to start nurturing those now!

          Anyway – good luck. Hope you find and build a solid bond that lasts and benefits both of you. Choosing a mate is probably one of the most important life decisions. Don’t fall for the “rite of passage” of divorce when things get a little strange!

  4. My wish: Living in a tech free community in nature (mountain area anywhere in the world), that is free of electricity, need for money, drugs/smoking/alcohol, with likeminded individuals who want to recreate life on Earth and be fully self sufficient while helping each other in ways they love! Total freedom to wake up whenever you want, grow your own food, make clothing, dance together, and feel alive again.

    Obstacles: I don’t know anyone else who wants this, I researched communities, all have either religious ristrictions, money needs, and/or use drugs regularly. I’ve got an electrical sensitivity so can’t start any groups online, I use minimal online time. I want to find people before taking a trip somewhere alone (I fear traveling far on my own)

  5. My wish: Living in a tech free community in nature (mountain area anywhere in the world), that is free of electricity, need for money, drugs/smoking/alcohol, with likeminded individuals who want to recreate life on Earth and be fully self sufficient while helping each other in ways they love! Total freedom to wake up whenever you want, grow your own food, make clothing, dance together, and feel alive again.

    Obstacles: I don’t know anyone else who wants this, I researched communities, all have either religious ristrictions, money needs, and/or use drugs regularly. I’ve got an electrical sensitivity so can’t start any groups online, I use minimal online time.

  6. Happy to know I belong in a world of scanners Can you help me figure an activity that fills the happiness goals and pay the bills too?

    I am happiest telling stories, I analyze everything and synthesize rather well. Children are drawn to me and by helping them release their hangups I cure mine at the same time.

    I love being outdoors around tall trees and water. Also, when I am around big animals like horses, elephants or shark whales, I feel like I can tap into their power, and it makes feel feel strong.

    I need to make sense of my feelings by writing and sharing my story. I also need to be in structured groups where I can give life advice.

    I love public speaking in French, English, Spanish and 3/4 Italian.

    I love to talk and write about my own emotions. My experiences can help someone in turmoil. I am good at rebuilding people’s perception of themselves.

    I have lived in Mexico for the past 20 years working as a one on one Life Coach. My title is “seamstress of souls”. But my scanner personality is yearning for change.

    You could say I have lived several lives in one and I am not finished!

    Wish: Move to the US were I have spent my childhood and university years (I have a BA in psychology from Emory University) and mix nature, children and mentoring in a work environment.

    Obstacle: Financial resources and I am a French citizen, and well, I don’t know where to start

    • Hello Vanessa,
      Your life sounds exciting, I envy you….re: your wish: have you searhced online for youth programs in the USA located at farms and horse ranches? Since I like animals, I have read about several programs throughout the USa where at rish youth and children with disabilities spend time at a ranch and either caring for animals or learning to mange a ranch with horses is part of the therapy program.Some of these programs are funded by charities and some are privately run. This would be a start. Maybe you could contact some and offer to be a volunteer and see how you like it. Maybe with the pandemic, some of the programs are in real need of help and would welcome your offer. You could look into grants and stipends, ie if you find this appealing it would be great option to explore. Alos if you want to get inspiration via books, there are some wonderful inspirational writers, Paula Hardin wrote a good book (a classic) for mid-lifers, with exercises and she helps one explore one’s spiritual side ie how to listen to coincidences, dreams, meaningful events that point incertain direction.Also a guy called Hoepkewrote a book called “There Are No Accidents” about how each of us follows a narrative in life and we are often guided to a path that suits us.great exmaples form real life.Catherine

      • My goodness Catherine, what a great message to wake up to! It’s an amazing idea. Ranches might have room for housing too! Barbara has run her magic again. LinkedIn might not be the place to look for this. Maybe google « charities for youths disabities ». I had a dream about working with disabled boys in a ranch. I thought it was a symbol and not literal. So your reminder came at the right time (: it links with the dream book you mentioned. You are an angel. Thank you for clearing the path (:

    • Well, I’d recommend to stay living outside of the USA. It’s very strange on the mainland USA, and it seems to be getting more stratified.
      I would recommend to build elsewhere in the world, then you’re more likely to get a benefit from your investments.
      Working with disabled kids and horses is more like a volunteer job than something that will make you a living. You may be able to “import” this lifestyle to exist where you are currently living, rather than traveling to a different location where this already exists. Disabled people are everywhere, as are horses!!
      (In fact, I’d make this happen in Iceland, personally if I had the choice about where in the world to move. With your command of languages, you’d get a benefit from that if you were in Europe rather than in the USA. USA people are bereft of being able to speak more than one language…so your talents and interests there would be splendidly wastes if you moved to the USA.)
      There’s a site called “Caretaker.org” I think – it’s been finding people worldwide opportunities in many different situations by publishing a sort of “Caretaker Gazzette” for many decades. Because it’s a paid thing, it attracts interesting oppportunities.
      Another thing to do for long-term benefits is to study grant writing – then by writing a grant, you can benefit anyplace you’d like to work by writing yourself (and them) into getting some money. In that vein, there’s a woman called “Wealthy Bag Lady” who teaches people how to get corporations to “sponsor” their project with money.
      Anyway, I agree – your life sounds fun. Live-streaming also might be a possiblity because of the envious quality of your lifestyle.

        • Thank you Angel for your answer. I read up on the info you suggested. I’ve had that feeling when I was in the States that my languages and culture were not being put to use.
          And about the horses yes they are everywhere, I’ve been practicing animal communication, to heal them from a distance and I felt that was more right up my alley than disabled children.
          Europe was my first thought as well, with the language and my French Citizenship. This are not rosy in France and so many people are trying to go that the burocracy is tough. There have been some breakthroughs in my work: I have been asked to do a training in water medicine, a program I designed, to heal by a process of going back to the womb through water massage, mix between Japanese zen and Mexican shamanism.
          So my focus has geared toward A) developing my business online with a possibility of the latter part of the workshop in my place of residence in the Mexican Caribbean.
          B) Travelling to teach the workshop in natural spring waters all over the world
          Maybe linda hollander would be a good person to get in touch with for grants?

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  8. I already completed a program of saving a somewhat large amount of money to invest in owning and operating a “country inn” with restaurant as well as beautiful rooms, grounds, and pleasing common spaces. I studied and trained while working as a professional and business owner in another field.
    As I was in process of purchasing the facility, a person who was abusive toward me destroyed both the carefully assembled funds *and* my professional career. My finance for old age, and ability to provide for my family, also went.
    Now there is a threat of the electric and heat ending at the beginning of winter.
    Now so many people are also in trouble with finances.
    But I still wish to own/operate the facility. If someone donated a deed to a suitable property I would move forward immediately despite the Covid.
    This doesn’t seem so much of a “dream” as it is a practical reality for me for continuing on with my life and recovering from the abusive events that happened.
    It seems I am in need of some big ideas, almost outlandish ones, because small incremental ones would not be enough to snap me out of this position.
    thank you and best wishes to everyone.

    • Hi Tom,
      it may be a good idea to work out a concept of what you exactly want to do with that place and what you would like to offer to the world. After that, you could try crowdfunding on gofundme, kickstarter, patreon or ko-fi.
      Good luck!

      • @Katja Thank you for your remarks.
        I have a thoroughly developed overall concept, and when there is a specific physical property and location I am able to do a customization of the concept to the specific circumstances involved.
        Regretfully for a small property it is maybe $1.5M USD investment, so maybe it is an extremely rare situation to raise that much support in a crowd-fund?
        I understand that even one or two donors could do this, but still very hard to connect with them.
        Regretfully my earthly life is “crashed” right now. I do not have finance to more forward, and it is so far proving very, very difficult to re-enter my old career track so I am practically ruined and in danger of not having food because I am in such an awkward position. So with much pain in the words, it seems very important to me to find a breakthrough.

      • Hi Katja! Your ideas are great! Do you work as a fundraiser? I would enjoy it if you could share more of your knowledge here.The pandemic has reallly hit so many people and I need to be looking at how to dream agai…Thanks, be well, Catherine

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