Hanging Out

Hanging Out is Open for Registration through April 21

Hanging Out will be the jewel in the crown of Barbara’s Club. To be honest, I think it’s going to be the jewel in the crown of my lifetime’s work. That’s what it feels like. —Barbara Sher, 2012

Barbara called this members-only program Hanging Out, because she wanted it to be like those wonderful moments just hanging out together at her retreats and weekend workshops. Patty Newbold will be your guide now that Barbara is no longer with us.

Sign up today for Hanging Out
April 22, 2024 through April 22, 2025
$197 for a full year

Contact webmaster@barbarasclub.com if you encounter any problems with payment or if you don’t receive a “Thank You! And Welcome to Hanging Out” email within an hour after paying.

Barbara put together her most beloved ideas and stories and wrote her best stuff ever for Hanging Out. This was bigger than writing another book. It was a huge job, but every minute was a labor of love for her. And with this program she gives you videos from her retreats and workshops, loads of audio, new interactive stuff and other amazing things we can’t describe here or we’ll go on forever. All this in addition to the exercises that made a big difference to you in the past.

After almost a year HO is still my favourite thing on the internet and in my inbox. So many things I could just read over and over and find something each time. The world didn’t change but I’m different in it. -JD

I’m excited about this exercise. I’ve printed it out to work on over the weekend. Barbara, I look forward to working it through and circling back. You’re a gemstone! -A Hanging Out member in Week 38

Once you’re a member, the rest will be easy. Every week, three times a week, via email, I’ll send you some very special things to read, watch and do. They’re not what you expect, I’m pretty sure of that. As much as you may like my books, what you’re going to find in Hanging Out is very new and very different. You’ll want to make comments, compare notes and talk to the other members of Hanging Out, and that’s exactly what happens here. It changes the whole experience into something entirely new, something most of us are missing and need as much as vitamins and sunshine. The effect on most members has been profound.

Registration closes April 21
$197 for a full year

Contact webmaster@barbarasclub.com if you encounter any problems with payment or if you don’t receive a “Thank You! And Welcome to Hanging Out” email within an hour after paying.

You can’t get Hanging Out all at once like a book that ends up on that pile of books you plan to read, and you can’t stick it back on your bookshelf and forget what your life is supposed to be. Barbara learned too much about what’s important for us humans to take that kind of chance.

You’ll receive emails from her every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for a year, announcing the day’s video, audio message, Identity Exercise, Reality Series success story or Brain Candy she prepared for you. Barbara’s Director of Sher Success Teams and WriteSpeak Coach, Patty Newbold, will be reading and responding to your online comments. You’ll also be able to read Barbara’s replies to comments from our first eight years of Hanging Out.

Hanging out has really developed clarity in my life. One thing that I love about you Barbara is that you never tell anyone to just try harder and you don’t shame in any way. You support and encourage which is so very rare. You make sense of the non-sense. This group has provided something wonderful for me. Even the subtle messages are always very powerful. —Michelle

So what is it?

It’s easier to say what it’s not. Hanging Out is not a how-to course or a motivation program. I sometimes think it’s designed for people who have worked too hard and forgot what it’s like to wake up in a goal-free world full of fresh, stimulating ideas, fun and camaraderie.

I’ll always have courses for you on Barbara’s Club so you can find your dreams and achieve your goals, but Hanging Out is not about goal achievement. Instead, it’s more like what one member called “a profound and delicious form of Identity Rehab.”

I absolutely love the idea of Barbara’s Club being integrated into the everyday world—nothing to leave behind—and a consistent source of inspiration. Thank you! —Victoria, by email

If you join us here, Barbara’s emails and online messages will be popping into your life briefly, happily and relentlessly, over and over, waking up your senses, making you laugh and go exploring and, most important of all, helping you remember who you are and how good life is supposed to be.

You’ll receive emails from Barbara every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for a year, announcing the day’s video, audio message, Identity Exercise, Reality Series success story or Brain Candy she prepared for you. Barbara’s Director of Sher Success Teams and WriteSpeak Coach, Patty Newbold, will be reading and responding to your online comments. You’ll also be able to read Barbara’s replies to comments from our first eight years of Hanging Out, before she passed away.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for creating Hanging Out with Barbara. There have been so many “favorite” posts. One that stands out is your description of how you decorated your apartment with all the glorious references to color. I wanted to sink into one of your armchairs and absorb it all. Finding our originality. Yes. Discovering ways to express it. Yes. Realizing that time is short and excuses long. Yes. Boxing up all our should, would and could and relaxing into today, into now, into this moment. Yes. Finding that joy is the reward for allowing oneself to just be who you are. Yes. So many wonderful lessons I have learned, relearned, and unlearned this year…What I have learned this year has changed my life. For that I am eternally grateful. – A Hanging Out Member at the end of the year

No risk – full refund if you cancel your subscription within the first 30 days

$197 for a full year

Contact webmaster@barbarasclub.com if you encounter any problems with payment or if you don’t receive a “Thank You! And Welcome to Hanging Out” email within an hour after paying.

OR pay by the month – $24 per month

Contact webmaster@barbarasclub.com if you encounter any problems with payment or if you don’t receive a “Thank You! And Welcome to Hanging Out” email within an hour after paying.

Doors close at 11:55 pm EDT on April 21st

Buying a membership for someone else? Purchase a gift certificate. Good for a full year of Hanging Out at the then-current price whenever your recipient registers, which must be during an open registration period.

Purchase a gift certificate
$197 for a full year membership gift certificate

Gift certificate mailed within 48 hours. Contact webmaster@barbarasclub.com if you do not receive yours.

875 thoughts on “Hanging Out”

sandra Pinchback on March 8, 2015 at 9:37 pm said:

Please send me an e-mail when registration begins.

Thanks!
Sandy

Reply ↓
- Patty Newbold on March 9, 2015 at 12:47 am said:
  
  Are you on Barbara’s Mailing List, Sandy? We’ll announce it there first.
  
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Bonnie Mozer on March 7, 2015 at 8:54 pm said:

Hello,

I would love to register for Hanging Out with Barbara. Would you please send an email when registration opens? Thank you, Bonnie

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- Patty Newbold on March 9, 2015 at 12:47 am said:
  
  Are you on Barbara’s Mailing List, Bonnie? We’ll announce it there first.
  
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Zarinah Nuri on March 5, 2015 at 3:49 pm said:

Hey there!

I don’t want to miss the opening for Barbara’s Club! Any word on when it will open this month? Looking forward to it!

Zarinah

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- Patty Newbold on March 5, 2015 at 4:45 pm said:
  
  In about a week, Zarinah!
  
  Reply ↓
karla on February 20, 2015 at 9:33 pm said:

Patty,
Will we ever do a wishcraft book club? I love all of Barbara’s books, but that is the one that truly changed my life…..and of course, Hanging Out has changed it even more!!! Also, I cannot find Wishcraft on Kindle, and my copy is falling apart…..will it ever be on Kindle?

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- Patty Newbold on February 20, 2015 at 11:24 pm said:
  
  Do you know how to email PDFs to your Kindle? If not, search Google or Amazon for the instructions. It’s the publisher’s option whether to sell it on Kindle (and who knows why they wouldn’t, for a book whose 30th anniversary edition came out 7 years ago and still sells like hotcakes?!), but each chapter of Wishcraft is available as a PDF for free at http://wishcraft.com
  
  I’ve been cloned, so we just began registration for two new bookclubs: same book, different languages, both starting March 12th (so register by March 11).
  
  It’s Only Too Late If You Don’t Start Now
  http://barbarasclub.com/bookclub/iotl2015/
  
  Für deine Träume ist es nie zu spät
  http://barbarasclub.com/buchclub/fdt2015/
  
  Consider this your unofficial advance announcement. And the books, It’s Only Too Late If You Don’t Start Now: HOW TO CREATE YOUR SECOND LIFE AT ANY AGE and Für deine Träume ist es nie zu spät: Durchstarten in der zweiten Lebenshälfte, are BOTH available on Kindle.
  
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  - karla on February 20, 2015 at 11:39 pm said:
    
    Will you do a wishcraft book club? I need to do all the flow charts and stuff at this point…….but you know I will do them anyway….smile…….once I get massage certification. Over spring break, I will he able to start offering services…..then will get the pool put in!!!
    
    I really miss Eileen…….
    
    Reply ↓
    - Patty Newbold on February 21, 2015 at 4:05 pm said:
      
      Me, too, Karla! Can’t believe she’s gone. She was one of four friends I lost in January, but she was the one I emailed with so often and visited just a week earlier.
      
      Wishcraft needs a smaller group than the other books, one that will hold each other accountable no matter what. We call the Wishcraft book clubs Success Teams. We have people all over the world trained to run them. http://shersuccessteams.com
      
      Reply ↓
      - Patty Newbold on February 21, 2015 at 4:13 pm said:
        
        Flow chart: Start from the pool installation. How much money will it require? How many massages will bring in that much? Does it require any goodwill for permits or neighbor cooperation? How could you use the massages to earn it? What else could you do?
        Right before you offer that first massage, what needs to be in place? A craigslist ad? Postcard ads to local vets? Updated insurance? Registering your business with the city or county or state? A license? To get the license, what else will you need besides the application? What needs to happen to get this? Boom! Reverse flow chart done.
        
        If you do flow charts from here to there instead of from there to here, you end up with too many non-critical, nice-to-have steps on them.
      - karla on February 21, 2015 at 6:54 pm said:
        
        Patty,
        In March, I go out to Colorado to have the hands on part of my massage course……then I have to return here and do three case studies. One can be my Ivy, but the other two must be true clients. My vet has offered to refer patients to me, plus a vet tech I know is going to talk to her vet at another location. I should be certified and liscensed this summer…..then I want to start before I get cold feet……I am going to try to take the courses specific to sport dogs and older arthritic dogs (my true love, but level three)…later this year, if circumstances permit.
        I will continue to teach while establishing myself……..
        
        I used to have an informal success team, but one got her dream of moving, another got her dream of having a baby and now is too busy, another got her dream of a job as a principal and is REALLY busy…..so there are just two of us left.
      - Patty Newbold on February 21, 2015 at 10:30 pm said:
        
        Craigslist or Meetup, Karla. Add more members to your Success Team.
      - An8el on the Sher Forums on February 24, 2015 at 1:17 am said:
        
        Karla, just read an ad by someone in S. Calif that could be you. It reads, (under Pets and Pet Services:) PUPPY and DOG SWIM LESSONS. Pool safety classes & Rehabilitation. Not all dogs know how to swim. Backyard drownings are a preventable tragedy. Swimming is a great workout & the safest way to begin rehabilitation after an injury or surgery. Our pools are heated year-round to 80-82 degrees; conveniently located in Pt. Loma and Cardiff by the Sea. SWIM THERAPY is excellent for seniors with arthritis, overweight dogs & those with orthopedic conditions (elbow & hip dysplasia, ACL injuries) and is great cross-training for competitive and show dogs. (619)227-7802 “CuttingEdgeK-9 Rehab”
        Karla, call them and have a talk about how they set up their pool service for dogs and ways they have found past their business challenges!
    - Elaine Glimme on February 24, 2015 at 8:17 pm said:
      
      HI, Karla,
      
      Just some good wishes to you and your dogs. I miss Eileen also.
      
      Reply ↓
kate on February 20, 2015 at 12:44 pm said:

trying to finish my own project(s) and hitting major resistance, and hoping you will help me move forward

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Nadine Loeffler on January 28, 2015 at 5:13 pm said:

Patty,

I know you haven’t heard from me in Barbara’s book club and I never finished working on the last few chapters. I have been thinking of everyone and been sad about not having kept up. I do plan on catching up eventually. Lots of changes in my life!

I would like to sign up for Barbara’s Hanging Out at $ 29 per month. If registration begins in March, does that mean I’ll need to wait until then to sign up? If so, when does Hanging Out start?

Thanks so much for your help!

Nadine

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- Patty Newbold on January 28, 2015 at 8:45 pm said:
  
  Hi, Nadine. Yes, you need to wait until we reopen registration in early March for Hanging Out. It will be announced in Barbara’s newsletter. In the meantime, the book club remains open for business. Several people are still working their way through the book, and those who have finished would surely be happy to cheer you along to the finish line. Their comments in the last few weeks are well worth reading, too.
  
  Reply ↓
  - Nadine Loeffler on January 29, 2015 at 7:23 am said:
    
    Thank you so much, Patty! I very much look forward to reading everyone’s comments! They helped me so much in this book club.
    
    Reply ↓
    - Patty Newbold on January 30, 2015 at 6:00 pm said:
      
      🙂
      
      Reply ↓
    - Lyndon Baugh on January 30, 2015 at 6:57 pm said:
      
      Nadine,
      
      I’ve been a bit haphzard and just introduced myself on the welcome page on January 5th. Delighted that we have many months more as I’m still learning stuff.
      
      Reply ↓
      - Nadine Loeffler on January 31, 2015 at 5:01 am said:
        
        Lyndon, I’m just as glad as you are to still have time to finish this book club. I was very dedicated with some longer breaks in th between until life just got too busy in December and I stopped reading and doing the exercises altogether. Hoping to gradually start catching up soon.
      - Barbara Sher on February 15, 2015 at 11:56 am said:
        
        Hi Lyndon
        
        My Mail wasn’t working right so I wasn’t being noitfied before January. But I am very pleased to meet you now. Hope you stayed in! And hope you subscribed so you get late answers like this one!
- Riss on January 29, 2015 at 3:32 am said:
  
  How do these book clubs work? I’ve heard people mention them here and there. Not sure I have the time at the moment, lol, as I’m not really keeping up with Hanging Out as it is, but I’d be interested to know a little more.
  
  Reply ↓
  - Patty Newbold on January 30, 2015 at 5:59 pm said:
    
    You know how Barbara includes exercises in all her books, Riss? In the book clubs, we do them all. We read the book, do the exercises, and discuss it all online. We take 16 weeks per book.
    
    It looks just like Hanging Out, but each page and the comments on it are about one exercise or one chapter of the book, so it’s all about the discussion, rather than new content.
    
    And we send out just one email a week, with links to the week’s 2 to 5 discussion pages, so everyone can participate on their own schedule during the week.
    
    Make sure you are on the mailing list (right there below Barbara’s photo), because the next book club will be announced very soon.
    
    Reply ↓
    - Lyndon Baugh on January 30, 2015 at 7:03 pm said:
      
      Riss,
      
      As to “How do these book clubs work? ” the answer for me has been “Better than just reading on my own.”
      
      I’ve been reading and re-reading Refuse to Choose since last decade, and each time around getting more, and doing a few more of the exercises.
      
      In the book club I did a LOT more of the exercises (still not all) and especially benefitted from a bunch of other’s insights and discoveries from different perspectives, and lots of “Oh neat! I hadn’t thought of that!” to other people’s true life tales.
      
      Plus, while the course is a few months and surprisingly easy to fall behind in despite good intentions, there’s access for many more months, for a leisurely continuation of study — and conversation.
      
      This has ended up being a gift to myself that keeps on giving.
      
      Reply ↓
      - Wen on January 31, 2015 at 12:12 pm said:
        
        Riss -I agree with Lyndon. Loved the Refuse group.
        Each week we read a chapter on one type -Plate Spinner, etc.
        We would study the characteristics of that type-likes and dislikes -rewards most 8mporttant to that type. In other words-that types best way of being in the world and how to express that unique way of being.
        Then-we would answer questions about how all this applied us-how we related to this type-or how this type’s way of being/joy was just not for us.
        We then posted answers to the entire group. It was very easy to see just how different we all are. One person/type may love an activity/job and find it very rewarding. Another person would hate that same career.
        It is a question of building a life that is unique to you-like buying a tailor made suit that fits you perfectly rather than trying to fit into one off the rack/one size fits all suit.
        Join the next group if you get a chance!
    - Alex on January 31, 2015 at 5:21 am said:
      
      Any more book clubs coming up? I’ve just bought Wishcraft ( already got refuse to choose etc) and would love to do that in a book club…
      
      Reply ↓
      - Nadine Loeffler on January 31, 2015 at 5:24 am said:
        
        I also got several of Barbara’s books and would love to do another book club, too!!
      - Patty Newbold on February 3, 2015 at 12:23 pm said:
        
        It’s Only Too Late If You Don’t Start Now. Very soon, Alex and Nadine.
      - Alex on February 3, 2015 at 4:14 pm said:
        
        Yay, Patty. Will be on lookout….
      - Johanna on February 13, 2015 at 6:11 pm said:
        
        Just saying Hi, Alex, Hanging Out girl. 😉
      - Barbara Sher on February 24, 2015 at 5:35 am said:
        
        It’s here and it’s now, Alex and Nadine! You can register for the “It’s Only Too Late If You Don’t Start Now” book club right now! Newsletter will be written today, and I even put up a Facebook Page for the book! I have a hunch that this will be the most powerful book club experience of them all.
      - Patty Newbold on February 24, 2015 at 10:29 am said:
        
        Barbara did not mention we’re doing simultaneous book clubs for two editions of It’s Only Too Late If You Don’t Start Now this time: the English edition,
        http://barbarasclub.com/bookclub/iotl2015/ , and the recently published German edition, http://barbarasclub.com/buchclub/fdt2015/
  - Johanna on February 13, 2015 at 6:00 pm said:
    
    Hey, Riss,
    
    nice to see you again! Been missing you! 🙂 See you soon in HO?
    
    Reply ↓
    - Alex on February 24, 2015 at 12:23 am said:
      
      Hi Johanna and Riss. Still hanging on in HO, with my fingertips…….
      
      Reply ↓
      - Barbara Sher on February 24, 2015 at 5:33 am said:
        
        Hi Alex! Anything I can do to help pull you up to safety?
      - Alex on February 24, 2015 at 4:03 pm said:
        
        Oh Barbara, just popping in like you’ve done is a lovely Ray of light. Thanks.
      - Johanna on March 1, 2015 at 9:08 am said:
        
        Missing you, Alex.
    - Riss on February 25, 2015 at 6:46 am said:
      
      Johanna, Alex, thanks for checking on me. I’m really sorry to be so quiet. Been thinking of all you guys. Life has been a bit tumultuous for me lately, moving countries twice in two months and coming to terms with some difficult changes in my relationship of several years. I want to keep in touch and will do my best to get in here again when things settle down for me, but at the moment am preparing for relocation number two, coming up in a few weeks. Much love to you guys, and please forgive my lack of responses over the last couple of months. It means a lot to hear from you.
      
      Reply ↓
      - Alex on February 25, 2015 at 9:46 am said:
        
        You keep truckin’ on, Riss. We’re here for you.
      - Johanna on March 1, 2015 at 9:11 am said:
        
        Nice to hear from you! Sounds like you have an extremely stressful time. Come back as soon as you manage it. Hm, what’s the American expression for “keep a stiff underlip”?! 😉 Thinking of you, Riss.
Olga Zelenskaia on December 25, 2014 at 1:35 am said:

MERRY CHRISTMAS Dear friends, Barbara and Patty!

I wish you to have all your best wishes were fulfilled, and your life will be bright and interesting! 🙂

Reply ↓
- Patty Newbold on December 25, 2014 at 11:38 pm said:
  
  Merry Christmas, Olga! And a thoroughly fascinating New Year to you and all in Hanging Out.
  
  Reply ↓
  - Olga Zelenskaia on December 26, 2014 at 2:19 am said:
    
    Thank You, Patty!!!))) 🙂
    
    Reply ↓
Zarinah Nuri on December 22, 2014 at 3:07 pm said:

Hi,

Is it possible to sign up now for Barbara’s Club at $29 per month. Wasn’t sure how to do this. Looking forward to joining the club,
Warm wishes for the Holiday Season,
Zarinah

Reply ↓
- Patty Newbold on December 23, 2014 at 12:53 am said:
  
  Be sure you are on Barbara’s mailing list (the signup is just below her photo), because it will be possible again in March, Zarinah.
  
  Reply ↓
Deborah Schwartz on December 15, 2014 at 11:40 pm said:

Welcome home Barbara and hello to my group mates!

I have just figured out how to subscribe to the comments and am catching up!

A brief introduction to me… I just celebrated my 57th birthday on December 1st.
(I believe this is what people refer to as a “champagne year”, as I was born in 1957.) I am married to a wonderful man (34 years!) and the mother of 4 wonderful adult children.

This feels like a turning point year for me, as I prepare to really “launch” my coaching and facilitation practice. I have been flying under the radar for the past 3 years, taking more training, exploring and resting/recovering from my crazy busy career as a public servant.

I have LOVED Barbara’s work for many years, and I literally let out a squeal of delight when I learned about Hanging Out with Barbara. (Why oh why I had not thought to look at her website before is a mystery to me! I think it was brain fatigue!)

I can already see that Hanging Out will be just the right place to help build my confidence and fill me with inspiration to take the leap. Thanks to each of you for your warm, insightful, wise and generous comments. What a treat it is to read them!

I borrowed an expression from the genius Julia Cameron as my motto this year–which is to-“Achieve escape velocity”!

Oh–and one last thing–my avatar is my little hand drawn picture of my new “look” as I enter this new phase of my life. I cut my hair to 1/2 inch and am growing out my silver/salt and pepper in celebration of a renewed sense of authenticity!
With affection, Deborah

Reply ↓
- Olga Zelenskaia on December 16, 2014 at 8:40 am said:
  
  Deborah, nice to meet you!)
  So great story about you and your life!)
  
  Reply ↓
  - Deborah on December 16, 2014 at 4:48 pm said:
    
    Thanks Olga! and so nice to meet you as well : )
    
    Reply ↓
- Riss on December 16, 2014 at 10:03 am said:
  
  Deborah, thanks for the introduction! I could almost feel the joy and energy sparkling from your words. It sounds like this is a special time for you, getting ready to step into a new and fulfilling phase of your existence.
  
  Your avatar is adorable, and your comments about it! I love what you said about celebrating a renewed sense of authenticity. For me, growing older (I’m in my early 40s) has been something I feel grateful and glad for, and which I celebrate in my heart. Age to me has come to represent the greater abundance of wisdom, self-assurance, a truer sense of authority, humility, and a greater capacity for contentment. I recently found one white/silver hair in the front of my bangs/fringe, just to one side. It’s very visible against my dark hair! I think I had about three seconds’ dismay before I realised I would treasure it as a symbol of all the ways in which I have grown and deepened and matured and become richer in my soul, over the years. So I love the idea of your very cool ‘new look’!
  
  I look forward to hearing more about your coaching work as it develops! I’m interested in moving into some kind of life coaching work as well, although I’m not sure yet what kind of time frame and training/background I’d need in order to be ready to start offering my services to others. I know that confidence is definitely a big part of it – feeling ready to trust that our own life experience is enough, that we have adequate skills and resources to bring to the table, and that we have the kind of presence that will allow us to inspire and motivate others. It certainly sounds to me like you have the kind of personal qualities as well as the career and life experience to make this happen, and to thrive in it!
  
  Reply ↓
  - Luisa on December 16, 2014 at 10:30 am said:
    
    Dear Riss,
    
    “I’m interested in moving into some kind of life coaching work as well, although I’m not sure yet what kind of time frame and training/background I’d need in order to be ready to start offering my services to others.”
    
    I really think you should talk to Barbara about this. I’m sure lots of good people have the same qualms you have, but their talents should not go to waste!
    
    Reply ↓
  - Riss on December 16, 2014 at 11:39 am said:
    
    Hehe, thanks Luisa! That’s pretty much one of the reasons I’m here. I’m hoping this will help me find more of a sense of what my strengths are and what ‘qualifications’ I may already have. I’ve been considering taking a course in coaching, and there are a few that look good – but at the same time I wonder if I might simply be able to bring together some of the skills and life experience that I already have, to start working with others – and leave the course aside, or perhaps do it at a later stage concurrently with working.
    
    Reply ↓
    - Alex on December 16, 2014 at 4:47 pm said:
      
      I don’t feel ” qualified” to coach anyone. Too scanner-brained to “settle”. Plus ( confession alert) my “proper job” is as a teacher in secondary school. It’s comfortable enough to stick at it but I don’t value my contribution ( plus as a scanner, I’m generally only a week or less ahead of the kids in terms of knowledge acquisition – not a good recommendation, heh!). So life coaching? How could I ever do that – despite a vague hankering after it
      
      Reply ↓
      - Barbara Sher on December 16, 2014 at 7:44 pm said:
        
        “I’m generally only a week or less ahead of the kids in terms of knowledge acquisition – not a good recommendation, heh!).” You say that like it’s a bad thing. Why would you want to be further ahead than that? It would be boring to teach something old to anyone, and it’s exciting to teach what’s new to you.
        
        Well, to me, anyway. I think you have a fine Good Enough Job and I bet your kids like you a lot.
      - Barbara Sher on February 12, 2015 at 6:14 am said:
        
        I’ll answer your reply here, so you’ll find it, Alex: I have the same problem when I’m asked to design a program for anyone who sponsors my work – for example, the Frankfurter Ring. So I write out what I know I want to cover *some time* in the 10 months, very roughly for myself, and I elaborate for the brochure that’s up online. But when the time comes to do things on the weekends we’re together, or during the interims, there are so many other forces at work, so many issues come up that I didn’t put in the outline, that I do what that neighbor-teacher does in Riss’s post below: I follow the class where they want to go (that I agree they need to go) and we deal with that.
        
        Then I return to the overall outline (not the details) and make sure I have left enough time to cover everything I think is essential.
        
        If someone came in and said ‘But this is week 18 when you said they were going to be learning about grommits and interstices!” I say, “It turned out they knew that and they didn’t know about these procedural issues, so we’re working on that for now.”
        
        Otherwise, it’s simply intolerable for anyone who wants to be a good teacher to ever hope to be one! You can’t plan out a detailed teaching schedule if you actually care about the students learning what they need to learn.
        
        You can listen to the supervisor *or* you can listen to your own instincts about your students.
        
        *But* you must at least *appear* to the supervisor as is you are listening to the supervisor.
        
        (Never be completely honest with fools or incompetents. A little ‘reality’ goes a long way.)
    - Riss on December 16, 2014 at 4:57 pm said:
      
      Alex! Lol, all I can say to that is, you made me laugh! And I appreciated some humour in my day as today’s been a little heavy. Good, but heavy, and it was nice to suddenly have a light-hearted moment.
      
      So I’m curious to know what you’re here for and what you’re hoping to find from this Hanging Out experience. Any dreams or directions that you have in mind? Sorry if you’ve already covered this in another post – feel free to remind me of which page it was on and I’ll go and look again.
      
      Reply ↓
      - Alex on December 17, 2014 at 2:51 am said:
        
        Ah, Barbara, it unfortunately, is expected that you have your curriculum / lesson plans / material etc all mapped out a year in advance. My boss insists on it, so he can know exactly what they’re learning when. I don’t have the specialised theory knowledge that is required and that my colleagues have. So, yes, it’s not a good thing. However, I’m always going “off piste” if I spot something interesting but vaguely relevant on YouTube or something. I got well critised last year when I trialled a project ( it failed) without testing it first or getting his approval. Now I just do what I’m supposed to do, and keep my creativity to myself.
        Riss: not had headspace to uncover my new or old dreams recently. That’s why I’m here. To get the encouragement and spinoff ideas to move forward
    - Riss on December 16, 2014 at 11:51 pm said:
      
      I had a wonderful long chat the other day with a lady who lives down the street from me. I came away feeling like she’d given me the most beautiful gift. She had been sharing a number of memorable experiences from her life, in her previous career, as a mother, and as a tutor of primary and secondary school students in her current life. One of the things that she said, which I loved, was that she often didn’t know how to do something the students asked her to teach them (a calculus problem, for example). She didn’t see a problem with this – she would look up and research whatever it was they needed to know, and then bring them the results of her research. ‘What do you think of this?’ she’d ask. They would go through the explanations that she’d found for them and usually find them satisfactory and that they could now do the problem themselves. ‘What I’m trying to do is to teach them how to learn,’ she said. ‘I can’t know everything. I just help them work things out for themselves. And that’s usually all they need.’ It blew my mind. I was totally impressed and it felt like this applied to so many things that I could look at in my own life in a new way. It sounds like you’ve had this wisdom in hand for a long time too!
      
      There’s a slightly different but related quote that someone put up on Facebook the other day which I thought was great: ‘You don’t have to be perfect to inspire others. Let others be inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.’
      
      Reply ↓
      - Alex on December 17, 2014 at 2:53 am said:
        
        Great post, Riss. I don’t see a problem. It’s just that others / the “system” does. I’m a ” learner/guide” not a ” teacher” in the trad sense.
  - Deborah on December 16, 2014 at 4:59 pm said:
    
    Riss: thanks so much for such a thoughtful and welcoming response! (I have read some of your other posts and notice you have a gift for this!) I so appreciate your comments about greater capacities as we age– and the way you stated both authority and humility–such an critical balance.
    I welcome conversations about coaching. I just completed training with Martha Beck and loved it. There are so many places to study–but because of my age and stage in life–I wanted a program that would honour what I know and who I am–and build on my strengths.
    Which is also why I am here with Barbara and the rest of you!! (I wish Barbara was training more coaches).
    Ok. enough for now. I look forward to the upcoming year and getting to know everyone better!
    Take care, Deb
    PS and thanks for your praise about my avatar–that means a lot to me, as I am using “stick people” more and more into my facilitation and coaching work. More on that later.
    
    Reply ↓
- Luisa on December 16, 2014 at 10:34 am said:
  
  Welcome!
  Sounds like it’s really going to be great (and encouraging, and uplifting, and and and) to have you. Looking fwd to your comments!
  
  Reply ↓
  - Deborah on December 16, 2014 at 5:04 pm said:
    
    Luisa–how kind of you to say that! Thank you so much for your welcome! I look forward to hearing more about you and your hopes and dreams!
    
    Reply ↓
- Alex on December 16, 2014 at 4:38 pm said:
  
  Hi Deborah. Same year as you but March. Didn’t know it was champagne year? Do you mean 1957 or 57th birthday?? Champagne no good for me – stopped drinking 121 days ago. Welcome to HO
  
  Reply ↓
  - Deborah on December 16, 2014 at 5:03 pm said:
    
    Thanks for your welcome Alex. And a BIG congratulations on your 121days–Bravo! What a kind and loving thing to do for yourself : )
    As far as a Champagne Year– it is just a symbol for me of a special event. I think it means when your birth year and your age match (eg. I was born in 1957 and turned 57).
    
    I look forward to our conversations this year! Take care.
    
    Reply ↓
    - win on December 17, 2014 at 11:37 pm said:
      
      I’ve never heard of a champagne year, but I’m 57 and I was born in 1957. 🙂
      1957 was the peak year for baby boomers in the USA, so there are a lot of us.
      
      Reply ↓
      - Alex on December 18, 2014 at 12:37 am said:
        
        Snap over here in UK too. Maybe it was something to do with the champagne 9 months earlier??
      - Deborah on December 18, 2014 at 12:53 am said:
        
        Oh that is interesting about 1957 being a peak birth year. I didn’t know that. I wonder if that also translates into a critical mass of “us” interested in experiences such as HO with Barbara and other transformative adventures?
      - Alex on December 18, 2014 at 1:27 am said:
        
        That’s an interesting idea, Deborah. Quite possibly. It’s the panic if looking back and thinking oh, shit, where’d that go…..
Barbara Sher on December 14, 2014 at 8:09 pm said:

You can welcome me back! If you’re someone who said or thought something like this below, you need to know what’s been going on: for the last two weeks I haven’t receive *any* notifications of your comments or those of my students in my coaching class. Both Patty and I worked on the problem for hours until we discovered that Earthlink decided to stop talking to Europe all of a sudden.

Just tonight we’ve opened up another account for me on google mail, and now I will finally get all your comments and replies sent to me in my email inbox.

It’s been *horrible!* And to look back and see things like this makes me want to pull my hair out. (Imagine you’re me, trying to find any emails notifying me for two weeks, and finding something like this:

“My other concern is that I’ve seen a number of people ask questions of ‘admin/Barbara’ and their questions have gone unnoticed. I know it must be hard for you guys to keep up with all the messages in every group, and I can’t imagine how busy your jobs must be – but I feel we could do with a bit more support if it’s possible.”

Shoot me now! Imagine yourself in my place. Pity me. Then welcome me home, please!

Reply ↓
- karla on December 14, 2014 at 8:30 pm said:
  
  LOL….Welcome home! And thanks to you and Skanmie that we can help our dear Eileen!!!
  
  Reply ↓
  - Barbara Sher on December 15, 2014 at 8:12 am said:
    
    Thank you, Karla! (I answered your email with suggestions about your Dad a few minutes ago.)
    
    Reply ↓
- Alex on December 15, 2014 at 12:51 am said:
  
  Welcome home. I’ve just put the kettle on….
  
  Reply ↓
  - Patty Newbold on December 15, 2014 at 1:33 am said:
    
    When you’re logged in, Alex, this page (up above the comments) lists links to all of the Hanging Out messages from Barbara. The Next links on them will also take you from one to the next. Here in Hanging Out, there are no assignments, just messages from Barbara. You’re here to relax, absorb, play, and try things out.
    
    I am answering here because the Contact Barbara page where you asked how to find the messages is visited by people from the Coaching Course, the Book Clubs, Hanging Out, the Idea Party, and the general public. The comments on this page, while not members-only like the comments on Barbara’s messages, are all about Hanging Out.
    
    Reply ↓
  - Barbara Sher on December 15, 2014 at 8:18 am said:
    
    (Sob). Thank you, Alex. That’s very kind of you.
    
    I’m still frantically answering messages from upset people who didn’t like being ignored (I don’t blame them!) but think the whole problem is the internet and the fact that this program is run on the internet and they’ve decided they don’t want to bother with the internet any more.
    
    Oh boy. Can I have another cup of tea? (Head in hands.)
    
    One bad thing about having empathy (I think that’s the cause) is that every such complaint hits like a baseball.
    
    Reply ↓
    - Barbara Sher on December 15, 2014 at 8:32 am said:
      
      And yes, apparently anyone interested in Hanging Out is reading about my sorrow and despair at not being connected with you for two weeks (!) – not just those of you who are already members. But I figure if they’re looking in here, they want to know what Hanging Out is about – and what I’m about – so welcome to the party. Nothing superficial here.
      
      Reply ↓
      - Luisa on December 15, 2014 at 9:24 am said:
        
        No complaint. I have often been a victim of technology’s mean tricks myself. However, welllllcome back!
- Riss on December 16, 2014 at 10:13 am said:
  
  Welcome back Barbara. No shooting allowed, just hugs! lol 😀
  
  Reply ↓
  - Barbara Sher on December 16, 2014 at 7:49 pm said:
    
    Thank you, Riss.
    
    Reply ↓

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